


A D D I C T E D

by Stucky60



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Early sixties, F/F, F/M, Greasers/Soc, M/M, MCU AU, Marvel - Freeform, Stucky - Freeform, The Avengers AU, mcu - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-21
Updated: 2019-04-30
Packaged: 2019-06-14 04:05:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 22
Words: 89,432
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15380268
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Stucky60/pseuds/Stucky60
Summary: Steve Rogers lived a shielded life in a very religious household, and sometimes his friends teased him when a joke flew over his head. Sometimes he got unwanted attention from girls and guys. He didn’t understand why, but he kind of liked the attention he got from guys. He was nineteen, so he wasn't completely oblivious, he knew what his feelings were. He knew they were wrong. His Mother always said they were, and Mother knows best.James (Bucky) Barnes didn’t give a lot of thought to his actions. Live fast and die young. That was his motto. His mother mostly raised him as a single parent, boyfriends here and there, but mostly she was busy working shifts at the local bar. He was cocky, confident, insecure, and in most others opinion too risky for his own good. His Mom always told him life was too short to not take risks and to live in regret, and his Mum was usually right about things like that.





	1. Knight in Shining......Leather

**Author's Note:**

> Hello!
> 
> I would like to say this is my first time really writing and publishing stories on AO3, so please be patient with me. Also some of my own warnings:  
> \- Explicit Language  
> \- Explicit sexual innuendos and/or scenes  
> \- Racial tension  
> \- homophobic slurs  
> Hope you Enjoy :)

Addicted  
Chapter One

 

It wasn’t unusual for Steve to get attention from girls and guys alike. His Mother always made sure to point it out to him, and then right away warn him about the temptation they could cause. He always felt suffocated by her constant nagging and warning, but he of course loved her despite all the nagging. It was late, and he had fifteen minutes to get home before his Mother called the cops and had the whole city looking for him, however, he knew he could just cut through the cemetery and be home with six minutes to spare. It was just the act of getting Peter to actually go home on time for once that was causing him an issue.

“How are you and Peggy doing? Have you guys gone steady yet?” Peter asked as he kicked a rock out of the way.  
“We’re cool. Good. No, we’ve not gone steady. You know how Peggy is, and how everything has to go slow.”  
Peter nodded. “I’d be lucky to find a chick as nice as Peggy.”  
Steve smiled and wrapped an arm around the shorter boy. “You will in time, but uh listen Pete,” Steve sighed. “We got to get you home. Your dad will have my head on a stick if I bring you home even a minute late.”  
“I don’t have a curfew,” Peter huffed.  
“You have a curfew you just ignore it.”

Peter laughed as he lifted his shoulders in a shrug, and if Steve was honest he didn’t know how Peter managed to smile so much. His Mom died, and he’s left with her husband, and then the husband moves states and moves in with his best frien? It would have been a lot for anyone, but Peter just kept smiling. “You’ve got a curfew, don’t cha Stevie!”  
Steve rolled his eyes, too embarrassed to admit that as true. Peter laughed, but then cleared his throat as they appeared in front of his house. “Home sweet home; I had fun tonight, Steve. I’ll see you tomorrow.” Steve watched as Peter jogged up to his porch, and chuckled when the door opened revealing Mr. Stark. He waved at Steve and gave him a thumbs up for getting Peter home on time, and with that Steve left. Now, getting to the cemetery was proven to be quite a difficult task; because it was well known that the cemetery was where the Greasers hung out and partied sometimes. He wasn’t of course afraid to defend himself, but he also wasn’t looking for a fight, He hated the idea of them.

Steve entered the cemetery and took a deep breath praying that tonight would be a quiet night. Unfortunately not even ten feet in he heard snickers come from his right, and it happened too fast for him to fully understand what had just happened. He was socked right in the jaw, and two burley looking guys stood above him. “C’mon fellas.”  
“Stay down! You buddies with Archie?”  
“No-”  
The one on the right kicked Steve hard causing him to cough and roll on his side, but he wasn’t a quitter, so he tried to sit up only to be pushed back over by the other guy. He heard the click of a switch blade. “You’re going to give Archie a message for us,” He snarled, spit splashing onto Steve’s face. “Quit fucking around with our girls.”  
Steve groaned trying to wriggle out from underneath the man, but it was to no avail. He hit Steve again only harder on the same side he was first hit. “Hey! What the fuck?” Steve sighed at the sound of a new voice. “Yo! Guys, the fuck? Let the man up, come on get out of here!” 

Steve hesitantly opened his eyes, but instead of the two burly guys leaning over him, there is another man. Sharp, curious, blue eyes; his mouth parted, and his head tilted to the side. “You good?” His voice was soft, and Steve just stared at him as he offered a hand to Steve trying to help him up. “Oh God, do you have a concussion? Do you remember your name?”  
“I’m sorry, yes, yes I do I just- I’m Steve Rogers.”  
“You look like a Steve Rogers. Tell you what, just to make sure you don’t pass out somewhere within this maze I’ll walk you home.”

Steve nodded and graciously took the stranger’s hand allowing him to be pulled up. “It’s unnecessary for you to walk me home. I don’t need your help.”  
The stranger scoffed, and looked down at his feet before looking back up at Steve. “Really? Because from my angle you were totally getting your ass handed to you.” Steve blushed and looked away as he felt a knot rise to his throat, and for what ever reason he didn’t want this stranger to think of him as some sort of wimp.  
“I had those guys! If you wouldn’t have butt in those guys would have ate it,” Steve said his face only growing redder by the minute, and the stranger humored him as he nodded and waved his hand as if to tell Steve to forget about it. 

“What was the beef between y’all any way?”  
“Beats me. They were just bent, and said something about Archie.”  
“Archie?”  
“Addison. Archie Addison? Lives next to Doctor Strange?” The hero nodded a frown tugging at his lips, but Steve didn’t question the look. “You don’t have to walk me home.”  
“Oh I want to. Call me your knight in shining armor.”  
“Or I could just call you by your name? Which is?”  
“You know what, shining armor isn’t exactly me, but knight in shining….leather?” The man tugged at his jacket a cocky smirk forming on his lips. “No? How about Superman?”  
Steve sighed as he realized that the stranger wasn’t going to give a direct answer about his name.”

They fell into a silence, the only sound being their breathing and the distant beat of a song unfamiliar to Steve at some party down the road. A greaser party no doubt. The stranger kept glancing at Steve every time he thought Steve wasn’t looking, but he couldn’t be that lucky as he looked up at Steve to find him staring at him already. Both boys looked away, and the stranger awkwardly coughed. 

"Why'd you help me?" Steve suddenly blurted.  
Steve had never in his entire life ever heard of a Greaser being nice to anyone but another Greaser. According to Archie (who Steve did in fact know): Greasers only want to have sex, get into fights, and were class A assholes. Greasers were bad news, so what makes this guy any different? Aside from being absolutely the most handsome guy Steve's ever seen, are his eyes glowing, or has Steve finally gone off the deep end? "Why wouldn't I help you?

Steve snorted adjusting his jacket as he gave the stranger a look. "You're a Greaser," He said simply almost as if his way of thinking was a fact. As if Greasers didn't have a caring bone in their bodies, and like all the rumors he heard are true.

"Ah," The blue eyed boy laughed. "Right. We're suppose to hate each other," He rolled his eyes, and his tone carried waves of sarcasm. Steve thought he might have offended him. "Well if it eases your mind I didn't do it for you. You see, if those two knuckle heads jumped you then your knuckle head friend aka Archie Addison and his boys would probably end up jumping me just because he and I got beef with each other. So why put myself in the position?" he asked.

Steve shrugged shyly his lip already between his teeth. "Anyway, you're friends with Peter Parker-Stark right?" He asked, a sassy brow raising high and proud almost daring Steve to speak. Unfortunately, cat got his tongue, so he only nodded shyly. "Well let's say Parker is a real good friend of mine, and if he finds out I let you get jumped then my ass is further on the line. Then he gets pissy, and then refuses to talk to my friend Loki and then Loki gets on my ass for making Parker mad."

Steve watched the stranger with wide eyes, following every single hand gesture, and smiled at his ludicrous theories on his friends getting mad. "So, you see why I couldn't let you get jumped."

"Yeah," Steve giggles stuffing his hands in his pocket as they further walk through the grave yard toward the street that leads to Steve's home. "Peter is pretty scary when he's mad."

"Eh," the boy lifted his shoulders in a helpless shrug. "He's good to have around. Good at putting Loki in his place," He mumbled kicking at an empty beer can as they walk. "So, what brings you to a cemetery at night?"

"Short cut home," Steve sighed adorably rubbing his eye with his large fist. "You?"

"Guess you could say I have the graveyard shift tonight," he nodded seriously, then busted out laughing at the sight of Steve’s annoyed look. Soon enough they both burst into quiet giggles, the Greaser knocked his shoulder with Steve’s. Both grinning like a pair of fools. "Kidding. So how much further?"

Steve looked around to see where he was exactly. "Not much longer, but I'm so past curfew. My Mother is going to kill me." James chuckles. They fall into a silence the only sound being a nearby Greaser party. Then Steve sighed. “I’m already late, and my parents would freak out.” He came to a stop and sighed. “I can’t let you walk me further. If my Mother saw you she would freak out.”  
He nodded pursing his lips. “I get it.”

“It’s not because you’re a greaser! My parents would just ask a hundred and one questions.”

“Okay, Stevie. Whatever you say. Catch ya later.” 

“Wait! Can I at least know your name now?”

“It’s James, not so Greaser huh?” With that James started walking toward where the faint music was coming from, and Steve turned around headed toward his home. He was over ten minutes late, and he knew he probably looked horrible from when the two greaser men jumped him. If this didn’t send his family into an overprotecting craze then he didn’t know what will. 

On his porch stood his mother, her hands on her hips, and her hair pulled up in a perfect, tight bun not a hair out of place. She wore her favorite dress, a powdered blue color that was fit at the top, but it flowed out from her waist. “Steven Grant Rogers!” She huffed. “Where in the hell have you been? You are ten minutes past your curfew!”  
“Sorry Mother,” Steve said keeping his head down and staring at his feet, desperately trying to hide his already bruising face. “Won’t happen again.”

His mother stared hard at him and then slowly as Steve climbed the steps to the porch she stopped him and grabbed his jaw. She lifted his face revealing the dark bruise under his right eye, and lining his jaw a dark purple. “What happened to your eye? Did someone jump you?”

“Yeah, just a couple of nobodies. I’m okay. It’s not a big deal.”

“Wait until your father gets a load of this. Something must be done about these- these cavemen.” His mother huffed looking back into the house, a frown set upon her lips, and her eyebrows furrowing in anger. Steve thought she could be quite pretty if she didn’t frown all the time, and if she smiled once in a while she’d actually be pretty.  
Steve sighed and nodded slowly finding it better to just agree with her rather just keep repeating himself, she won’t listen to him even if he is okay, but that’s what mothers do. Right? They worry. 

***  
A day later Peter announced to Steve and a group of their friends that his dad and his dad’s friend were leaving to go to the city for a big meeting of some sort, so he took the opportunity to throw a massive party inviting everyone and anyone. Of course, the news got to the Greaser side of town, and everyone James knew wanted to go. “We’re going to get our asses kicked.” He huffed.  
“Relax, man. We were invited.” Natasha said nudging James a little.  
“By Loki. And we all know that Loki isn’t the soc’s most favorite person,” James sighed again. He leaned against the wall while Loki was knocking on the door, and Nat was standing by James. They thought they were whispering, but as soon as James said that Loki turned around glaring at him. “Sorry, Loki.”

The door swang open revealing Peter looking very disheveled, his face tinted a pink, and a large smile taking up most of his face. He wasn’t looking at any of the others that stood behind Loki, his eyes were on Loki and Loki only. “Drunk already, Parker?  
“That’s none of your business. So what if I am?”  
Loki’s lips tugged a smile, and Peter’s smile melted into a smirk. Nat looked at James and he laughed and cleared his throat finally getting Peter’s attention. He moved to the side allowing them in, and nearly as soon as they stepped foot into the house Peter and Loki disappear. “Want a drink?” James asked.

"Who we lookin' for?" Nat asked. James made a face as Nat took a large sip of the drink she poured for herself.

"Just lookin', man."

"Ah," Nat nodded. "He's over there." Natasha nodded to the blonde boy who was awkwardly pushing through the crowd of people. James snorted trying to play it off like he didn’t care, but Nat just took another sip, shaking her head. "You're both obviously hot for each other, you waited at the cemetery every night the past week for him, and then the next day I got to hear Peter complain about how Steve kept trying to casually bring you up. Don't play that bullshit with me, I won't do the listening to you two fall in love and not be together, so stop."

"We aren't going to be like that," James huffed sipping his drink, and he watched Steve relax finally getting out of the crowd. How could he be that cute, his plump, pink lips, and his flushed red cheeks. "There isn't a ‘we’."

"So, you won't mind if I just," Nat cupped her hands and yelled Steve’s name grabbing his attention, and she waved him over making James snort his drink into his nose choking on it.

"What the fucking fuck!" James slapped Nat's arm repeatedly. "I would NEVER do this to you!"

"Two words, Clint Barton," Nat grinned. "Hey Steve! You know my friend Buc-"

"James!" Steve smiled. “Hi! I didn’t think you’d be here.” James starred at Steve, his eyes on his lips that were obviously bitten, and- "James?"  
"Huh? Yeah. Hi. Uh me too. My friend Loki made us come," James laughed awkwardly. "Ran off with Parker somewhere."

"Yeah," Steve thumbed back at the room he came from. "They were on the road to being stoned.”

"I'm gonna leave you two alone, James? We on for tomorrow? Crickets at five?"  
"Can we meet earlier, we can get free lunch, and then we can just hang out there until five?" James asked rubbing the back of his neck, and Nat gave him a thumbs up disappearing into the crowd. 

Then it was the two of them, and James’ heart tried to crawl it’s way up his throat to jump at Steve. Steve cutely looked down at the ground his lip between his teeth, and slowly, hesitantly he ran his fingers through his hair. "So," James said looking out to where he saw Archie sat on the arm of a couch obviously laughing too hard at something his friend said.

"You know Peter?" Steve asked.

“Yeah. Met him through a friend.”

"I'm not surprised you seem to know everyone," Steve crossed his arms looking at James in a way that made him feel like he isn't being stared at, at all.

"I don't know everyone," James snorted setting his empty cup down. As if on cue a girl came up slapping James hard across the face making him yelp in surprise. "What the fuck!?" James rubbed his reddening cheek as the girl glared at him.

"Pass that on to Wade!" She huffed storming away, and James looked at Steve. "It's not funny!" James whined rubbing his reddening cheek. Steve suppressed his laughter as James pouted, but he won't lie Steve's giggles were the most precious thing he had ever heard. He intended on being the cause of that giggle for a while.

It's not like James was looking for a significant other, but he was nearly twenty-two so he figured he should have someone he was happy with. If worst came to worst, he and Steve could just be fuck buddies. "Is your cheek okay?" Steve asked softly, his voice had a certain deep rasp to it, but at the same time it's silk to the ear.

"I've had worst, at least she only slapped me, Greaser girls can do far worse if you press the wrong button," James sighed turning to fix himself a drink. "Lay it on me," James looked at Steve seriously. "What's the story with you and Peggy Carter?"

Steve's body language changed completely, he stood straighter, his eyes lost the bright spark they had a moment ago. "She's my girlfriend," James stared at Steve looking for a little bit of a sign that he liked her, but he only looked hollow, no emotion behind his voice. "I'm lucky she's even with me."  
"I'd say she's the lucky one," James nodded. "Where's the chick anyway?"  
"With Archie, or one of his friends," Steve sighed leaning more on the bar tracing a long crack in the wood, and suddenly James saw it. Steve was confused. Just as James was when he was younger.

"You don't like her," James stated with a small nod. "Is she at least a good score?" Steve stared at James blankly. "Like good in bed? You know a good fuck? Sex?" Steve's eyes widened as he shakes his head quickly his cheeks flaming a hot red.  
"I-I wouldn't know."

"She won't give it up, huh?" James tsked. "I thought that was just her act. The modest, Jesus shit." James shrugged taking out his cigarettes and lighter setting them on the counter. Steve eyed the pack and lighter praying James didn't light up while he was talking, but again his prayers go unanswered as James stuck the cigarette between his lips and lit up.

"So what if she doesn't? I think sex is overrated," Steve said refusing to meet James' eyes as he declared his little fact. "What's so special about it anyway, two people get together, spend a max of- what fifteen minutes? Then they have sex, and then what?"  
James chuckled biting his lip, and looked at Steve with an amused look. "You've never had sex have you?" James asked his voice dancing with a teasing tone.

"I have!" Steve huffed  
"If you have, you wouldn't think it's overrated," James sighed smoke spilling from his lips. "Also, you answered too quick and defensively."  
Steve crossed his arms rolling his eyes. "So what?"  
"So you a cherry? A virgin?"

"Better than whoring around," Steve huffed. Suddenly Peter popped in taking James’ cigarette putting it out in a nearby house plant. "No smoking in the house! God! What were you raised in? A cave?" Peter glanced over his shoulder to see Loki weaving his way through the crowd.

"Yes. Lovely family of wolves raised me to be their own," James snapped, and just to prove his point he let out a loud howl, making Steve quickly slap his hand over James' mouth.

"Raised by wolves? That explains a lot," Steve smirked, and James' lips twitched realizing just how close he and Steve were.

"Got you," Loki says once he reached the group. "What's up here? Why are they standing like that?"  
"I think they're having a moment,” Peter whispered to Loki who nodded.  
“It’s creeping me out,” Loki said.  
"Go away," James whined. "Go back to the corner you both crawled from."

Loki snorts earning a punch to the arm from Peter. "Anyway I'm actually heading out I've got to be at work early tomorrow. Am I driving you home, or are you leaving with Nat?"  
James looked down checking the time on his watch, and then heaved a sigh shaking his head. "Nah I'll probably walk to Cricket by the time I get there her shift will be over, and then I'll just walk her home."

And like that Steve’s heart sank to his stomach. Peter hadn't said anything about James having a girlfriend, and he even asked that exact question. Steve looked over his shoulder to see Peggy coming his way, and he wished his heart would at least move a little when he saw her. "Alright, man-"

"Steve! Peter!" Peggy said smiling widely, but unfortunately Steve knew that tone all too well. "Who are your friends?"  
"That's Loki, and that's James," Steve sighed not exactly looking anyone in the eye.  
"Oh! You're Charlotte's older brother!" Peggy was still using an overly fake tone, and it was annoying James already. Loki watched James carefully, and Peter was getting ready to move the two out of the house if needed.  
"How do you know Lotts?" James’ tone was cool, and his harsh glare even colder. Steve shivered upon meeting his glare.

"She is in the same class as my sister," Peggy said her fingers combing through her hair, and then she tilted her head as if she was in deep thought. "Well I guess she was. She dropped didn't she? Yeah because she was running around with that Tommy fella. Well I guess it's true what they say then huh?" Peggy giggled tapping her chin.  
"Peggy please," Steve begged.

"What might that be?" James asked his jaw set.  
"That the apple doesn't fall too far from the tree." Peggy said the statement so innocently, but James heard the truth in her words. At first he didn't know how to react to her smug face, and if it were a guy telling him this he would have started swinging.

"James," he heard Loki warn, but James had his glare set thinking of something to say.  
"You selfish bitch," James muttered shaking his head. "You don't know jack about my family, so keep my family's name out of your mouth!" James’ voice raised in a yell.  
"I know his sister is falling into their Mother's footsteps, why at this rate she'll be pregnant by eighteen, but what else can you expect when you see the role models she has to look up to," Peggy shrugged innocently making it clear she was talking to Peter and Steve.

"You fuckin' bitch!" James huffed. "What makes your family so much fucking better than mine?" Her glare turned into a fiery one. "Steve are you just gonna let this filth talk to me like that?!" She asked in a low, calm voice. Steve's eyes widened, and he opened and closed his mouth as his eyes darted back and fourth between James and his girlfriend. He didn't want to yell at James for defending himself, but if he didn't Peggy would be pissed off at him. James scoffed shaking his head, his heart sank at the fact that Steve didn't stick up for him. Why would he?

"Don't worry," James huffed. "He doesn't have to beat me up, I'm leaving," James turned on his heel and went outside pulling out his cigarettes digging around for his Zippo. The smoke circled inside his chest before he let out a large puff of smoke, and every tense muscle relaxed.

"Hey man," Loki walked out Peter hot on his trail. "You alright?"  
"Yeah," James sighed. "Not like it's new. I'll catch ya tomorrow after I meet up with Nat or somethin'." Loki nodded and James left walking down the soc neighborhood. Most of the Socs are at Archie’s and Peter's party so he should be safe for now, but he still felt the need to hold his pocket knife in case he needed it. "Hey! Stop!" Suddenly James was being whipped around and he flicked out the blade wiggling out of the hand on his shoulder. "Whoa whoa whoa! It's just me!"

"Steve?! God! Warn a man!" James huffed breathing heavily as he stared at Steve. "What do you want?" He asked his words were clipped, and his tone is sharp.  
"I wanted to make sure you were okay," Steve said his eyes down on the ground, and his hands wringing in front of him. "What Peggy said-"  
"Is nothing new. I've heard it all before, I've been hearing that type of shit since I was a kid, and it didn't bother me then and won't bother me now."

"You were angry," Steve said quietly. "Anger is an emotion to hide behind when you're upset or sad. It's sort of a taught emotion, and it's natural human instinct to become defensive and angry when they're hurt" James stared at Steve with an arched brow. "What? I wanted to go into the field of sociology and psychology."

James chuckled shaking his head. "Didn't know you were so smart," he said. "So what? You just bail on a Soc party?"  
"Yeah, Peggy was upset that I didn't jump right in to defend her, so she went to go rant to Elizabeth. Then I ran outside to apologize to you, but Peter and Loki told me you walked off this way."

James stared at again Steve a slow smile crawling to James’ face. "What now?" Steve huffed pouting adorably.  
"You like me," James said with a smug look, and Steve gasped his eyes widening comically.  
"As a friend!" Steve blurted panicky his head shaking furiously back and fourth. "I'm not- I-"

James chuckled shaking his head looked down the way he was walking. "Relax I'm teasing. Anyway how about it? Wanna walk me down soc land?"  
"Soc land? Is that what Greasers call it?" Steve wrinkled his nose.  
"It's what I call it. So will ya? I need a big, strong man to protect me from all the other socs," James laughed seeing Steve’s cheeks turn a florescent pink. He nodded biting his lip as they began walking. "Only have to walk me a little ways, but uh yeah."

"Is Cricket nearby?" Steve asked watching the pavement as they walked. James hummed thinking about the question.  
"No," he shook his head. "I could cut through a few alleys and be on the Greaser side of town, but I rather walk with you the long way."  
"Well I don't want you to be late in picking up your girlfriend or-"  
"Girlfriend? Since when did I get a girlfriend, and why was I not made aware?" James laughed.

"You said you had to pick her up?"  
"I never said girlfriend! Oh my God did you get jealous and assume I had one? Oh fuck, Steve!" James continued to laugh, so hard in fact that he had to stop and take a breather. "I was-" he snorted again. "Talking about my Mom."  
"Your? Mother?" Steve gulped  
"I knew that you liked me," James said smugly as they continued to walk, and Steve huffed out a breath.  
"As a friend."

They walked down the street laughing, teasing, and telling jokes to each other. Steve wasn't all that funny, but James laughed anyway because it made Steve smile. He laughed even harder when he would tell his own sexual joke, and then watched the confusion cloud in Steve's eyes. He barely made it through the explanation of the joke without giggling, but what made it worth it to explain the joke was the look of horror that fell right on Steve's face after understanding the joke. "That's so horrible!” Steve chuckled while he blushed.

"Oh, I know," James smirked. "Okay well. This is where we part ways then, so bye." James nodded at Steve, and then started down the street. "Oh wait! Steve!" He turned back around tilting his head like a confused puppy. "You need to stop talking about me to your friends. It's annoying to them."

Steve gasped his mouth moving, but his words caught in his throat. "I- psh- I don't talk about you- psh no."  
"Sure," James winked turning around, but then Steve quickly decided something.  
"Wait! When can we actually hang out? I mean walking each other places is nice, but I actually wanna become friends?"

"Wednesday night, seven o'clock, at Cricket, keep going down this street and turn a right half way down, and then hang a left at a store called Goober's," James smiled winking again. Steve nodded being the first to turn around, and the whole way back he muttered those instructions to ensure he would never forget them.


	2. Welcome to Wonderland....Er Cricket

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everything Steve's ever learned, valued, knew is turned upside down and is challenged.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HI!  
> Thank you all so much for the positive feedback. I'm glad you all like it.   
> I don't have a specific update schedule, I'd like to get a new update out every few weeks, but  
> I start school in two weeks and will be working so I don't know how much I'll get to write.   
> Sorry about any waiting. 
> 
> Enjoy xx

Addicted  
Chapter Two

His last few days were built up to the excitement for that night. The night Steve finally got to see James again; thankfully it wasn’t just them that were meeting at the so-called club Cricket. So, the pressure wasn’t on Steve to prepare awkward conversation fillers. Though he wasn’t sure why he was so excited to see James tonight. Sure, James would be a fresh face and a new friend, but that wasn’t a reason to be sat in front of a mirror messing with his hair for about twenty minutes. 

“Steve,” Peter said. “I know you’re trying to look good for James and all, but if we could kindly get a move on that’d be great.”  
“I’m not trying to look good for James!” Steve huffed. “It’s not like he’s a pretty girl.”  
“Steve, maybe I should warn you what Cricket actually is.”

Steve looked at Peter, and Peter awkwardly laughed. “It’s just a very open minded so to speak- are you ready?”

Steve nodded brushing off Peter’s weird babbling. The two boys exited Peter’s room and headed toward the living room to tell Mr. Stark they’re leaving, but as they entered Peter screamed. “DAD!” Tony jumped a little as he stared at the two teenage boys, his hand flat on Stephen’s chest both of their lips bruised, and their hair wild. Peter turned a bright pink, and the two older men stared at Steve. “Dad I told you Steve was coming by! You only had to wait an hour until we were gone!”

“Steve,” Tony coughed. “I’d I appreciate if you wouldn’t go around telling people what you just saw.”  
“Yes, Steve. Please try to see it our way.”

Steve just blinked with his mouth agape, and hesitantly nodded. Tony was the most well-respected lawyer in all of New York; and well Stephen was one of the most talented surgeons and doctor. Steve couldn’t wrap his head around someone else caving into the very same temptations he has- this wasn’t okay. It couldn’t be. Could it?

Steve felt as if his world was spinning, as if everything he was ever taught was a lie, or simply not correct. If a well-respected lawyer and a world renowned doctor can openly be with each other- and be male- Steve felt his heart start to pound. 

“Steve? Let’s just go,” Peter muttered pulling on Steve’s arm. Steve in a state of shock stumbled down the street while Peter just shoved his hands in his pockets muttering about how embarrassing his parents are. “You’ll have to excuse them. They’ve been together for a little over two years, but this is their first year of living together. You know how it goes.”

“Your dad and Doctor Strange?” Steve muttered.   
“Steve,” Peter stopped. “My dad likes guys and he likes girls. He likes both. There are people out there who do in fact like the same sex! It’s not a big deal, Steve. Stephen loves my dad, and he takes care of us and he was there for us when my mom died. If you’re going to be comfortable in Cricket, then the thought of same sex couples being a thing bothers you; you better get the fuck over it.”

****  
James stepped outside taking a deep breath, enjoying the contrast of the smoky club air and the fresh air; but he wouldn’t lie he was nervous as hell. Steve was supposed to be coming tonight, but he wasn’t sure if he’d show. It wasn’t like this was date or anything. Who was he kidding, Steve was twenty minutes late. 

James walked back in the bar. “Hey Bucky!” He looked up to see Loki leaning up against the bar. “Have you seen Peter?”  
“No. Not yet. Want your usual?” Loki nodded rubbing his forehead, and James made his drink still bummed that Steve didn’t show. “An’, Loki? Let’s not call me Bucky around Steve.”  
Loki nodded taking the drink, and went back to where Nat, Clint, and Val sat. 

On the outside the club looked like any typical restaurant, classy dimmed lights, tables with candles as center pieces, and Steve recognized it from the times he took Peggy on dates here.   
“Peter, this isn’t a bar. This place is closed.”  
“Open mind, Stevie. It’ll do ya wonders.”

Peter started to walk toward the side of the building, and a confused Steve followed helplessly behind him. Peter opened the door, and immediately Steve could hear the thumping music. It amazed him as he walked down the stairs where multicolored lights kept the area lit. 

To the side he saw two people making out, and Steve couldn’t help but to stare at them. Two guys, openly making out, and groping each other it was- “Steve!” Peter grabbed his arm and started dragging him further into the club. “You can’t just stare at them!”

Steve nodded and allowed himself to be lead toward a table where a group of only faintly familiar people sat. Peter pushed Steve into the booth beside Nat and another guy, while he slid into the seat next to Loki, but that’s not what made Steve’s jaw drop. 

Peter leaned close to Loki and gently grabbed his jaw line with his forefinger and thumb making the boy look at him, and then smiled sweetly as he pecked Loki’s lips a few times. “Hi,” Peter said against the other’s lips. Loki only smiled and kissed him again. 

Steve coughed and looked away only for his eyes to land on two girls who were kissing each other. Well, one was kissing the other’s neck, and the other looked like she was on cloud nine. Her eyes rolled open, and she locked onto Steve; so, she smiled and winked before her eyes closed in pleasure and she bit her lip. Steve looked away, embarrassed. 

“Steve, what’d I tell you?” Peter groaned.   
“Sorry,” He sighed rubbing his forehead. “So, you two are- boyfriends?”  
“How’d you put that together, genius?” Loki asked sarcasm dripping in his tone. The comment earned a slap on the arm from Peter.

James walked over to the table setting drinks down in front of Peter and Steve since they were the only two that didn’t have a drink in front of them. “Hey Steve, I’m glad you made it.” James tried so hard to not smile, or even show that he was excited. But that smile broke through and caused Nat to snicker. 

“Wow!” Peter sighed. “Just like fuck me, right? I got him here and I don’t even get a hi.”  
“Sorry, I was surprised you and Loki are even still at the table. I thought you two snuck off to the bathroom for a quickie by now.”  
“Oh back off,” Loki groaned.

“Alright,” James laughed and turned to grab a chair and sat down at the end of the table, and because he felt it was cooler he sat on the chair backwards with the back of the chair pressed against his front. “My shifts over, so if any of you lazy assholes want something get it yourself.”

Steve was overwhelmed, same sex couples were being public with their affection, and his best friend turned out to have a boyfriend. James worked at this bar and seemed completely okay with it all, but this was wrong. So incredibly wrong. 

 

His mother always said that this kind of temptation was a choice; she said these types of people choose to be like this because they want attention, and she told Steve that they go to hell because the bible said so. He was so confused, because he can’t stop looking at James, he couldn’t stop his heart from beating faster every time James happened to smile, and he certainly didn’t understand why he was so nervous right now. 

“Steve? You cool?” Steve looked at James who stared at him with his brows furrowed in a concerned manner. 

Steve couldn’t find his voice over the lump growing in his throat, so he frantically nodded and reached out for the cup. He didn’t drink it, but the cold condensation eased him a bit. “Awesome. So, Steve have you been properly introduced?” James asked, and Steve again just shook his head. 

“Alright then! That’s Nat; she’s my best friend and roommate. That’s her boyfriend Clint. That’s Val she’s badass so don’t get on her bad side, and that’s Loki, Peter’s boyfriend.”  
Steve nodded. “Wait, Loki aren’t you a Soc? Wh-why do you hang out here?” Steve asked, and Loki laughed. 

“Why are you here?” He replied.   
“Be nice, Lo.” Peter huffed.  
“I don’t know why I should have to,” Loki said.   
“Because I said so.”  
“You act as if that should immediately change my mannerisms.”  
“Here we go,” Nat laughed. 

The couple continued to argue, and the rest of the group carried on laughing and talking. Steve watched as a man fixed his hair, and then started walking in their direction. It took minutes for Steve’s heart to shatter. “Hey Bucky,” The man smirked. “I wanted to know if you wanted to come back to my place for a while?”

James paled a bit and laughed awkwardly. “I don’t know man.”  
“C’mon Bucky. One night?” 

It became apparent to everyone in the group what was happening, and they all started to snicker and make fun of the situation. Steve felt his heart rate pick back up, and he felt his breathing become shorter. James- or Bucky whoever is like everyone else, and he’s going to go sleep with this random guy.

“I want to hang out with my friends for a bit,” James said, but the man wouldn’t take no as an answer. He pushed his fingers through James’ hair almost roughly, and James pulled away.  
“C’mon Bucky, you’re supposed to be easy!”  
“Fine! Fuck man. I’ll see you in fifteen.”

He agreed. He actually agreed. He invited Steve to this strange and confusing place, and now he’s going to bail to go sleep with someone? Steve wasn’t sure why he was getting so upset by this; he hardly knew James- or Bucky- or whatever. God, his heart felt like it shattered, and for whatever reason he felt tears picking his eyes. “Uhm,” He sucked in a breath. “Peter where’s the bathroom.”

“All the way back on your right.”  
Steve didn’t even bother excusing himself. He just got up and ran to the bathroom. 

Everything was so confusing, everything his mother ever told him was being proved wrong, and fucking James. He came right into Steve’s life and made everything so confusing. He shut the bathroom door behind him, and he slid down the door hugging his knees. Before he could even stop it, he was sobbing, fat tears streaming off his cheeks, and over his crying he couldn’t hear the stall door open or the sound of hands washing. 

“Honey?” Steve looked up seeing someone who was tall. “What’s the matter?”  
“Uhm,” Steve sniffled. “I’m just- I’m okay! I just needed a minute.”  
“Shitty date? What’d he’d do?” The stranger crouched down, and gently placed their hands on Steve’s shoulder. 

“I’m not- I’m,” Steve sighed and felt the pressure on his chest, and confusion came upon him like a heavy fog. 

“Oh, baby,” They spoke gently, and gently swiped the tears from under Steve’s eyes. “It’s okay to be confused. Everyone in this damn bar has been where you are, and probably on this very floor.”

“I’m just so confused!” Steve cried. “A week ago, I knew who I was, what I was, and then he came along with his fluffy hair and pretty blue eyes. Then I found out my best friend’s dad is dating a man, and my best friend is also dating a man! And-” Steve started to breathe heavy, so the kind stranger stopped him and grabbed him some paper towels. 

“Breathe through it,” They stated. “This will pass, one day you’ll wake up and realize who you are, and it’ll be a tough and grueling road trying to accept and be proud of who are when everyone tells you you’re wrong. By societies standards I’m a man, but by my standards I am Angel and I am whoever I want to be depending on that day.” 

Steve sniffled and wiped his eyes and stared at Angel, and they smiled as they caressed his cheek. “And just word of advice, all men are boys wanting to be men, so be patient they’ll grow up eventually. Also, your identity is yours and nobody else’s. Take your time; figure it out, and well? Fuck around.”

Steve wiped his eyes as a sudden feeling of calmness came over him, and he smiled at Angel. “Thank you so much.” They winked and helped Steve up leading him to the sink where a broken mirror hung on the wall. Steve’s eyes were red and puffy, and his face looked flushed. Just as Steve was about to say something , but James flung the door open and took in the sight of a still sniffling Steve and Angel’s firm arm around him. 

“Steve? Are you okay?”  
“Why am I not surprised?” Angel huffed. “I swear Bucky every broken heart leads to you. But uh-uh not with this one, he is a pure and kind boy, and he isn’t like any of the other skanks you fuck and leave.”  
“I know,” James said utterly confused as to why Angel was blowing up on him. 

“Hun, you want me to stay?” Angel looked at Steve who shook his head. “Well, alright baby but if you need me I’ll be sitting at the bar.”

Angel left but not before getting really close to James. “I swear, you better get your shit together, and take care of this boy. Or so help me I’ll drag your mama right into your love life.”  
Tension filled the air so thick James thought he may pass out, and Steve stood there in front of James chewing on his lip staring at the sink. “I’m a bit confused.”  
“So am I,” Steve admitted.   
James face softened. “Wanna bail? We can talk somewhere better than a bathroom?”

Steve nodded and rubbed his hands over his face, and James held his hand out to lead Steve out of the bathroom, and Steve took his hand his face going red. James went over to the bar where a man was talking to Angel. “Yo, Bruce! Tell the guys I’m heading out!”

Bruce nodded giving James a knowing smile. The two boys walked out of the club and down the Greaser side of town, feeling fairly safe since it was late, and everyone was either too blitzed or passed out. James smiled to himself as he looked down at their joined hands; he changed the position lacing their fingers together and chuckled as Steve’s face began to burn a bright red.   
“I get that figuring things out could be confusing,” James said after a moment of silence. “I know I’m not helping you, and I’m sorry. Whatever I can do to help you; please let me know what I can do.”

Steve looked down at their hands, butterflies erupting through his stomach, and a hesitant smile crawls to his face. “You could be honest. I told you I want to get to know you, and then I find out your name isn’t even James? You came into my life and turned everything upside down and turned everything I knew into questions.”

James sighed. “My name is James, but it’s not what people call me. I didn’t want you to know my nickname in case you heard the rumors about me. I was going to tell you my name once we got to know each other, and that way we’d have some trust and you’d believe me,” James said with a small sigh. “It’s just a name. You don’t know me, and I really hope you take the chance to get to know me.”

“What do I call you? James? Bucky?” Steve said, and he squeezed James’ hand, their hands fit so perfectly, and it felt so right that their hands were together. 

“Bucky. It’s what everyone calls me, so might as well just call me that.” Steve nodded staring at Bucky for a moment. “You can ask questions. I’ve been where you are.”

Steve let out a sigh, stopping. It’s now or never, and maybe Bucky can help him figure it out. “I think,” Steve muttered. “I might like other men.”

Bucky chuckled. “Welcome to the club. First bus to hell leaves tomorrow morning.”   
Steve groaned and lightly shoved Bucky. “Seriously, this is a big problem! I mean I’m not even sure so like how do I know?”

Bucky pulled Steve to continue walking and headed toward the cemetery, and once they’re inside Bucky pulled Steve behind a mausoleum. “Bucky what are you-” Bucky shushed Steve by covering his mouth and pushing him up against the cement of the small house like structure. “The only way you can be sure you like boys is to kiss one, and with your permission I’d like to test the theory if you’re gay or not.”

Steve stared at Bucky, the feeling of heat radiating off his hand onto Steve’s mouth some how exciting. “May I?” Bucky asked his blue eyes poured into Steve’s, looking straight into his soul, and hesitantly he nodded his head. Bucky smiled and removed his hand caressing Steve’s jaw and neck instead. Steve’s heart was pounding in his chest, practically slamming against his ribs, but he couldn’t tear his eyes away from Bucky. 

If Bucky wasn’t attractive before he was now. His lips were slightly parted, and his blue eyes were flickering from Steve’s eyes to his lips. One hand resting on the side of Steve’s head, and the other on his waist gripping his shirt slowly letting it ride up a bit. They hadn’t even kissed yet, but every single fiber in his body was buzzing and yearning for the final contact. Steve was shaking, literally. His hands were trembling at his sides, and he wasn’t sure where to put his hands. “Are you ok?” Bucky asked. Steve nodded and nervously bit his lip. 

Bucky couldn’t wait any longer, he leaned in closer and gently brushed his lips against Steve’s, and it was such a little brief, breath of contact, yet it sent every nerve in their bodies a fire. Steve grabbed Bucky’s shirt pulling him in closer, he’s kissed before, but it’s never been this exciting. 

Bucky followed Steve’s movements fully allowing him to take control of their kiss, his hand dragged down Steve’s body planting themselves on his hips, Steve cupped Bucky’s cheeks and pushed his fingers through his hair. 

Their lips moved perfectly in sync, the kiss was overwhelming to Steve, and Bucky was at least fifty percent sure he was dreaming. They didn’t want it to end, but Bucky pulled back and stared at Steve who was breathing heavy confused to what just happened. He’s kissed before, but it was never that good. Never that erotic.

“So?” Bucky backed away a little to give Steve some space to breathe. “Did you like it?”  
“I don’t know,” Steve said. His hands were still shaking, and he tried to ignore the confusion mixed with hurt look in Bucky’s face. “I mean-”  
“Just think on it; sleep on it, or whatever. It’s getting late; we should probably get you home.” 

Steve nodded, and they began their walk toward the other entrance of the cemetery where it led to the soc side of the town. They hardly said a word to each other, and Bucky didn’t bother to even try to hold Steve’s hand. It’s like he thought kissing him would make Steve know that he liked boys, and that maybe he was gay. But it’s so much more complicated than that. 

“You know it’s more complicated,” Steve said.   
“Is it though?”  
“Yes! My whole life has been simple. I study hard, get good grades, eventually I’ll go to Med School, and I go to church on Sundays. Now I’m having these feelings that I can’t describe, I just cheated on my girlfriend with a guy I barely know!” 

Bucky laughed shaking his head. “Your life sounds boring. Predictable. Steve, I like you a lot, but I can’t chase you if you keep hiding. You get me?”  
“I got it. Just let me figure things out okay?”

They both came to the stop at the entrance, and Bucky sighed turning to Steve. “When you decide to be honest with yourself come find me at Cricket. Until then, bye Steve.” He leaned up and pressed a kiss to Steve’s cheek, and then turned to start back to where they came from. 

Steve walked to his house, his head spinning, and his cheeks still flushed. It wasn’t that late, about ten, but since his mother assumed he was staying Peter’s she wasn’t worried. He would just tell her that Peter got sick, so he came home. Right about know he feels as if he was about to be sick. It felt as if his lips were burning like the electric still lingered from their kiss. He groaned as he entered his home. He went to his bedroom and shut his door as quietly as possible, so he wouldn’t wake his parents. All night he laid in bed staring the ceiling, images of Bucky replaying in his head, and the taste of his lips still simmering on his tongue. If one thing was for sure he liked Bucky, and he needed to see him.


	3. Date Night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The one where Steve talks to Bucky and makes a decision.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is a bit of Romanian words in here, but unfortunately I'm not fluent in the language and only know a few basic words. So, I depended on google translate and what I do know of the language. If you happen to speak the language fluently, I apologize if it is not grammatically correct or a word isn't what I'm trying to say. I know Google translate isn't a credible site when trying to translate. ANYWAYS enjoy the chapter. 
> 
> Reminder: Places including bars, diners, restaurants, liquor/Liqueur are completely made up by me. To my knowledge they don't exist. 
> 
> English Translations to the Romanian words in this chapter.
> 
> -Lumea Viselor : Dream Land

Addicted  
Chapter 3

Steve had been at Peter’s house for three days; talking, venting, and just trying to figure out what the hell he was supposed to do. Peter walked down the stairs running his hand through his hair. “How’s the kid?” Tony asked once he saw Peter enter the kitchen.

“Very confused and missing a certain trouble maker,” Peter sighed rubbing his face, and poured Steve a cup of coffee.

“Poor, kid.”  
Peter nodded but sighed when he heard the door. “Clients?”  
Tony sighed and nodded. “Get the door for me.”

Peter groaned and went to get the door anyway. “He’s in the kitchen,” Peter sighed but then when he saw the big blonde guy, and just behind him the black-haired love of his life. “Loki!”

“Brother, we should finish up in an hour.”

Loki waved off his brother and stepped in and smiled at Peter, and Peter grabbed Loki’s hand leading him up the stairs. “Did you tell Thor about us?!” Peter asked, excitement building behind his eyes.

“No, he knows we’re just friends.”

Peter’s excitement diminished, and Loki sighed grabbing his hand, and then Peter turned around frowning. “We can’t fool around; Steve is having a crisis, so I need you to not be an asshole as well.”

“I come over to see you, and you think I wanna fuck? Can’t I just enjoy my boyfriend’s company?” Loki scoffed with an eye-roll. Loki put up a tough act, but Peter knew Loki and could read his hidden facial expressions.

Peter stopped leading Loki and reached up to cup his cheeks. “I love you,” He whispered. “I know you don’t always want to fuck, but I was just saying we couldn’t.” 

Loki smiled and pulled Peter’s hand and kissed his palm. Peter smiled and lead him back to his room.

Steve didn’t look much different, dressed in a hoodie and sweats; his hair all over the place, and his cheeks and eyes puffy and red. “Damn,” Loki whispered.

“Oh! Loki!” Steve yelped and stared at the two boys.

“Don’t mind him,” Peter said quickly, as he moved to sit next to Steve. “How ya feeling?”

“Like a failure.”

Loki stared at the two in slight annoyance and fondness toward his overly caring boyfriend. “How about you go see Bucky?”

“He’s the reason I’m in this mess!” Steve cried.

“Bucky isn’t to blame. You’re gay, dude. You were born that way,” Loki said casually earning a frown from Peter, and Steve stared at him allowing his words to sink in. “What even happened?”

“Bucky and Steve went to first base,” Peter winked at Loki, and Loki nodded.  
“And how did it make you feel?” Loki asked.

“Well, it was nice, and probably one of the best kisses I’ve had in a while.” Steve admitted. Loki raised his brows and Steve sighed. “I know I’m gay, or bisexual. I just don’t want to be.”

“You should get the hell over it. A lot of us have to live through the same shit, because why would anyone want to be like this? Hell! I’m having a gender crisis, and you’re freaking out about sucking some dick?”

“Lo?” Peter asked, reaching out for his boyfriend. “What gender crisis?” Loki deflated and sighed. “I was waiting to bring it up, but uhm sometimes I feel like a man and other times I think I feel like a girl.”

Peter’s mouth dropped open, and he looked down trying to process but Loki jumped in again. “I didn’t want to tell you because I thought-”

“Thought what Loki?”  
“You’d break up with me.”

Loki embarrassedly rubbed the back of his neck, but Peter threw himself at Loki and pulled him close to him. “I love you for you not your gender,” Peter said. “Because no matter the pronouns you’ll always be the cunning, arrogant, mischievous, rude person I met when I first moved here. You just got to tell me what you’re feeling,” Peter ranted and cupped Loki’s face pulling it toward him and kissed him.

“Thank you,” Loki whispered.

Steve sat there awkwardly chewing his on his lip, but seeing his best friend and his partner made him realize what he was missing. He had been dating Peggy for nearly a year, and he had never gotten this much support. Sure, she was great, but Steve never fully felt like he liked her that way. He dated her because it was expected. He needed to see Bucky, to touch Bucky, and to taste his lips again. “I have to bail,” Steve murmured. 

“Catch ya later.”

Peter watched Steve leave, and smirked at Loki. “Are you thinking what I’m thinking?”  
“Rebel Without A Cause?”  
“You know me well!”

***

Steve walked down the street, through the cemetery, and toward Cricket. The top half of the bar (the restaurant) was packed, but Steve went through that way. “Kid, what are you doin’ here?” Bruce asked as he ushered Steve back to the kitchen. “You look like a mess, and the bar isn’t open.”

“Steve?”

Steve turned toward the familiar voice, Bucky stood there holding a giant pot, and wearing a black uniform and white apron. “Okay,” Bruce said. “Bucky take your break now.” Bucky nodded setting the pot down, and followed Steve out the back door. Steve was nervous he was about to admit out loud to liking a boy to his face.

“So?” Bucky prompted.  
“I like you,” Steve blurted, and Bucky couldn’t stop the smile that exploded on his face. 

“I don’t know what my sexuality is, and I don’t know what to exactly do. I can’t break up with Peggy; I can’t do that to our families, or her.”

Bucky nodded the smile not leaving his face, and Steve smiled just as big, happy that Bucky was taking the Peggy news. “So where do I fit in?” Bucky asked.

“I’d like to get to know you better,” Steve said. “But I don’t know how to date a guy.” Bucky laughed shaking his head.  
“It’s no different,” Bucky said.

Steve nodded shoving his hands in his pockets, and Bucky looked back at the kitchen. “My shifts ends in two hours, how about we meet downstairs, and have ourselves a proper date?”

“I’ve got a date with Peggy in half an hour, I was gonna cancel, but I’ve not taken her out in awhile. So, if you’re willing to meet me in the cemetery around eight then we’ve got a date.”

“I’ll see you then.”  
Steve quickly pecked Bucky’s cheek and waved as he left to go get ready for his date with his girlfriend; and Bucky wore a smile all evening even while he waited on tables with costumers snobby and rude.

***

Steve sat at the table with Peggy right across from him, ranting about some political event that her father was hosting for Steve’s father. She looked pretty tonight, a simple black dress that came down to her knees, a pair of black heels and a white lace shawl hanging loosely over her shoulders. Her make up was done nicely, with dark mascara to make her eye lashes look fuller, and a red lipstick that would drive any man crazy. Steve wasn’t any man, his mind was on Bucky, and was wondering what he was doing at this moment.

They were at Cricket, the restaurant half, which was far classier than the gay friendly bar downstairs, and Steve almost had to laugh when he caught a glimpse of Bucky carrying a tray of food toward a table and nearly tripped. Steve originally wasn’t going to bring Peggy here to eat, but he wanted an excuse to see Bucky before their date.

Bucky made his way to the table next to them, still dressed in his uniform, and glanced at Steve smirking as he cleared his tables’ plates and disappeared into the kitchen. “Doesn’t surprise me,” Peggy hummed as she looked over her menu. “That the best he could do is a restaurant.”

Steve ignored the comment. “What are you going to have?”

“I want wine to drink and a nice salad or pasta,” She spoke slowly her eyes on Steve as he did everything in his power not to look at her. “Steve? What about you?”

“Uh probably just the grilled chicken with a side salad or something.”

“What about dessert?” She asked. Steve felt the toe of her heel rub against his leg, and he looked up at her to see her biting her painted red lip. “Because I was thinking we bail on dessert, and then go back to my place?”

Steve looked back at his menu. “Why would we do that?”

“Steve, C’mon. I’m ready to go steady, and I want to take it all the way with you.”  
“Peggy, I can’t right now- er tonight. I’ve got plans.”

Peggy leaned back in her chair, and she was about to say something but Bucky came up to their table. “Hi, I’m Bucky and I’ll be your server. Can I offer our finest wine?”  
Steve looked up at him like he was suddenly frozen, and Bucky smiled down at him and then looked at Peggy his smile melting from his face. “Yes,” she said purposely reaching across the table taking Steve’s hand. “We’d like the wine.”

Bucky nodded and smiled at Steve as he left to go get the specialty wine that was being offered, and Peggy looked at Steve, yanking her hand away from him. “Are you friends with Barnes?” Steve shrugged in response, and Peggy rolled her eyes staring at her boyfriend. “You know he’s dangerous right? Like he’s off his rocker! He’s gross and a hood and rumor has it when he’s around things get hairy.”

Steve clenched his jaw. “Yeah? So what?”  
“He’s a snap case! I don’t want you hanging out with him; he’s a bad influence.”

Steve scratched his forehead leaning back, and he looked away at Bucky who was assisting another waiter with placing their order. “So now you’re telling me who I can and can’t hang out with?” Peggy tilted her head and pouted her lips.

“I only tell you because I love you, and know what’s best for you,” She says in that pity voice of hers that she always used toward people she felt bad for. “You love me, don’t you?”

Steve cleared his throat as Bucky came back to take their orders, and he held his notepad awaiting to take their orders after he filled their wine glasses. They quickly told him their orders, but Bucky cleared his throat. “I’m sorry, sir. Is this all correct?” He asked showing Steve his notepad to reveal a message to Steve.

I’m leaving now, but something  
came up, so just meet me downstairs.

“Yes,” Steve nodded. “That’s correct.”

“Also, my shift unfortunately is ending, so Darla will be taking care of you both. Have a lovely night.”

Peggy smiled but as soon as he walked away she rolled her eyes, and Steve scoffed. 

“Yeah, he seemed real strung out.” Peggy glared and leaned closer. “What is going on with you?! I tell you I’m ready to go steady and take things to the next level, and you don’t want to? I ask if you love me, and you don’t answer. Now you’re being rude!”

Steve sighed rubbing his forehead. “I don’t know.”

Peggy leaned even closer to the table giving Steve a perfect view of down her dress, but he didn’t bother to glance down. “Is Archie right? Are you some- some fag?”

“Can you not use that word? It’s disgusting.”

Peggy tightened her smile and leaned back from the table fixing her hair, and changed the subject by talking about some other party she was planning on attending, but Steve zoned out thinking about his date with Bucky.  
***

Steve sat at the bar his leg jumping up and down. “Baby, you’re shaking the whole damn bar. Ants in your pants?” Steve stopped his shaking leg and smiled at Angel. “Bucky and I are going on a date tonight.”

“A date?” Bruce chimed in from the bar. “Bucky isn’t the d-” He stopped mid sentence after he caught the glare from Angel, and he cleared his throat. “Good luck.”

“Thanks.”

“Anyways,” Angel sighs loudly their nails tapping at the bar. “Wanda broke up with her girlfriend.”

“Again?” Bruce asked.

“Sixth time this month, and her brother is coming in to visit. We all know how delicious he is, but I’m fixing to tell him about Wanda’s situation.” Steve raised an eye brow. 

“Situation?”

“Oh, she’s my roommate, and she has this girlfriend that just beats the absolute shit out of her. She refuses to leave her, but then I’m the one cleaning her up at three a.m.”

“Can’t you call the police?”

“Why would I do that?” Angel asked. “So it can get out that Wanda is lesbian and then have every damn homophobic motherfucker at my door? I don’t think so, honey.” Steve sighed shaking his head while Bruce and Angel continued their talk while Steve anxiously waited for Bucky. He was already ten minutes late.

Ten more minutes passed and Bucky finally waltzed in, his hair looking a neat mess on top of his head, and his attire typical greaser. He smiled apologetically at Steve as he approached him. “’Bout time!” Angel huffed. “Didn’t I tell you to get yo’ shit together?”

Bucky rolled his eyes as he leaned against the bar looking at Steve. “I’m sorry. It was a family thing, so how about we get a booth?” Steve nodded and slid off the stool allowing Bucky to lead him to a table further back toward the empty stage. “Okay, so, date.”

“Date,” Steve repeated. “Since I ate already I’m not hungry. Sorry.”

“It’s fine, Bruce knows me well enough to bring me my usual,” As if on cue Bruce appeared with a brew and a plate piled high with cheesy fires. Steve made a face. “Fact one about me!” Bucky exclaimed. “This is my favorite snack.”

Steve laughed and sighed. “So tell me about yourself.”  
“Well, I’m Bucky Barnes. I work two jobs in the same building while doing small odd jobs with cars on the side, I like being active, boys, The Rolling Stones, and cars. Uhm I’ve got three sisters,” Bucky rambled and then stuffed a few fries in his mouth. Steve fiddled with his fingers and Bucky shook his head. “You?”

“I uhm well I’m Steve Rogers. I’m an only child. I’m currently studying to be a Doctor, and yeah.”

“Bullshit.”  
“Excuse me?”

“That’s just what people want to hear! Tell me who you really are.” Bucky demanded.

“I like, uhm, Oh! I like to draw.”

Bucky smirked and grabbed a few napkins and a pen pushing them to him. “Draw me something.” Steve laughed and nodded as he began to draw trying not to rip the napkin.

“Where does ‘Bucky’ come from? Doesn’t exactly come from James.”

“Middle name. James Buchanan Barnes, my dad when I was younger called me Bucky and it stuck. Kind of embarrassing,” Bucky shrugged and Steve looked up from his drawing to look at Bucky with a smile. “What’s it like being an only child?”

“It’s alright,” Steve shrugged. “Lonely, but it forced me to get more friends as a kid. I guess.”

Bucky nodded and stuffed his face some more with the fries, and Steve shook his head and turned back to his doodle. They continued to talk about their lives, blurting out random facts about themselves, and Steve continued his drawing occasionally glancing at Bucky to see what he was doing.

Bucky watched Steve when he wasn’t looking, a soft smile spreading over his features, and anyone for miles could see the fondness radiating from Bucky’s eyes. “I want dessert,” Bucky announced. Steve looked up raising a brow, and Bucky smirked. “They have the best ice cream down the street from here, so if you’re finished.”

Steve nodded handing over his finished doodle and slid out of the booth to stretch and wait for Bucky. Bucky stared at the napkin, a very cartoonish version of himself with puffed out cheeks filled with fries coming out of his mouth. “I love it,” Bucky grinned and folded it putting it in his pocket. He took Steve’s hand and went to the bar, to pay for the meal.

“Don’t worry about it, Bucky.” Bruce smiled putting his own money in the register, and Bucky smiled in appreciation. “Thanks! Goodnight guys!” Bucky smiled earning small waves from the staff.  
“Goodnight!” Steve called over his shoulder as Bucky dragged him out of the bar, and they began to walk down the road. “What’s your favorite ice cream?”

Bucky thought for a moment and then shrugged. “I think I’m going to have to go with Cherry.” Bucky paused and winked at Steve which made him blush a bright pink that ran clear up to his ears. “You?”

“My favorite is strawberry, but vanilla is great too.”

Bucky nodded and let go of Steve’s hand as the entered the ice cream parlor, it was very bright with eccentric reds accenting the tables, walls, and chairs with black and white checkered tiles on the floor. “What can I get you, sir?”

Bucky looked down at the flavors and smiled at Steve. “Burgundy Cherry and Strawberry,” he paused and looked at Steve. “Sprinkles?” Steve shook his head and then smiled at the man getting the Styrofoam cups filled with ice cream. Bucky began to pull out his wallet, but Steve stepped in and paid for the ice cream.

After getting the ice cream they headed further down the street. “I was going to treat you,” Bucky said as he took a bite of his ice cream.

“You’ll get it next time,” Steve shrugged.

“So there will be a next time?” Bucky wiggled his eyebrows at Steve who shook his head, but nodded with a light smile. “Good! But this date is far from over, stay here and hold this!” Bucky handed Steve his ice cream and went into a liquor store, and appeared minutes later with a brown paper bag in the shape of a bottle.

“Alcohol?”

“It’s dessert liquor. You don’t have to drink if you don’t want to, but I’m going to.” Steve smiled and nodded following Bucky into a park where they sat down at the swings, and Bucky opened the bottle and took a swig of it and then sat it down at their feet. A quiet spell took over as they ate their ice cream and stole glances and small smiles. “You’re having fun right?” Bucky asked. “I know it’s been kind of boring, but I thought we’d keep in simple-”

“I’m having a great time,” Steve smiled, and then shook his head as he got an idea. “You’ve got ice cream on you.”

“Where?”

Steve leaned closer. “Right,” And he reached his hand out. “There.” He quickly swiped ice cream across Bucky’s cheek. Bucky gasped as laugh escaped his mouth, and Steve laughed staring at the ice cream dripping further down his cheek.  
“Wanna lick it off?” Bucky teased and Steve blushed shaking his head. “Alright then, payback.” Bucky took his spoon with a big glob of ice cream on it and smeared it right over Steve’s lips. Steve sat there staring at Bucky, his lips numbed from the cold of the ice cream, and his cheeks reddening from the way Bucky was staring at him. “Can I kiss you?”

Steve nodded leaning closer and Bucky grabbed his jaw kissing his cherry ice cream flavored lips, and Steve smiled into the kiss his hands finding there way into Bucky’s hair. “Did I tell you cherry is my favorite?” He mumbled against Steve’s lips.

“Once or twice,” Steve mumbled. “Just keep kissing me.”

Bucky smiled and kissed him, their ice cream abandoned, and lost in each other’s lips. 

They kissed for a little while until they broke apart, and Bucky leaned down taking the bottle and taking a swig. Steve stared at him as he took another drink not even cringing at the taste or burn. “Is it really dessert liquor?”

Bucky grinned looking at the bottle. “Eh I’m not sure, the store I went to was a bit shady, but it was cheap. It’s like sweet, but it also burns. Wanna try?”

Steve had never been fond of drinking, he never had more than champagne or wine, but he couldn’t lie; he was curious about what it was like to drink. He took the bottle from Bucky and took a small sip, it was sweeter than expected, and he smiled and read the label it was something in a language he didn’t know. “Lumea Viselor,” Bucky said when he noticed Steve’s confusion. “It means Dreamland; supposed to be good shit according to my grandparents.”

“What language?” He asked taking another sip.

“Romanian. That’s where I come from, Romania, I moved here when I was ten, but I learned English over there while my main language was Romanian.” Bucky said as he took the bottle back and got up to sit on the ground in front of Steve. “Can’t you hear my accent?”

Steve laughed and nodded. “Yeah, yeah I hear it now. Faint but there.”  
“Awful innit?”

“Well,” Steve leaned forward taking the bottle. “I like it. Beats a New Yorker’s accent.”  
“Yeah, the fuck is with that accent Rogers?”  
Steve laughed and smiled as Bucky took another swig, and then handed it back to Steve.

***

They drank until nearly half the bottle was gone, and both were more than tipsy, and very touchy feely. Steve was now sitting next to Bucky practically leaning on him as they laughed about the dumbest things; and then Bucky fell back onto the ground staring up at the night sky. “I didn’t plan,” Bucky said leaning up as he used his elbows as support. He lost his words as he looked at Steve tilting his head back and drinking some more. “Fuck, you’re gorgeous.”

Steve handed him the bottle with his cheeks red as Bucky takes another swig from the bottle. “You’re drunk.”

Bucky hummed. “We should get home, I can walk ya-”  
“I can’t go home,” Steve shook his head. “I smell like brew.”

“Are you saying you want to have a sleep over?” Bucky smirked. Steve blushed. “Relax, it’s cool. Nat won’t mind, and I don’t live far from here.”

Bucky and Steve got up, as they started walking toward Bucky’s apartment, Steve practically held Bucky up as they both stumbled over themselves, and Bucky drunkenly led Steve down the greaser streets. “Don’t worry,” Bucky slurred looking up at Steve. “I got you, baby. Ain’t nobody gonna hurt you.”

Steve blushed and kissed Bucky’s hair. “Right here,” Bucky mumbled. “This building, I’m third floor.” They walked up the stairs giggling. “Wait, I need to breathe,” Steve murmured, stopping after clearing the first set of stairs.

“A breathing break? C’mon look how fuckin’ fit you are! Fit like a fuckin’ ox!” Bucky said, he pushed Steve against the wall.

“I’ve been drinking and laughing,” Steve said staring down at Bucky with a cocky smile dancing on his lips. “Kiss me.”

Bucky leaned up pressing his lips against Steve’s lips, and it was exactly like their other kisses. A fire igniting under their skin, and every nerve alive with the feeling of their lips molding together. “As much as I wanna continue,” Bucky pulled away his hands resting against Steve’s chest. “We should get to my place.”

They walked to Bucky’s apartment, it was a quick walk, especially when Bucky shouted that he could beat Steve to the top, and with loud screams and laughter bouncing off the walls as they grabbed at each other’s shirts and belts trying to pull the other back. Finally, they reached the third floor, breathless with large, tired smiles displaying on their faces. 

“Okay third door down,” He whispered he pulled out his keys, and unlocked the door.

Bucky’s apartment was small, a bit beaten up, and the furniture didn’t look nice. From the door way Steve could see rips in the couch cushions. The ceiling had a large crack in it, and just by standing in the door way Steve could see the whole apartment. Two doors next to each other straight across from the door way, to the right is the kitchen, there’s another door to the left, and the center is the lounge. “It’s not big or fancy, but its home to me.” Bucky mumbled. He suddenly looked very tired, and Steve smiled throwing an arm over Bucky.

“I like it,” He smiled. “I’m also beat.”

“Okay,” Bucky sighed. “I’ll sleep on the couch, I’m just drunk enough to not notice it’s falling apart.” Steve nodded and allowed Bucky to lead him to the door on the right. “I just need to grab a shirt. If you feel sick there’s a garbage can right by the bed, and the bathroom is straight across from the couch. Wake me if you need me,” Bucky said and leaned down to kiss Steve’s cheek. “I don’t know if I’m your size, but you’re welcome to my closet.”

Steve nodded and watched Bucky step out to the living room and then closed the door. 

He started to feel dizzy, so he went to Bucky’s dresser and opened it. The first drawer he assumed would be Bucky’s underwear, so he went straight to the second drawer where he found a blue shirt. A drawer lower he found a black pair of sweat pants, so he continued to undress and put on the items of clothing on. He then climbed into Bucky’s bed, it wasn’t all that comfortable, but it smelled strongly of Bucky. It was almost like he was lying with him, but Bucky wasn’t with him he was on the couch.

Why didn’t he want to lay with him? Sleep with him? Steve rolled over, his head screaming different reasons why Bucky was out there and he was in here, and the more he thought about the more his stomach turned into knots. This was going to be a rough night.


	4. I Want You....To Myself.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve gets grounded.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More Romanian words in this chapter! I apologize again if it's incorrect. 
> 
> \- Fute: Fuck  
> \- Unde este? Plecat? Nat! Sunteți dracului!: Where is it? Gone? Nat! Fuck you!   
>  Hope you enjoy! xx

Addicted  
Chapter Four

Bucky was awoken by someone slapping him upside his head, and as he opened his eyes he groaned. “The fuck?” Nat stood over him with her hands planted around a cup of coffee. 

“Nat, please, I’m tryin’ to sleep off this hangover.”  
“The hell you doing on the couch? We got you a bed for a reason.”  
“I got a bed ‘cause it’s my apartment,” Bucky murmured as he sat up moving over so Nat could plop down. “You just live here.”  
“C’mon Bucky,” Nat shoved him a bit. “Why were you sleeping on the couch?”

“Steve’s in my room,” Bucky ran a hand through his hair, and then rubbed his head. Nat stared at him for a few moments, and then shook her head as she nudged him. “Shouldn’t you be in there with him then, gettin’ a little morning quickie?” Nat did an awful little movement making Bucky laugh and shake his head.

“It ain’t like that, Nat!” Bucky groaned. “If I woulda’ fucked him, I’d have marks all over me, and I wouldn’t be out here bullshittin’ with you.” Nat nodded and sipped her coffee. 

“What time will he get up?”  
“I don’t know, we killed half a bottle of Lumea Viselor, so he could be anywhere depending on how well he handles his booze.”  
Bucky then stood up and went to the kitchen and decided to look around for something to eat.

Steve woke up to the sound of people talking, and it took a moment for him to fully realize where he was. So, he pushed himself off the bed and opened the door, and the first thing he saw was a woman and a guy heatedly making out, clearly already on second base. “Nat?” He heard a Bucky yell from the kitchen. “Did you seriously use all the coffee? That’s on you then! You have to grab more after work!”

Nat faintly muffled something, and Bucky groaned so Steve walked in the kitchen to see Bucky having his back toward the entry looking for what Steve assumed was coffee. 

Bucky was shirtless with a pair of loose hanging sweat pants, and Steve shifted a bit as he watched how the muscles in Bucky’s back moved when he did. “Fute! Fuck! Unde este? Plecat? Nat! Sunteți dracului!”

“More Romanian?” Steve asked out loud.  
“First language,” Bucky smiled as turned around and leaned against the counter with his arms crossed over his noticeably naked chest. “Slips out sometimes. Mostly when I’m angry or frustrated.”

“Say something else,” Steve demanded. Bucky laughed and tilted his head back and sighed.  
“Saruta-ma.”  
“What does that mean?”

“Kiss me,” Bucky murmured, and Steve laughed as he approached Bucky gently placing his hand on his jaw pulling him in to kiss him. “So, I was thinkin’, I’m pretty hung over, and so are you. How ‘bout we just stay in for the day.”

“Alright, Barnes.”

“We don’t have any food, so I’ll have to force Nat to go get some groceries,” Bucky muttered, and Steve shrugged quickly pecking his lips. They pulled apart and Bucky led him into to the room where Clint and Nat were still heatedly making out, their bodies rubbing against each other, and Bucky looked back at Steve rolling his eyes. “Nat! We need groceries, so how ‘bout you finish up with your fuck-fest and go!” Bucky said as he further led Steve in toward his room. “You both are late for work too!”

“C’mon man!” Clint groaned as Natasha pulled away and sat up glaring at the door as it slammed shut.

Bucky plopped on his bed while Steve looked around his room staring at all the different posters that were hanging on the wall, and he smiled at the pictures that were taped on the wall. Ones of him and Nat, him and most of the people at Cricket. “How long have you known Natasha?”

Bucky hummed as he casually began to play with the dog tags that wrapped around his neck, and then he sat up to stare at the picture on the wall. “I was fourteen,” Bucky said. “So, eight-ish years.” 

“How’d you meet her?”  
“Same base camp, they needed more nurses and her mom was a nurse, and they didn’t really care if she was Russian.”

“Nat’s Russian?”  
“Yeah, but she was born here. She speaks Russian though.”

Steve nodded and sat down on the bed, he wanted to question him about the dog tags around his neck, and why he wore them if he wasn’t enlisted. He knew that they had to be special to him, so he decided not to ask right now. Bucky chuckled and laid back using his elbows to keep him propped up, and Steve couldn’t help but to notice the way his abdomen contracted and flexed his abs. “Like what you see, Rogers?”

Steve blushed and nodded, and Bucky laughed as he fully lay back and smiled lazily at Steve. A silence fell between them, it wasn’t awkward, but there was still a tension flooding the room that neither of them could ignore. “Truth or Dare, Rogers?” Bucky suddenly blurted and Steve laughed.

“What? Are we thirteen?”  
“Yes,” Bucky replied seriously. “Now Truth or Dare?

***

“If you wanted to see me naked all you had to do was ask,” Bucky smirked.  
“You’re not naked, just in your boxers.” Steve huffed trying so hard to fight his smile and his face flushed a bright pink that Bucky could now see started from his chest and rose to his ears. “My turn.”

“Truth or dare?”  
“Truth.”  
“Pussy.”  
“Bucky!”

“Fine, is it true that you think I’m the most handsomest man you’ve ever laid eyes on?” Bucky wagged his eye brows at Steve as he smirked and leaned back against the head board again.

“Most handsomest,” Steve snorted and Bucky rolled his eyes. “It’s true.”

“Thank you. You’re not so bad yourself.” Steve yelped in offense and gently slapped Bucky’s chest. “Kidding! You’re a very pretty boy.”

“Truth or Dare?” Steve asked as he moved closer on the bed with one leg resting against Bucky’s thigh, and the other leg hanging off the bed.

“Dare.”

“I dare you,” Steve pondered a minute, and then smirked. “I dare you to kiss me.”

Bucky grinned, leaning up and pulled Steve in to kiss him, but as they kissed it only grew in intensity, and as it got more heated Bucky began to push Steve back on the bed, his one leg still hanging off the bed, and the other perched up as Bucky laid himself between Steve’s legs. Steve had no clue what was fully happening, but he knew that kissing Bucky was nice, and kissing him like this felt incredible.

Bucky pulled away but only to nudge his nose against Steve’s jaw to make him give more access to Steve’s neck, and as soon as that access was granted Bucky wasted no time in sponging kisses around his neck. Steve hummed at the feel of Bucky’s teeth nipping at his neck, and his hips involuntarily bucked up to meet Bucky’s; accidentally gaining friction making a feeling blossom in his stomach that he’s never felt before. God, he wanted to do that again.

“Fuck, okay,” Bucky pulled away staring at the red mark he created and leaned back, pinning Steve’s hips to the bed. “Stop. I- we can’t continue.”  
Steve tried to hide his hurt, but Bucky saw it and quickly back tracked. “Not that I don’t want to, I do, but I wanna take things slow with you. Take you out a few times, treat ya’ like a gentleman. I don’t want ya’ to be just another fuck buddy, Okay?”

Steve nodded blinking up at Bucky, and he leaned down kissing Steve’s cheek. “How about we go to Cricket? Peter will be there with Lo-”

“My Parents! I didn’t call them! Do you have a phone?”  
“Who do I look like you to? A soc?”

Steve pushed Bucky off him, grabbing his jeans and quickly began pulling them on and grabbing a shirt off the floor and pulled it on. “I’m so dead! I’ve got to get home! I’ll see you soon okay?” Steve said as he looked in the mirror and tried to fix his hair.

“Do you want me to walk you home?” Bucky asked as he pulled on the sweats that Steve had been wearing and remained shirtless. Steve shook his head and smiled at Bucky as he kissed his cheek and left, with Bucky following behind him like a lost puppy.

“Where’s blondie goin’?” Nat asked, she decided to stay home from work today.

“Home. His parents don’t know where he is,” Bucky mumbled as he plopped down on the couch and didn’t realize it, but he still had an easy smile on his face.

Nat knew Bucky, she had been his best friend for years now and she could read him like a book, and half the time could tell what he was feeling before he could feel it. Right now, he was glowing, and he looked truly happy for once in his damn life. The sight made Nat want to jump up and dance around. “You look happy.”

“I think I am. I mean, I’ve always been content since I moved here, but I don’t think I was ever truly happy. That boy,” Bucky smiled and looked over at Nat. “Just thinkin’ ‘bout him makes me wanna smile.”

“He’s an alright, kid.” Nat smiled. “When are you taking him home to meet the family?”

Bucky rolled his eyes and then stared at Nat as if she just said the most annoying thing in the world, and in a way she did. He had only taken Steve out on one date and already she’s acting like they have been together for years. “I’d like to get a few more dates in.”

Nat scoffed and shifted around staring out a window. “Think you can bag a TV?”  
Bucky shrugged. “If the opportunity presents itself.”

“Cool.”  
“Where’s Clint?”

“At work.”  
“Cool.”

***

Steve ran home. He didn’t jog, he booked it. He was so out of breath when he practically fell through the front door, and he was so busy trying to get inside he didn’t notice the cop cars outside. He stopped and then sauntered into the kitchen trying to make it seem like he didn’t just run from the other part of town to get home. “Mother? Father?” He asked as he came into the kitchen to see two cops in uniform standing next to his father who stood behind his mother’s chair who was sobbing into her hands. “Steven Grant Rogers!” His father’s voice smacked him right in the face.

His mother calmly stood to her feet, her mascara streaked over her cheeks, but still she managed to look elegant. “I am so sorry, officers,” She said with a tight smile then her eyes cut to Steve. “There seems to be a bit of a misunderstanding.”

The officers both kindly said their goodbyes, and Steve stood silently by his father as his mother showed them out of the house. As soon as the door shut she whipped around, both hands planted on her hips, and her eyes set in a harsh glare. “Where in the hell have you been?” She roared. Steve knew better than to try and answer. “You know better than to stay with someone without at least letting us know first! What were you thinking! Look at you, a mess. Your shirt is stained- I actually don’t even remember you owning such a cheap shirt! God, Steven, look at your hair!”

Steve looked down at his shirt noticing it was Bucky’s and there were car grease stains all over it, he hadn’t noticed it last night, but he was probably too drunk to care. He tried to smooth out his hair, and he tuned out of his mother’s lecture as he begun to think about Bucky and their date and what their second date might be like. He hoped it was just as fun with more kissing. He hoped- “Steve! Are you listening?”

“Yes, ma’am,” He mumbled.  
“Then repeat what I just said.”

Steve stuttered and tried to find something his mother would’ve said, but he failed and his mother tsked as she folded her arms looking at her husband. “What are we supposed to do with him? Not showing up for curfew, not communicating with us, and now not listening?!” She looked back at Steve, and he wished she’d just tell him his punishment, so he could go nurse his headache.

“I don’t know, dear,” His father sighed.  
“Steven,” She grumbled. “You’re grounded until further notice. Go to your room.”

Steve nodded and trudged up to his room where he shut his door and lay down rubbing his head. It was pounding, and now he was worried about trying to let Bucky know that he was grounded until further notice. It could be months until he sees Bucky again, and he knew Bucky wouldn’t wait on him. He needed to get to Bucky some how, so he snuck out and got to the phone. He called Peter; maybe he’ll be able to get the message to Bucky.

“Hello? Mr. Strange? Is Peter home? I really need to talk to him.”

Stephen yelled for Peter and Steve could hear Stephen groaning from the other line. 

“Yel-low?”  
“Pete, thank God! I-”  
“Heyyy Stevie! Haven’t seen ya! How’d your talk with Bucky go?”  
“Yeah fine, we went on a date, and I slept over-”  
“Slept over? Damn Steve you move quick, huh? Once you know you know-”  
“Let me finish! I slept over but didn’t tell my parents-”  
“Obviously.”  
“Peter!”  
“Sorry, go on.”  
“I didn’t tell them so now I’m grounded until further notice, which means if I leave this house it won’t be to hang out with Bucky.”

“So, you called me because?”  
“I called you, so you could tell him you half-wit!” Steve sighed but heard his father quickly coming up the stairs. “Just do it, please! I’ll see you around!”

He ran back to his room and threw himself on his bed and picked up a random magazine to pretend to be reading. A light knock on his door made him look up from his pretend reading as his father entered his room. “How are you?” His father asked. Steve just stared at him. “I know, stupid question. Your mother only wants what’s best for you, and you gave us quite the scare.”

“I’m an adult; if I decide to stay out all night then it shouldn’t be a problem.”

His father sighed and sat down on the bed, so Steve sat up staring at his father. “Steve, we know what’s best for you. You’re still young, and you don’t know what’s best for you right now. We’re just trying to help you skip the part where you screw up and make mistakes and waste time.” Steve nodded and looked over at his window, he had a perfect view of the cemetery, and he smiled because it would be so easy just to sneak out and go see Bucky.

“You’re right. But grounding me until further notice? I made one mistake!” Steve pleaded, and his father’s face softened as he nodded.

“I’ll talk to her, maybe lessen your sentence in house arrest, or at least maybe let you get out of the house to go out with Peggy sometime soon?” His father smirked. “Don’t think the bruise on your neck went unnoticed,” he winked, and Steve coughed awkwardly and nodded.

His father reached up and messed up Steve’s hair, and then he left the room leaving Steve alone with nothing but his thoughts. He started to think about how bland his room seemed in comparison to Bucky’s. He didn’t have pictures on the walls, and he didn’t have posters of hot band members. He had maybe one set of pictures that he kept on his nightstand of him and Peggy from the time they saw a photo booth and decided to step in and take some photos. Things are different now, and he didn’t feel like his room was his. It’s too bland.

He grabbed his sketch book and went to his desk to start sketching something. He wasn’t sure what it would be, but if he was going to be under house arrest with his mother constantly checking on him he might as well practice his drawing.

***

Bucky sat in a booth nodding his head to the music, as his friends talked and laughed around him, he sipped his beer and traced circles into the wooden table. “Oh!” Peter shouted his hands accidentally slamming down on the table.

“Relax,” Loki rolled his eyes and Clint laughed shaking his head.

“Bucky, I have a message from your boy toy,” Peter said, and Bucky just looked at him. 

“Steve said he’s grounded and doesn’t know when he’ll be able to see you.”  
Bucky scoffed. “Grounded? He’s nearly twenty!”

“You’ve never met his parents. They’re crazy strict with him,” Peter shrugged and then rested his head on Loki’s shoulder. “Thankfully my dads aren’t like that.”

“You have rules, Peter. You just don’t follow them,” Loki grinned at his boyfriend who just rolled his eyes and decided to pick a different topic. Bucky on the other hand kept thinking about Steve and how he was in trouble with his parents because he had him sleep over, but he never thought that he’d get in trouble with his parents.

“Peter,” Bucky interrupted Clint’s story about work, and Bucky looked at him apologetically. “Do you think you’ll be allowed to see Steve tomorrow?”

“Probably. I think my Dad is meeting with Mr. Rogers something about his campaign.”

“Okay, uhm,” Bucky grabbed the pen that was left on the table by the waitress and grabbed a napkin and begun writing a note.

Hey, băiat drăguț  
I want to see you soon, so if possible go to the diner on Fifteenth Street  
Little Lucky next Friday at noon. xx

He folded it a couple of times and then handed it to Peter, but Peter just opened it and begun reading. “Peter!” Bucky huffed.

“What’s that? Hey- what?”

“It’s Romanian, so none of your business! Please just give that to him.”

“Wait! I know a little bit of Romanian!” Nat snatched the napkin and Bucky groaned and covered his face as Nat analyzed the note. “Well băiat means pretty or handsome, and drăguț is basically boy or fellow.”

Bucky peaked out and begun nodding his head waiting for her to piece it together. “So, what’d you call him? Handsome boy? Beautiful fella? Or Pretty boy?”

Bucky’s face went red at the last one so Loki started laughing. “Pretty boy? How cheesy!”

“Look at the X’s! Stand for kisses? What a sap!” Clint laughed reaching around Nat to shove Bucky.

“Peter?” Bucky sighed, and Peter nodded and took the napkin folding it up and putting it in his pocket. With that Bucky reached over grabbing the cigarette from Loki’s hand and took a drag while winking at him and Loki only made an annoyed face while lighting up another cigarette.

Bucky let the cigarette hang from his mouth, and he smirked at the table as he pulled a deck of cards out of his pocket. “So? You socs bring your money?” he asked looking at them, and Peter smiled and nodded while Loki was already digging in his pocket to grab his wallet. “I say we start up a game of poker, I’ll shuffle.”

***

Steve walked to the kitchen where his mother was, she looked the same as she always did, but she was still every ounce of intimidating. He approached her with caution knowing very well that it probably wasn’t going to go his way. “Mother?” he asked quietly. “Peggy would like to have lunch with me, is it alright if I go?”

His mother stood in front of him, her stare hard and her eyes squinting as if she was trying to find a lie in the sentence, but he wasn’t technically lying. He was going to go to lunch with Peggy, but he was the one to call and ask her and the only reason he did that was because he knew he’d see Bucky.

It had been about a week since he had seen him, and he really wanted to see him even if it was for a brief time. As cheesy as it sounded he did miss the boy. His mother stared at him for a second longer before sighing and nodding. “Your punishment isn’t over, mind you! After this I expect you to explain to her that you’re not to see her. Understand me?”  
“Yes ma’am, thank you!” He smiled and ran upstairs to get ready.

After getting ready he left the house making sure to tell at least one parent that he was leaving, and he began to walk toward Peggy’s house. Excitement was building and he began to get excited, how pathetic it was to actually get excited over seeing a single person.

It didn’t take him long to get to Peggy’s house, and it didn’t take him too long to actually get to the small diner that Bucky mentioned. “This place has Greaser written all over it,” Peggy whispered over her menu.

“Just because it isn’t high class doesn’t mean it’s greaser.”

Peggy rolled her eyes and looked over her menu while Steve; on the other hand, was more concerned with watching the door way to see when Bucky entered. It wasn’t long. 

He entered with a cigarette laid behind his ear, and his hair messy like he forgot to put grease in it. He looked good. Steve tried to subtly check him out as he stood there with what seemed like an angelic glow, but he knew he wasn’t an angel. Not with his ripped jeans and leather jacket, and his sinful smirk that he wore nearly all the time. All Steve’s staring didn’t go unnoticed by Bucky, he caught Steve’s eye and very noticeably did a once over of him and then just to add the cherry he winked and walked to the table his friends led him to.

These friends he didn’t recognize, they were two guys and two girls, and the guys and girls were obviously a couple. “What in the hell are you staring at?” Peggy huffed following Steve’s eye line. “Barnes? Again? Is he just going to show up at all of our dates now?”

Steve tilted his head and stared at her and heaved a sigh. “I can’t help where he works, or where he hangs out. Don’t let him ruin our time.”

“His presence isn’t ruining our time.” She sighed. “It’s the fact that my boyfriend can’t seem to keep his damn eyes off him,” She said quietly, and Steve decided to pretend not to hear and just look over his menu. A waiter, with warm honey like eyes, and olive skin stretching over his muscular body, came to take their order. He smiled revealing dimples in his cheeks, and perfect white teeth. Steve didn’t realize he was staring until Peggy kicked his leg and he looked at her to see a deep frown on her red painted lips.

“Do you know what you’d like to order?” He asked his voice alone sending blood rushing to Steve’s cheeks.

“I do,” Peggy cleared her throat drawing attention on her. “I’d like a cup of tea a spoonful of sugar and a drop of lemon, but no milk. I’d like to have your in-season spring salad with grilled chicken.”

He nodded and smiled and then he looked at Steve, but when he looked at him he licked his lips and subtly checked Steve out. It was funny how once Steve started accepting the possibility of liking the same gender, he noticed more people like him, and more people hiding and pretending to be what society wanted just the same as he. Steve cleared his throat and smiled at his menu. “I’d like your special today with a glass of water.”

The waiter smiled and before he left he “accidentally” brushed his arm against Steve’s shoulder. Steve glanced at Bucky to see him already staring at him, with a look that can only be described as anger, and Steve raised an eyebrow. Bucky only shook his head and turned around engaging conversation with one of the guys at the table.

“Should I wear the blue dress to your parents’ party?” Peggy asked, her tone grabbing Steve’s attention. She was talking about his father’s campaign party, a party in which he’ll invite over a two hundred big time people who have a hand in government in some way and anyone rich enough to know anything about politics to their house. An evening full of classical music, catered meals such as lobster and the finest steaks, and people talking about what they think is important and not giving a thought to how it’ll affect minorities and those below working class.

“If you want,” Steve shrugged.

“Well, I’d like to match with your tie,” She said as she reached across the table taking his hand.

“I’ll wear a blue tie then,” He sighed as he glanced over to Bucky again. He saw the same waiter, laughing and touching Bucky’s arm and shoulder, he saw the way Bucky smirked after he said something, and then the waiter blushing as he looked away and gently slapped Bucky’s arm. Steve felt something uneasy settle in his stomach, and when the waiter left Bucky was still smiling until he looked at Steve. He gave a little shrug and turned back to his friends.

“Are you even listening?” Peggy huffed, and Steve nodded even though he didn’t realize she was still talking. “This party his going to be amazing, don’t you think?” Steve nodded again not bothering to make eye contact with her.

“I’m sorry,” Steve said suddenly. “I know I’ve been terrible lately.” Peggy’s face softened, and she tilted her head as she looked at him. So, he leaned over the table and cupped her face and kissed her. He pretended it was the same, pretended that he liked it, and pretended that he wasn’t thinking about Bucky’s lips while kissing her. It was short and sweet as Peggy wasn’t fond of PDA, but it was okay as far as kisses go. Steve looked over at Bucky to see him pursing his lips and a small glare set on him, and then he looked toward the bathroom and then back at Steve and Steve gave the littlest nod.

“Excuse me,” Steve said and smiled at Peggy who nodded. He went to the bathroom and waited leaning up against the wall staring at the door. Minutes later the door opened revealing Bucky, and he shut the door locking it and leaned against it.  
“Why’d’ja’ kiss her?”  
Steve rolled his eyes. “She’s my girlfriend, Bucky. Kissing is obligated.”

Bucky tilted his head back and clenched his jaw. “Peggy Carter hates PDA everyone knows that.” Steve pursed his lips and nodded, and he matched Bucky’s stare. “And what? Flirting with the waiter? Her secret kink? Getting off to her boyfriend flirting with the strange men.”

“I wasn’t the one flirting with him, I didn’t smirk at him or make him laugh, and he certainly wasn’t blushing around me.”

“You jealous, babe?” Bucky asked with an all-too cocky look upon his face and on Steve’s silence he mock pouted and then laughed. “Want me to be all yours? All ya got to do is ask.”

Steve looked down at his feet and bit the inside of his cheek. “I want you to myself,” He whispered and still didn’t look at him, but he could feel Bucky’s satisfied smile.

“I’m sorry,” Bucky tsked. “One more time? Louder?”

Steve pushed himself off the wall, and damn near stomped up to Bucky. He pinned him against the wall and leaned closer just so his lips were centimeters from his ear. “I want you,” he whispered slowly. “All of you,” He whispered even slower. “To myself.”

Bucky tilted his head, so he could look at Steve then leaned up as best as he could from his pinned state. He whispered, “Then it’s done pretty boy.”

Steve stepped back freeing Bucky, and he didn’t waste time as he grabbed Steve’s face and kissed him hard, and he kissed him long. He relished the feeling of Steve’s fingers in his hair lightly pulling themselves free from the tangles, and as he pulled away he made sure to sink his teeth into his bottom lip pulling it away only to let it go. “Take that back to your girlfriend.”

“I’m grounded until my parents say I’m not, but I’ve been well behaved so maybe I can get out early.”

Bucky nodded. “You know where I’ll be.” Steve nodded. “Now, I’ve got a Cherry milkshake calling my name.” With that Bucky left, leaving Steve in a state of shock along with other feelings he didn’t understand, nor could he describe.


	5. Further Down the Rabbit Hole...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve and Bucky have another sleep over ;)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HELLO! *waves*
> 
> Sooooooo I start my senior year Thursday! *Awkward smile* Yep, the very year that my entire life has been leading up to, the last year of hell, and it's the home stretch now! *Tired laughter* I am just so so so excited to be going back to class! *Sarcasm* I mean who wouldn't be excited for the five college (university for you lads and lasses and non binary pals that happen to use that) level classes?!? I am just thrilled about seeing my egotistical, self absorbed, self entitled, conceited, bastard teachers! *fake smile* 
> 
> "Why are you telling us this?"
> 
> I'm glad you asked! So, I'm telling you this because it's going mess with this story a little bit! My life is about to get a lot more hectic than I would like, I'm a part of the music and theater departments, and since I'm a senior I'll be depended on to help out the underclassmen with learning the ropes. I'll also just be a bigger part of the departments now that I'm top of the totem pole. *tries to flip hair sassily* *Fails and pokes my eye instead* Ahem, uh anygays! On the weekends, that's the only chance I get to relax and mentally relax after dealing with assholes and idiots and snakes. I also sleep a lot during the school year (Not to be one of /those/ teens. It's just hard getting up at 5 a.m- and you know the daily anxiety and crippling depression really tire me out seriously I'm medicated that also makes me really tired) I also really love sleep. I don't want to start putting out half assed chapters now, and especially when I'm putting out chapters that I'm actually proud of. Please be patient with me because I need time to write these chapters and send them to my editor aka Ladywinchester_7 (Btw she has a pretty sick story of her own about Bane and an original character so go give her some love) to edit my stories. 
> 
> "How long are we talking about between updates?" 
> 
> I'm glad you asked lovely voice in my head! I don't want to stray too far from my current schedule, so the goal is to post a new chapter once every few weeks which gives me about two to three weeks to write a decent chapter and have it edited. 
> 
> NOW RECAP IMPORTANT: for all of you who skipped past this note (Yeah that's right I see you motherfuckers. I'm not mad. Just disappointed) Staring school + less time to write = less frequent updates :)
> 
> If you read ALL of this. I love you! You the MVR (most valuable reader) 
> 
> ENJOY THE CHAPTER!!!
> 
> P.S. Even if you skipped all that.....I still love you because I'm a big softy 
> 
> P.S.S. IT'S THE DORK KING'S BIRTHDAY (Sebastian Stan for you uneducated people) (Kidding I still love you) He's 36........and this makes me realize that I'm 18 and should not love this grown ass man as much as I do. 
> 
> OKAY FR ENJOY THE CHAPTER !!!!!!!111111!!!

Addicted  
Chapter 5

Steve sat across from Peggy, they had already ordered their dinner and their wine, and the date was going well. Sure, Steve and Bucky were sharing flirty looks while Bucky was waiting tables, but Peggy seemed to not notice. “Do you hang out with Peter still?” The question caught Steve off guard, but he nodded and added a small shrug.

“You know he’s a fairy right?” Peggy asked and Steve raised an eyebrow. “Like, you see that boy next to the blonde handsome man?” Steve looked over to see two girls sitting across from Loki and their brother, Loki looked annoyed and bored, and Steve felt sorry for them since they had a boyfriend and were still in the closet. 

“Yeah I see him.”  
“He’s dating Parker.”

“And what does that have to do with you? Or me?” Steve asked as he pushed his empty plate away and sipped his wine. “As far as I’m concerned he’s still the same person, Peggy.”

The kitchen door swung open, and Steve looked back to see Bucky holding open the door and an older man getting in his face. Steve wasn’t close enough to hear but it was evident that he was getting yelled at. Then he pushed Bucky a little, and Bucky looked down, his jaw clenched and went to the table next to Steve. 

“This isn’t what I ordered,” the man at the table said while his wife looked away, Steve knew he should pay attention to Peggy, but he was suddenly very worried about Bucky and pissed at everyone yelling at him. “The steak is fucking bloody, and this special offer wine? Disgusting.”

“I’m sorry, sir.” Bucky apologized. “I can get ya’ something else-”

The man stood and very dramatically threw his napkin on the table and took his wife’s hand. “We’ll come back when they hire better service.” Bucky nodded and looked to the ground. Steve could see his clenched fists, and he watched as Bucky sighed and began clearing the table. His hands were shaking, and Steve wanted to reach out and take his hand to calm him down. He looked furious. 

“There you go again,” he heard Peggy huff. Steve looked at her with his brows furrowed and she stared at him and he followed her eyes as she dragged them to Bucky. Bucky didn’t even notice as he quickly tried to clear the plates that have half eaten food. His hands still shaking and his face flushed, he grabbed them and turned around to take them to the kitchen when he bumped into another waiter dropping the plates and making them shatter upon impact. 

“Watch where you’re going Barnes,” The other waiter snarled. Bucky sighed and bent down to pick the pieces. While picking up the first piece, he yelped in surprise after it sliced his palm. Bruce quickly walked toward Bucky, and then crouched down handing Bucky a napkin. “Take a break, Bucky.”

Bucky nodded and walked straight out of the building. Steve didn’t even have to think about it before getting up without excusing himself and chased after Bucky. Something was clearly up with him, usually he’s charming and people love him, but tonight he seemed off. 

Bucky was sitting outside against a brick wall, a cigarette dangled from his lips while he nursed his hand, so Steve sat down next to him. “Aren’t ya’ on a date?” Bucky asked without looking at Steve. Steve nodded and gently took his injured hand, and carefully looked at it trying to see how deep it was. “I’m sure Peggy just loves this.”

“I don’t care what she loves,” Steve sighed. “I saw what was happening and I wanted to make sure you were ok.”

Bucky put the cigarette back in his mouth and then took a drag making sure to blow the smoke away from them. “What’re ya gonna tell her?”

“That my friend needed me.”  
“She doesn’t like me.” Steve looked at him and Bucky shrugged. 

“You won’t need stitches,” Steve said, and grinned at the boy whom he had grown so fond of in the last few weeks. “Now, you want to tell me what’s going on with you?”

“Just a bad night,” Bucky said, and then threw his cigarette on to the ground. “Some family things, and everyone’s being a dick.”

Steve nodded. “I’m sorry.”  
“You better get back in there, and my break is almost over.”

Bucky and Steve stood up and Bucky looked around before he quickly pecked Steve’s cheek. “Behave! We want your punishment to end soon. I want to take you out again.”

Steve nodded with a smile playing on his lips, but he waited a few more minutes before going back to his girlfriend. She was at the table, the plates cleared and just two glasses of wine. She sat, composed, staring at herself in the little compact mirror as she continued to re-apply her red lipstick. “Sorry-”

“Save it, Steve.” She said, shutting the mirror and putting it back in her purse. She crossed her arms and then crossed her legs; and Steve shifted under her frown and harsh stare. “Archie was right,” she laughed dryly. “I should’ve known, you were never like the other guys I’ve dated, but I just thought that maybe I found a good guy that wanted to get to know me before we took it all the way.” Her angry façade faded, and she looked like how any girl would look after finding out their boyfriend had been cheating on them. 

“Peggy, what are you on about? I’m dating you!”

“Yes,” she swallowed over the thump in her throat. “But you aren’t. You don’t want to. I’m not an idiot, I had the feeling you were stepping out on me for a while now, but I wrote it off because I thought you were a good guy.”

Steve felt his stomach flip, and his palms grew sweaty as he shook his head rapidly as she talked. “I’m not gay,” He snapped leaning closer to her over the table. 

“I don’t care if you are Steve, it’s none of my business who you sleep with on the side, but let me make this crystal clear. You dump me, you dump your friends, you ruin your father’s vote support; and I’ll make sure to ruin your family’s status. We are meant to be together, we are meant to grow up and get married, and you won’t take that from me.”

Steve looked around the restaurant and Peggy continued. “You can sleep with whoever you want, but you’re not ruining me, so you can be a fairy.”

Steve nodded and looked away from Peggy. It wasn’t a horrible idea he knew that, and he could have the best of both worlds. Still be respected as a doctor, but also be with someone he really cared about. “Okay,” He nodded. “I won’t leave you.”

Peggy smiled a tight smile, and she sipped her wine while she stared at Steve. He looked over at Loki’s table to see them still looking insanely bored with their date. “Let’s go, I promised Elizabeth I’d go shopping with her tomorrow morning.” 

Steve nodded and stood up making sure to push his chair in. “I just have to do one more thing.”

He walked over to Loki’s table, and cleared his throat catching the attention of the table. 

“I’m sorry to interrupt, but Loki I really need your help with something. I’m afraid it will end this date.”  
“Can you not do it on your own?”  
“Thor-”  
“Can you not speak like you’re from this day in age?” Steve asked, and Loki snickered. 

“I’m sure these ladies will be more than happy to earn your attention for the night,” Loki said and Thor visibly tensed. 

“Brother-”  
“Thor please,” Loki said. “Don’t cause a scene.”

Thor nodded and Loki got up and followed Peggy and him outside. “Uh, What’d you need help with?” He asked as he looked at Peggy and then back at Steve. 

“She knows,” Steve said burying his hands in his pockets. “About me and Bucky; and you and Peter.”  
“And I thought my dinner was awkward,” Loki cringed. 

Peggy rolled her eyes and crossed her arms as she stared at Loki, judgment filling her eyes, but she didn’t say anything. “Anyway, I don’t need your help with anything; you just looked bored to death.”

Loki smiled. “Thank you. Can you stop by Peter’s and maybe get him to come downstairs? Tell him I’m putting Goliath vs. David in action.”

Steve nodded and put on a confused smile, and Loki walked toward the side where the Cricket entrance was, and Steve walked Peggy home. Their conversation awkward and not frequent. He kissed her cheek and waved at her father when he appeared to take her inside, and then he walked over to Peter’s house, which happened to be on his way home. 

He knocked on the door to reveal a disheveled Tony Stark, who looked bored upon seeing Steve; and though Steve was taller and probably stronger than Tony, he still felt intimidated. “I need to talk to Peter.”

“Aren’t you grounded?”

“Yes, sir.” Steve nodded. “I actually have to get home, but I need to talk to Peter first.”  
Tony stepped aside allowing Steve to step in, then Tony disappeared up the stairs to get Peter. 

Stephen appeared from another room, with a glass of golden liquid and ice in it. “Peter mentioned you were grounded.”

“Yes, sir. I just needed to speak with him on private matter.” Stephen took sip of his drink and nodded. 

“He mentioned that you are seeing Bucky? That’s why you’re grounded?” Steve nodded again. “You missed curfew? Is that correct?” Steve nodded again. Stephen sat down in a recliner, and he smiled over his cup. “If you ever find yourself in a situation like that again, have your parents call us- me or Tony, and we will cover for you.”

“Cover for me?”

“I remember being your age, being gay wasn’t a thing, and if I found a boy who felt the same then I’d jump at the chance. Back then it was just or even more dangerous, and I wished I had someone cover for me,” Stephen said, and Steve nodded again and looked away from him suddenly bashful. Stephen Strange was intimidating as is, and for him to be so open and kind it threw Steve off.   
“Thank you, sir.”

Peter walked in. “Are you scaring my friend again? We’ve talked about this-”  
“Be nice,” Tony sighed.   
“Can we talk outside?” Steve suggested.

Peter ushered Steve outside. “What’s the deal? You’re going to be late getting home, and Nat and I are getting’ real sick of Bucky complain’.”

“I’ll be home in time, but I saw Loki today. He wants to meet you at Cricket, and he said it’s urgent? Something about Goliath vs. David in action?”

“That son of a-” Peter shook his head. “Alright get home. I’ll go see him.”

“And just make sure Bucky is OK,” Steve mumbled. “He wasn’t too happy today.” Peter nodded, and Steve descended the porch step and headed home. He made it home with time to spare, but when he entered his home he felt as if he were in trouble. His mother and father sat at the dining table which was the first room anyone could see from the door. “Everything okay?”

His mother looked up, a deep frown set on her lips. “We’re lifting your punishment. We feel as if you’ve learned your lesson, but still we expect you to call if you’re going to be late or not show at all. The next time there will be stricter punishment.”

“There won’t be a next time,” He said. 

“Good, now, tonight go to the Stark’s; your father and I will be very busy tomorrow and we don’t need you to be a distraction. We have very important people coming over, so I want you out of the house most of the day.”

Steve nodded, and went to his room to quickly pack a duffle bag with his mind swirling with the idea that he could possibly spend the night with Bucky again. Within an hour he was out of his house and was walking through the cemetery to get on the Greaser side of town. Cricket wasn’t that far away, and he could practically hear the bumping music and he was excited to tell Bucky the news. 

***

Steve approached the bar and went to the entrance that so few knew about. Smiling, he opened the door and quickly went down the stairs; opening the door at the bottom. The music was louder due to open mic night, and a live band was playing. He walked over to the bar and set his bag on a stool, and he immediately saw Bucky clearing off a table. He had changed out of his work uniform for his bartending look. He now wore a black long sleeved shirt with the sleeves rolled up to his elbows, faded jeans that had holes by the knees, and a pair of Chuck Taylor high tops; his dog tags were resting on his chest.   
Steve sat on a stool next to his bag and watched as Bucky came back to the bar and threw the empty bottles away. He grabbed a new one, popped the lid, and sat it in front of another customer. Steve smiled in admiration watching Bucky work, and then he walked over to Bucky, while he was pouring out drinks. Bucky seemed like he was on autopilot, but at least he looked happier. 

“Bucky!” someone called from a table toward the right. “In a minute Wanda!” 

Steve looked back at the table to see Wanda and another girl sitting there looking very in love.

“Sorry for the wa-”

Steve couldn’t wait any longer; he leaned over the bar and grabbed Bucky’s face, since he was looking down, and kissed him; but Bucky immediately pulled away. 

“Whoa, whoa, whoa! I’ve got a boyfriend, pal!” Once Bucky realized it was Steve, his cheeks flushed with embarrassment. “What are ya’ doin’ here?” He asked, laughing out of shock. “You’re going to make your punishment longer!”

“I’m out of house arrest!” Steve smiled brightly. “Can we go back to what you said? Boyfriend?”

“Yeah,” Bucky mumbled. 

“Did you mean me?” Steve asked, and Bucky sighed, tilting his head, trying to fight the smile spreading across his perfect lips. 

“I was waiting to ask,” Bucky said. “We ain’t gone on more than one date, and I wanted to be more romantic rather then just yellin’ it at you.”

Steve smiled leaning across the bar again, and Bucky stared at him for a moment. “Can I kiss you?” He asked, Steve nodded, and Bucky connected their lips. 

“Excuse me!” Bucky pulled away and looked over at a new customer.   
“Sorry. What can I get ya?”

“Whatever he’s having,” she smirked. Bucky looked over at Steve, whose smile was confused but Bucky knew this customer.

“Well what he’s having ain’t on the menu, sweetheart.” He grabbed a beer and popped the cap off the bar. “And flirtin’ won’t get ya’ free drinks for you and ya’ girlfriend, Laurel.” He set another open beer down and she smiled and took them back to her table. 

The same table Wanda was sat at.  
“Is that Wanda’s girlfriend?” Steve asked.   
“Yep,” Bucky frowned. “She’s nice when you’re not the one that’s fuckin’ her.”

Steve sighed, and Bucky shook his head. “I’m not gonna be off until after your curfew.”

“It’s okay. My parents think I’m at Peter’s.”

Bucky raised a brow and smiled at Steve. “How about we have another sleep over then?” 

Steve nodded, and Bucky continued serving customers while occasionally smiling at his boyfriend. It was like he was still on autopilot, but in a way better mood than before. 

Then Steve noticed Peter stomping up to the bar, dragging Loki behind him. “Oh, thank God! Steve! A rational human being, can you please tell my dumbass boyfriend that his plan is stupid?”

Steve furrowed his brows. “What plan?”

“I just want my brother to be happy,” Loki shrugged. “If he had a real girlfriend he would be happy.”

“That doesn’t sound so bad,” Steve shrugged. 

“Because he left out the part where he invited Thor here, and is going to pay a man to go to and cop a feel on Val!”

Steve made a face at Loki. “Val can hold her own, and besides my brother has this obnoxious hero complex and will want to save her.”

“Sounds like Loki is set on this plan,” Steve mumbled. Peter frowned. “If it makes you feel better Peter, I’ll stand by incase things go south.”

Peter rolled his eyes while Bucky laughed with a customer. Steve watched fondly as the couple next to him argued. “Loki! We don’t even know if Thor is going to be okay with us! Or okay with all of us- Steve and Bucky, Bruce and Angel, or my dad and pops!”

“Babe, you’re worrying too much. I’ve got all this covered, and I know my brother! He just wants people to be happy.”

Suddenly the door flew open, revealing a tall muscular man. His hair was pulled back into a small bun; and he looked around, shocked by the sight of same gendered people kissing, among other things. Bucky rushed over behind Steve, leaning over the bar. 

“What the fuck is he doing here?”  
“Loki has a plan. Big coming out?” Steve whispered.   
“What can I get ya, sir?” Bucky asked a smug look on his face. 

“Uh, nothing. Loki? What is this place?”

“It’s an underground gay bar, brother. I come here with my boyfriend,” Loki said smugly, and Peter turned to Steve with a mortified look. Bucky made a face that could only be the expression of “yikes” and went further down the bar to serve another man.

“B-boyfriend? As in you like boys?”

“Yes, Thor. I like anybody regardless of their gender identity, this is me, and if you don’t accept me then that’s okay. I can stay at Peter’s.”

Thor sat down on a bar stool staring at his brother and Peter, who was internally freaking out, which caused Bucky to laugh. “Brother, I know. I knew that you were different, and that’s okay. I love you no matter on whom you choose to date; and I think Peter is a nice man for you.”

Steve smiled as Thor pulled Loki into a big bear hug and Loki stiffened, but hugged him back. 

Now it was onto plan B, which was to get Thor a girlfriend; and when Loki let go he looked down the bar catching the eyes of a known man who was bisexual. He nodded to the man, and Bucky went around the bar clearing off more tables of beer bottles. The man walked to the table where Val sat, with Nat and Clint, and started talking to her. 

While talking, he reached around her shoulders, and Steve had to look away as he attempted to grope her. Val caught on quick and grabbed his hand and twisted it around his back pushing him out of the booth. At the commotion, Thor was already standing up and walking over. “You’re a fuckin’ pig! Do I look easy to you?” She snarled while still twisting his arm around his back and kneeling down on one knee to further push him down. 

“Alright, Val! I think he learned his lesson!” Bucky hollered, and she looked up only to see Thor standing above her, and she smiled up at him. 

“What?” She asked and stood up letting the guy go. “What big boy? Wanna try to defend your buddy? Wanna cop a feel? I got news for you fella, I can break your arm in three separate areas, and I swear to God if you even try-”

“I was going to help you, but you can obviously handle yourself. I must say I’m impressed.” The man stumbled over to Loki, who paid him, smirking at Val’s glare and then nodded to his brother as if telling her to give him a shot. Val sighed and looked back up at Thor.

“Some good you are. You just stood there like a giant oaf!”  
Thor frowned and looked back at the bar. “Can I buy you a drink?”   
“Now we’re talking.”

Bucky was leaning on the bar near Steve, the two obviously flirting by the way Bucky smirked and Steve’s pink tinted cheeks. Thor looked around him and saw how happy everyone was, he saw his brother smiling at his boyfriend, and that’s all he ever wanted everyone to be happy; especially his brother.

***

Bucky propped himself up, his chin resting against the palm of his hand. Steve pouted at him and pushed a tuff of his hair back off his forehead. He smiled tiredly at Steve; his other hand gently playing with the fingers on Steve’s other hand. Thor and Val were still drinking and laughing their asses off at one of Thor’s stories. Loki and Peter were making out in a booth in the corner, while Nat and Clint were playing pool and laughing as they beat each other’s asses at the game. 

It was late, and the bar was nearly empty as Bruce walked toward Bucky. “I’ve got to get home,” Bruce said. “Bucky, will you lock up?” Bucky nodded and when Bruce left he hopped over the bar and sat in a stool next to Steve. “Alright guys, I’ve got the keys!” Bucky said. 

Clint smiled, and he and Loki moved a table into the middle of the bar and put chairs around it. 

“Who’s got the stuff?” Peter asked. 

“I do,” Nat said. Steve looked at Bucky who only grinned, pulling Steve to the circle, and sat down next to him. Thor looked confused, but he sat down next to Val. “Okay, so we’re all here, and as usual what happens in the circle stays in the circle.” Nat explained.

Bucky leaned over to Steve and whispered, “We’re smoking weed, but you don’t have to if you don’t want to.” He patted Steve’s thigh and moved his arm back to rest against the back of Steve’s chair. Nat was the first to take a hit, and then passed it to her boyfriend. It went like that until it came to Steve, and he took it while Bucky watched. “You don’t have to inhale on your first go,” Bucky said. Steve nodded and put it up to his lips and took a drag. He coughed right after and passed it to Bucky. Bucky was more of a professional at sucking in, and passed it to Loki, and then let out the smoke shaking his head. They did this for a little while, letting the effects of the drug do its work, and eventually they were all high but kept taking hits. 

Steve loved seeing Bucky like this, relaxed and carefree, and he smiled at him. Bucky looked up and grinned at Steve. “I wanna try somethin’,” he said as he took the blunt from Steve and put it in his own mouth. He inhaled, and with his index finger brought Steve closer to him, and he looked at Bucky and then back at Peter. “Steve just do what Loki and I did before! Inhale the smoke he blows toward your mouth.”  
Steve nodded, and Bucky skillfully blew the smoke directly at Steve’s lips. He inhaled it, and blew it back out. Bucky cupped Steve jaw and kissed him, and Steve kissed back with just as much intensity. “A’ight! Get a room!” Nat laughed as she passed the blunt. 

Steve and Bucky pulled away with smiles and swollen lips.

“Wait, Rogers,” Thor sat up looking at the two boys, and furrowed his brows. “Don’t you have a girlfriend?”

“I do,” Steve nodded. “And a boyfriend.”  
Bucky leaned back in his chair with a smug look, and Steve looked over and bit his lip. 

“So, Peggy is just a cover?”  
“Or I’m just his side piece,” Bucky shrugged. 

“Then what are you?” Thor asked. “Like what is your sexuality?”  
“Gay, I guess. I mean I’ve not been particularly attracted to girls,” Steve shook his head and slouched forward. 

“How do you know?” Thor asked. “I mean, I am not trying to be rude, but Steve, I have known your family for years and met you a handful of times.”

“Well, I’ve known since I was a kid,” Bucky shrugged. He took another drag. “First kiss was a handsome boy when I was ten before I moved.”

“I kissed a girl in the seventh grade, and then kissed a guy when we were all playing truth or dare. My first boyfriend for a year before he moved when I was fourteen.” Peter chimed in. 

“So, you just know?” Thor questioned

Everyone pretty much nodded, and Bucky stood up and yawned. “I’m beat, you ready?” 

He looked down at Steve, and Steve nodded taking his boyfriend’s hand. “A’ight, so I’m too high too care. I’m leaving the keys on the counter, so please lock up when you leave.”

Steve and Bucky left the group, calling out a chorus of goodbyes, and began to walk home. “I’m hungry,” Steve mumbled partly leaning on Bucky, despite being taller than him. Bucky smiled and nodded. 

“There’s a corner store near my complex,” Bucky said. “I don’t have cash though”  
“I do.” Steve replied.

They both stumbled into the corner store, bright lights flickering above them, and there was a lady standing at the register. Bucky went straight to the chip aisle and he smiled at Steve. “Chips are the best,” he mumbled as he picked up a few bags. “Cure for the munchies.”

They didn’t spend a lot of time at the store they only got a few bags of chips, and Steve insisted on jellybeans, so they got a bag of those too. Steve paid and then they left; they didn’t wait to get home before they ripped open the bag of chips. “Good, aren’t they?”

Steve smiled and then stuffed a handful of chips into his mouth practically moaning at how good they were, and during the euphoric state of eating the chips they reached the complex and began stumbling up the stairs. 

The apartment was just as Steve remembered it, small and ratty, but charming just the same. Bucky dropped his keys on the table and picked up the mail looking through it quickly. “Make yourself at home.”

“I’m so tired,” Steve said, and Bucky nodded. “Well lemme get a blanket and a pillow before ya’ lie down, yeah?”

“Or you could just lie with me,” Steve said. “I mean, like you don’t have to sleep on the couch.” Bucky grinned and nodded as he took the unopened chip bags to the kitchen putting them on the counter; then grinned at Steve.

“If you wanted a late-night cuddle all ya’ had to do was ask,” Bucky lazily smirked as he shoved his hand into the open bag of ships and pulled out a handful and leaned against the counter, eating them. 

“A late-night cuddle hm’?” Steve snorted. “What if I don’t want to cuddle? I was just being polite.”

Bucky rolled his eyes and brushed his hands off on his shirt. He grabbed Steve’s hand and led him into his bedroom where Steve then sat his duffle bag on the bed. Bucky was already getting in his dresser finding sweat pants to get comfortable, and once he grabbed his sweat pants he kicked off his shoes. “I’m going to the bathroom to change, you can change in here.” 

After Steve changed he plopped down onto the bed opening the jellybeans. Bucky returned shortly after wearing only his sweats and his dog tags. Steve did a once over and of course Bucky caught him staring and winked. “So, what’s the plan?” Bucky asked taking a small handful of the jellybeans. “’Nother rousin’ game of Truth or Dare?”

Steve settled in next to Bucky, the jellybean bag between them. Bucky reached over turning on the radio, that was on his night stand, come to life. It was a song that was heavy in drums, and the voice raspy and seductive. “The Rolling Stones,” Bucky said, dropping a few jellybeans into his mouth. Steve made a face. “Don’t you dare speak ill of a legend!” 

“I wasn’t going too! They’re alright, just not my cup of tea,” Steve shrugged. 

Bucky scoffed, “Please! Mick Jagger is the greatest man to ever walk this Earth!”  
“Okay, but I think you’re forgetting The Beatles.”  
“The Beatles are good, but Mick Jagger is just,” Bucky whistled. Steve sighed and shook his head. 

“I don’t even remember a radio in here last time I was over,” Steve said as he looked at it. “Pretty nice too, and from the looks of it expensive. So, Mr. Greaser where did you get?”  
“Are you accusing me of stealing?” Bucky gasped in mock offense.   
“You’re the one who said you couldn’t even afford a phone,” Steve smirked. 

Bucky shook his head and lifted his shoulders up in a shrug, he tried to look innocent, but he couldn’t pull it off under Steve’s fond gaze, so he cracked a smile. “A’ight, Loki got it from some soc when he was partying, and it’s not like the guy needed it.”

“Have you stolen things before?” Steve asked. 

“After my Dad died it got rough for my family. My mom suddenly had four mouths to feed, and I was the oldest, so I bagged food here and there. Maybe I stole a doll or something for one of my sisters, a necklace for my mom and something nice for me.”

Bucky looked away and rubbed his eyes and let out a dry laugh. “Nat and I once stole a car, and low and behold it was Strange’s car.”

“And how’d that work out for you?”  
“Sat in a jail cell for twenty-four hours,” Bucky shrugged. “That was his request. Teach us a lesson.”

Steve snorted shaking his head, and Bucky fell silent still eating at the jellybeans. Both of their minds were foggy from their drugged and tired state. At some point Steve had grabbed Bucky’s hand. He played with his fingers and traced the lines in his palm, and Bucky watched him and tried to ignore the tingles in his hand from where Steve touched him. 

Bucky knew he was falling fast, he knew Steve had him wrapped around his little finger, and already he’d do anything to protect this boy. He couldn’t fully understand his feelings, but deep down he knew that they’d be long term. If Steve broke things off now Bucky knew it’d take him months to get over it. He took his hand from Steve’s grasp only to caress his cheek, and Steve looked at him, his lips slightly parted. “Can I kiss you?” Steve nodded and shifted closer to Bucky and kissed him first.

Bucky moved the half-eaten bag of jellybeans to the bedside table, and he moved closer to Steve. They shifted again so Steve was on his back and Bucky was hovering above him, their hands roamed each other’s bodies, Steve’s hand was flat against Bucky’s bare chest and Bucky’s already under Steve’s shirt. “I don’t want to do anything while high,” Bucky whispered against his lips, and Steve only kissed him again with more emotion. 

“C’mon doll, no more than this, okay? Not while you’re all foggy.” Steve mumbled an agreement and continued kissing Bucky. 

Steve knew in this moment that kissing anyone else wouldn’t ever compare to the feeling of kissing Bucky, the fireworks that start at his feet and shoot up through his body, and burst through his entire body allowing a tingling sensation everywhere. Nobody could compare to Bucky even if they tried. For the remainder of the night they both got lost in each other while the radio began to play a classic Elvis Presley song, Can’t Help Falling in Love.


	6. Finding Your Place

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky gets some unsettling news, and Steve earns his spot among the Greaser community.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> update on my senior year: five days in. Nothing is too hard yet. I still wanna d*e :) I'm honestly so tired, and my eye has not stopped twitching for about a month so love that. I'm going to go get some coffee and do homework now. aka a dumbass project on fucking dorian gray- i can only do so much with that poor bastard hes depressing as hell. (also if any of you know how to had gifs on AO3 like if thats possible let me know pls)
> 
> SORRY FOR THE LONG NOTES AH I LOVE YOU ALL even if you don't read my author notes. OK BYE

Addicted

Chapter Six

It was three in the morning when Bucky was jolted awake to the sound of a door slam. He rubbed his eyes as voices became clearer to the point that they were yelling, which prompted Steve to sit up. “What was that?” he asked, and Bucky shrugged getting up and poked his head out his door. “I think everyone is over.”

He stepped out of his room, with Steve following, only to see all his friends and people he knew from around town. In the middle sat his little sister Andrea on the coffee table. Bucky looked back at Steve, and he shook his head rushing to his younger sister. She looked a bit rough, her hair was a mess, she had blood on her clothes and her cheek had a gash. “Fuck! What happened to you?”

“Couple of socs,” She said.

Bucky looked at the other girl next to her. She was only faintly familiar, and he recognized her as a girl that his sister ran around with to parties. She looked bruised and was staring right past Bucky into an abyss of nothingness, so Bucky moved to her. “Are you okay?” She didn’t answer.

“Wade was with us,” Andrea spoke up, and Bucky looked up at Wade who was standing off to the side. He had a busted lip, bruised face, and probably a broken nose. “Someone better get to talkin’” Bucky snarled.

“We were walking home from cricket,” Peter said. “I was gonna stay here because I smell like pot and I didn’t want my dads smelling weed on me. Lo was walking with us so were Val and Thor. That’s when we saw these three.”

“Fuckin’ Archie’ ran me off the road,” Wade cut in. “I banged my head off the wheel, so I was pretty dazed. Two of those damn socs got out of their car and started roughin’ me up, and I tried to start swingin’ on them.” Bucky looked back at Andrea, and she looked back.

“Who else ‘sides Archie.”

“Tuck Williams and Michael Williams,” Wade said. “The fuckwad brothers.”

Bucky nodded, and Steve looked over at Nat who took notice at Steve and shook her head. He had known Archie practically all his life; but he never thought Archie would hurt people like this. “Rea,” Bucky sighed, and he pushed a strand of her hair behind her ear, and then very carefully said something in Romanian.

That’s when she looked away and her eyes began to tear up. “Answer me.” Bucky was clenching his jaw, and she shook her head and looked at the other girl. Bucky turned toward her and took her face into his hands. “Look at me,” He said softly, and her eyes came into focus. “Remember me? Bucky?”

She nodded. “Did they touch you?” Bucky asked it softly, but everyone still heard, and Steve cringed, and looked down.

“It’s okay, Thia. He’s my big brother he’ll hurt them.”

Cynthia nodded, and two fat tear drops rolled over her cheeks. Bucky sighed and looked at her with sympathetic eyes, and she fell forward into his arms while she sobbed into his bare chest. “It’s alright, uh Rea is that all?”

“One copped a feel under my skirt, but I used what I knew and showed him what I could do with my hands. Definitely has a black eye.”

Bucky nodded and gently pulled away from Thia and leaned her toward his sister, and then he got up and looked around. Half of the greaser teens were staring at him, waiting for him to make a decision. “We’re going to take her to the hospital, make sure the fuckers didn’t give her any problems, and then we’ll go to the police-”

“Like that’ll do anything,” Loki snorted. Bucky looked at him, and Peter bowed his head.

“Loki’s right, now my dad is all about equality, but he can’t do shit unless police agree to help. No, old, white, police officer is going to help a girl like her,” Peter mumbled, and a few voices rose in agreement. Bucky looked down at Thia and shook his head.

“That’s bullshit! They won’t help because of her skin?”

“The fact that she’s greaser doesn’t help,” Val said. Thor had his arm around her, he was next to Loki who was sitting on a chair the back against his front, and his arms reaching around it flicking open and close his switchblade. Next to Loki was Peter who had his arms crossed and his brows furrowed as if he was deep in thought. Nat and Clint stood by her bedroom door, his arm around her waist. Wade was pacing around on the same stretch of a few feet. Steve was still lingering by Bucky’s bedroom door.

“Okay, then ideas? Anyone?” He turned to look at a crowd of people. He didn’t know how they all knew about this, or when he became leader of them all.

“Well,” Loki spoke up. “We kill them.”

Peter groaned, “For fucks sake, Lo!”

“What? It’s completely rational! They hurt an underage girl, the cops won’t do jack shit about it, so we take it into our own hands.” Loki flicked open his switchblade and Peter rolled his eyes and whispered. “I swear to God if you don’t put that thing way.”

“It’s completely rational! Eye for an eye type shit!” Wade agreed.

“We aren’t killing anybody!” Bucky huffed.

“Why not!? It’s what the fucking assholes deserve!” Val huffed, and Loki pointed his blade at her while giving Bucky a look to show he agreed with her.

“I agree with them!” A random voice shouted.

“That particular soc has been causing us trouble from the very beginning, and I say we teach him a lesson!” Another voice yelled. Everyone began to yell their opinion and saying what they should do as revenge. Bucky couldn’t hear them all, and then people started arguing so he looked to Steve. Why? He wasn’t sure, but Steve gave him a look then glanced around while he took the few strides to get to Bucky. Bucky wasn’t a leader, he was real tough, but he wasn’t a leader.

Steve looked at his new friends, Loki was arguing with Thor while Peter and Val were arguing, Nat seemed to be signing to Clint and talking more carefully explaining what everyone was arguing about, Thia continued to sob in a near panic attack while Andrea tried to comfort her, and Wade was already making a kill plan. Steve saw everything in slow motion, but he had a plan for now. He whistled using his fingers gathering everyone’s attention.

“Listen up,” he yelled over everyone.

“HEY! The man said pipe the fuck down!” Bucky yelled, everyone stopped talking and turned to listen.

“This is what we’re going to do,” Steve said. “Wade, you need medical attention. I’d put money on that you have a concussion, plus your knuckles need stitching,” he said, and Wade went to argue, but Steve shot him a look. “Unless you want to play fifty-fifty on if you’ll die in your sleep tonight then go to a hospital to check the severity.” Wade sighed but agreed. Steve turned his attention to Thia and Andrea. “Let me see your hand,” Steve mumbled to Andrea and she showed him her hand. “Looks like you just bruised it. Any numbness? Tingling?” She shook her head and he nodded. “Bruised most likely. I wouldn’t worry about it. Now Thia, honey, you’re not going to shower until we’re positive police can’t help us, OK? You can sleep here tonight if that’ll make you feel safer?”

Thia sniffled and nodded. Steve stood back to his full height and looked around the room. “For right now we’re not going to retaliate.” He nodded along with his words, and Bucky stared at him partly in awe watching his boyfriend just hand out orders, and he won’t deny it he was a bit turned on.

“Why should we trust you? Aren’t you a Rogers? Your dad is the biggest bull-shitter I know,” another voice said, and Bucky furrowed his brows and looked toward Steve to see how he was going to take it.

Steve cleared his throat. “Bucky, You trust me?” He asked, and Bucky nodded. “Peter? Loki?” They both nodded. “Val? Clint? Natasha?” they all nodded. “If you want to go against Archie, his friends against yours, and then you do the hard time? Then do it. I’m offering an organized solution so you all aren’t screaming at each other and scaring the two girls who have already been through enough tonight.” Steve said calmly, and the voices shut up and any doubt the others had wiped away.

Bucky had to look away and pretend to scratch his nose to hide his smug and proud smile. He caught Nat’s eye who gave him an impressed look; and he tilted his head at her unable to hide his smug grin. “Archie would out number any of us, he never goes anywhere without a weapon or friends. If we’re going to retaliate we ruin his reputation. At first just let it buzz around that a soc boy assaulted a greaser girl, no names, and leave her race out of it. Build up to talking about it more and don’t let the gossip die out, and then put his name into the mix but continue to leave her out. Peter, talk to Mr. Stark, see if he’s on our side; but we will not kill or harm any of them. It won’t play out in your favor.”

Peter nodded and eventually with a few reluctant people everyone agreed. “Alright, it’s after three in the morning go home and get some sleep. Carry out your day as normal tomorrow.”

Eventually everyone began to file out, and Bucky let out a shocked breath of air. He crouched down where the girls were, and he sighed looking and Thia. “Where’s your brother?”

Thia looked up. “At work.”

“Okay, Rea take her to my room, and stay with her and both of you are welcome to my clothes. Nat can you get a hold of that dickhead?” Bucky asked, and Nat laughed but nodded. The two girls went Bucky’s room, and Clint and Nat bid everyone a goodnight while Steve and Bucky plopped on the couch practically on top of each other.

“It’s cool if I still stay here?” Peter asked, and Bucky waved him off as he laid his head on Steve’s shoulder.  

“Alright, brother. Time for us to go,” Thor said, and Loki nodded giving Peter a quick kiss goodbye. Everyone was gone and the three just sat in the living room staring at each other- well Bucky had his eyes closed, but he was still cautious.

“That was a mess and a half,” Peter said as he sat down in the love seat, and Steve agreed laying his head back on the couch. “I need a blanket.”

“So do I.” Steve agreed. Bucky groaned but pulled himself up to get the extra blankets he had and then threw one at Peter and cover himself and Steve as they made themselves comfortable on the couch. Which was hard to do considering Steve’s broad chest, and long legs.

***

Bucky awoke slowly, he was laying on top of Steve his head under his chin, and Steve’s arms were around his waist with his fingers gently scratching his back. “You up?” Bucky whispered. Steve’s hands paused their scratching.

“Morning.”

Bucky shifted a little using his arms to pull himself up to look at Steve, he looked tired, but still Bucky leaned up and kissed him quickly. “Did you sleep ok?”

“It was a little rough,” Steve said, and gently took his hand and brushed it through Bucky’s hair. “But still better than sleeping alone at home.”

Bucky nodded and pulled a smirk staring at Steve. “You know,” He smirked. “You surprised me last night taking control like that and barking out orders to everyone.”

“And why were you surprised?” Steve asked a mask of offence covering his face.

“Well, you’re shy and quiet-”

“That’s with you, you have no idea how I am when I’m not around an intimidating greaser,” Steve chuckled, and Bucky rolled his eyes.

“Intimidating greaser,” Bucky snorted rolling his eyes again, but still an easy smile played on his lips. “It was kinda hot. Seeing you take charge like that.” Steve grinned his cheeks flushing a deep red.

“Really?” Steve smiled.

“Oh yeah,” He grinned. “Really hot and sexy,” Bucky shifted again and pressed a kiss to Steve’s lips. Steve cupped Bucky’s jaw and pulled him closer and initiated another kiss; this one was more heated. Steve desperately kept trying to pull Bucky closer into him, but Bucky pulled away to sponge kisses down his neck finding a spot to leave a nice little bruise.

“C’mon guys!” Peter yelped. “It’s way too early for this!”

Bucky pulled away to send a glare toward the kid who cheekily smiled from his position on the loveseat. Steve just smiled at Peter and kissed Bucky’s cheek, and Bucky smiled down at Steve giving him a gentle peck.

“Sickening,” Peter mumbled.

Bucky’s bedroom door opened, and Andrea stepped out her hair pulled up in a messy up-do and she was only wearing Bucky’s old T-shirt. Bucky propped up staring at her as she stared at the sight before her. “How is she?”

“She’s still sleeping, and she kept waking up with nightmares,” Andrea looked away wrapping her arms around herself.

“And you?” Peter asked.

“I’m fine. I can handle myself,” She nodded.

“How about I make breakfast then? I’ll make you your favorite,” Bucky smiled. Andrea smiled and nodded, so Bucky sat up and looked at Steve giving him a peck on the forehead and disappeared to the kitchen to make breakfast. Steve sat up so Andrea had a place to sit, and even offered her part of his blanket.

“So, you’re my brother’s new boy toy?” She asked coolly, her eyes were holding all sorts of judgment toward him, but Steve just chuckled and stared back at her. “Seems awfully comfortable and more than friends, but my bother doesn’t _date_ boys- especially soc boys.” She emphasized the word date as if to hint that Bucky only fucks around.

“Relax Rea,” Peter laughed. “He’s like me.”

“I’m your brother’s boyfriend,” Steve said, and she looked at him pursing her lips. “Yes, I’m a soc, but that has nothing to do with me and your brother.”

Peter snorted, and Andrea continued to stare at him. “You’re dating Peggy Carter,” Andrea said. “I’m protective of my family, and Bucky has been through a lot of shit since our dad kicked the bucket. He doesn’t need some random ass boy who can’t commit to him because he’s still discovering himself and his new gay identity.”

Steve looked at Peter who awkwardly stared at his lap, but it was easy to tell that he didn’t disagree with Andrea. Bucky appeared in the doorway, and announced that the pancakes were ready so Peter and Andrea went to help themselves while Steve stayed seated.

“Hey, pretty boy,” he whispered to Steve as he leaned on the back of the couch. “Peter and Andrea may be thin, but they will eat every single pancake I made without a second thought.”

Steve chuckled, and Bucky sighed and ran his forefinger down his cheek. “What’s wrong?”

“Does it bother you that I’m still with Peggy? That I’m living a double life, and I’m keeping you as this big secret?” Bucky walked around the couch and sat down with one leg pulled to his chest.

“No, Carter and Barnes have beef, so I think that this is the perfect ‘fuck you’ to her personally. As for the double life and secrecy, we all have this second life because if anyone knew that we even liked the same sex we’d be targeted and killed probably. What gave you this idea?”

“Andrea said you didn’t need a boy who couldn’t commit to you,” Steve said.

Bucky laughed shaking his head, and grinned while he caressed Steve cheek. “Ignore her, she as well as my other sisters are just protective, and Rea was caught off guard that I had someone that I care about with me; the fact that I didn’t tell her about you made her suspicious.”

“Are they seriously going to eat all the pancakes?” Steve pouted, and Bucky laughed shrugging. Steve got up and made his way to the kitchen while Bucky went to Nat’s room and banged on the door yelling that the pancakes were done.

Everyone was eating breakfast and talking, eventually Peter left to go home where he was no doubt in trouble, Nat left to go to work, and that left everyone else. Cynthia eventually came out and ate about half of a pancake, but Peter and Andrea easily ate half. “What time do you have to go to work?” Steve asked. Bucky looked at his watched and sighed, “I have an interview in an hour.”

Steve sat up from their position on the couch and turned around so he could look at Bucky. “You already work two jobs!”

“It’s not enough, I love working with Bruce and at Cricket, but it doesn’t pay enough anymore. I need to help my ma now. She fell a few weeks ago and messed up her back,” he said.

“I can help you,” Steve said. “I have money, and my parents still give me money when I ask-”

“I’m not taking your money, I can take care of my family on my own, so I don’t need your charity,” Bucky huffed. “Let me up, I should shower and get ready for the interview.”

Bucky got up and snuck into his room knowing Cynthia would be resting, and then headed toward the bathroom. Steve looked at Clint who had been standing in the doorway from the kitchen. “How much of that did you hear?”

“I’m practically deaf, but I got the gist.”

“What’d I say then?” Steve asked, and Clint grinned and sat down on the loveseat.

“You offered Bucky Barnes money,” Clint said, upon Steve’s confused look he chuckled and continued, “He’s prideful, he felt like you were pitying him, and that’s not what he wants.”

“I’m his boyfriend! I just- I want to help him because I care for him. I wasn’t pitying him, or treating him as some charity case,” Steve frowned. Clint leaned closer and lit up a cigarette.

“Nat’s the same way. She won’t me let me pay for anything, but maybe the occasional date night I get to treat her. It’s just the way they were raised,” Clint smiled and offered a shrug as he leaned back.

“So, you’re deaf?”

“I have something wrong with my ears, I was born with it, and all the doctor told me was eventually I’ll wake up and won’t be able to hear anything. I know a little bit of ASL, but I got really good at reading lips. If I miss something, then I have Nat to translate.”

“What’s the illness?” Steve asked.

“My parents were sucky parents when I was a baby. Real assholes,” Clint sighed. “Basically I got real sick because we didn’t have heat, and instead of taking me to the hospital they got high. By the time my neighbor- Nat’s mom -got me to the hospital thirty percent of my hearing was gone and I had a twenty percent chance of living. I was three.” Clint refused to make eye contact while he told his story. “Now eighty percent of my hearing is gone, and the number only keeps getting bigger as time goes on. I won’t know when my hearing will go the world will just go silent.”

Steve shook his head and stared at Clint as his eyes filled up with tears. “I couldn’t even imagine.”

“It’s funny because my immune system sucks, but when Nat and I were kids and I got sick she’d refuse to leave my room and sang in Russian to me. I didn’t understand a lick of what she was singing but it was such a beautiful sound I didn’t care. Now there’s a chance I’ll wake up and never hear her voice again.”

“Did you live with them?” Steve asked, and Clint shook his head.

“No, my grandmother took me in.”

The bathroom door opened, and Bucky walked up dressed in a button up and dark jeans, he went to the closet and grabbed his work boots and sat next to Steve, but he didn’t look at Steve. Clint sighed out a puff of smoke, and exited the room to give Steve and Bucky some space to talk.

“I didn’t mean to make it sound like I was pitying you,” Steve said. “I just care about you, and I know working three jobs is going to practically break your back.”

Bucky bit his lip, and finally looked up at Steve. “I’ll be fine. Don’t worry about me, and if you really want to help me then you can walk Cynthia and Rea home for me. After the interview I have to go straight to work, so if you’d like to stop by brighten my shift tonight I’d appreciate it.”

Steve nodded and smiled at him, and Bucky leaned in and kissed him. “I’ve got to go.”

Bucky left leaving Steve alone and unsure of what to do.

 

***

“I assume you’re Steve? You’re with Bastard Barnes?” The man was leaned up against the door frame, and his face softened. “Thia, Rea head on inside for a moment.” They both headed inside and he sighed and looked right at Steve. “What happened? Did she say?”

“A couple of socs jumped her, Andrea, and Wade Wilson,” Steve said. “One tried touching Andrea, but she handled it. Cynthia wasn’t as lucky, Peter’s talking to his dad now to see what we can do.”

“You white people are all the same,” He shook his head. “They aren’t going to help us because we’re black. Yet you people keep ignoring that and put all your faith into the fuckin’ law.”

“I know,” Steve said. “That’s why were going after the thing he loves most. His reputation.”

“And how do we do that?”

“At first we just spread the word about a soc boy raping a soc girl, and as the gossip gets bigger we start subtly dropping his name.” Steve explained. “I didn’t get your name?”

“Sam Wilson,” He said and extended his hand. “I can see why Bucky likes you.”

“Is that a good thing?” Steve laughed.

“Yeah, yeah. I’ll see you around, and I’ll make sure Andrea gets home. I think Thia needs her right now.” Sam stuck his hand out and smiled as Steve shook his hand. From there Steve walked to Peter’s. He was planning to call his parents there to let them know he’s staying at Peter’s again.

He knocked on the door, and Peter answered his hair stuck out in all directions and Steve could see the fresh hickys lining his neck. “Am I interrupting?”

“Uh- no! I mean yes- maybe,” Peter coughed, but he leaned up against the door frame, and eyed Steve suspiciously. “What about you, cherry? I see those hickys! You and Bucky finally make it to third base?”

“I don’t- no.”

“Really? Damn I’m surprised Bucky usually doesn’t hold out, and you’re hot so why is he waiting,” Peter muttered. Steve laughed awkwardly and shrugged.

“I can’t go home, my parents are having important people over, so I just wanted to call them and tell them I’m staying here tonight. If I’m interrupting I can come back later.”

Peter looked behind him, and he sighed stepping aside. “Call them, but then uhm can you leave?” Steve chuckled and nodded.

He walked in toward the living room where he knew the phone was; but when he walked in he saw Loki lying down on the couch where they were shirtless only wearing jeans. He saw faint scars on his abdomen, and once Loki saw him looking he covered up with a blanket. “It’s not what you think, and no I’m not telling you what they are from.”

Steve nodded and then moved to the phone and dialed his home, Peter came back in sat down next to Loki, and Steve smiled as he glanced at them seeing their interactions. Loki was gentler around Peter, he was careful and softer, and all because he loved him.

His parents didn’t answer, so he left a message and then turned to the lovebirds. “I’ll see you both later, have uhm fun I guess.”

“Oh, we will,” Loki smirked.

Steve didn’t have anything planned, he didn’t want to sit at Bucky’s all day, and he didn’t want to do absolutely nothing all day. “Hey! Stevie?” Steve sighed and turned around to see Archie and his girlfriend Elizabeth walking up to him large, phony smiles on their faces. “Where have you been?”

“Busy. Helping my dad with his campaign and trying to spend time with Peggy,” Steve shrugged.

“Judging by the hickys you guys are finally steady,” Elizabeth smirked, but her tone was different, and Steve picked up on it.

“Uh yeah,” He nodded.

“Well we’re headed to her now? Wanna tag along?”

Steve couldn’t exactly say no, so he nodded and followed Archie to his car. He noticed the dent on the front and clenched his jaw. The drive was short and Peggy was surprised to even see Steve, and they all sat around the park talking about their recent events. Steve hadn’t realized how much he had missed.

Steve’s mind wandered as it usually did, and his thoughts were on none other than Bucky. “Steve, do you wanna take a lap around the lake?”

Elizabeth was grinning at him, and he nodded getting up and helping her up and offered her an arm as they began walking. He smiled at her as they walked, and she stared at the kids playing in the water and running around. “What’s wrong?”      

“It’s Archie,” She shook her head. “We were hanging out last night, and he was so drunk,” She paused and shook her head. “He asked if we could go to my room, right in front of his goonish friends, I was so embarrassed, but I agreed. We’ve been goin’ steady for a while now, so I thought he just wanted to get to second base. As we were kissin’ he started to go further.”

“Did he force you?” Steve asked, and Elizabeth looked away silent tears falling over her cheeks.

“No, I pushed him off me before he could do anything,” She said. “He got mad, said I didn’t love him because I wouldn’t have sex with him, and then he left. I thought he’d be different, but he’s just like every other boy. Only wants one thing.”

“What’s that?”

Elizabeth sniffled and let out a dry chuckle. “Sex, Steve. Boys do anything for sex, they’ll tell you they care, act like a proper gentleman, and they’ll even tell you they want to wait because you’re different. Sooner or later they’ll want to do it, and they’ll get mad when you refuse.”

Steve furrowed his brows. “All guys?”

“Well not all,” She sighed with a small smile. “You’re the nice guy. Every guy besides you.” She patted Steve’s arm, and Steve nodded trying to take the compliment. He couldn’t help to think about Bucky and the things he had said to Steve about waiting to have sex with him. He wouldn’t just be using him, but everyone has said he usually doesn’t wait. So, a question still banged around in his head. Why was Bucky waiting?

“What’s wrong?” Elizabeth asked, they stopped walking and Steve looked behind them at their partners. “Steve?”

Steve shook his head and nudged Elizabeth to continue walking, he considered Elizabeth to be his best friend. They were close, but they were the type of friends to tell each other everything even if they didn’t see each other as often.

They fell silent, but it wasn’t completely quiet. Children laughed and screamed while playing their games, a group of three soc girls that were sitting near the pond gossiping about some celebrity or another friend. A man sat on a bench and read the paper, and a few greaser boys were skipping rocks across the pond. “Steve,” Elizabeth groaned and shoved him a little. “Something’s eating you! Lay it on me.”

“It’s nothing,” Steve shrugged.

“When have you ever kept secrets from me?” she looked like she was playfully offended, but Steve saw more to it.

“I’ll tell you when it’s important,” Steve grinned, and Elizabeth huffed rolling her eyes. She gently took Steve’s hand as they walked, and he stared off in the distance as his mind was carried off with the gust of wind.

“Is there any further news on your dad’s campaign party?” She asked casually.

“They’re sending out invites soon, and I overheard my father talking on the phone to Tony Stark so we might have an fancy party on our hands at the Empire State Building,” Steve said. “Something about Tony’s birthday falling on the same weekend.”

Elizabeth grinned, “I can’t wait. I’m sure Peggy’s excited, are you two going to get a hotel room then? I’m sure Archie and I will.”

“Why would I? It’s like forty minutes away from here.”

Elizabeth giggled and shook her head; she gently squeezed Steve’s hand, and as they walked backed toward their partners. “You’re too innocent,” She sighed. “Too innocent.”

They all sat together for a while longer, but eventually Peggy wanted to go home so Steve decided to walk her. It was awkward, neither having much to say to one another, but still they held hands as they walked. “Are you staying with Barnes tonight?” her voice was tight, but it seemed like she was trying to at least sound nice.

“Yeah I am,” He nodded.

Peggy stiffly nodded, and Steve grinned and shook his head. “You don’t have to pretend to be nice to Buck, and you don’t have to make conversation about him to me.”

She nodded again. “How have you been?” Steve asked as he squeezed her hand.

“I’ve been alright,” She said as she looked anywhere but at Steve and he bit his lip as he looked down upon her. “Will you still be at dinner with our parents tomorrow?”

“Yes,” he grinned. “I promise. That’s the deal, I’m your boyfriend. But I sleep with whoever I want to.”

Peggy nodded. As they reached her house, Steve did what he always did, kissed her cheek and bid her a goodbye making sure to smile and wave at Mr. Carter who stood at the window. Steve knew Bucky started his shift already at Cricket so he started walking there, and he decided to cut through the cemetery.

“Hey!” Steve turned around toward the voice. A girl stood there, she wore a leather jacket with only a lacy, black bra underneath, and she wore a tight skirt. Her face was pale and stood out miraculously against her dark hair, and she grinned. Her red painted lips looking almost seductive. “What’s a guy like you doing on this side of town?”

“I’m just heading to a friend’s,” Steve said. “Are you alright?”

She smirked and walked closer toward Steve , she put her hand flat on his chest. Steve looked away and tried to back up away from her, but she only followed. “Word on the block is your Bucky’s boy?”

Steve hesitantly nodded.

It was dead silent, there was no sound of music from any parties, and it was eerie as she stared at him with her big blue eyes. “Interesting,” She hummed as Steve backed up only to trip over a broken headstone and fell onto his back staring at the girl. She laughed as she carefully stepped over the stone, and she tilted her head a dark curl falling in front of her eyes.

Steve noticed that she was very pretty, she was thin, but something about her smile and eyes that were familiar. Her hair was braided back, but loose enough that a few strands broke free. She crouched down and hovered over Steve. “He’s never mentioned you to me,” She said and looked away at a tomb.

“Why would he?” Steve snapped. “Two boys? Not exactly an easy conversation.”

She shook her head and looked down as her arms rested on her knees, and she played with her switch blade. “I was going to rob you tonight, play sexy and get close enough to lift your wallet, but I’m taking it I’m not your type?” She asked with a chuckle as she looked up at the sky. “Then again,” She said lolling her head back again toward Steve. “That doesn’t mean that all my family isn’t your type.”

Steve’s brows furrowed, and she laughed standing up and offering a hand to pull him up. He got up, and he stared at her with his mouth hung open. “Now, now close your mouth wouldn’t want you catching mosquitoes or flies they’re all over this place.”

“You’re related to Bucky?” He asked.

“Sister. I’m Rebecca,” She said. “Andrea told me about you. I don’t think you’ve won her over, she’s protective and I don’t blame her.”

There was a rustle causing both Rebecca and Steve look in that direction, it revealed two boys one who was very tall and plump, and one who was thin and short. “Subtle, boys. Meet Steve,” She nodded toward Steve. “Steve, meet Tommy and Ike. We’re not robbing anyone tonight fellas, so let’s go to Cricket and grab a drink. I’m sure Steve has people he wants to see.”

Steve was still confused but never the less followed Bucky’s sister and her friends. “How long have you known Bucky?” She asked over her shoulder.

“A few weeks,” He answered.

Cricket came into view and Steve couldn’t help the bubbly feeling rising in his stomach, and as the door opened music hit them in waves. Steve looked at his surroundings to see his friends sitting at a booth playing cards, and he saw Bucky in his auto-pilot mode walking around clearing tables and taking orders. “Brother dear!” Rebecca called making him look up to see her. His face lit up, and Steve watched as they hugged, and Bucky kissed her cheek. “Why didn’t you tell me you were back?!” He asked, and she laughed and shrugged as she hopped up on a stool.

“Why didn’t you tell me about your boyfriend?” She countered. Bucky blushed, one of the rare times he ever does, but it was obvious that he hadn’t noticed Steve was standing there.

“Because, Bec. He’s the first boyfriend I’ve had in a while, and didn’t want you to scare him off,” He murmured. Steve smiled and looked away his cheeks heating up.

“Too late,” Rebecca smirked and lolled her head to look at Steve, and Bucky turned around shock covering his features.

“Oh! Hey, doll,” Bucky grinned. Steve smiled and waved. “I get off in two hours,” He gently caressed Steve’s cheek, and his other hand on Steve’s hip. “Then I’m all yours.” He whispered adding a wink.

“Okay,” Steve grinned and took Bucky’s hand. “I’ll be over there until then.”

Bucky nodded, and turned back to his sister grinning like a fool as they caught up. Steve pulled a chair up by the table, and caught Peter’s eyes, as Steve blushed and looked away. “What’ve you been up to?” Nat asked as she sipped her beer and laid her card down.

“I went on a double date with my girlfriend today,” He smiled and got a few snickers. “Can you guys deal me in?”

Clint nodded and dealt Steve in. “You know poker?”

“Know it? I’m the king at it.”

The group laughed and drank as they played their card game, and music bellowed from the speakers and people danced and drank and laughed and kissed. It was light, nobody pretending to be somebody they’re not, and everybody letting loose after a long day. Steve felt lighter, like a weight was lifted off his shoulders, and as he looked around at the faces of his new-found friends. He couldn’t be happier.


	7. Big News

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve's world is turned upside down once again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HI! sorry it seems like forever! I know that it's late, at least where I am, but since I got home from school I've been working on homework. I had an anatomy paper due at nine p.m. and an English paper due at eleven p.m. 
> 
> I won't lie besides being extremely stressed with school, I've been dealing with a lot lately- things that I don't want to discuss, so I don't know when the next chapter will be. Please be patient I'm trying my best. Here's to another chapter. :)

Addicted

Chapter seven

Steve woke up to an empty bed. Bucky’s side wasn’t even made, but Steve noticed his pillow was against Steve’s chest. He assumed that he grabbed it when Bucky got up. Steve was confused to where he went, it was nine in the morning and he knew his shift at the restaurant didn’t start until at least eleven, so he got up and looked around resembling a lost puppy. On the night stand was a note. Bucky’s surprisingly neat handwriting was scribbled across the paper, so Steve picked it up and read it.

_Be back in a few hours, doll. See you then. x_

_-B_

Steve pushed himself out of bed. He stumbled out and he saw Nat sitting on the couch with a bowl of cereal and a book in her lap. “Mornin,’” she grinned. “Cereal is on the counter, but it’s the generic shit so it might be a different taste on your rich ass taste buds.”

Steve gave her a look, and she only grinned while he went to the kitchen. “So, where’s Buck?” He called from kitchen.

“Work.” Nat said.

Steve fixed himself a cup of coffee, and then took it to the living room where he sat in the love seat. “His shift doesn’t start until noon.”

“Not the up top Cricket. His mechanic gig,” Nat said without looking up from her book.

“Mechanic? Does he even know anything about cars?”

“Oh shit, he didn’t tell you? Bucky knows a lot about cars, and fixin’ things in general,” Nat said. Steve bit his lip and sipped his coffee, while Nat sat up and put her book down. “You’re not going to ever hear this from him because he’s insecure about things like this; but he’s a huge nerd who loves building things and fixing things- and the science fiction shit? Loves it.”

Steve snorted. Nat leaned back and shrugged. “You didn’t hear it from me!” She laughed, and Steve nodded silently agreeing with her; but he was happy to know more about his boyfriend. He wanted to know everything about Bucky, all of his flaws and quirks, and the things that he won’t admit that he loves.

He sipped his coffee as Nat picked up her book and began reading, while Steve and she made casual conversation.

 

***

Bucky wiped the grease off his hand and stared at the car he was working on. He loved his job at Cricket, but he also loved this job. It paid decently, and he liked trying to figure out the problem and then fix it. “Hey, Buck.” Bucky turned around to see his boy staring at him looking awkward.

“Oh, well hey there cherry boy,” Bucky grinned. Steve made a face, and Bucky continued to wear his smug grin. “Hold on. Lemme see if I can take a break.” Bucky walked around the truck he was working on to make himself visible from the office. “Hey! Hal! Smoke break?”

“Go for it, kid!”

Bucky led Steve around back where he proceeded to light a cigarette and took the first drag offering it to Steve who declined. “What can I do for ya? Quickie in the porta-potty?”

“Ew. That’s unsanitary,” Steve made a face, and then checked out his boyfriend who was a greasy mess. “You’re looking pretty unsanitary yourself.”

“Imma greaser ain’t I?” Bucky smirked and leaned against the wall and blew out a gray puff of smoke.

“Aren’t,” Steve corrected.

“I swear to fuck-”

Steve grinned taking the cigarette from Bucky and taking a quick hit, and Bucky couldn’t help but to smile at his boy and how much he’s changed in the last few weeks; nearly a month. He’s been finding himself, finding out what makes him who he is, and becoming more “greaser” by the day.

“What?” Steve asked handing back the cig, and Bucky just grinned as he stared at Steve’s confused smile.

“If we weren’t in public eye I’d kiss ya,” Bucky mumbled as he took a drag.

Steve looked away, blushing, and smiled. “Why didn’t you tell me you picked up another job.”

“I told you that I had an interview.”

“You never told me you got the job,” Steve said quietly.

“I didn’t think you cared,” Bucky shrugged taking another hit and staring at a random car as he passed.

“I’m your partner, your boyfriend, Bucky. I want to know- I need to know these types of things, and Bucky I want to make this perfectly clear.”

Bucky stared at Steve as he put his hand on Bucky’s jaw and neck his thumb caressing his cheek. “I want to know everything, your ticks, your nerdy side, the things that make you smile, and the things that upset you. I want to know how your day went, I want to know about your family, and I want to know every square inch of you. Got me?” Steve asked, and Bucky let out a shocked laughed and nodded. “Good.” He patted Bucky’s face a bit and gave him a wink.

“God,” Bucky leaned his head back on the wall. “You’re killin’ me.”

Steve just smiled. “That’s my plan.”

Bucky just laughed and threw his cigarette butt on the ground and stomped it out. “I’ve got to get back. I’ll see you later alright, and then I’ll tell you all about my day.”

“Actually, I’ve got to go home tonight. Dinner with the parents and Peggy and her parents.”  Steve shoved his hands in his pockets and looked away, and Bucky sighed and tensed as he stared back into his work.

“Damn,” He sighed. “Was gettin’ use to wakin’ up to your pretty face.”

“I’ll be back down as soon as I can,” Steve mumbled.

“Yeah,” Bucky sighed. “I’ll catch ya later.”

Bucky walked back into the building leaving Steve confused to why he was so cold all the sudden, but he shrugged it off and headed to Peggy’s to grab lunch with her and their friends.

***

Steve, Peggy, Archie, and Elizabeth were all sitting around a table in a nice diner, Archie had his arm slung around Elizabeth, and Steve just copied Archie and did what he used to do before he met Bucky. “So, how’s life been, Rogers.”

“Been good, Arch.”

“I heard you were runnin’ around with that Barnes kid? What’s his name Bucket?” Steve looked away and bit his tongue. “You sweet on him? Fairy?”

“C’mon man,” Steve groaned. “I have a girlfriend, I’m not gay, so quit calling me that!”

Archie snorted and rolled his eyes, and shifted in his seat as he stared at Steve with narrowed eyes. “A girlfriend you don’t fuck.”

Steve froze and he didn’t know what to say to that, but suddenly Peggy shifted in her seat closer to Steve. “And how would you know?” she asked. “You don’t know how he treats me.”

Steve tried to mask his shocked expression by smirking, but in order to look less creepy he kissed Peggy’s cheek. “Alright whatever, it was just a joke.” Archie huffed.

Steve leaned back and looked out the window, his mind drifted from their current conversation, and like always he thought of Bucky. The way Bucky smiles at him when he thinks Steve isn’t looking, or the smirk he pulls when he makes a joke or even thinks of something dirty. Steve was infatuated with how effortlessly beautiful Bucky is, and how different he was from other guys.

Since Steve made peace with his sexuality he’s noticed more guys here and there, and nobody compared to Bucky. Even Archie, there was a time when Steve looked up to Archie, and now that he looks back he may even think he had a crush on him. Now he sat in the booth across from him, his shaggy hair falling into his eyes, but he doesn’t look good. Only certain angles he looks decent. As he stared Archie the only words running over his brain were “rapist” “Asshole” “Sack of shit” He clenched his jaw he thought of Andrea and Cynthia.

“How’s the rumors going?” Peggy asked which brought Steve back from his own thoughts.

“What rumors?” Steve played innocent.

“Some greaser is cryin’ wolf,” Elizabeth said as she shook her head. Steve still looked around at everyone, and a sudden realization hit him that they didn’t know the truth. That the greaser girl was younger than all of them, that she turned up at three a.m. a broken mess. To them Archie was the victim.

“She’s saying Arch raped her,” Peggy said. “Isn’t that fucked.”

Steve nodded.

“It’s not a complete lie,” Archie said. “I was drunk and was fooling around with some greaser girl,” He said and Steve watched as Elizabeth cringed so he decided to speak up.

“Lizzy,” He caught her attention. “Join me outside?”

Elizabeth and Steve went outside; the dusk air muggy and immediately making their skin sticky, and she stared at him awaiting him to stay something first. “What?” he groaned.

“What’s up with you? You’re rarely hanging out with us anymore, and the look you just gave Archie when he said what he said about the greaser girl?” She asked. “So? What’s up?”

“Nothing,” Steve rolled his eyes.

“You’re hiding something, and it’s eating you up. I get it, you don’t want to tell me in front of Peggy and Arch. So, tomorrow how about we have some us time.” Elizabeth suggested, and it wasn’t like he could say no without furthering her suspicion. He just nodded.

“What about you?” He asked. “Archie just openly admitted he cheated on you.”

“And the only people who know are you and Peggy, well you guys are the only one who knows this for sure, and I’d like to keep it like that. Archie messed up, but he loves me.”

Steve scoffed and looked away down toward the large food store. “He doesn’t love you,” Steve said. “You think that him steppin’ out on you is okay?”

“Like I told you he loves me,” She said. “It was my fault that he even went out that night. I wouldn’t have sex with him, so he got mad and left looking for someone easy.”

Steve had to bite his tongue, it broke his heart to see her like this so sad, and how well she hid it from everyone. All because her poor excuse of a boyfriend manipulated her into thinking that in order to love she must give him every piece of her. She deserved so much more than what she was getting, and Steve needed to tell her that.

“Remember when we were little?” Steve asked, and she smiled and gave him a look of confusion. “We used to play house, or prince and princess? Like Snow White or Cinderella?” Elizabeth grinned and nodded. “I was always your prince, and I made sure to treat you like one.”

“Steve, I know where this going,” She sighed.

“He doesn’t treat you right,” Steve said. “You always talked about finding your prince, and when we met Archie and Peggy you were convinced he was your prince even though you were only seven.”

“And you were mad because you liked me,” She laughed, and Steve shook his head remembering crying to his mom about it. Now, he realized that he had a small crush on Archie, and deep down he knew that even being that young.

“I did,” Steve nodded. “You deserve a prince, Arch is just the guy before the prince, and I don’t want him hurting you.”

“He’s not,” Elizabeth shook her head.

“How long until he manipulates you into having sex? How long until he starts beating on ya?” Steve asked. “Or forces you? You know that girl he slept with was fifteen, right?”

Elizabeth rolled her eyes, and Steve raised his eyebrows challenging her to prove him wrong. “Archie is hot! What kinda fifteen-year-old wouldn’t want to sleep with him! He’s practically a celebrity!” she said.

Steve gave her a look and then sighed, she was too far gone to see anyone else’s side but his, but because of that the air began to get thick with tension. “You used to wear my tiaras,” She said in an attempt to lighten the mood. Steve snorted, and shook his head. “I love you, Stevie. I appreciate you caring.”

Steve wrapped an arm around her and kissed her temple. She had always been a sister to him, except when he thought he had a crush on her and disowned her for playing with Archie, but once he got over that they’ve been like brother and sister. Elizabeth told him about her dates with Archie, and Steve would tell her about Peggy. They would tell each other everything, but now he was keeping the biggest secret of his life from her and it was slowly eating away at him.

“I’m glad tomorrow we get to hang out,” She said. “There’s a fair up town we could hang out there if you like! Like when we were kids? Gorging ourselves on jellybeans and cotton candy!” Steve smiled and nodded.

“Sounds like a plan.”

They both headed back in the diner, and joined their significant others. Eventually Peggy and Steve walked back to his house, and they acted like a couple in front of his parents despite the thick tension between them.

“Are you staying home?” She asked as they sat on his bed flicking through magazines.

“Yeah,” He nodded. “I’m hanging out with Elizabeth tomorrow.”

“What a girl’s day?” she asked sarcasm dripping in her voice.

“What, scared I’m going to cheat on you- oh wait,” he said without looking up from his magazine. “We’re best friends, Pegs you know that, and we just want to have a day with out our significant others.”

“So, what? Barnes not going be there? He can crash our dates, but not when you’re hanging out with Lizzie?”

Steve shut the magazine and gave Peggy an absurd look. “You’d like him if you gave him a chance,” he said.

“And why should I?” She scoffed.

“Because I don’t want to keep living a double life,” He groaned. “It’d be nice if you both could get along and hang out once in a while together.”

“Me? Get along with scum like him? A bastard like him? Unlikely,” She casually flipped over a page, and carefully read the page.

“You don’t even know him!” Steve exclaimed. “If you sat down and-”

“I know enough Steve, and if you want to go and be a fruit loop then I can’t stop you, but you won’t make me sit in the same vicinity as that snap case!” Peggy huffed. Steve sat up and stared at Peggy.

“You can’t just do it for me? We could go somewhere with him tonight even! Or this weekend?” Steve said. He was trying to make his life easier because if they could get along then maybe he and Bucky could go to more places.

Before Peggy could answer his mother called them down for dinner, he sat next to Peggy and next to her were her parents. Her father at one end and his father at the head of the table his mother across from him. The food looked good, and probably healthier than the food he’s been eating when he’s with Bucky.

“And Tony is throwing the party at the Empire State Building?” Mr. Carter asked, and his father sat up straighter nodding as he swallowed his food not daring to speak with his mouth full.

“He is,” he nodded again. “Tony has a lot of strong connections to people who can influence the votes.”

“That cannot be cheap on him,” Her father held a judgmental tone and it made his father squirm and quickly jump to his defense.

“That’s what I said! But Tony is a stubborn man, and he thought it’d be nice if the kids could have their own little party at a hotel nearby. Celebrating the summer, and maybe even influencing the older ones to vote for me too.” He said in a certain voice that made Steve want to laugh. He was being fake toward his fake girlfriend’s father.

Steve pushed around his food not really hungry, his mind began to drift away to none other than Bucky, but he was quickly brought back not even being able to fully picture Bucky’s smile. “I hear you got into Harvard? That’s a tremendous achievement.” Mr. Carter said. Steve had forgotten about that he even applied there, it didn’t seem real to him that he was going to the same college his father attended and his grandfather before him, and he may not want to admit it but he was excited to go to school there.

“You’re going to be a doctor, is that correct?” He asked. “What’s your plan to include my daughter in that?”

Steve froze and he saw Peggy shift uncomfortably side eyeing him from the corner of his eye. Luckily, his father was quick to please and interjected. “Well, I assume they’ll be married shortly after he starts back to school. They’re already so close to being engaged.”

 Steve swallowed over the lump growing in his throat, and his palms began to get sweaty. “Well, I couldn’t think of a better candidate to marry my daughter.”

Mr. Carter didn’t even look at him as a person, and he was seen as just another machine that was made to live a predictable life. He was anything but, he had a boyfriend, and he had a whole other life that he was leading behind everyone’s back. He had expectations to fill, and he couldn’t even fully fill them. “Excuse me,” Steve said as he stood only faintly feeling Peggy grab his hand as a warning. “I need some air, may I be excused?” He asked. His mother nodded furrowing her brows, and he left outside going as far as the sidewalk.

Peggy was behind him and wasted no time in scalding him. “What in the hell do you think you’re doing? You’re ruining my dinner!”

“I can’t keep doing this!” Steve huffed his hand yanking at his hair. “I can’t keep being seen with you, and then going to another man’s house!” He whispered harshly at her.  “Your parents and mine they expect us to get married, and I’m so confused to what I even want! I don’t-”

“You choose your next words very carefully, Steve.”

“I don’t think I love you anymore,” He said quietly. “Even while with Bucky I thought I still had a love for you somewhere, but now I know that you could never make me feel like he does.”

“And how does he make you feel?”

“Alive!” Steve practically cried. “When I’m with him I can’t tell what our future with him is. I can’t tell what he is going to do next, and it excites me to live in the unknowing.”

“And I’m predictable?” Peggy’s strong façade began to fade, a normal betrayed girl settling in front of her. Her eyes were watery, and her jaw was clenched as she wrapped her arms around herself; her silk shawl falling from her shoulders. “You don’t love me,” her voice was shaky. “Because I’m predictable?”

“I could tell you exactly how our lives will go.”

“Then do it.”

“I’ll go to Harvard, and I’ll come back to visit you every weekend. Eventually I’ll get my own place, and you’ll move in. Eventually after I graduate med school we will move into a three story house, I’ll marry you, and we will even have kids and probably a dog,” He said and Peggy had tears falling over her cheeks, and he smiled at her sadly. “And you’re crying right now because you know that’s what you want, but you also know what else is in our future. I’ll be with you, but I’ll also be with another man.”

Peggy looked away and wiped her tears her façade going right back up. “You poor baby,” She said. “You’re confused, he’s confused you. Hasn’t he? The Steve I know wouldn’t hurt me like this, but he’s got you. Bucky Barnes is manipulative, and he confused you into thinking that you’re some fag.”

“Don’t say that word,” Steve sighed.

“You do love me, you’re just so mixed up right now,” She walked toward him and placed her hand on his cheek. “It’s okay. I forgive you. We just got to clear your head, so tomorrow after your play date with Lizzie you and I will have a date night ourselves. We won’t go to where he works or could possibly show up. OK?” She tilted her head and gently rubbed her thumb against his cheek, and then leaned up and kissed him.

It felt so wrong, her lips tasted wrong, her hand was too soft, and she wasn’t tall enough. It was wrong. Everything was suddenly so screwy. Suddenly the door opened, and their parents stood there on the porch staring at the two. Confused to why Peggy was crying.

“Honey,” Her father said carefully. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing, daddy!” She smiled. “Oh! The most wonderful thing just happened! We’re engaged!”

Just like that, Steve’s world stopped.  
  



	8. Cat's Out of the Bag, and She's Brought Tension

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky learns about Steve's engagement.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry school has been kicking my ass! Here's a short little update for you! 
> 
> also side note: I welcome suggestions and ideas! Feel free to comment them, and feel free to also comment opinions and your thoughts on the story so far. This is, I admit, a filler chapter just to get the character's where I need them. 
> 
> Hope you enjoy xx

Addicted

Chapter Eight

The next day Steve and Elizabeth were walking around the Fair; laughing and reliving old memories. For a moment he forgot about the previous night’s events. He forgot until Elizabeth reminded him. “An engaged man,” she whistled. “And here I thought I’d be the first to get married.”

Steve looked away and took a sip of his soda, and Elizabeth grinned at him. “C’mon! You’re not excited?”

“I am,” he tried to look more excited but failed miserably. All he could think about was Bucky; he wanted to get to him as soon as possible and explain things before he heard it from someone else. News always traveled fast, so he was worried about him hearing it from someone else. 

“Are you not excited? You seem worried?” she said as they sat down to snack on the nachos they bought after riding a few rides.

“No, I’m excited!” He smiled. “I love her.”

It was like he was an actor. He was feeding her lines that she wanted to hear, and there was no real emotion behind them. He really wanted to get to Bucky. “I know you do, but I wonder if that love has simmered down a bit.” 

“Why would I pop the question if it simmered?” he rolled his eyes. 

“Remember when we were little?” she asked. “You did everything you could to please your parents, and you’d do anything to make everyone happy. I can tell you’re not as close to her as you used to be.”

“I don’t know Lizzie,” he sighed. “We’re best friends right?” She nodded and smiled at him as she reached across the table to grab his hand. “I met someone else. They make me feel a way I’ve never felt before, and I think I might really like them.” 

Elizabeth stared at Steve and he shifted under her stare, and he couldn’t believe what he was about to do. “Peggy knows,” He said. “I didn’t ask her to marry me, she just told our parents that because I was tryin’ to break up with her, and she doesn’t want me ruining her chance at a happy future.”

“Steve,” Elizabeth shook her head. “Just dump the other girl. You and Peggy have it good-”

“It’s a guy, Lizzie.”

He felt a weight lift off his shoulders, but Elizabeth’s face fell and she pulled her hand away from him. “You’re a faggot?” She asked. Steve flinched at the word, but still he nodded. “Arch was right.”

“I’m still me,” Steve said. “And the guy is real great. He’s nice.” 

Elizabeth ’s face was pale, and she didn’t know how to react. “Who?”

“I’m not giving names,” He sighed. “You’re not taking this well, and I know you want to go wash your hands and shower thirty times. I can’t risk giving his name and you telling more people and then him getting murdered because I was so happy and confused that I wanted to tell my best friend.”

“It’s a lot to take in! To know that you’re some fag I don’t know what to do with that information. I love you, Steve, but I won’t support this. It’s a sin and you know it.” She stood up and began gathering her things. 

“Liz, you can’t tell anyone-”

“I don’t know, Steve.”

Before he could even get another word in she ran off leaving him by himself. Steve got up and walked to the nearest payphone; he dialed Peter’s number and prayed for him to pick up. “Hi, Mr. Stark,” he said. “Pete around?” There was a light shuffle and then a loud sigh. “Hey Pete, you around Bucky?”

“Yeah, thanks to you I’ve been dealing with his mopey ass all day. Engaged Steve really? Fuck man.” Peter ranted. 

“I wanted to tell him myself,” He sighed. “I need to explain to him.”

“Good luck,” Peter sighed. “He’s pissed off, and he’s quite hard to handle when he’s pissed off. Oh! Not to mention he’s already cracking a bottle open with my fucking father.”

“I’m on my way,” Steve said. “Be right there.”

Steve hung up and left the Fair heading toward Peter’s place, which lucky for him he was close, so he practically ran. On Peter’s front porch sat Bucky, an un-opened bottle of liquor by his feet, and his eyes were brimmed read and his cheeks were puffy. “Did I miss the weddin’ too?”

“I just got engaged last night,” Steve said. “I promise I was going to tell you-”

“I had to hear it from some fucking soc who was having fucking lunch with his fucking girlfriend who happens to be a friend of Peggy’s,” Bucky clenched his jaw and his hands were linked together evident that he was squeezing them because he was so angry. 

“I didn’t want this!”

“What was all that bullshit? You wanna know me? Every inch of me?” Bucky stood up and pushed Steve back a bit, but he only stumbled back. “You’re my fuckin’ boyfriend! I shoulda known before anyone else!”

“Want to lower your voice?” Steve snapped. “Unless you wanna be lynched or something!”

“Lower my voice? You’re being a dumb bitch! I shoulda been first to know! If this is part of your cover you should have told me!” Bucky said his voice cracking. 

“You’re not even listening to me, Buck!” 

“I’m your fuckin’ boyfriend you absolute fuckin’ imbecile of a fuckin’ human being!” 

The door opened right as Bucky continued his assault of pushing Steve and slamming his fists against Steve’s chest. “Bucky! Buck!” Steve tried grabbing a hold of him. Tony stood on the porch with Peter staring as the two boys fought in the street. 

“You’re a fuckin’ asshole!”

Steve grabbed Bucky’s hands and turned him around pulling him tight into his chest and made sure to keep a hold of his hands to his chest. “Listen to me,” he whispered. Bucky kept squirming. “James,” he hissed into his ear. “Stop it and listen to me! You’re going to calm down and listen to me, I’ve had a rough night, and I was worried you’d hear this before I could tell you.” 

Bucky nodded and stopped moving; he stood still in Steve’s arms, and then nodded again. “I didn’t want this. Last night our folks were talking about our future, and it made me realize that I don’t want that. I tried to break up with her, but when our parents came out to check on us she blurted out that we were engaged.”

“Why didn’t you come to me?” Bucky asked quietly. 

“I didn’t have the chance too, you know that, but you were too busy being a numbskull to even let the thought enter,” Steve whispered. “I’ve been thinking about it a lot and its better this way if everyone thinks she and I are engaged. No one will suspect us. I can date both of you, but with her it won’t be real. With you, it’s real. Got me?”

Bucky wiggled out of Steve’s grasp. “Yeah, yeah I got you.”

“I think that’s the first time I’ve ever seen anyone calm him down,” Peter chuckled nudging his dad. 

“They’re in for a world of firsts.” Tony murmured. 

Bucky lightly shoved Steve as he plopped down on the porch step again; and he cracked open the bottle taking a large swig. “So, lay it on me,” He started. “You want strippers at your bachelor’s party? Preferably male? I know a few guys who will do anythin’ for a quick buck.”

“Shut it,” Steve said. 

“Why don’t you make me,” Bucky smirked, and Steve went red while he glanced up at Tony and Peter who wore the same amused look. 

“Why don’t you boys come in, and we’ll have a celebratory drink in honor of Steve,” Tony said. 

“I’ve got dinner with Peggy at seven,” Steve said trying to ignore the annoyed look that fell on Bucky’s face. “I can stay for a little while.”

Bucky smiled but it didn’t reach his eyes like usual. Steve threw his arm over Bucky’s shoulder and kissed his head trying to ease him a bit from the tension. “So, Steve,” Tony said. “When you planning to go to Harvard? This fall or the next?”  

“Harvard?” Bucky asked. 

“Yeah, I got in before I met you, and I just haven’t thought about it much.” Steve shrugged. Bucky looked away and shook his head. “And I’m planning to go in the fall.”

“That’s great,” Bucky nodded again his smile didn’t reach his eyes, and he wormed his arm around Steve’s waist giving him a tight squeeze. As they were all drinking it didn’t go unnoticed that Bucky seemed to be drinking more than the rest of them. 

Bucky was pass tipsy, but he wasn’t quite drunk either. He sat on the couch with a cup in his grasp, he stared at the ground while everyone around him talked; but the time came, and Steve had to go to meet Peggy. “I have to go,” He said more toward Bucky than anyone else. Bucky didn’t look at him and nodded. Steve leaned over grabbing Bucky’s jaw turning his head toward him, and he kissed him. “Don’t be upset,” Steve whispered against his lips before he kissed him again. “We’ll talk more about this later.” Bucky nodded and kissed Steve again. 

Steve pushed himself up. “Thank you for the drinks,” He smiled at Tony. “Make sure he doesn’t destroy his liver.”

Bucky only lifted his bottle to his mouth while rolling his eyes at Steve’s words.

Steve was definitely buzzed, as the alcohol coursed through his body, along with the wine he was drinking at dinner. Peggy rambled on about already forming wedding plans, and Steve couldn’t be more bored than he was. The more she droned on about the wedding that he didn’t even want, the more he drank the wine with his meal. 

“I want to get married before you go back to school,” She said taking a sip of her wine. “Fall weddings are so beautiful! Don’t you think?”

“That’s only a few months away,” Steve hummed. “Why so soon? Doesn’t it take at least a year to plan a wedding?” 

“Well, this is only to make us legally married, so that way everyone knows you’re mine. Then later once you’re settled we’ll get married-”

“Two weddings?” 

“Of course,” Peggy said, and she smiled at Steve. A smile that told anyone who looked at them that she was so in love with him; but his face, with a tipsy bored smile, told everyone that he was only half invested; that his mind was somewhere else. “I get that you don’t want this, but you could at least act like you’re interested.”

“Pegs, I’d be happy to plan _a_ wedding with you, but not ours. Peggy, I don’t-”

“Don’t,” She softly said. “I’m trying to stay with you while you get through this phase-”

“Phase? I’m not going through a phase,” He let out a surprised breath. “This is real, and what I feel is valid. If you’d just let me say it, we could talk about it, because Peggy I don’t-”

“Steve, don’t. Please,” Her jaw was clenched, and her nails were biting into her palm, so Steve took a sip of his wine and nodded. Peggy perked up and began her rambling. “So, the first wedding should be definitely autumn themed. I was thinking we’d do that really pretty brownish red- burgundy maybe? Oh! And we could have fake fall leaves as decorations!”

“Yeah,” Steve agreed. “Sounds pretty.”

***

Bucky threw himself into work. He worked more hours at Cricket both the bar and restaurant, and sometimes in between shifts at Cricket he would go to the mechanic shop and work on the truck he’s supposed to be working on. The last time he saw Steve was a week ago, except when he sees Steve while he’s on a date with Peggy at the restaurant portion of Cricket. 

Bucky just smiles when anyone asked about Steve. He would lie and say that he and Steve are fine; but under his brave face he was worried. More than worried, he was stressed, angry, upset, and maybe even hurting. Steve said they’d talk about the engagement more, but they hadn’t talked about it because they hadn’t seen each other. He stood behind the bar functioning on auto pilot as he weaved around the bar tables, clearing them off and refilling drinks and food orders, and making casual conversation with the usual crowd.

“Bucky,” Nat leaned up against the bar, she was smiling at him, and he smiled back. “What time are you coming home?”

“I don’t know,” he shrugged. “Why?”

“You’ve been working a lot recently,” she shrugged. “I just wanted you to get some sleep.”

“I get sleep,” he snapped. 

Nat rolled her eyes. “Where’s Steve? Did you two break up?”

“No! He’s just bu- look there he is!”

Steve walked through the doors, a smile spreading across his face upon seeing Bucky, and once he reached the bar sitting where Nat was leaning Bucky leaned across the bar and kissed Steve quickly. 

“Where have you been?” Bucky asked as he began to wipe down the bar. 

“Peggy practically won’t let me out of her sight,” Steve groaned. “I’m sorry, I should’ve called, but she was keeping me out until late and I usually would just fall asleep.”

“It’s alright,” Bucky smiled. “You don’t gotta explain to me.”

Steve smiled and nodded. “Well then bartender, get me a drink please.”

Bucky turned around and got Steve a beer, and he popped the cap for Steve and handed it to him. “What’d you do today?” Steve asked. 

“Worked,” Steve nodded while an unnoticed tension filled the air. “Are you staying with me tonight?” Bucky questioned.

Steve looked down, and that was Bucky’s answer; so he nodded and turned his attention to another customer. “We can go on a date this weekend though.” Steve blurted out, and Bucky chuckled; throwing the towel he was using to wipe down the bar with over his shoulder. “We could go to the drive in, or we could meet at the cemetery and go somewhere we don’t have to hide.”

Bucky absentmindedly reached up to his dog tags and ran his thumb over the engraved letters. Steve noticed he did that a lot when he was deep in thought. They were boyfriends so why’d he have to even think about it? “Buck, you don’t even have to think about it. We’ll meet in the cemetery Friday night at eight, and then we’ll figure it out from there ok?”

Bucky dropped his dog tags and nodded. “Friday at eight.” 

“Okay, I got to get home. Peggy and my mom want my opinion on some things.” Steve said. Bucky looked down for a moment then looked up with a smile and went to kiss Steve. Right after Steve was gone Bucky poured himself a glass of whiskey and leaned against the bar. Nat watched it all unfold. She watched as Bucky downed the whole glass and then poured another. She watched him as he willingly gave another part of himself to Steve without even knowing it. 

“You think he’ll show?” Nat asked as she walked around the bar; taking the bottle away from him and his glass. 

“That’s my drink.” He pouted. 

“You’re on the clock, and getting hammered will get you fired- even if your boss is Bruce.” She said strictly. “Now answer my question.”

“Of course, he’ll show.” Bucky nodded. “He’s my boyfriend, and I’m important to him.”

Nat was skeptical. She knew Bucky didn’t believe is own words; and she knew he was hurting because some prissy bitch is getting his boyfriend’s attention. “We’re not going to go on benders, right Bucky? Even if we’re sad.”

Bucky grabbed his dog tags and nodded. Being drunk and fucked up won’t help anyone, especially himself. He had three jobs now, and he needed all three of them if he wanted to support his mother and siblings. “How’s Mom?” Nat asked trying to desperately get him out of his mind funk. 

“She’s not doing well. Her back is getting worse, and Strange is talking surgery.”

Bucky’s mother had worked very hard for a lot of years when they first moved here. Then after his dad died she picked up more and more shifts and did the unthinkable jobs. Since she had fallen recently, the injury had put her out of work, and now, to repair her back, so she’s not in pain; Strange wants to operate. Nat was the only one who knew this; but that was because Steve never really asked about his family. To ask he had to be around which he’s not. 

“Surgery?” Nat exclaimed. “Its part of the reason why Rebecca came back home; since I can’t be there to take care of her.” Bucky explained.

Nat nodded. She felt bad for Bucky, and most of the time he acted like he had the whole world on his shoulders. He’s too prideful to ask for help, and now all this shit with Steve. The poor kid deserves a drink or two. Only Bucky under stress and sadness never only has a drink or two. 

He was no alcoholic because he can go months without a drink and not even think about it once. However, other times he’ll drink his sorrows away every day for a month straight. 

“I know you care for him.” Nat spoke carefully while Bucky walked further down the bar to assist a customer with his Zippo to light their cigarette. He looked at Nat already preparing a speech in his head to prove her wrong. “I’m rooting for you two. I’ve never seen two people click as well as you guys do. I’ve certainly never seen someone as happy as you are when he’s around; but right now, he’s hurting you. That’s not okay.”

“Who said I was hurting?” Bucky laughed and shook his head. “C’mon Natty,” he teased. “You know me better than that.”

“You love him, whether that’s what you’re calling it or not you do, and it hurts you to know every night he isn’t with you he’s with a woman.”

Bucky scoffed and walked out from behind the bar and went to clear the new empty tables; and then take orders from new customers. Nat watched him, frowning, and when he caught her looking he rolled his eyes. “Relax, Nat. It’s been like a month since we’ve been dating, so the L word is out of question.” he said.

Nat rolled her eyes. Bucky won’t admit it, but his body language said it all. The smiles he gives Steve, the way he relaxes when Steve touches him in anyway, and the way he literally doesn’t shut up about Steve when he’s not around- which has been a lot recently. Nat knew Bucky. She could tell that he was head over heels in love with Steve Rogers; he just didn’t know it yet.


	9. Teenage Kicks Right Through the Night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky and Steve have a date to remember.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys. 
> 
> I wanna thank every one who is reading my story, and everyone who has left a nice comment so far! 
> 
> I'd also like to take a moment to explain a few things. A: I'm trying to make my story as diverse as possible so- if you feel as if your sexuality hasn't been represented feel free to contact me and ask about it, but I do promise I have more characters to further dive into within sexuality. B: I'm not as educated on a lot of sexualities and/or gender related spectrums (transgender, queer gender, non binary etc) (I am still educating myself and learning)- i know a good amount since I am apart of the LGBTQ+ community myself and consider myself an ally to the parts of the community that don't apply to me. BUT if i do happen to write a character and you feel it misrepresents you in anyway PLEASE get a hold of me and tell me!!!!!! 
> 
> I just wanted to say that before I get too deep into the story :) 
> 
> PLEASE ENJOY THIS CHAPTER :) (And yes I am aware that my chapter title doesn't make much sense for the chapter JUST GO WITH IT)

Addicted

Chapter Nine

Date night came, and Bucky had been waiting in the cemetery for an hour. He still held hope in his chest that Steve was going to show up, but as the minutes drew on, the more he felt like Steve was going to bail. With his head hung low he pushed himself off a tomb and began to walk toward the exit only to see Steve jogging down the sidewalk.

Relief flooded his body, he may have been an hour late, but at least he showed up. “Sorry,” he panted. “Dinner ran over, and it took forever for me to convince them to let me spend the night at Peter’s.”

Bucky just waved it off and slipped his hand into Steve’s pulling him further back into the cemetery. “Is this where we’re having our date?”

Bucky shrugged and sat down by the mausoleum that they had their first kiss at, and Steve smiled at the memory; then pulled out a paper bag that he had been holding. “For an apology,” he offered it to Bucky.

“This is real shit,” Bucky laughed; “this stuff ain’t cheap.”

Steve only shrugged and watched as Bucky opened it and took the first swig. He then handed it off to Steve who took a drink, and just like that, the tension was melted away. Steve scooted closer to his boyfriend while Bucky slung an arm over his shoulder.

They drank and talked about everything that had been happening that the other had missed; but avoided topics that would just bring the tension back. After a quarter of the bottle was gone they grew quiet, enjoying the silence and their buzz. Bucky looked over at Steve who had his head tilted back staring up at the sky. “I missed you, ya know.”

Steve looked at Bucky and smiled. He leaned closer, so their faces were inches apart. “I’m here now.”

“Can I kiss you?”

“Do you even have to ask?”

Bucky caressed Steve’s cheek and pulled him closer so their lips could ignite the fire through his body, and they kissed in perfect sync. It was slow as their lips moved together creating a melodic rhythm. Steve placed his hands on Bucky’s shirt, clenching the fabric trying to pull him closer even though he was as close as close could be, but it wasn’t enough this time. He wanted, needed more.

This time, Steve took the initiative and pulled away to sponge wet kisses around Bucky’s neck. Bucky allowed his head to fall to the opposite side giving Steve all the access he needed. Steve was inexperienced, so he didn’t fully know if he was doing it right, but he continued nipping and sucking at the same spot on Bucky’s neck. “Fuck,” Bucky whispered. Steve moved and positioned himself onto Bucky’s lap. “Fuck, don’t move,” Bucky was in a near moan. Steve grinned against the bruising skin; just to be a little bit of a tease he shifted his hips to see what would happen. Bucky groaned as his hands went straight to his hips to stop him. “Steve,” his voice was breathy. “Slow down-”

“I don’t want to go slow,” Steve whispered his breath fanning over the new bruise he made. “Not anymore.”

Something erupted inside of Bucky. It sent a tingling sensation all through his body starting at the pit of his stomach. He felt the smile grow on his face. “We’re not fucking in a cemetery,” He snorted.

“Why not? We’re already going to hell, so why not have sex on a grave.”

Bucky let out a breathy laugh. “That desperate?” He grinned while Steve rolled his eyes. “We’re risking it by just hotly making out right here. We’re in public eye, and it’s dangerous for us to do anything-” Bucky spoke carefully, and Steve tilted his head to the side. “-here,” Bucky grinned.

“Somewhere else?” Steve asked cautiously.

Bucky nodded and ushered Steve off of him, and they got up making sure to grab the whiskey bottle. Bucky led Steve by the wrist down the street, both of them laughing like mad man; but as soon as the building came into sight a look of confusion fell on his face. “Your job?”

“Out back there are a lot of abandoned cars; it’s dark and out of public eye.” Bucky grinned. “I just gotta grab somethin’, to uh ease this for ya.” Bucky pulled out his keys and went into Hal’s office, and sat down in the chair as he rummaged though his desk. “Hal’s a dirty bastard, so where is it-”

“Where’s what?” Steve asked.

“Ah ha!” Bucky grinned and held up a small bottle making Steve cough in surprise. “I knew it, do you want to use a rubber or?”

“Uh- I- I mean-” Steve stuttered. “What’s the difference?”

“Well, no condom feels better for me, but it can help you since it’s your first time. Make things go smoother.”

“So, you’re uhm- going to be-”

“I was planning to, unless you want me to bottom then I can, but it’s up to you.”

Steve nodded, “You- uh top- then, I guess.”

Bucky nodded and grinned as he got up and led Steve into the lot that held all the junk yard cars. Abandoned and private, the two boys walked around a bit looking for a car big enough for them to comfortably move around in.

There was a tension between them something that made them both antsy. Bucky felt like he was the one losing his virginity, but he was buzzing with an excitement he’s never really felt before. He couldn’t help but smile as they walked toward a car. Steve wasn’t nervous as much as he was excited, and he trusted Bucky enough to be open and vulnerable with him. His hands still trembled as he gripped the door handle of the chosen car, but unfortunately the door was rusted and a bit difficult to open. “Here let me.” Bucky pushed Steve’s hands aside and yanked hard on the door, but it only budged a little. So much for trying to impress Steve.

“Together,” Steve smiled down at him, and Bucky nodded as they both gripped the door and yanked hard. It made an awful scraping noise and opened making the two boys stumble back. Bucky motioned for Steve to get in first, and then followed him in. The back was spacious enough for them. “Are you nervous?”

“No,” Bucky shook his head, but Steve knew he was a bit nervous by his body language.

“I am too,” Steve sighed. “So, could we just kiss a little?”

Bucky smiled and pulled Steve closer to him their lips fusing together in a melted passion; as they kissed Bucky felt his lips twitch into a smile which rubbed off on Steve causing him to smile which made the kissing a lot harder than one would expect. “Stop smiling,” Steve chuckled against Bucky’s lips, but that only made Bucky smile even more causing Steve to look away so he didn’t laugh right in his face.

“I thought you liked my smile,” Bucky mock pouted.

“I love your smile,” Steve said seriously.

Bucky cupped Steve’s cheek and kissed him hard; pushing him back so he was against the door. Steve tried to follow and compete with Bucky’s frantic kissing, but after realizing he couldn’t even compete he allowed his jaw to slacken and allowed Bucky to take full control of the kiss.

Their hands explored each other. Steve quickly found out that Bucky loved his hair being tugged at and played with; so Steve kept his hands there his fingers wrapping around strands of hair. Bucky pushed his hand under Steve’s shirt his fingers igniting a fire where his fingers touched. Bucky pulled away to sit up but only so he could yank off his own shirt.

Steve stared, how could one person be so beautiful. With the moon cascading over only half his face and body, the muscles in his stomach contacting with every breath, and the way his dog tags seemed to glimmer in the half moonlight. “Like what you see?” Bucky smirked calling back to the time Steve stared at him, and Steve’s breath hitched as he nodded with a tiny smirk. “Good,” Bucky grinned. “Now, listen to me doll I’m in charge tonight, and what I say goes got it?”

Steve gulped and nodded. Bucky titled his head with a small smirk. “Verbal answers, doll.”

“Y-yes,” Steve nodded.

“Alright then, pretty boy, get that shirt off, and let me see that perfect little body of yours.”

Steve sat up a little and began pulling his shirt off; but Bucky had always been an impatient boy, so he quickened the pace by yanking the shirt over Steve’s head. He pushed Steve back so he was just staring at him, and Bucky couldn’t help the smile at the boy- his boy. Steve was so beautiful in the pale moonlight. He couldn’t fight the gravitational pull toward Steve and fell on him smashing his lips against Steve’s roughly. As the night went on they spent hours upon hours exploring one another in the dark of the night with the moon’s careful eye watching over them, and the only sounds being of pleasure and their heavy breaths.

 

***

Steve was the first to wake, he was disoriented at first, but memories of the previous night and, well, early that morning pushed to the front of his mind. He grinned at the memories, how vulnerable and intimate they were with each other. He looked down at the man who was still naked in his arms, his face pressed against his chest, and his fingers occasionally twitching with whatever dream he was dreaming.

That’s not what shocked him. It was the dark red lines that were dragged down the length of his back, the crescent shaped nail marks on his shoulder blades, and not to mention the shining purple, mouth shaped marks on his shoulder blades and more trailing down to his neck and chest. Their clothes were everywhere. “Buck,” Steve whispered using the hand that wasn’t occupied by Bucky to move Bucky’s bangs out of his eyes. “We have to get going.”

Bucky groaned rising up a little to rub his eyes and look around, a tired but happy smile spread over his face. “Good mornin’, beautiful.” His voice was raspy, and he laughed when he heard his own voice. “Oh fuck,” he grinned; “I sound awful.”

“Well, I like it.” Steve grinned. Bucky sat up biting his lip as he checked out Steve in all of his glory. “Alright, let’s book it before Hal gets here.”

The two of them separated and tried to get dressed in the now seemingly too cramped car. Bucky climbed out of the backseat and stretched then put on his shirt. “Your back,” Steve said as he climbed out of the car.

“It’ll fade,” He smiled. “Just like hickies do, they’ll fade in a few days.”

Steve nodded, and he pulled his shirt over his head. Once they were fully dressed Bucky sat down on the hood of the car and he lit a cigarette taking a long drag and sighing. “I have to meet Peggy in a few hours.”

“Can ya not talk about her when we just fucked a few hours ago?” Bucky asked and took another drag offering it to Steve who took it and grinned before taking a small drag. “I hate to do this to you, but we’ve got to walk home.”

“W-walk?” Steve asked as he shifted now noticing the dull ache in his lower regions.

“If we see a cab, we’ll grab one,” Bucky said sliding off the hood of the car and kissed Steve’s cheek and took his hand and led him out of the junk yard.

The walk home was fine at first, but as they continued to walk the more uncomfortable Steve became. “How come you’re not in pain? I did what you did-”

“Topped Steve, you can say it, it’s not bad, and plus you fucked me good.” Steve blushed as Bucky rolled his eyes. “I’m not in pain because I’ve bottomed before. I prefer topping but once in a while bottoming is fun. I’m still a bit sore, but it wasn’t my first time and you were quite generous with lube.”

Steve’s cheeks burned hot, and Bucky could only laugh. “I may have taken your virginity, but you’re still a cherry ain’t ya? Innocent as a child.”

Steve lightly shoved Bucky.

It wasn’t long until they got back to Bucky’s place, and as soon as they walked in they saw Nat and Clint sitting on the floor with the coffee table between them playing a game of cards. “Have a long night?” Nat asked smirking at the two.

“More like a rough night,” Clint chuckled, and Nat laughed high fiving her boyfriend.

“Oh, bag it will you?” Bucky groaned. “I need coffee, and we better have it I swear.”

Nat sipped her mug while giving Steve a wink.

“Dammit Nat!”

“Clint, go to the corner store on fifth and pick up some coffee,” Nat said, and Clint nodded leaning over the table giving her a quick peck.

“Well, I need a nap so I’m going to do that,” Steve said, but first, he walked over to Bucky who subtly handed him a bottle of aspirin and a cup of water. “Thanks,” He smiled and gave him a peck on the lips. Then he disappeared on into Bucky’s bedroom.

Bucky sat down where Clint was sitting and picked up his cards to play. “Was he good?”

“Mind blowing,” Bucky smirked. “Practically all night.”

“So, who did the dirty work?”

Bucky smirked. “Wouldn’t you like to know?”

***

Hours later Steve sat on the closed toilet seat as Nat covered up his hickies that were noticeable. “Okay just repeat what I did with this concealer and you should be fine.” She paused a moment and handed him the small compact. “So how was it for you? Last night? Feel different?”

“I don’t feel any different, maybe a bit more grown up, but not different. He was so sweet and gentle, and mind blowing and hot all at the same time.” Steve said staring at the tile floor. “I just hope I was as good for him as he was for me. I’m just so inexperienced, and he’s been with so many other partners.”

“You know he and I have been best friends for a little while right?” She asked. Steve nodded. “So believe me when I tell you this. No matter how many other partners he’s had none have ever put him on such a high that he hasn’t stopped smiling and humming all day. He even has been smiling in his sleep. I can also tell when he really, _really,_ likes someone, and when he’s completely falling for someone.”

Steve couldn’t fight the smile crawling to his face at her words, and he shyly looked up at Nat. “Really?”

“Yeah, and you know he’s happier when you’re around. In fact, he gets so blinded by that foolish happiness he can’t see when you’re hurting him.”

Steve scrunched up his face at Nat in utter confusion. “What?”

“Really? You can’t see it either? He’s hurting, Steve! You’re fucking engaged with a _woman_! You’re slowly spending more and more time with her, and putting him on the back burner, and as much as I support you guys relationship I refuse to see him get hurt in the end of all of this bullshit. So choose; Bucky or the preppy stuck up bitch.”

Steve swallowed the lump over his throat and stood towering over her, but Nat never lost her hard, icy stare. She lowered her eyes into a glare and Steve sighed shaking his head. “Bucky and I have an understanding. I highly suggest you stay out of something you don’t understand.”

With that he pushed her aside and walked out to the living room where Bucky was taking a nap on the couch. “Babe,” Steve said quietly grinning at how the pet name slipped from his lips, and he pushed his fingers through Bucky’s fallen hair on his forehead.

“Hmph,” He groaned and then yawned as he said, “What?”

“I’ve got to go, major dinner tonight,” Steve said and planted a kiss to Bucky’s forehead. “I’ll catch you later, okay?”

Bucky puckered his lips and Steve grinned and kissed Bucky quickly and then stood up to leave. “Bye,” Bucky grinned. Nat stared from the bathroom doorway, and when she caught Clint’s eyes and she nodded toward her bedroom where she went to and began to pace around the small room.

“You’re doing the thing again aren’t you?” He asked as he plopped down on the bed and picked up a magazine he had laying on the night stand and began to flip through it.

“What do you mean?”

“The thing where you realize that your own relationship is so incredibly healthy and boring so you insert yourself into your friend’s lives.”

“I care for my friends, and want them as happy as I am. You can’t blame me for trying to help them.”

“No, but its bullshit if you can honestly tell yourself that you’re doing it with their well being in mind.”

“That’s a load shit,” Nat huffed crossing her arms and glaring at Clint. “I’m trying to protect my best friend.”

           “Okay tell me this, do you suspect that Steve is abusing Bucky? Mentally or physically?”

           “Well not technically,” She sighed.

           “Then leave it, Nat.”

           She sighed and sat down next to Clint who finally looked up from his magazine. “Bucky’s really happy right now and he hasn’t been this happy in a long time.”

 

       ***

            At Steve’s house he sat on the porch steps with Peter, but inside his parents as well as Peggy and her parents sat around a big table and talked about the wedding and Steve’s dad’s upcoming campaign party.

           “You guys did it?” Peter asked. “Now, I’ve heard it all.”

            Steve laughed. “You know the funny thin is that Nat got all up in my case earlier, and she said that I was hurting Bucky.”

            Peter looked away, and Steve stood up and tilted his head. “What?”

         “It’s just that, I agree with her. You are, and he doesn’t even know it.”

           “What’s with you two?! I’m not hurting him!”

           “Steve! You’re engaged and to a woman at that! That doesn’t feel good on anyone’s heart,” Peter mumbled.

           “So, you think I should break up with Peggy too?” He scoffed. “You’re unbelievable.”

            Peter shrugged his shoulders and heaved a sigh. “I don’t know, man. I think you need to do what’s right.”

            Steve sighed and shook his head and the laughed a dry laugh. “And what’s right?”

           “That’s on you, pal. But let me tell you, when Loki used to have to go on dates with women to keep his façade it killed me every time, and finally he chose. He did what was right for us,” Peter said.

          “You didn’t want him to come out!”

          “No! I didn’t want him to come out to Thor, but I wanted him to stop going out with broads.”

           Steve shook his head. “I wish people would stay out of my relationship.”

            Peter only shook his head and walked by Steve and made sure to give his shoulder a squeeze, and then walked back inside leaving Steve without any words. That’s two people telling him he was hurting Bucky by staying engaged, but they just don’t understand. This is what’s safe, using Peggy as a cover was safe for them to be them. Sure, right now he was a little busy, but after they were officially married he could start spending more time with Bucky. It was just a small hill they had to get over.

 

  

 


	10. A Storm's A Brewin'

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky gets advice. Bucky opens up to Steve. Steve draws. Bucky finds something of Steve's and it causes conflict.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry that I've not updated in a while. I just got a job and have been so busy this week. SORRY! Enjoy the chapter. xxxxxx

Addicted

Chapter Ten

It had been weeks since Bucky and Steve really hung out or went on any dates, and Bucky once again threw himself into work at all his jobs. He finished the truck he was working on and was paid a hefty amount of dough for the job he did, and now had a motorcycle that he was working on trying to at least get it running once again.

At Cricket he would smile and talk to customers, but on the inside, he’d never admit that he was hurt. He missed Steve, and it began to feel like the only time they ever got to see each other is when Steve would come to Cricket, and they’d go back to Bucky’s and fuck. Not that Bucky was complaining, but it began to feel like he had a fuck buddy rather than a boyfriend. That isn’t what he wanted, and he longed for the days when they’d talk or just sit there in each other’s arms. It felt like nothing could ruin the perfect little bubble they had.

 Something- no someone did ruin that perfect little bubble, and _she_ had dark hair and bright red lipstick and stunning heals. She weaseled her way between them, but Bucky was trying so hard to be a good boyfriend and make it all work. It was so hard, sharing his boyfriend with a woman who was undeserving of someone so sweet and kind. “James,” He looked up at the sound of his name to see Rebecca and Andrea in the bar.

“C’mon don’t call me that,” he groaned. He got Rebecca a drink and leaned against the bar at both of them. “Where’s your oafs?”

“My friends are at home,” Rebecca shrugged.

“C’mon Bucky, can’t I get just a small cup of booze?”

Bucky’s eyes fell on his young sister, and he smiled shaking his head. “Now what kind of big brother would I be if I let my little sister drink?”

“An awesome one?”

Bucky just shook his head. “How’s Mom?”

“Better. Excited to meet that new boyfriend of yours, word on the street is you guys uh made it official,” Rebecca smiled, Andrea smirked at him.

“And Alice?” He switched the topic to his other little sister. “She send another letter?” Alice was currently in boarding school, one that she wanted to go to, and Tony was more than happy to pay for her way in.

“She sent a letter, she’s doing good, and she misses us all,” Drea said.

“What about you?” He questioned. “Weren’t you runnin’ around with a boy?”

Andrea rolled her eyes. “I don’t want to date him anymore.”

“By that she means her and Thia are a thing,” Rebecca said. “Two out of four not straight in our family, Dad would be proud.”

Bucky laughed and agreed, and he poured himself a drink despite not being allowed to drink on the job. It was obvious he had begun to drink more since things grew unknowingly rocky between Steve and him. “Drinking more?” Rebecca asked.

“None of your business,” He said as he took a sip of his drink. His sister eventually went over to talk to Nat, and he played nice with the customers, but he kept glancing toward the door hoping- maybe even praying that Steve would waltz in and kiss him and say he broke up with that preppy son- daughter of a bitch. Every time he looked he never saw him. Until he did, he saw him wearing his perfect smile, but he was holding the door open for someone.

Her. Her dark hair and her red lips already turning in disgust, she stared with a judgmental look at every happy couple, and Bucky could feel his heart begin to hammer against his chest. Steve smiled at Bucky walking over to him where he stood staring in absolute shock. “Hey, Buck.”

“What the hell is she doing here?” He hissed dodging Steve’s incoming kiss.

“We were on our way to a date, and I’ve not seen you in a while, so I thought I’d drop by,” Steve confusedly smiled at Bucky, but Bucky’s look remained unchanging. “What’s the problem?”

“The problem is that you brought a woman into a bar that is supposed to be secret, a homophobic woman who hates everything that I- that you- _that we_ stand for! This fucking bar is a safe haven for people to be themselves no matter who they are, and you brought in someone who hates all that!” Bucky practically growled out his words, but Steve just stood there with his mouth agape.

“I didn’t think it would be a problem, I told her what it would be like in here before we got here, and she doesn’t hate it. She doesn’t care.”

“I’m not arguing with you over this,” He said. “You need to get out of _my_ fucking bar.”

“Fine,” Steve said as he backed away from the bar. “When you’re done throwing a fit come see me at the cemetery.”

Nat saw it all unfold, and she looked at her boyfriend who just looked away. “This isn’t going to end well.”

***

Steve leaned against the mausoleum where he and Bucky shared their first kiss, and he waited for Bucky to show because he knew he would eventually show. It was hours later when he walked through the cemetery entrance, he was a bit buzzed from the drinks he had while on the job, but sober enough to make coherent decisions. “Buck,” Steve said with a small sigh. Bucky stood in front of Steve his hands buried in his pockets and his head tilted to the ground.

“I’m sorry for yelling at you and kicking you out of the bar. I shouldn’t have done that,” Bucky mumbled, and Steve pushed himself from the chipped, brick wall and pulled Bucky into him. He hugged him and buried his face into his neck breathing in his thick cigarette and cheap cologne scent. Bucky pulled his hands out of his pockets and wrapped his arms around Steve his chin resting on Steve’s shoulder. “It’s okay,” Steve said. “I understand.” Bucky broke the hug and looked at Steve with a small smile.

“I’m really tired tonight, and I know you probably have plans tomorrow but I would really appreciate being with you all night. Not fucking, but just being with you,” Bucky suddenly felt shy as he refused to look up at Steve. Steve grinned, and gently caressed Bucky’s cheek. “Lead the way.”

They walked back to Bucky’s place, it was late, but they felt it was still too early to be out holding hands in public, but Bucky still wrapped his pinky around Steve’s and smiled at him. “Do you mind if we stop at the corner store for some booze?”

After they picked up the booze Bucky didn’t wait in opening one of the cans and taking a large drink of it. They walked and shared a beer until they finally reached Bucky’s apartment, for once Nat wasn’t home and neither was Clint; due to them having to work late tonight. “I’m tired,” Steve mumbled as they sat down on the couch, Bucky sat the six pack of beer on the coffee table.

“Wanna get ready for bed then?”

Steve nodded, and they went to Bucky’s room, they had gotten more comfortable around each other, and they were able to change in front of each other if they felt like it. More often or not they would sleep naked, or in at least minimal clothing. They found a comfortable position, Steve’s arm around Bucky’s shoulders, and he was comfortably in Steve’s arms.

There wasn’t anything to say, but Bucky just enjoyed the feeling of having his boyfriend next to him. A satisfaction falling over him knowing that Steve was here and not with her. Bucky wasn’t one to be insecure in relationships, but with Steve he felt like he wasn’t enough. Maybe he didn’t share enough or show enough affection.

Bucky glanced at Steve’s hand that was gently touching his dog tags. “They were my dads,” he said and sat up pulling himself from Steve and removed the tags and handed them to Steve so he could look at them closer. “He was killed in action a few years ago.”

Steve was silent as Bucky continued. “My dad moved here when he was a teenager, and he enlisted in the army while living here. I don’t know how they even allowed him- he wasn’t a citizen, but according to the stories he told us they thought he had a heart braver than a lion.” Bucky smiled as a fond image of his father excitedly telling his army stories to anyone who was willing to listed came to his mind.

“He visited Romania a few times and on one of those times he met my mom, and I guess it was that whole love at first sight bullshit. Eventually they married and I came along.” Bucky said with a small smile, and he sighed as he decided to continue. “Dad wanted to move to America before I was born, but Mom always got her way with him. She wanted her child to grow up in Romania for at least a little while, so my dad some how managed to make trips back in forth between America and Romania. Eventually I was born and shortly after Mom was pregnant with Rebecca, but it wasn’t until she was pregnant with Alice that she officially decided to move with my Dad.”

“Did you want to move?” Steve asked as he ran his fingers through Bucky’s hair. Bucky laughed while shaking his head.

“Of course not, I barely knew English, Rebecca was young, so she would pick the English up, and Andrea was still a baby so she’d grow up knowing both. My mom though, she didn’t know any English, she was leaving more than family she was leaving her life, and I think a part of her resented my dad for it.” Bucky looked away for a moment as if he just remembered something.

“If she didn’t want to then why’d she go?”

“She married him,” Bucky shrugged. “She loved him, _they loved_ each other more than anything, God,” Bucky laughed. “He would move heaven and earth to make her happy, and to make her comfortable in America. He tried to help all of us with English.” Bucky smiled. “Most of the English I learned were from soldiers on base or ones that came to visit my Dad- so lots of swear words.”

Steve smiled a fond look melting over his features, Bucky wasn’t making much eye contact, so Steve guessed it was because Bucky tried to build a wall around his heart so he’d never feel the same kind of pain he felt when he lost his father. He caged himself off from everything that could hurt him, fucked around because relationships are hard and can hurt, but then Steve came into his life. Little by little Steve chipped that wall a way.

“We bounced around a lot, but mostly we lived in New York somewhere, once we went to the west coast, and then we lived down south in Georgia for a while, but we always came back to Brooklyn. Rebecca and I helped my mom learn English, our accents slowly faded since we were younger, but my mom her accent is still as thick as molasses. So good luck when you meet her.”

Steve grinned, “I’m going to meet your mom?”

“Eventually,” Bucky smiled. “I want her to meet you at least.”

“As you were saying about your childhood.”

“During our stays at New York I met Nat, and we became good friends. When I was trying to come out she was the first I told, and when my mom and dad found out they kicked me out,” The distant, blank look grew in his eyes again. “They found me in bed with the boy that lived down the street, he was great and showed me people like me and opened me up to the community, and he was the one to introduce me to Bruce and Cricket.” Bucky trailed off his lips twitching, and his eyes began to get watery which made Steve quickly wrap his arms around his boyfriend.

“Hey, hey, hey,” Steve whispered pressing his lips to Bucky’s temple. “Are you ok?”

“Sorry,” he chuckled and wiped his eyes with his shirt. “I’m fine.” He said he was fine, but his voice was strained like he was holding back. “Anyway, I was like fifteen and my parents were supposed to be on a date night, but they came home early and I was with a boy. My dad chased him all the way down the block, and that’s when the rumors started.”

“Rumors?” Steve questioned.

“That boy was killed-”

“Oh my God! I heard about that, he was your boyfriend- they blamed your dad,” Steve frowned, and Bucky nodded.

“They didn’t want to pin it on a respected army man, so they tried to pin it on me. Tony got me out of it, but the rumors still float around occasionally,” Bucky shrugged his shoulders. “You should know, people have been dragging my family’s name through the mud, but we don’t care. My dad used to get so pissed off about it, but it doesn’t matter anymore. A few months later my dad was killed in action,” Bucky looked down and took his dog tags back and put them on and stared down at them as they laid on his bare chest.

“What happened to him?” Steve asked as he gently moved a strand of his hair from his forehead. “Did they say what happened?”

“Shot fatally,” Bucky shrugged and sighed. “I miss him a lot, and he never got over the gay thing, or didn’t get a chance to. He died hating me.”

 Bucky’s jaw clenched, and his knuckles grew white around the cold metal in his fist. All of his confession had to be hard for him to admit, so Steve was confused as to why he even decided to tell him all of this. “Buck, you didn’t have to tell me all of that.”

“I know, but you’re my boyfriend and you deserve to know who I am and where I come from,” Bucky settled back down. “Plus, I miss just talking to you, before sex was involved we’d talk for hours, and I just realized we never talked about ourselves personally.”

Steve wrapped his arms around Bucky pressing his lips against his temple, and let the fighting smile win over his feature. “I appreciate you sharing,” Steve said. “I suppose I should tell you about myself too then.”

As the night went on Steve told Bucky about his life, how sheltered he truly is, how he still attends church regularly with his parents, and how embarrassingly innocent he really is. It felt like the distance they drifted apart was disappearing as they pulled closer with different topics, and they talked well into the early hours, Bucky sharing stories about his childhood, first boyfriend, and past fuck buddies that were too awkward for their own good. While Steve told embarrassing childhood stories until they fell asleep tangled in the blanket and in each other’s arms

 

***

Bucky was gone when Steve woke up, he groaned and rolled over to Bucky’s side of the bed look at the nightstand to see a note laying there folded so neatly. Steve picked up and rolled onto his back holding the note up.

_Went to work. Didn’t want to wake you. See you whenever I see you, cherry boy._

_-Bucky xoxo_

Steve cringed at the nickname, but smiled at the fact that Bucky cared enough to write him a note letting him know where he was. Steve sat up and leaned over to grab his wallet from his pants and folded the note neatly and placed it in his wallet along with the other notes he received from his boyfriend.

Steve laid there staring at the ceiling staring at the small cracks that were there from the building shifting, and his mind thought of his boyfriend’s smiling face. When he blinked his face was gone and replaced with the face of his fake girlfriends, she was smiling the way she always smiled at Steve, and her eyes were filled with joy and happiness and her smile was small, but anyone could tell she was happy. She was in love, and sometimes Steve wished he could love her in the way she wanted.

He sighed and sat up tossing his wallet on to the bedside table, and went to Bucky’s closet to pull out a sweater, and then pulled on his jeans and walked out to the main room. Everyone was at work, so he had the apartment to himself, so he grabbed a blank sketchbook that he brought over when he was last here and plopped down on the love seat with a cup of coffee and his little pencil bag and his sketchbook and began to sketch out whatever he felt like. Today he felt like sketching his boyfriend, but in the way, he saw him as a strong superhero complex.

 

***

Bucky cursed as he fiddled with putting a new part on motorcycle, it wasn’t exactly working for him, and so he stood back and wiped the grease on his jumpsuit. Hal was working on a car next to him. “Gimme a hand?” Hal asked catching Bucky’s attention, and he nodded walking over to the car and sliding into the driver’s seat awaiting the signal to start the car up. “Awright! Start ‘er up!”

Bucky turned the key allowing the car to sputter and click and then roar to life. Hal frowned and scratched his flat belly, and then scratched his thick gray beard. “Do ya ‘ear that?” He asked. Bucky listened closely he heard it, the sound of metal rubbing together and a gentle clicking noise, so he cut the engine and walked around front to see what Hal thought it was.

“Do you know what’s wrong?”

“Hell, if I know,” he sighed his husky voice sounding far too rough like gravel moving around in his throat. “The broad drove her way too hard, can’t imagine the shit that she probably hit with this beauty. You see, son this is why broads shouldn’t drive!” Bucky rolled his eyes but nodded along just so he wouldn’t start an argument that would cost him his job. “Better off stayin’ home and makin’ dinner and takin’ care of us men like they were bred to.” He continued to grumble as he reached down in the hood of the car trying to adjust a part to see if that helps the rattle.

“Do you have a wife, sir?” Bucky asked.

“Been tied down for nearly thirty years,” He grumbled leaning back wiping his hands on his jumpsuit. “Let’s take a smoke break.”

Bucky and Hal sat outside smoking a way their stress. “My wife, pretty little thing she was in her day, but ain’t too smart. Girls sure have changed since my days of runnin’ around, oh I’m envious of you youngsters because Lord knows if I had the type of women runnin’ around like y’all do today I would’ve never settled down.”

 Bucky just shook his head letting out a dry chuckle before he took a long drag, Hal was something else and Bucky wouldn’t call it a good something, but a job is a job he doesn’t have a choice. So, he had to listen to all the shit that flows out of his mouth. “Boy, I don’t know how you do it.”

“Do what?” Bucky asked. “Sir,” he added as an after thought.

“Handle all these good lookin’ broads and not explode.”

“Oh,” Bucky said. “I don’t know.”

“Got yourself a good lookin’ lady at home?”

Bucky took a small drag of his cigarette and looked at Hal, and out of pure panic he nodded. Hal smiled revealing his yellowing teeth. “Give you any trouble?”

“No? _She’s_ great, really pretty like mind-blowingly gorgeous, sweet and nurturing, and incredibly smart-”

“I doubt she’s smart,” Hal said with a lazy shrug. He threw his cigarette down and stomped it out. “Take some advice for an older man; women are excellent actors, and they love to pretend to know about something when they know nothing, but don’t let that fool you, your woman will be the first to break your heart if you’re not careful. Also, don’t let people run over ya kid. I think you and I are a lot alike, so let me tell you what I wish someone woulda told me when I was your age; life isn’t fair, you’ll never have the perfect life or happiness, so quit striving for it. As long as you know what kind of man you are you’ll do just fine in life.”

The advice wasn’t all that bad, a bit sexist, but deep down if you look hard enough the message wasn’t half bad. Too bad Bucky was gay.

Hal walked back in to tend to the car while Bucky continued to smoke his cigarette, he was at peace until he saw a woman with dark glossy hair hustling her way toward Bucky, and it was quite comical how tight she was clutching her expensive purse and the way she kept looking behind herself. “Well looked what the cat threw up,” Bucky said when she was in ear shot.

“That’s not the saying,” Peggy said as she reached him.

“I wasn’t trying to be accurate.”

“Can you not be an absolute Neanderthal for two seconds? I’d like to have a civil conversation with you.”

“I’m listening,” Bucky shrugged.

“Can you put out your disgusting habit?” She asked motioning toward the cigarette. Bucky nodded dropping the finished cigarette, but then reached in his pocket and pulled out his pack and pulled out another cancer stick and lit it up taking a long drag and then blew it in her face.

“Sorry, if you expect me to stand her and listen to you I’ll need something to keep me calm.”

She sighed and clutched her purse tighter. “I love Steve-”

“And that’s why I need the cig!”

“Let me finish, dammit! I love him, and I have known him a lot longer than you have! He’s impressionable and innocent and someone like you could ruin his life,” She said.

“Someone like me?” He scoffed.

“Get real Barnes, you two don’t fit, he’s smart and has a bright future ahead of him while you’ll be doing jobs like this for the rest of your life, and you can’t _possibly_ think you two will ever last. Steve is just going through something, and he may like the _idea_ of you but when it comes down to it he will always choose me over you.”

Bucky exhaled in a chuckle as a puff of smoke left his mouth, and Peggy rolled her eyes trying to wave it from her face. “You came here to tell me to break up with him?” He asked, and she nodded. “You see, you don’t know him because if you did you’d know that he feels strongly about me, and you can see how well- how perfect we are.”

“Wake up Barnes! You’re living in a fantasy!”

“You wake up! Because after every one of _your_ dates he comes home to _me_ , after he sees _you_ he comes to see _me_ , while he’s kissing _you_ he pictures _me_ , and while he’s on dates with _you_ he’s thinking about _me_. But while he’s with me _I’m_ the one making him _beg_ for more of me, _I’m_ the one helping him discover all the pleasures that come from body, and at the end of the day _I’m_ the one getting him off not _you_. So, if you ask me my fantasy is pretty damn good.”

Peggy frowned and looked down the street where some shouting began, a man was pushed out into the light, blood evident coming from his mouth and nose, and two bigger guys- ones that Bucky knew -came out of the ally and continued beating the ever loving shit out of the man. Bucky cursed and sighed. “I’m not letting you win,” Bucky said. “Now scurry on out of here, pretty little rich girls aren’t safe ‘round these parts.”

Of course, he was just fucking with her; but he’d admit it was damn funny watching her nearly run back up the street. Bucky threw his cigarette down and stomped it out, he turned down toward the street sighing as he walked toward the fight. “Hey! Hey! What the fuck is goin’ on here?”

***

Bucky got back home, but instead of Steve being there he was met with an empty house. He sighed and went to the kitchen to start some coffee since he did have to work at Cricket tonight, his head was pounding, and Peggy’s annoyingly elegant voice echoed in his head repeating her harsh words. Bucky leaned against the counter and rubbed his temples when he caught glance of his blackened hands from the car oil and grease. He pushed himself off the counter and stripped his shirt and then his pants tossing them into the hamper making a mental note to do laundry some time later that week, and then scrubbed his hands to get the grease of making another mental note to shower before work.

After washing up he drifted into his room to grab comfortable clothes and to lay out his restaurant attire, and then went back to the kitchen to pour himself a coffee and quickly decided to make it Irish after another one of Peggy’s word bounced off the inside of his brain. The coffee was strong, and he could barely taste the whiskey in it which was good because he knew he didn’t add too much into it.

He went into the living room turning on the TV that sat in front of the window, Clint got a raise in his job and of course went out to buy it, and Bucky wasn’t complaining it filled the apartment with noise when nobody else was home. He liked that.

He kicked his feet up and began watching whatever program was on until something caught his eye on the coffee table, it was a notebook that looked obviously worn, and he assumed it must have been Nat’s. So naturally he sat his coffee down and picked it up and flipped it open. It was evident that pages were ripped out, but the one rest of the paper that was in the notebook were sketches.

Sketches of the local church, one of a random street with houses and buildings, ones of cute little doodles of monkeys doing circus stunts, but the best ones that clearly took time to finish were of people. Portraits. The one Bucky was looking at was of a very familiar face, and the whole picture was black and white except for her lips. Her lips were bright red, and her eyes held this seductive look to them with full, dark lashes. Her lips had a subtle pout and a strand of her hair fell messily into part of her eye covering a bit of her face. The picture looked like a photograph, but was clearly sketched.

“Damn,” Bucky whispered. “Did he draw this from memory?”

He liked the picture, but not the person in the picture so he flipped the pages only to find that several pages were filled of _her_. Peggy. Bucky shook his head and kept looking, and he’d never admit to it but he was trying to find one picture of him. Some evidence that Steve at least attempted to draw him. He knew it was petty to grow doubts over not being drawn, but if he gives a shit enough to draw his beard then why can’t he give a shit to draw him?

Peggy’s words grew louder in his head, his face grew hot and his ears burned while his chest tightened, and his heart slammed against his chest. Steve liked him. They were dating. There had to be a logical answer for why he had nearly an entire notebook filled with drawings of his “girlfriend”

Still Peggy’s words screamed inside of his head. He didn’t want to sit at home anymore, he didn’t want to relax, he wanted to drink, but he couldn’t get drunk before work so he threw on his work attire grabbed clothes to change in and decided to head into work early.

***

Steve stood in his room carefully removing the metal box from the bottom of his closet and setting it on the bed, he took the drawings he did of Bucky and put them neatly into the box and then locked it back up placing it in the closet hidden under one of his jackets. He smiled quickly looking at his clothes, a dressy casual outfit and hair damn near perfect.

He trotted down the stairs to see Peggy kindly smiling while talking to his mother. “Ready?” He asked offering her his arm, and she took it while smiling brightly at him. He kissed his mother’s cheek and told her he wouldn’t be out too late. They headed to their dinner date, as soon as they stepped out side Steve’s smile faded, and Peggy’s dropped completely.

“Are you taking me to that god awful, sin infested restaurant?”

“It’s a nice place,” he sighed. “Besides you like their salads and chicken.”

Peggy grew quiet as they approached the building. Bucky was waiting a table when they walked in, and Steve smiled at him as a silent hello. Bucky stared at them and rolled his eyes clearly in some kind of mood. “How about you focus on me tonight, your girlfriend?”

Steve turned away his mind clouding with confusion with why Bucky would be in a bad mood. Soon enough Bucky came over.

“Really? Can’t have one night with him alone can I?” She huffed.

“You see him more than I do so,” Bucky mumbled, praying neither heard him. “What can I get you to drink?”

“Red wine,” Peggy answered for them. Bucky nodded and jotted it down.

“Do you know what you’d like to have, or do you need a minute?”

“We know.”

The tension was so thick between the three of them, Bucky only managed a smile that was obviously fake, and Steve couldn’t even manage a fake smile because he could feel the coldness from Bucky radiating off of him. He just wanted to know what he did wrong.

Bucky nodded and walked back to the kitchen where he immediately leaned over the sink, he felt like he was going to be sick, or pass out or both. “What’s wrong with you,” Someone snarled from behind him. “Heroin withdrawal?”

“Fuck off,” He muttered, and turned the sink on to splash cold water over his face.

“Nicotine withdrawal? Quitting the cancer sticks?”

Bucky pushed himself up off the sink’s edge and turned to face his co-worker. “Lay off, man. I’m not in the mood.”

“Maybe if you weren’t such a fuckin’ junkie you’d be able to do your job,” He lightly shoved Bucky, and Bucky took a deep breath trying to push down the bubbling anger rising to his throat.

“I’m not a junkie,” Bucky said with a blank look taking over his face, and his co-worker grinned and tilted his head to the side.

“Oh, maybe you’re just tired? From what I hear you’re just like your mother,” He said as a shit eating grin took over his features. “Mommy is a slut, so you had to follow in her footsteps?”

“Watch it,” Bucky warned.

“You see, your ma is too old for me, and I don’t have a thing for older women. Your sisters on the other hand,” He bit his lips and smirked at Bucky. “Word on the block is they follow in mommy and big brother’s footsteps. They’re easy too, and according to my buddy Bitchy Becca is quite the sco-”

Bucky shoved him back. “Shut your fuckin’ mouth! You don’t go near my family or I’ll”

“You’ll what? Kill me?”

Bucky’s jaw clenched and he was so close to just decking the guy, but Bruce quickly stepped in the middle of them. “What the hell is going on here?”

“Nothin,” Bucky spat out. “I was just heading out to check on my tables.”

“Yeah, I was just putting my order in.”

Bruce looked at the boys not believing a single word either said, but he stepped aside. “Next time you bring your drama in here I fire you both.”

 

The rest of his shift Bucky tried to ignore Steve and Peggy; he even handed off their table to a waitress who was kind enough to pick up the extra table. Steve was hurt, he didn’t know why Bucky was so pissed off, but he was determined to find out why. That’s why when he saw Bucky heading outside to take a smoke break Steve excused himself. “Buck? What’s wrong?”

Bucky looked up from his crouched position a cigarette dangling from his lips, and once his eyes fell on Steve he rolled his eyes. “Did I do something? I didn’t mean to upset you, I know I’ve not been around a lot, but that doesn’t mean I want you mad at me.”

“I’m working,” Bucky stated.

“You’re mad at me.”

“It’s whatever, I’ll get over it,” Bucky huffed. He hadn’t lit his cigarette yet, but he still held it like he was.

“Bucky you have to tell me, I want to fix this, and I don’t want you mad at me.”

“I’m not fucking mad at you, damn just lay off,” Bucky huffed rubbing his head and then he lit up his cigarette and took a long drag, and Steve bit his lip and stared at Bucky. “Stop it.”

“You’re either going to tell me what’s wrong with you, or we’re going to sit out here and fight about it.”

“For crying out fucking loud, Steve. I’m not mad!” Bucky huffed.

“You sure sound like it,” Steve countered folding his arms across his chest and stared down at him.

“Quit staring at me,” Bucky huffed.

“What is it?” Steve asked. “What happened?”

“I just- I saw your notebook, and it had pages filled with _her_ and I got jealous,” Bucky gritted, and Steve laughed shaking his head.

“You’re an idiot,” He laughed. “After your shifts at the bar come by my house, my room is on the right side and it has a tree so be a cliché and climb up it to get in. I’ll explain myself.”

 

***

Steve pulled out the metal box and placed it on his bed, and unlocked it revealing the countless drawings and sketches and doodles of his boyfriend. He hoped Bucky would actually show up so he could show him all of these, he made sure his door was locked so his parents wouldn’t just barge in.

Within a few minutes there was a light tap on the window, and Steve smiled opening it and helped Bucky in. “I feel like some damn prince charming,” He muttered. Steve chuckled and kissed his cheek.

“Look in that box on my bed,” Steve said, and Bucky nodded going his bed and sitting down next to the box while Steve stood still next to his desk leaning against it as he watched Bucky pull out all the pieces of paper. Bucky pulled out paper by paper, and Steve watched the small smile grow on his face as he examined them. “I’m an artist, Buck. I draw people, mostly people I know. Just because I draw Peggy doesn’t mean that suddenly I love her and I want to be with her. I draw people so I can hone my skill and especially women because I suck at drawing women.”

Bucky nodded as he looked at the pictures of him, pictures that accent is eyes, pictures of him looking stronger than what he felt, and pictures of him just smiling. The one he was holding was of him, he was standing in front of a city back drop, it seemed as if he was floating- no rising from the city. He had a relaxed look and a limp body as the faint beams were carrying him to the sky- into the sun.

Another had Bucky standing on a roof top, he had a serious, complex look on his face, his muscles were obviously embellished, and he stood tall with some sort of black assassin looking gear on, his eyes had a dark tint to him and he stood in the moon’s seeming glow as he looked over the city.

“I drew that one today,” Steve said. “The superhero one. Because I think you are a protector of this city, people around here- other greasers they look to you when they’re in trouble, so I thought it’d be fun to draw you as a badass superhero.”

“These- They’re so good. Better than good, but why are you hiding them?”

“I’m not. They’re just special to me and I want to keep them for my eyes only. Bucky you have to start trusting me; I’m not going to hurt you.”

Again, like a siren Peggy’s voice echoed in his head, and he told it to shut up as he stared, awestruck, at his incredibly talented boyfriend. “I’m sorry,” Bucky said sincerely. “I should’ve just talked to you instead of getting upset.”

Steve moved from his stance by his desk, and cleared the pictures and metal box putting it on the floor. He pushed Buck down a little so they could lie down. “Just spend the night,” Steve whispered. “You can sneak out in the morning.” Bucky agreed. The boys lay with each other and talked and kissed until they both fell asleep.


	11. All Good Things.....

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve is forced to make a choice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for the wait in an update. You see my job and school has been kicking my ass. I never have time to write anymore, but I'm quitting my job probably maybe soon and going to a different job. Anyways enjoy the chapter!!!! xoxoxo

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Addicted

Chapter Eleven

 

The party was possibly the most boring party Bucky had ever attended, all people did was talk about the up coming election, and Bucky’s been watching Steve all night. Entranced by the way he held himself in front of all these pretenders, his suit fit him well and clung to him in all the right places, and his tie brought out the blue in his eyes. He definitely cleaned up nicely.

The party was being held in a room at the top of the empire state building, and it was packed with tables and a stage that had a jazz band played soft songs and even they themselves looked bored with the pieces they were playing. Bucky wore his Cricket restaurant attire, he stood behind a table that had foods that were the fanciest he’d ever seen.

Bucky hadn’t even gotten a chance to talk to Steve because Steve was being pulled every which way. Bucky felt like he was suffocating in the sea of people, not that he didn’t want to be social or talk to people, but it’s just with this crowd of people he knew he couldn’t fully be himself. It became so suffocating he had to take a step outside on the balcony; Loki saw Bucky step out and decided to follow him. “Hey,” they breathed as they stepped out.

“Hey, Loki,” Bucky lit up a cigarette and offered one to Loki, but they declined claiming that Peter is on this new non smoking binge. “Got pretty suffocating in there.”

“Tell me about it,” Loki groaned. “I feel like I have to hide myself from everyone, and honestly I want to just scream out to the world that I suck Peter Parker-Stark’s dick like a pro.”

“I could’ve gone my entire life without knowing that,” Bucky chuckled. His eyes were on Steve again as he swung his arm over Peggy’s shoulders and kissed her head. It was so natural, so absent minded that he didn’t even think about doing it as a show to the people who didn’t know the truth.

“How are you handling the sharing?” Loki asked.

“I’m fine with it,” Bucky lied and took a drag of his cigarette. Loki scoffed and turned toward Bucky while raising a sassy eye brow.

“Don’t bull shit me,” Loki hissed. When Bucky only stared at them they out a dry laugh. “Fine then suppress it until it blows up.”

“It’s not like you really care, Loki,” Bucky said. “Face it, you’re a bit selfish when it comes to other people and their problems.”

“It’s not my fault that everyone else’s problems can be easily fixed if they’d just face them head on, and I’m not selfish. I just don’t tolerate stupid bullshit excuses.”

Bucky chuckled and took a smaller drag of his cigarette, and Loki sighed a smile resting on their face as he caught sight of his boyfriend. He was dressed in a form fitting suit and his tie was a dark purple, Loki smiled at his boyfriend. “How?” Bucky asked. “How do you both make it work?”

“He doesn’t have to hide and I disowned my family- well not Thor, but you know. He’s all I have, and I’ll do anything to keep him in my life, and I know he’d do the same. Love isn’t complicated- ours isn’t.”

Bucky looked down, and Loki groaned. “Right now it’s shit but that’s because you both refuse to admit there’s a problem. If he likes you he’ll do anything to make you feel better, and he’ll be willing to meet you half way. That’s how Peter and I work, we fight when there’s problem, and then reach a solution.”

Bucky looked down at the ground and sighed realizing that Loki is kind of right, he and Steve only run around their problems and never face them, and it’s slowly breaking him down. Loki clapped Bucky on his back and offered a small smile, and Bucky nodded as Loki left inside and went to Peter to surely compliment him. Bucky went back inside, he stood behind the table that had different fancy food displayed on it, and he could only frown as he watched Archie approach him. His shaggy hair combed back into a neat fall, and a sinister smirk tugging at his lips.

“So, is there any food you didn’t make?” He asked his voice cold and judgmental.

“No, I made it all. Why?” Bucky was tired, not physically but mentally.

“I don’t want your fag invested food to infect me with your disease.”

Bucky rolled his eyes and blankly stared at Archie. He looked proud to have such a quick insult, assuming it offended or hurt Bucky’s feelings. “Do you have proof?” He asked calmly.

“Proof?” Archie scoffed.

“You’re accusing me of being gay, I hope you’d have some sort of proof, or else you could have an innocent man killed for _your_ accusations could you live with that on your shoulders?” Bucky asked raising a brow and crossing his arms across his chest. “I could be killed for rumor like that. People ‘round here don’t give a rat’s ass if it’s true.”

“Proof or no proof. I know you’re a dirty little fag,” Archie snarled and glared at Bucky trying so hard to intimidate him, but Bucky stood unfazed by his look and accusations.

“Then my death is on your shoulders, Anderson.” Bucky shrugged. He was not ashamed of who he was, he was proud but he didn’t want to die, and he knew that in order to survive he had to be coy. “So, are you just going to stand there staring at my fag infested food or are you going to pick up a plate and risk catching the fag disease?” Bucky smirked as he watched Archie’s posture go rigid and the as he sharply turned and walked away.

As he left Bucky finally caught Steve’s eyes. The blue brighter than before because of the royal blue tie around his neck, and Bucky noticeably checked out his boyfriend in the oh- so form fitting suit. He bit his lip and winked at Steve, his mind shifting to thoughts that’d make the devil blush. Steve pushed his way through the crowd, his cheeks flushed a bright pink from the champagne he had consumed. “You look sharp,” Bucky commented doing another once over.

“And you don’t look so bad yourself,” Steve smirked taking his turn to do a full once over. “Hair looks fluffier.”

“No grease,” Bucky commented. “You’re looking at a full on soc Barnes right now. Make ya all hot under the collar?”

Steve laughed and shook his head looking down at the food, and Bucky couldn’t bite back his sharp tongue. “Careful, I heard it’s invested with the gay disease,” he whispered causing Steve to snort.

“W-what?” He laughed.

“According to Archie. Since I made it and all.” Steve just shook his head. “Ya know, I’ve not seen you all night. I hope I get to see you at the after party for Tony’s birthday?”

“Of course. Peter said he’s rented rooms for us all at the hotel across down so we didn’t have to drunkenly wander home. My parents already think I’m staying with Pete.” Steve said and Bucky nodded. “I’ve got get back to socializing.”

“Just save me dance,” Bucky winked.

“I don’t dance.”

“We’ll see ‘bout that.”

The night continued on, Bucky had to start sneaking drinks as more people came up to him to comment about something he did or was doing. One old man with a balding head and an enormous gut had the audacity to bring up his mother and even asked how she was doing saying he’d love to meet up with her sometime for some leisurely activities, so Bucky did what any normal- sane person would do and calmly told him he’d skin him if he ever laid eyes on his mother. Another man, a thinner and much kinder man came up to him and struck up casual conversation with him, and he treated Bucky with some actual respect. He even paid respects to Bucky’s father saying a soldier is a soldier and Bucky’s father was a remarkable soldier- Bucky later learned his name was Stan.

When the speeches about Mr. Rogers started, most sputtering bullshit praise at him; Bucky has to excuse himself from his post to the balcony. He lit up a cigarette to relax and peered into the window watching Steve on stage gesturing wildly as he spoke about his father. The door opened revealing a woman with bright red lipstick, stunning heels, and hair pinned back in an elegant style. “Have you thought about our conversation?” She asked.

“The one where you told me to dump my boyfriend?” Bucky asked and then shook his head. “Not really. I’ll be man enough to admit that I almost did call it quits with him that night! Over some stupid drawings too, but then I talked to him and remembered how he looks when he’s about to-” Bucky paused. “Reach his climax to put it a cleaner way. How beautiful and in awe he looks, and then I remembered the way he’s so eager to please me and how could I let that go, and not to mention the way he feels-”

“Must you speak of him like that?” She snapped. “It’s vulgar.”

“Vulgar? That’s harsh all we’re doing is making love. Let me tell ya, he’s a natural. A real pro for being such a cherry,” Bucky smirked as Peggy’s face scrunched up. “Of course, you wouldn’t know that would you?” He asked sarcastically.

“Won’t you stop? I’m trying to have a civil conversation,” Peggy was trying to keep her calm composure and that only egged Bucky on more.

“No. I won’t stop. As long as you’re out here I’m going to keep talkin’ about how I fuck your boyfriend and I’ve not even gotten to how it is when he fucks me.”

Peggy stared at him for a moment. “I’m his first choice, he’s here with me tonight and not you, and you may think he’s falling for you but just wait until he’s through acting out. Wait until he goes to Harvard and forgets all about you.”

“Are you threatened by me? Is that it? You think I’m takin’ him away from you. What makes your love for him any different from my love? You think I’m takin’ him down some horrible homosexual, homeless life style? I want him to grow, to go do great things actually amount to something great, and to make his life something. I want to be apart of it and apart of his life,” Bucky ranted. He took a long drag from his cigarette and looked in at his smiling boyfriend. “You and I. We want the same thing for him. To be happy, and sweetheart let me tell you. He’s happier with me. You need to let him go.”

“You’re not in love with him. You may think you are but you’re not,” Peggy snapped. “You’ve not been there to grow with him, you’ve not seen him cry like I have, and you’ve not held him when he’s been sick. If you love him like you’ve been hinting at then you better buck up and realize real quick that I’m the best option for him. _You_ let him go.”

Bucky shook his head his chest tightening. “Aren’t ya tired of all this shit? Back and forth. The same argument over and over and over again. You’re marrying him for fucks sake, you go on public dates with him and you get to hold him publicly and dance with him in front of everyone, but I don’t.  Our loving is behind closed doors, in secret places, and it’s been getting less and less so can’t you just stop with all of this shit. If it’s gonna tire out then let him break up with me because if he thinks he’ll be happier with you I’d let him go. In a heartbeat, but he won’t be happier with you. If you’re going to keep him from true happiness then you don’t love him at all.”

Peggy stared at him, her composure broken as she looked away fighting away tears, and Bucky tilted his head. “I’m not throwing him away,” she stated. “You’ll see. He’ll choose me. Just ask him.”

“I will. If it means to end this. Then I will ask him, tonight, after I tear that suit off of him.”

Peggy scoffed and rolled her eyes turning on her heels and walked away and Bucky watched as she went to see Steve as he exited the stage and she kissed him modestly of course, but everyone awed. And Bucky looked down over the city frowning while he smoked his cigarette.

 

Steve broke away from Peggy so he could grab a drink, but he saw Elizabeth and she looked away from him tears forming in her eyes. He couldn’t just stay away. “Hey,” he said softly. “You good?”

“It’s Barnes. Isn’t it?”

“You know I’m not going to answer,” Steve said. She nodded and wiped her own tear from her cheek.

“You just did,” she said. “Peggy is a good woman. She deserves so much better than you, and you’re hurting her all because you’re going through some sort of crisis!?”

“I’m being true to myself. I love him,” Steve admitted. He laughed hearing it out loud. “I love him,” he repeated. “A lot. More than I ever loved Peggy, or at least it’s a different kind of love-”

“It’s wrong. Unnatural and sinful. It was a test! God was testing you and- and you failed. Now you have to spend an eternity in hell!”

“It’s hard to believe that the God I read about- the forgiving and understanding God would send me to hell for something I didn’t want and couldn’t help!” Steve looked away willing the swelling urge to cry away.

“Our God is a vengeful God,” she spat. "Leviticus 18:22 - Thou shalt not lie with mankind, as with womankind: it is abomination.”

Steve sighed and nodded. “Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins. 1Peter 4:8”

Elizabeth stared at him and Steve just looked away. They both were in pain, they were best friends, and they grew up together. It felt as if they both were going through an awkward break up, and their souls cried out for each other. For the missing friendship.

“It’s a sin,” she said finally. “I’ll pray for your soul, but I want nothing to do with you.”

With that she gathered her composure and walked away back to her asshole boyfriend, and he went back to his path to getting a drink and actually saying hello to his other friends.

 

***

 

The parties were vastly different compared to one another. The music was louder for Tony’s birthday, and only the people Tony trusted most were here. Turns out Tony was a very popular guy. Everyone wore comfy, casual clothes and wore bright smiles and expressed themselves as they pleased. Nat snuck Loki into the restroom to help them apply some light make up, and wowed Peter when they came out looking some how even more beautiful. Bucky and Steve immediately became _that_ couple, they weren’t near each other but by God their eyes never left the other. Steve stood talking to Thor and Val, but his eyes would drift to Bucky who was laughing with Nat and Peter and his eyes were on Steve the whole time.

“Will you just go talk to him!” Peter exclaimed. “You’ve been eye fucking since the campaign party.”

“Not my fault I have a smoking hot partner,” Bucky smirked. “If you’ll excuse me.”

Bucky walked up to Steve and the other couple wearing a bright smile. “I’m taking a smoke break,” he told Steve. “Care to join?”

Steve followed Bucky out to the balcony, but only to see they weren’t the only ones who had the idea to sneak out for some alone time together. They watched as Stephan and Tony as they kissed each other, smiling, and a little wobbly. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen Doc smile like this,” Bucky whispered.

“I know,” Steve agreed.

“Cmon Steph,” Tony practically whined causing Bucky to nearly reveal their stalking by laughing. “Are you seriously telling me you don’t want to have sex one thousand four hundred and fifty four feet in the air?”

Steve snorted and Bucky had to cover his mouth as the two kissed again and Stephen pulled away. “Later, Love. Let’s enjoy your party.” They walked back inside and the two boys busted out laughing walking toward the edge. Bucky lit up his cigarette taking a drag and handed it to Steve.

“You look stunning,” Bucky commented. Steve didn’t change. He took his blazer off, loosened his tie, and had his shirt unbuttoned a little since it got quite hot in the building with people dancing and talking so much. “You always do.”

Steve blushed and looked away and smiled at his feet, and Bucky just shook his head staring at Steve. His heart started to beat faster, and his hands began to get sweaty but he was totally calm. A thought swirled around in his head, words so simple, but so important and significant. On the tip of his tongue, words that he had never told anyone besides maybe his mother and sisters. He shook his head again chuckling. “What?” Steve asked with a smile.

“Nothing,” he smiled. “Gimme a kiss?”

Steve smiled and leaned closer kissing him softly, his hand splayed out over Bucky’s cheek and jaw, and his eye lashes twitching over his cheeks. Bucky supported himself with the railing behind him and with his grip on Steve thin dress shirt. “You taste like wine and champagne. Sweet though,” Bucky said with a small smile.

“I’ve had a bit to drink,” Steve admitted.

“Don’t get drunk,” Bucky whispered. “I want you to remember tonight.” He winked.

 

A few hours passed, the moon was now high in the sky and the stars shined brilliantly. People were now speaking about Tony, fond memories they have of him, and kind words along with playful jabs from close friends. Peter’s speech was very adorable, he thanked Tony for adopting him, for loving him, and accepting him. He promised to be the best son he could be and in the end they both shed a few tears. It was now Stephan’s turn.

“I met Tony when I was a reckless resident at my hospital. A wannabe surgeon. He was a fresh faced lawyer trying tot get his name out there, and I’d like to think it was destiny that we met,” he looked fondly at Tony. “We met at a bar down town, we talked for hours and he gave me his business card- Tony was always one that always weaseled his work into any conversation,” a few laughed as Stephan allowed a fond smile to take his face. A smile only for Tony and nobody else. “And may God help anyone who tries to argue with him,” More laughs as Stephen looked down into his glass. “A few weeks later I was involved in some legal trouble concerning a car accident, and I wanted to sue the bastard who hit me. That was the first of many when Tony saved my ass. As life would have it, I pined after him for years hiding myself from him in fear of what he’d think, and became his best man when he married Peter’s mom. As destiny plays out we ended up falling in love with each other as if something pushed our souls together. Here’s to another year, and I hope it’s your best yet, honey.”

 

Everyone awed and Tony grinned joining Stephen on the stage to proudly kiss him in front of all their friends. They smiled at each other and kissed again as the band began to play a slow song and the two exited to the dance floor and swayed to the music stealing kisses, and as it usually goes all the couples began to join on the floor. Peter sauntered up to Loki who stood next to Bucky and Steve who were sat on the stools by the bar. “C’mon,” Peter grinned grabbing Loki by their hands and pulled them reluctantly to the dance floor where they danced- turns out Loki had lessons as a kid and was quite good at dancing and lead Peter around the dance floor.

“May I have this dance?” Bucky asked, and Steve gave him a face. “Oh, hush. Just follow my lead. Half of dancing is having the right partner.”

Bucky pulled Steve close, his hand resting on Steve’s lower back, their hands joined together and their bodies just centimeters apart. Bucky lead them in a formal dance, and Steve stared at him with such a large smile. A happy smile. The song floated through the air, the buzz of the instruments floated in the ears of every single guest, but as they danced the music disappeared. People disappeared. It was only them in a big empty room, in each other’s arms, wrapped in the unspoken love that they were drowning in. Steve continued to stare at Bucky, and he stared back their eyes meeting and something lighting inside of them.

Bucky was so sure, he knew his feelings to be true, and he wanted to tell Steve. Wanted to confess it, but he was afraid. This was all new territory- new everything. Bucky had never admitted to love to anyone but his mother, and before he purely alluded to it to piss Peggy off. Here he stood in front of Steve, holding on to him as if tomorrow he’d disappear, and nearly choking on words in his throat.

The song came to and end but they continued to dance while a faster pace song started to play. They really were _that_ couple.

 

***

“And who’s that guy?” Steve asked as he practically leaned on Bucky. He was pointing at a gentleman that was wearing a lot of pink, and a hat that only screamed “I’m rich pay attention to me”

“That’s Alex,” Bucky said. “I’m pretty sure he shits gold. Tony’s good friend and he’s very gay.”

“And the guy talking to tony now?”

“That’s Rhodey. He’s been Tony’ best friend since before they could walk. I’m sure they’d do anything for each other, that’s his wife next to him, but he’s a strong ally for people like us.”

Peter and Loki sauntered up with grins and loving looks toward each other. “Have you had the pleasure of speaking to Matty yet? He’s looking for you,” Peter said to Bucky and Bucky smiled.

“He better have my money, I’d hate to start another ‘round of chicken. Where is he?” Bucky asked.

“Where do you think?” Loki snorted.

“Smoking. What a damn chimney.”

“Who’s Matty?” Steve asks dumbly. Peter and Loki looked away, and Bucky wrapped his arm around Steve.

“Just a friend, babe. I’ll be back,” he kissed Steve’s cheek and walked toward the balcony where the mysterious Matty was. Steve stared at Loki and Peter.

“They used to fuck around,” Loki stated bluntly.

“Sensitivity! We’ve talked about this,  Lo!” Peter huffed.

“Well am I mistaken? They used to fuck around a lot! They never labeled it, but back in the day wherever you found Matty you found Bucky and vise versa.” Loki said matter of factly and crossed their arms.

 _“Loki!”_ Peter hissed.

“What?! He should know!”

“Yeah! But maybe you should’ve given Bucky a chance to explain! I swear you’re such a dumb ass sometimes because now he’s going to be a big ol’ Debbie downer!” Peter huffed and Steve stood there watching the couple argue their words fully sinking in.

He knew Bucky used to sleep around, but he figured it was mostly one night stands not regulars.

“C’mon man. Try not to bring down the night. It’s Tony’s birthday,” Loki said.

 _“Loki!”_ Peter hissed.

“I’m just going to go introduce myself,” Steve said. “As his boyfriend.”

“Subtle,” Loki snorted.

Bucky was leaning against the railing as a man with longish black hair, slender build and a leather jacket hanging over his shoulders faced him. His hair was obviously greased, and his smile was large and his eyes looked intriguingly distant as he talked with Bucky. Bucky was blushing and smiling at the ground, and Steve felt his heart twist in his chest.

“Buck,” Steve softly interjected. “I just wanted to see if you wanted a drink?”

Stupid, _stupid_ excuse. Bucky raised an eyebrow and laughed awkwardly. “I’m fine.”

“Who’s this?” The so called Matty asked. He took three long strides pass Bucky to Steve. “Hm,” he hummed with a grin. “Very nice.”

“Lay off Matt.”

“I’d love to lay on-”

“Enough,” Bucky laughed. “I’m OK, Steve. I just need a minute alone to catch up with an old friend.”

Steve nodded and walked away with a frown, and he decided to get himself a drink then go talk to Nat and Wanda for a little while.

Bucky rolled his eyes at Matty while he smiled at him. “I wanted to talk to him,” Matt shrugged. “Why’d you shoo him off?”

“Because I want him to sweat a little,” Bucky shrugged taking a drag of the blunt Matty brought. “He’s got a girlfriend and I’m the one who fucks him at the end of the night. So called boyfriend, but I want him to sweat so he can feel what I feel when I see them two together.”

Matty sighed and shook his head. “Real healthy relationship there,” he took the blunt back taking a hit. “I’ve heard more from Nat, so I know this is the happiest you’ve been in a while, but you’ve also been depressed because of that girlfriend of his.”

“It’s not your place.”

“Yes it is,” Matty said calmly. “I was pining after you once, I loved you once, and I was intimate with you once. Your happiness is so important to everyone who loves you, and even if you love Steve you need to make a choice. Or make him make a choice.” Bucky looked away, out among the city, and at the twinkle of street lights and lights in the apartment complexes.

“I know what I’m doing,” Bucky said with a firm nod. “Let’s not forget you didn’t love me, you’re the one who split and moved all the way to California. Some forty niner shit.”

“I had a better gig out there, and it’s not like the feeling was mutual. Heart Breaker Barnes, maybe you deserve a taste of your own medicine.” Matty blew out a puff of smoke, and laughed nudging Bucky.

“Fuck off,” Bucky groaned pushing him away. “If you’ll excuse me. I’ll take my money and then go back to my boyfriend.”

Matty rolled his eyes. “It’s you who owes me.”

“Apeshit. Give me my money.”

Matty laughed holding the blunt between his lips and handed the money over to Bucky who pocketed it. “Pleasure as always,” Bucky grinned and Matty scoffed as he pulled him in for a hug.

Steve sat with Wanda and Nat, a horrified look on his face, and Nat boomed with laughter. “Like a lolly pop almost-” she continued. “Only no teeth because that’d hurt him.”

“What the fuck are you telling my boyfriend?” Bucky laughed as he pulled up a chair. “B.J.s hm?” Steve blushed a bright red, and Bucky pinched his cheek mockingly cooing at him. “Aw is cherry boy acting all shy in front of the ladies?”

“Turnin’ as red as a cherry,” Wanda snickered.

Steve cleared his throat. Bucky rested his arm around Steve, his fingers tapping against Steve’s shoulder and playing with the loose fabric. He glanced at Steve while Nat was talking, he smiled drinking in Steve’s appearance. Cheeks flushed from the comments made and the alcohol in his system, his eyes brighter and brimmed red, and his shirt untucked his sleeves rolled up and his tie loosened hanging around his neck, and a gentle smile playing on his face. He was the most beautiful thing Bucky had ever seen, and his heart raced while he stared at him.

Another hour passed and everyone continued drinking. Steve and Bucky found themselves on the dance floor once again, but this time their dance was less tasteful. Their bodies were closer, and their hands were roaming. Bucky was clearly intoxicated, he slurred his speech, he was louder than usual, and he even made very provocative comments about Steve then proceeded to tell Steve not to tell Steve. He was drunk to say the least.

As for Steve he wasn’t as drunk. He was able to hold Bucky while they danced, but he was drunk enough to follow along with the provocative affection. Bucky quickly learned intoxicated Steve was very much so a tease. He knew he couldn’t wait any longer.

“Wanna get out of here?” He whispered, his lips brushing against Steve’s ear. Steve nodded and both boys stood up bidding their friends a farewell, quickly finding Tony- unfortunately he was in a heated make out -so the boys decided it was best they just left making sure to tell Peter to tell Tony a happy birthday from them.

Both boys were a little tipsy, and they had to hold hands while they stumbled through the dark streets to the hotel. Steve tried to explain to the clerk that they had a room booked under the name Tony Stark, but it was difficult when he had his intoxicated boyfriend clinging to him and his hands roaming just below the clerk’s sight. The woman eyed them suspiciously. “He’s very drunk,” Steve apologized. “Thank you.”

He guided Bucky to the elevator. “You need to stop,” Steve laughed. “She definitely thinks we’re together.”

“Stop?” Bucky questioned. “But you’re so irresistible- do you really want me to stop?” A flash of concern winked across his face, but his hands were on Steve’s hips and his face so dangerously close to his. He pressed their lips together, moving them slowly falling into a rhythm, and before Steve could even think about protesting he was being pushed against the wall and desperately trying to gain some sort of control of the kiss before giving into the feverish kiss. “Not such a cherry boy now are you,” Bucky groaned his hands inching lower from Steve’s hip.

Suddenly the elevator dinged and the doors opened revealing a small group of people. Bucky moved in front of Steve his back toward Steve’s front. “Give me your jacket,” Bucky whispered. Steve handed it to him without question.

“That easy to turn on, hm?” Steve whispered. Bucky elbowed him.

“Blame it on how hot you are.” Bucky smirked back. Steve only grinned as they patiently waited for the doors to open, and their prayers were answered the doors sliding open and the two boys ran out shoving the small group out of their way. “Which is our room?”

“Two thirteen,” Steve answered handing over the room key. They found their room and unlocked it with ease being sure to shut it behind them. They wasted no time in attacking one another, Bucky shoving Steve up against the wall and Steve gripping his shirt trying to unbutton the shirt as fast as he could.

Soon the silence was replaced by loud breaths and groans of undying pleasure.

 

***

They laid in a tired bliss, Bucky laid on his back a cigarette dangled from his lips. A thin sheet covered his body and he listened closely to the hum of the pipes from the shower being used. The buzz of the TV reporting some kind of news.

 

_The war only escalates as three more American soldiers are reported missing in action, and a source who wishes to remain anonymous told me personally the President and army are fully prepared to enact another  country wide draft._

_The war which is centered…._

Bucky stared his blood freezing in his body, the word _draft_ echoing in his head, and his heart began to race. There was no doubt that if they followed through that Bucky was number one on the list. He had to be. He was poor, male, ripe age of twenty two , and he was in perfect physical health. He was a poster boy for what a soldier should be. He was too drunk to think about this, and being drunk and hearing about a war is a dangerous combination for paranoia.

The shower stopped, and Bucky turned off the TV deciding he wanted to focus on his incredibly hot boyfriend. Steve stepped out with just a towel wrapped around his waist and another towel to dry his hair. Even then he looked so incredibly hot. “Wanna go out tomorrow?” Bucky slurred.

“Like on a date?” Steve asked.

“Well duh.”

“I can’t tomorrow. Wedding stuff.”

Bucky sat up and put his burning cigarette in the ash tray. Peggy’s words repeating in his head, and then Matty’s words. Their voices distorted in his drunken mind, and the little voice in his head telling him to not just say what he’s thinking in a unhearable whisper.  “You know, she’s been harassin’ me.”

“She’s not like that,” Steve said as he pulled in sweat pants that he packed. Bucky pushed the thin sheet off him and pulled his sweat pants on. He stumbled a bit as he pulled them up his legs and nearly fell once he got them off, too much to drink. He never wanted to drink again.

He knew he was too drunk to have this type of conversation, and deep down in his gut he had a feeling that this would only end badly. He couldn’t do it anymore, couldn’t keep it in, and it was like his brain and mouth were operating on different levels. His brain told him not to say anything and enjoy the rest of the night, but his mouth kept spewing out words without filter.

“She told me to break up with you,” Bucky said as he went to his duffel bag. “I almost did too, but only because I knew if you had to choose you’d choose me.”

Steve was silent. Bucky stared at him praying he’d agree or at least say something, but he was met with more silence. Suddenly he wished he would’ve never spoke, and he suddenly only longed for a bed and some sleep.  “You would, wouldn’t you?” He cursed his own mouth for not stopping. Steve only looked out the window refusing to answer. “Steve answer me.”

“I don’t know, Buck. I don’t have an answer.”

“It _should_ be easy. I’m your _boyfriend._ ”

“She’s my girlfriend-”

“ _Fake_ girlfriend. C’mon Stevie. You’d choose me right?” Bucky was trying to keep calm, to not lose his temper, to not lose his cool and go all apeshit on him. But his judgment was impaired and his heart was hurting in his chest. Someone had a grip on it and was pulling it down to his stomach. Making it sink.

“I’ve been with her for years, Buck.”

“So you choose her over me? She doesn’t make you feel like I make you feel! She- she-”

Steve shook his head and approached Bucky placing his hands on his cheeks. “I don’t choose her, but I can’t choose you either. I don’t choose sides, I have to be with her and I like you-”

“Choose.” Bucky stated.

“You’re drunk. You know why I can’t break up with her.”

“Choose or I walk.”

“You’re drunk Bucky you don’t know what you’re talking about, and you can’t even walk in a straight line much less walk all the way back to Brooklyn.”

_“Choose.”_

“No, Bucky.”

“Please, Steve. Just lie if you have to.”

“I- I can’t.”

Bucky nodded, his heart no longer in his chest, the gag of tears threatening to fall. Bucky nodded again and grabbed his duffel. “You can’t leave,” Steve stated. “We’re not sober enough to have this conversation.”

“All you had to do is choose,” Bucky said as he slung his bag over his shoulder. He left Steve, he walked out of the hotel shirtless and heartbroken, and he began to walk toward Brooklyn or at least what he thought was the direction of Brooklyn. He was still pretty intoxicated. Eventually he found a cab and got a ride back home.

Steve sat on the bed in the empty hotel room, sheets still ruined, and his heart feeling empty. He asked himself the same questions over and over again. Why now did Bucky decide to bring this up? Why did Bucky have to ruin it? Why couldn’t he just choose?


	12. ....Must Come to an End

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shit happens......YIKES

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IMPORTANT NOTE AT THE END ABOUT STORY TIMELINE PLS READ
> 
> Also, sorry for the delayed updates I've been crazy busy. If any of you are interested I could link my twitter because I occasionally go on rants about how pretty Sebastian Stan is and you know how much I hate my job and how I'm quitting. ANYWAYS if anyone is interested like more than five then let me know! 
> 
> Enjoy!!!

 

 

Chapter 12

Addicted

 

It was like walking around with a hole his in chest. Like someone reached in past his ribs and ripped his heart out leaving a gaping hole, and he still wanted closure on the whole situation. Were they broken up? Was it over? Steve tried to tell himself that Bucky was too drunk, he didn’t know what he was talking about, and he would be actually happy to see him today. Talk everything out. But when he entered that bar he felt all eyes land on him, he felt the dagger like glares from Nat. He felt like everyone was just staring right at him, judging him.

 

“Buck,” Steve hissed. Bucky ignored him and continued wiping down the counter and smiling at customers. “Bucky,” Steve continued. No answer. “James.”

 

“What?” Bucky huffed. “What do you want?”

“Are you still mad?”

“Am I-” Bucky shook his head letting out a dry chuckle. “You’re smart, Stevie. Don’t be stupid now.”

 

“You were drunk and didn’t even know what you were talking about!” Steve’s voice was straining to be quiet. “Let’s talk about this.”

 

“No. You’re getting married to a woman, and you clearly choose her and your reputation over me. So what’s there to talk about?” Bucky snapped.

 

“Boys take it outside please,” Bruce pleaded.

 

Bucky threw his towel down on the counter, and he walked around the bar past Steve and out the door. Steve followed. “Bucky please?”

 

A gentle wind picked up, it blew Bucky’s hair into his eyes as he whirled around to stare at Steve, his skin so pale in the glow of the moonlight, and beads of sweat planted at his hair line. The wind continued to blow a gentle breeze

 

“Do you choose me?”

“Bucky I-”

“There’s your own answer. I can’t do this anymore Steve, I can’t share you anymore, and I can’t keep watching you be with her.”

“Buck-”

“Let me finish. I don’t date, and I especially try to stay away from people hiding their sexuality-”

“I’m not hiding.”

“Do you love her?”

 

Steve was silent because no, he didn’t love Peggy anymore, and he isn’t even sure if he ever did. She was simply his cover while he and Bucky dated.

 

“That’s why I’m over it.” Bucky stared. “You’re using her, and as much as I hate her.

She doesn’t deserve to be used like this. It would be different if you loved her, and if you loved me in the same. But you don’t. I can’t do this anymore Steve, and if you can’t leave her then I’ll walk away.”

 

Bucky stared at him his eyes beginning to water, tears threatening to spill over his cheeks, and he fought so hard not look weak to not cry in front of Steve. “You’re hiding too!”

“It’s not just me.”

 

“I’m not hiding. Hell, half of this damn city has suspicions but no proof. I don’t have a fake girlfriend, I don’t sleep around or go on dates with girls to hide myself, but I make decisions to keep myself safe. So I’m not mistreated at work or treated unfairly. I work with Bruce where he knows I’m gay and doesn’t give a shit. My other job he rarely asks about my personal life and one time he did and asked if I had a girlfriend and I told him yes. That was that. I say things to protect myself from being killed, but the day I’m able to really be me in public bet your perky ass I’ll be front line.”

 

Steve fell silent, words dying on his lips, and the sudden realization hitting him in the chest. Tears welled up in his eyes and he looked away so Bucky couldn’t see him, but Bucky could see him and his heart broke. “So that’s it?” Steve’s voice cracked. “We’re over?”

 

“I guess so,” Bucky said as he shoved his hands into his pockets and stared down at the ground kicking dirt up lightly with his boots.

 

“If it’s what you want,” Steve said.

“It’s not. But obviously it’s what has to be done. We were idiots to think it’d ever work. Have a nice life Steve.” Bucky said his heart weighing heavy in his chest. He looked at Steve a final time and then went back into the bar.

 

The bar was a buzz with noise, laughter, and music but Bucky drowned it all out and poured himself a drink. He didn’t care if he was on the job or not, he wanted to get drunk and just forget about Steve. Nat walked up to him, her heart sinking for him, and her anger boiling inside her. “He’s a jackass,” she stated. “It’ll all work out, Bucky.”

 

Bucky leaned against the bar staring into the bottle he grabbed. “Hey what’s going on?” He looked up to meet Matty’s eyes. Matty looked concerned and worried but Bucky saw an opportunity.

 

“He and Steve split,” Nat said.

“I’m fine. It was just fling,” Bucky shrugged.

“A few months isn’t a fling.”

“It meant nothing. In fact I’m looking to get drunk and have a meaningless night, Matty whaddya say? For old times sake?”

 

Matt stared at Bucky for a moment considering the idea, and maybe it was the part of him that fell in love with Bucky and the part that cried out for him. He decided to say “fuck it” and nodded sliding on to the bar stool. It was a horrible way to deal with his hurt, but then again Bucky was never one to face his pain head on. He drowned himself in liquor and sex and hoped the pain would subside.

 

Nat knew Bucky, knew how reckless he could be when he was hurting, and she sighed. “Nothing too dangerous okay?”

“Yeah yeah.”

 

****

 

Days had passed, almost a week now, and Steve could only half heartedly plan his wedding. Peggy was more than thrilled to learn about the break up, she refused to mention him, and the worst part is Steve had to pretend that he was fine. At night he opened his box of drawings and stared at them, they didn’t capture Bucky’s beauty, and when he’d look at them wished he had Polaroids of them and pictures something to capture the full beauty of Bucky Barnes.

 

He wanted to see him, needed to see him, even if it ended in a fight. That’s why he was walking toward Cricket. He knew in the long run this would hurt him, seeing Bucky and not being able to touch him like he so desperately wants.

 

The bar hadn’t changed in the last few weeks. Nothing new or different. Same band. Same smell and look. He caught the eyes of his friends who stared at him, glaring dagger, and obviously taking Bucky’s side. As he continued to look around he noticed he didn’t see Bucky anywhere, but he did see Sam sitting at a booth with a few bottles around him. He’s better than nothing.

 

“Can I sit here?” Steve asked, and Sam looked up at him with a drunken and hooded look. Then he lifted his shoulders in a helpless shrug and nodded. “Everyone else seems to hate me.”

 

“They don’t hate you,” Sam said. “They’re awkward. They’ve known Bucky for longer and feel like they have to side with him, and if it’s honesty hour then I got to say. That was a fucked up mess between the two of ya.”

 

“I didn’t ask,” Steve mumbled.

 

“Hey! Who’s treatin’ you with some decency hm? Lettin’ yo’ sorry ass sit in my booth, spreading your depressing vibes all over my good beer. If anythin’ I should kick you in the ass, but I like you. So sit and talk.”

 

“It wasn’t a mess. It was good. He’s the one who left-”

 

“And who blames him? It was a shitty situation. I’ve not seen him this bad since-” Sam trailed off as the bathroom door opened and Bucky stepped out after another guy did.

 

Bucky’s shirt was ruffled and his hair was tousled.

 

“Did he?” Steve asked. “It’s only been a few weeks.”

 

“That’s the Bucky way of dealing with things,” Sam shrugged. “When his dad died, he dealt with it by reckless behavior. He drank all the time from the moment he woke up to the moment he went to sleep, he smoked a lot more, and he got into fights all the time. He isn’t good at just talkin’ about it. He wants to numb the feeling. Wants to feel something besides pain,” Sam took a swig of his bottle.

 

“If he loved me he wouldn’t have moved on so quick.”

 

“If you loved him you wouldn’t be engaged to a woman,” Sam countered. “Listen, I like you and as much as I hate to admit it Bucky is an alright guy. You two worked and clicked and the world needs a little bit of that right now,” Sam said. “Something pure like a good love. You kept him out of my hair too so that’s always a perk. Do yourself a favor dump the broad and get your man.”

 

Steve looked away back toward the table Bucky sat at with his friends, he did look sad and upset by the way he hunched over his drink and wasn’t making eye contact with his friends. “So why are you drinking?”

 

“Didn’t you hear?” Sam laughed dryly. “Been all over the news.”

 

Steve stared at him in confusion and he laughed. “Of course you didn’t hear. You’re a rich white boy. Draft was announced today, and my name is among them. In three weeks I’ll be fighting for our country- a country that hates me and my people.”

 

Steve’s heart dropped, he didn’t realize the war was that bad- that it came to something like this. Sam laughed and shook his head as he leaned back. “But don’t worry. You’re rich and white your name won’t be called anytime soon.”

 

“I’m sorry,” Steve muttered. “If I could take your place I would.”

 

“Just take care of my sister,” Sam said. “She’s with Andrea Barnes a lot now, but just watch out for her. Please.”

“Of course.”

 

****

 

**Time skip: a few months (early October)**

 

The leaves began to change a lot sooner than anyone expected as summer rapidly came to an end. It seemed like over night that the temperature dropped and people started to have to wear more clothing. Not to mention that the war was only getting worse, more drafts were called and more people decided to enlist, and more protests broke out trying to go against the whole war. It was a mess and a half to say the least.

 

“You should tell him,” her voice was frail and her accent was thick- Bucky thought that her voice might be the thing he would miss while he was gone. “James, honey.”

 

Bucky stopped packing and stood to look at his mom. “He doesn’t care,” he stated simply. “It’s better this way.”

 

His mother sighed in disapproval, but laid it to rest as she helped him pack what little belongings he was taking with him. His nerves were vibrating through his body, his throat on the constant verge of closing, and he was positive he had never felt his heart beat so fast. “I wish you didn’t have to go,” his mother voiced as she clung to a shirt of his and sat on his bed.

 

“Me too, ma. You know I have to, I don’t have a choice. My name was called.”

 

He recalled the knock on his apartment door, the way Nat screamed and told them to quite literally fuck off, and the way he watched his whole world drop out of his hands clashing around his feet. The rumbling voice of the soldiers as they told him he was being drafted. “I’ll be ok,” he said more to himself rather than to his mother. “It won’t be that long.”

 

“You should still tell him,” his mother insisted.

 

Bucky shook his head and zipped up his duffel bag. “Ma, he doesn’t care. It’s been weeks since I even last saw him.”

 

She sighed and let it drop again as she stood. “What do you have to eat around here? Let me fix something.”

 

With that she left his room with tears in her eyes, and it broke his heart to see his mother like this. He knew it couldn’t be easy for her to watch her child fall into her husband’s footsteps right into war. It couldn’t be easy.

 

He didn’t want to admit it, but he was terrified of what laid ahead of him.

 

Later that night he found himself dancing at Cricket with another guy, trying to provoke some sort of feel good feeling. Eventually he found himself pushing the guy up against the wall his back to the other man’s front as he continued to sway his hips and the man’s lips on his his neck. He watched the door intently and dragged the bottle up to his lips trying to numb himself considering the dancing and kissing wasn’t making him feel good.

It’s been like clock work for Bucky, every night he’d come to Cricket and get drunk and pluck some random stranger from the crowd and dance and kiss and sometimes fuck them. Matty was a casual fling for the few weeks he hung around but eventually he went back home. Bucky just wanted to forget all about Steve and how he felt about him, so the logical answer was to drown himself in booze and men.

 

The door swung open, and the blue eyed blonde walked in not staring at anyone. He slid onto the bar stool motioning for Bruce to get him a drink. As he sat he began to look around and his eyes fell on Bucky. Bucky stared back at him, and just to make him jealous he tilted his head back and pretended to enjoy the harsh sucking on his neck. Steve shook his head and looked away.

 

“So where did the shiner come from this time?” Bruce asked Steve while he leaned against the bar. Steve winced as he gently touched his eye.

 

“Some idiot was runnin’ his his mouth,” Steve shrugged. He was increasingly becoming more intolerant toward people and their hateful speeches, he had been getting into more physical fights with people (and then telling his parents he got mugged), and he noticed that he has been more angry, sad, and over all miserable. More times than not he goes around looking for some asshole to fight.

 

More than anything he felt suffocated, and was looking forward to going to Harvard in a week. “I can’t wait to get out of this stupid town.”

“Harvard right?”

Steve nodded. “I start in a week.”

“How’s the Mrs?”

Steve frowned and looked away. “Fine. I guess. She’s been sick for the last few days so I’ve not seen here thankfully.”

 

Steve could feel Bucky’s eyes on him, feel him staring at him, and he wanted to look over at him and pretend that he was over it. Truth of the matter is that he wasn’t over it, and he didn’t know how long it would take to get over it. “Tell me if I’m crazy,” Steve said in a low tone. “But I’m thinking about enlisting.”

 

“Why?” Bruce asked.

“Why not?”

 

Bruce nodded. “I think that would be incredibly brave, and if that’s where your heart lies then you have to follow it.”

 

Steve had been fighting this internal battle for a while now. Should he be brave and enlist and do what’s right, or should go on about his life. It all boiled down to the fact that Steve’s life was insignificant. He couldn’t change anything- there was no way in hell he could even try. He was following the molded footprints his father left for him. Never to stray from the path.

 

Bucky broke away from the leech on his neck and sauntered up to the bar. “Two. And we’re going to go,” Bucky said not even acknowledging Steve. He was so close, they could practically touch and Steve swore he could feel his soul reaching for Bucky. Oh God how he missed him. He grabbed the bottles and smiled at Bruce. “Thanks!” He smiled and finally his eyes fell on Steve. “Give Peggy a kiss for me.” He snapped. Steve looked away as he pursed his lips.

 

He didn’t want admit how much it hurt him to see Bucky like this. He didn’t want to think about what he would be doing with that random guy tonight. “It’ll be good for you to focus on school,” Bruce nodded. “Get out of the heartache for a little while.”

 

“Boy what are you doin’?” Steve looked up to see Angel emerge from the back of the bar. In all their glory. “I start this damn relationship and you fuck it up?”

 

Steve frowned. “It’s more complicated than that.”

 

“What’s complicated? That you love him and he loves you? Or that you won’t let go of a girlfriend you don’t love anymore. Or is it the fact that you love a man? It’s simple math, Stevie. C’mon be smarter than that, college.”

 

“Angel please,” Steve begged.

 

“Let me lay it out for ya then. You plus Bucky equals happiness and love. You plus Peggy plus Bucky equals confusion and unhappiness. You plus Peggy equals what the fuck. You minus Bucky equals one dumbass and a half. Got me?”

 

“Yeah, yeah,” Steve groaned. “I got you.”

“So don’t come at me with complicated. I’ll dumb it right down for you,” Angel huffed.

“Angel, honey-”

“Not now Bruce,” Angel snapped. Bruce sighed and went to tend to a customer.

 

“You and Bucky were made for each other, that’s true love and happiness, and you’ve gone and fucked it up. Honey, if you wanted a ployamours relationship then that’s a whole different can of worms and you should’ve sat down with both parties and made sure everyone was okay with that- but you don’t want that do you Steve?”

 

Steve looked away. “I love him,” he admitted. “But she’s my cover and nobody is suspicious of me being gay.”

 

“And what’s wrong with being gay? Baby, I should slap you silly for treating a woman like you’re treating Peggy. I should bitch slap you for treating Bucky this way. They’re both good people, loving people who love you more than you deserve. You need to go where your heart is and not where your brain is.”

 

Steve hated when Angel did that. Shove into other drama and magically be right about everything, and the way they slap sense into people. It was remarkable. “Just think on it.”

Steve nodded and stood up taking out a few bills and handing them to Angel. He walked home, the chilly air nipping at his nose and cheeks, but it was like he didn’t feel it. Too numb to even notice. He walked toward his house when he felt a drop of water touch his nose.

 

Of course it had to rain while he was walking home. What a beautiful utterly annoying cliché. A depressed and miserable man walking down the dark street only lit with lampposts in the rain. Steve only pulled his jacket tighter around him and quickened his pace as he walked home.

 

His home didn’t feel like a home anymore. It felt like a house full of hatred and hiding, his mother constantly talking about how excited she was for the wedding, and his father going on and on about how good a marriage of his son would look to his newly elected position. He couldn’t wait to leave, living on campus, and a confined place to himself where he can be himself. He couldn’t get there sooner.

 

He had already begun packing for college, packing up everything he thought he may need, but as he was packing he came across those stupid drawings he hid away. He wished he had the courage to through them away, but he knew that they were probably some of the best drawings he ever drew. “Stupid,” he mumbled. “I should’ve broken up with her, then he’d be here with me instead of with another man, and he’d be helping me pack and- and-” Steve’s eyes welled up with tears as he thought about his past lover.

 

****

**Another time skip: a few weeks later**

**(End of October) (he’s been in college for about two weeks)**

Steve changed when he entered that college campus, he was still very much into his studies, but he partied more. He definitely smoked more and drank a lot more often. His mannerisms changed, and it was like the very core of who he was taught to be, was wiped clean and he started acting like who he was. He wasn’t the well mannered boy everyone thought, he was reckless and respectable, and one to not cross. He often began to get into bar fights and fights in general.

 

College allowed him to be free of who he was and not bind to and idea of who he was supposed to be.

 

Steve found college liberating, so many different personalities, and so many different types of people. It was insane. He met a man who was kind and sweet, but as jittery as a toddler on sugar. Turns out he had a strong addiction of a certain drug. He met a woman who was as much of a man as he was, she spoke her mind and was never silent, and she knew what she wanted and how to get it.

 

But those people didn’t impact his life, he didn’t want to talk to them everyday or even let them in on his secret. One man, one man he met made him blush like an idiot and ramble about himself. He was kind, very proper and the fluffiest hair on any man. It was longish and shaggy, but he pulled it off magnificently. He was pale with dark soulful eyes and pale pink lips that were as soft as silk. Steve was fully smitten. The best part? He had a fake girlfriend too.

 

His name was Leo and he was Steve’s dorm mate.

 

“So you actually dated a guy?” Leo asked. “What was it like- and you had people who were just okay with it?”

 

“Yeah,” Steve shrugged. “He showed me more things about myself, and a community of people like us. It was love and acceptance.”

 

“Whoa,” Leo muttered with a growing smile. “So you’ve like done it with a guy?”

 

“Yeah,” Steve laughed. Steve knew it was risky, and knew it could end up with him having a fat lip. He didn’t care. He needed to be sure if his feelings, and to rid Bucky out of his mind. So he leaned in, he leaned in and gently cupped Leo’s face who stared at him wide eyed. “The best way to know is to kiss a guy,” he repeated. Leo nodded and let his eyes flutter shut as Steve pressed their lips together, and Leo melted into Steve his hands rushing to Steve’s waist to stabilize himself from falling over. Steve tried so hard to make himself like it- well he liked the kiss and it was able to make him want to go further. It wasn’t Bucky.

 

His lips tasted minty and not of cigarettes, they were chapped too, and not to mention Leo was a bad kisser. He felt bad for his girlfriend.

 

Leo was eager to say the least, he wanted to explore this feeling he had been suppressing for years, and well Steve was horny. He would never admit it but he was. Peggy didn’t exactly help with that area.

 

After about an hour they laid together, naked, in the small twin sized bed. Steve stared at the ceiling while Leo panted next to him. “Wow,” he panted. “That was- was that cheating?”

 

“Technically,” Steve said monotonously.

“But you have a fiancé and my girlfriend!”

“My fiancée knows and doesn’t give a shit, she minds a bit if the person I’m sleeping with continuously brings it up- particularly of how I look while climaxing,” Steve said.

“Your ex did that?”

“Well she was trying to get him to break up with me,” Steve said bitterly. “But he’s a bit of an asshole who finds joy in others misery. He thought it was funny to see her mortified, and didn’t help he was jealous of her.”

 

Leo sat up and began to put on his own clothes. “Promised the girlfriend I’d meet her for coffee. See you later tonight,” and Leo left without even a kiss to the cheek for Steve.

He knew he should be over it by now, he and Bucky had not spoken in months, and he should want to get over him. Find someone new. Still his heart felt heavy in his chest, he wished he could be devoted in his soon to be marriage, but he knew he couldn’t be the devoted husband to her.

 

Even if he married her, he couldn’t ever be fully devoted to her, and he’ll never be fully happy with a woman. Sure, he could sleep around and be one of those husbands that step out in their wives. He didn’t want to do that, he wanted to be happy.

 

His life was changing so much, and his mannerisms and personality were getting stronger. He wasn’t the man he was raised to be, he was becoming the man he was. Still he was hesitant, every fiber was telling him to break it off with her, but that would be destroying everything. His parent’s reputation, his own reputation, and then the millions of questions from people he barely knows asking why he suddenly called off engagement.

 

He had anxiety building in his chest, he had to do it, had to break it off with her. He knew it’d potentially ruin everything he and his parents built, but it was a small price to pay if it meant he could live freely. He had to do it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TIMELINE EXPLAINED:
> 
> Bucky and Steve met in March and began dating in March. They were together for three months. 
> 
> The party/ Tony's birthday was on May 5th. Bucky and Steve broke up the next day May 6th. 
> 
> Sam was drafted May 24th. 
> 
> In early October (October 8th) Bucky gets drafted, and a week later (October 15th) Steve attends college. He's been there so far for two weeks.


	13. Never Chance Fate, She's a Tricky Thing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> surprises all around.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay in chapters. I'll have more out really soooooonnnn I've just been crazy busy with finals and my rehearsals and everything. I AM SO SORRY 
> 
>  
> 
> I love you all 
> 
> Enjoy this spicy chapter xx

Addicted

Chapter 13

A group of men were captured by the enemy; they’ve been missing in action for a few weeks now and haven’t been heard from. Our prayers and thoughts are with these soldiers where ever they may be…

Steve looked away from the small café TV, his leg refused to sit still as he waited for his fiancée to walk through those doors smiling brightly as she always did now. She walked in looking as beautiful as ever, her hair in loose yet perfect curls and her signature red lipstick painted across her lips. She was wearing a white blouse and a pencil skirt- a type of skirt that would drive any man wild. Any straight man.

“Hey baby,” she said in a low whisper. Her lips pulled back in a smile. She seemed happier recently and more patient with Steve and other people. It was a good change in her. “This is a cozy little diner you found near campus, it’s absolutely adorable.”

“I ordered you a coffee,” Steve said. She smiled and took a sip humming in approval. “We need to talk.”

“Oh? About what?” She played coy, she knew what Steve was going to say, and she had to have known she couldn’t just expect him to magically realize he loved her. But she hoped. She let her hope get the best of her.

“Us,” he said simply. “I’m miserable, Peg. I’ve been growing a lot recently, finding myself, and trying to figure out who I want to be in life. I don’t wanna hide anymore- I want to fall in love and not have restrictions of having a girlfriend. I loved you once, or at least I thought I loved you. That love is different now and I think you know that.” Peggy stared at him, her coffee cup in her hands, and she gripped that cup so tight Steve wondered if she would actually break it.

“You’re miserable?” She asked her voice distant and she looked away and chuckled. “Damn. He was right.”  
Steve furrowed his brows. “I’m sorry?”

“James- Bucky he said that you’d never be happy with me. I’ve tried to match his love for you, or at least get you to look at me like you look at him.” There were tears in her eyes as she spoke, her voice, wobbly, and her knuckles were white around her coffee cup.

“I’m sorry,” Steve whispered as he reached across the table prying her hands away from her cup and took them into his own. “I do love you so, so, so much, but it’ll never be in the way you want and need.”

Peggy looked away as tears pooled in her eyes, and sniffled. Her strong, bitchy façade falling to shambles as she gripped his hands. “I know,” she nodded. “I’ve always known deep down, but I didn’t want to admit it. Can’t we just pretend? I thought we had an agreement that you could sleep around and-”

“Peg,” Steve sighed his eyes giving her this knowing look and she nodded pulling a hand away to dab her tears away. “You deserve someone who can give you everything, and I can’t do that because a part of me will always belong to someone else.”

“I ruined your happiness,” Peggy stated.

“I let you,” Steve shrugged. “Let’s not worry about it. Peg, I’ve already lost Elizabeth because of this, and I’ve lost all my other friends because they choose the selfish side. I need you right now.”

She composed herself; her feelings about this whole situation were so jumbled with her brain telling her he’s an abomination and that he’s wrong, but her heart leading her to choose him over society’s facts. She loved him after all. “I’m going back home for a little while,” she said calmly. “I’ll tell my parents and yours that we got into a bit of a tiff over something, and decided it would be for the best if we didn’t get married.”

“Thank you,” relief flooded through Steve’s entire body, and she smiled and leaned across the table pressing a kiss to his cheek making sure not to leave a lipstick stain.

“I can’t understand why you ever loved Barnes though, he was quite arrogant, and not to mention ill mannered.” She smiled softly at her ex boyfriend and let out a laugh. “And incredibly vulgar.”

“He was different,” Steve admitted. “His energy was addicting.”

A very clear image of Bucky flashed in his mind, his hair fallen into his eyes and a smile playing on his lips as he listened to Peter talk about some random bullshit topic. Then another image of Bucky lying on a bed, the sheet only partly covering his naked body, hair sticking every which way from Steve pulling it, and a cigarette dangling from his lips.

“I hope you find it again,” she said. “Connection like that.”

Steve glanced at the TV to see a commercial about enlisting, as he watched, his heart felt heavy. He wished he could do something more. He knew he had to at least enlist, or give money or something. Anything. “Steve?” He looked back at Peggy. “You’re not made for war, you’re made to be a doctor in a hospital, so focus on that. Ok?” Steve nodded. She’s right. He couldn’t handle war, but by God he was going to try.

****

A month later (End of November)  
It was cold and dark, the sorry excuse for a bed was hard on his back, and the person above him snored obnoxiously. Even though the snoring was a constant annoyance he preferred that rather than the loud bangs that echoed in the distance. He was so cold. His hair was much shorter, but still he had a reasonable length- still probably too long for his commanding officer or whoever was above him.

He was sore, and he didn’t know how much longer his body could take. He didn’t know how much longer he could take emotionally either. It seemed like everyday a new group of soldiers were sent into the enemy compound only to never be seen again, or more were sent to battle only to return as the shell of the man they left. He often visited the medical quarters to see friends- acquaintances he had made, but they’re not there. Not mentally. They are either in comas, brain dead, waiting to be shipped back to their families, or they just stare at him. Looking right through him as they constantly relive their horrors.

He was so cold and he tried to curl in on himself for more warmth, he put his hands between his thighs trying to warm the so he wouldn’t get frostbite. It was supposed to be warm in their quarters, but they had to march in the snow for hours to get back to headquarters. He was sure he was frozen.

Often, when he laid in bed staring at the bunk above him he thought of his family and friends. He thought of Steve and hated how he left things with him. He thought about writing him, but then his damn mind gets to thinking and he wonders if maybe- maybe Steve is actually happy. He doesn’t want to ruin that because maybe Peggy was right.   
Maybe he was going through something, or maybe he’s with someone else. Maybe he’s happy. Bucky couldn’t come in between the happiness even to just apologize.

Bucky longed for his own bed. He longed for his old friends, and really the only thing that kept him tethered to his old life is his once thought enemy, Sam Wilson. He isn’t exactly in Bucky’s division, nor does he room with the other soldiers but occasionally they cross paths and Bucky is reminded of his home. Of his family and friends. He was lonely, he’s made maybe one friend- Well one solid friend that he could talk to. The rest of the soldiers he got a long with but he wouldn’t want to sit up late nights and talk to them.

He didn’t sleep, he was used to not sleeping, but still when his bunk mate shook his shoulder he tried to roll back into his block like pillow. Eventually he woke up, letting his bare feet touch the cold concrete and he winced when he felt the sharp tingle shoot up his legs. “C’mon James,” Eddie laughed as he nudged Bucky. “We’re going to be late if you don’t get your ass moving.”

Eddie was that solid friend. He and Bucky got close, closer than Bucky thought he’d get to anyone in this hellhole. He was apparently from California; claims that he’s an Irish immigrant, but there isn’t even a whiff of an accent on the kid. “Alright,” Bucky sat up. “Head out without me. I’ll be there in a minute.”

Eddie nodded and walked out and Bucky watched. He was a fit man, very muscular, and Bucky thought he had the typical soldier look to him. According to him, he’s some big time reporter in San Francisco, and apparently he was pretty popular but enlisted because his father was a veteran.

Bucky made his bed and then slipped his boots on along with his heavy coat. The dining quarters were a bit of a walk away. “Hey, James!” A short man, his name was Ace- or at least that’s what they all called him, came up to Bucky a wide smile on his lips. “Did ya hear? New recruits coming in today!”

“And that’s exciting?” Bucky asked stone faced. “Men signing up to give their lives to a war that should’ve ended more than three years ago? What kind of idiot does that?” Bucky snarled.

“Idiot? It’s bravery, I admire it.”  
“You’re also only eighteen. You were drafted, and you may die tomorrow at eighteen,” Bucky said with a small shrug as he sped up leaving Ace standing in a bit of frozen fear.

Bucky walked into the dining hall and immediately noticed Eddie waving him over.  
“Hey fellas,” Bucky greeted as he looked around the table. “What’s the news?”

“They were found,” one of the soldiers to his right said solemnly. “They were tortured, some sort of electro shock shit.”

Buck looked down and shook his head. “Most were dead, only a few survived. I guess it’s good we’re getting those recruits in today huh?”

“Enlisted or drafts?” Bucky asked.  
“Both. We’re desperate.” Eddie mumbled.

Bucky suddenly lost his appetite, but nobody questioned it because they didn’t know Bucky. They only knew the soldier James which didn’t sleep much, barely ate, and rarely smiled. They didn’t know Bucky they never saw how big his smile could get, or how he could literally eat anything and still be hungry. They didn’t know tired Bucky who sometimes took naps while cuddling pillows. They didn’t know that- they never got the chance to know him like that.

“Well,” Bucky sighed. “I have meeting with Jack so I’m going to see what he needs. Catch ya later.”

Bucky frowned as he saw a group of soldiers run by, sighed when he looked over and saw two burly men with guns on their backs walking toward the perimeter, and as his stomach twisted he realized how sick of this place he was.

He missed Nat and Clint, he missed watching Loki and Peter argue and then make up three minutes later. He missed Thor and Val, Bruce and Angel, and Tony and Stephen. He missed them all. He missed his family and missed his own bed. He especially missed his mom, he wanted to be able to hug her and make she was safe, and he wanted to talk to her in Romanian.

“Sergeant Barnes,” he looked up as he was greeted. How did he get to Jack’s quarters? “How are you?”  
“As good as I can be under the circumstances.”

“Good,” he paused. “As I’m sure you’ve heard we have troopers coming in today, and since they’re fairly new and only have been in training for a few months and they’ve never been to this base. You’re one of the few people the General has chosen to lead the troopers around and show them what they need to know and help him finish train the new recruits.”  
“Yes sir,” Bucky agreed.

He went back to the dining quarters to grab a coffee just knowing that today was going to be a long day, and he didn’t even make it half way when a helicopter flew over head landing on its mark and people took off to assist the wounded soldier that arrived. “Barnes! We need extra hands!”

***

Time: a month before Bucky’s P.O.V. ( Mid-October)

Steve’s heart pounded in his chest as he entered the old bar. He saw his old friends sitting at the table talking amongst themselves- laughing. He didn’t see Bucky which made him frown a bit, but he reminded himself that he wasn’t here for Bucky. He was over that, and he even had a nice friend who he was trying to date. “So this is Cricket?” Leo asked as he looked around. “Wow.”

“It seems different,” Peggy commented. Peggy had been great, she still wasn’t full comfortable with homosexuality but she was making an effort and that’s all Steve could ask. “And I get it’s an underground bar but could we please get some light?”

Steve rolled his eyes and walked up to the table, eyes were on him as he approached, and he felt his stomach twist into a knot pulsing with every stare. “Steve,” Peter whispered.

Peter was sitting next to Loki his arm resting around them. “Peggy?!”  
“Relax,” Steve said. “She knows and wants to uh know more. Uhm.”  
“Yeah!” Peggy agreed.  
“Who’s the twink next to ya?” Loki asked.  
“For fucks sake Loki,” Peter groaned. “You can’t just go around calling people twinks.”

Steve smiled. He missed listening to them argue. “This is Leo, he’s uhm my uh friend.”  
“He looks like he’s related to you,” Loki commented. “Why in the hell would you fuck someone who looks like he could be your second cousin?”  
Steve shook his head and caught the eyes of Nat. She was glaring at him. “Uhm I had some news,” Steve said carefully. “I wanted to tell everyone in person at the same time, and I know that we aren’t friends any longer but I thought you all should know.”

“We’re not friends?” Peter asked. “I mean I know we don’t hang out but I just figured you were busy.”  
“I assumed you all chose Bucky’s side.”  
“There weren’t sides,” Clint said. “You became our friend when you started dating Bucky. We wouldn’t just stop because you guys broke up.”

“I did,” Nat said as she continued to glare.  
“Ignore her,” Clint sighed.  
“I’m your best friend,” Peter said. “That will never change.”  
“I know I’ve never been close to you, but I think I speak for us all when I say you’re part of the family now,” Thor smiled.

Steve smiled and stared at the ground. “Thanks,” he said. “What I have to say next will be even harder. Actually, Buck should probably be here for this. Is he on shift tonight?”

“Oh my God,” Nat sighed. “You don’t know.”  
“Know what?”

They all looked to Bruce and Angel as they leaned against the wall near the table. Bruce looked away from Steve unable to deliver the news directly. “He was drafted a few months ago,” he said his voice quiet. “He’s fine; well he was fine last week when we got his letter. We’ve not heard from him yet this week.”

“What!?” Steve felt his heart stop. An image of Bucky flashed in his mind, news articles echoed in his head about the missing in action soldiers. His world stopped spinning at the news, and he felt tears prick his eyes. “Wh-why didn’t someone tell me?! I think I have a right to know!”  
“You’ve been broken up for six months!” Nat exclaimed. “You lost any right to him when you broke his heart!”

Steve looked down at his feet, he knew she was right but that didn’t stop his chest from hurting. Even with being with Leo now he still had feelings toward Bucky and how he wanted to talk to him more than ever. “Nat,” Clint placed his arm around her. “That’s a bit harsh. We should’ve told him.”

“Anyways,” Steve cleared his throat. Leo already knew what he was going to say so he came up next to him and wrapped and arm around his waist. Peter frowned at him because he thought Bucky and Steve would really figure it all out and make it work because he thought that they were perfect for one another. “I- uhm I- I enlisted.”

“Now why the fuck would you do that?” Nat gasped. “My best friend is forced to go fight in a war, and now you go and willingly sign up?”  
“It’s my duty,” Steve said. “They need people and I’m people.”

A silence fell upon them all, and Leo was the one to break it. “Well I think it’s incredibly brave and wonderful!”

“It’s incredibly stupid,” Nat huffed. “If you die in war and Bucky some how makes it out I’ll have to deal with his mopey ass. If he dies and you die then that’s more heartbreak then I’m willing to allow myself to have.”

“You hate me now,” Steve said.  
“I hate that you broke his heart, but that I can get over.”

“I don’t get why all of you are so angry? He’s fighting for our wonderful country! It’s beautiful,” Leo said wrapping his arms around Steve’s bicep. Steve wished he’d just shut up because he didn’t get it.

“Says the man who doesn’t have to worry about being drafted,” Clint said. Leo was taken back, but he brushed it off.  
“No, I really think what your doing is great!” Leo said. Steve ignored him.

“Bucky wouldn’t want you to do this,” Peter said. “He would want you to stay home and be safe not go out and risk your life- he wouldn’t want to lose you like he lost his dad.”  
“Listen, I’m doing it. Not for him, not for me, and not for any of you! It’s the right thing to do,” Steve declared and everyone fell silent.

“Then I think a few rounds in honor of Steve are in order.” Bruce announced and he and Angel left to go get a few drink. Steve pulled up three chairs for himself and his friends. He couldn’t bring himself to even enjoy himself because of his nerves, going to war is not way an easy task, and he just hoped that this was really a good decision.

“Just so we’re clear,” Peggy spoke up. “I’m on you guy’s side. I don’t want him to go either.”

***

Fast foreword to present time: End of November

Bucky walked out from the medical tent and began to head back toward his quarters so he could have a minute of alone time before he had to meet the new recruits. “Hey! Barnes! Are you helping with the newbies?”

Bucky turned to see Eddie jogging up to him, and he smiled nodding. “Wanna give ‘em hell?”

“Duh,” Eddie laughed. “We’re just heard of their training and you’re showing them around right?”  
“I think we’re helping General Joseph,” Bucky replied as he and Eddie changed course to go early and help gather the newbies.

“Oh fun!” Eddie rolled his eyes. “That means no talking then.”

Bucky just chuckled as he surveyed the new faces of fresh recruits. General Joseph was giving his usual lecture about strength and bravery while Bucky and Eddie crept up behind him. Eddie knocked his shoulder with Bucky to gather his attention. He mimicked the General making Bucky snicker and look away.

It was like all the breath inside him was knocked out of his lungs, his mouth went dry, and his hands became sweaty as his eyes landed on the familiar face. “Sergeant Barnes and Brock are hear to- Brock! What are you doing?! For that little joke give me twenty!” General Joseph roared and still Bucky didn’t move to look at Eddie. He could only stare at Steve – his Steve; confused and slightly happy.

“Out loud, soldier.”  
“Five.”  
His heart slammed against his chest.  
“Ten.”  
He was here.  
“Fifteen.”  
In the flesh, he could touch him if he wanted to, but refrained.  
“Twenty.”

“Now as I was saying Barnes and Brock are here to assist me, providing they can quit being dumbasses for three seconds, and they will be in charge of you until you’ve all become accustomed and deemed trust-worthy for this base.” He continued to lecture, but Bucky couldn’t hear anything. It was like he was deaf, like nobody else existed, only he and Steve. “You’re all excused to the dining hall.”

Eddie got up laughing while throwing an arm around Bucky’s shoulder. “You look like you’ve seen a ghost,” He laughed. “Alright! Dining quarters are the big tent looking thing straight back that way. Can’t miss it!”

Everyone scattered and Bucky could finally breathe. “That fucking-” he breathed. “This has to be the stupidest thing! I’m going to kill him- no I’m going to beat him so badly that he’s near death, nurse him back to health, and the fucking kill him.”

“Uh, what?” Eddie asked  
“Nothin’ pal. Hey, listen I gotta take care of something- mind if I bail on the drinks tonight?”  
“No biggie man. Just uhm don’t kill anyone.”

Bucky laughed it off but quickly turned around marching straight to the dining hall. He scanned the room, each individual face he stared at, and then lowered a glare once he found those familiar blue eyes. “We need to talk,” he said once he reached the table.

“Alone,” he said looking at the other newbies but none of them moved. “I said, beat it,” he huffed slamming his hands down on the table. They scattered leaving Steve sat with his food in front of him refusing to look at Bucky.

Bucky sat down, his heart beating harder, and his eyes softened as he stared at his ex boyfriend. “Wh- why?” He asked softly.

Steve shrugged. “Seemed like the right thing to do.”  
“Bu-but-”

Steve sighed, “I know you don’t want me here, Nat made me well aware, but this is my choice. My life, and I’ll do as I please.”

Bucky kept staring and Steve kept looking away. “Yeah- o-okay.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Steve questioned his eyes cut to Bucky making his breath catch in his chest. “You didn’t think I’d want to know you were drafted.”

“Last I checked you had a pretty broad plannin’ your wedding. You weren’t exactly around.”

“Not that you’d talk to me even if I were, and besides Peggy and I broke up officially.”

Bucky perked up and stared at Steve, a small smile creeping to his face, and Steve laughed and shook his head. “Listen, I’m real sorry with how I left things with ya,” Bucky said. “So how ‘bout we call a truce. You’re gonna need a friend ‘round here.”

“I have plenty of friends, but thank you. Truce it is,” Steve reached out his hand and Bucky grasped it. “So how’ve you been?”  
“Since when? Our incident or since I was drafted?”  
“All of it.”

Bucky looked away. How did he feel? He hadn’t really sat down and processed everything that had happened, he knew he was over the break up because it wasn’t stinging anymore to sit there with Steve, but with the war? He hadn’t processed it at all. “It’s hard to sleep,” Bucky answered honestly. “I’m cold all the time, and the missions are scary as hell.”

Steve nodded. “You’ve not talked about it.”  
“I keep thinking of my dad, and I wondered if he felt like this too.” Bucky pursed his lips and looked away. Steve was about to answer until someone else approached the table.

“James, the guys and I are heading out. Sure you don’t wanna tag along?”  
Bucky smiled up at Eddie and shook his head. “Nah man. Go on without me, I’ll sleep top bunk tonight so you don’t have try to climb in drunk.” Eddie smiled a big grin and threw his arms around Bucky’s shoulders and patted his chest.

“This man,” he chuckled toward Steve. “An absolute God send.”  
Steve smiled, “I know.”

Eddie smiled and gently patted Bucky’s chest. They watched him walk away joining his other friends, and Steve laughed watching him sling his arms around his two buddies. “Boyfriend?”  
“No,” Bucky laughed. “Jealous?”  
“No,” Steve shook his head. “Who is he?”  
“Bunk mate. We’re friends I guess.”  
Steve nodded. “He’s hot,” he commented.  
“Yeah,” Bucky agreed. “He’s not straight if you wanna give it ago.”  
“How do you know?”

“He writes to this guy every week, weird ass name, but who am I to judge?” Bucky lifted his shoulders in a shrug. It fell quiet between them, if it were a few months ago they’d talk about everything and anything, but it was different now. The air was thicker, it was more awkward.

“Have you eaten?” Steve asked. Bucky shook his head, so Steve split his foot up and offered some to Bucky which he gratefully took. He could have easily got up and grabbed some of his own food, but it was something about Steve wanting to make sure he ate that brought back the old feelings of nurture and what if felt like to have someone care. So he took the food and they ate in silence enjoying finally having each other back in their presences.

 


	14. M.I.A

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The war thickens.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello my darlings!!!!!! Another chapter is up and ready! Here you are! Enjoy!!!

 

Addicted

Chapter 14

 

Bucky stared at him from his place with his friends, it’s been a few weeks since Steve first arrived, and they’ve talked a handful of times. Steve made it painfully clear that it’s in their best interest to not jump back into a relationship, but Bucky couldn’t shake him. He still loved him; even after all of this time he still found love for him in his heart.

 

“Fellas,” Bucky excused himself with a nod and then walked toward Steve’s table where he sat with Ace and a few other younger soldiers. He had a sweat shirt tucked under his arm and his heart pounded as he approached. He cleared his throat causing Steve to glance up- and instant smile appearing on his face.

 

“Sergeant Barnes,” He grinned.

 

“It’s going to be cold tonight,” Bucky said staring right at Steve; ignoring the off looks from the rest of the table. “Thought you might want this,” he handed him the sweat shirt and Steve took it and smiled.

 

“Thanks,” he nodded. He looked at his tray and picked up a muffin and handed it to Bucky with a simple word. “Eat.”

 

A fuzzy, warm feeling blossomed in the pit of his stomach, and he blushed nodding as he backed away to his own table. “What’s with you and the blondie?” Eddie asked.

 

“How ‘bout you fuck off.”

“Interesting. Cagey much?”

“Annoying much?”

 

Eddie shrugged and went back to eating and as Bucky looked around he caught Sam’s eye who some how weaseled his way into Bucky’s friend group. “Say anything and I’ll kill ya,” Bucky snapped.

 

“I’d like to see you try.”

 

Bucky rolled his eyes and picked at the muffin occasionally glancing over at Steve every so often who would smile if he caught Bucky in the act. “Mind if I light up?” He asked. Nobody piped up so he lit up exhaling a puff of smoke. Immediately the nicotine flooded through his body and the tightened nerves released.

 

***

 

It snowed that night; a heavy, suffocating blanket of white. The war was only more intense. Bucky was standing behind the showering quarters as he smoked and allowed the cold to creep up his body. He had just been told that he and another small group were going to try to pull some kind of sneak attack on the enemy while the soldiers faced them head on.

 

With all the disappearances and the news of the last group being tortured he couldn’t stop himself from thinking the worst. Steve was eating in the dining quarters when he saw Eddie sit down looking distant, and he waited to see Bucky only Bucky never came through. It worried him.

 

Their relationship was complicated to say the least. Their relationship was flirty, but neither had taken a chance to try things. Steve wasn’t even sure if he wanted to try things, he had cut things off with Leo because he didn’t want to be the reason the boy’s grades started slipping and didn’t want to put himself in the spot he put Bucky. Leo would have to figure out how he wants to live first.

 

But now Bucky was back in the picture, a golden path shining so brightly beckoning him to skip down it, but he didn’t want to hurt Bucky anymore than he already had. Steve decided he couldn’t take it anymore, where was Bucky?

 

He approached Eddie’s table, not intending to talk to him, but to talk to Sam. So the two weren’t friends, but maybe he knew where Bucky was. “Sam,” Steve grinned.

 

“I’ve been meanin’ to talk to you,” Sam tsked. “I told you to watch out for my sister and you fuckin’ join the army. What kind of bullshit is that?”

 

“Sorry, man. Felt a sudden call, but I actually just need you to tell me where Bucky is?” Steve said. Eddie looked up from his food with a raised eyebrow.

 

“Who the hell is Bucky?” He questioned. Steve ignored him.

 

“I don’t know,” Sam shrugged. “Last I saw he was headed toward the showers.”

 

Steve furrowed his brow and nodded leaving the table making sure to clap Sam on the back as he walked away. He walked to the showering quarters but didn’t see him inside, but that’s when he heard a voice come from behind it. “C’mon get it together, you’ll be fine, man up.” Steve furrowed his brow and pouted as he walked toward the sound of the voice. “Te rog, te rog, Atotputernicule.”

 

“Buck,” Steve questioned. “Are you okay?”

“Steve,” Bucky sighed. “I was just-” his face fell and he slouched forward. “I have to go out and invade territory and try to find the last troop that invaded. I’m scared shitless.”

 

Steve stayed silent, it felt like his world stopped, and Bucky just stared at him for a moment trying to register what to do next- what to say. “No,” Steve stated matter of factly. “Because I just got you back, and I won’t let you go.”

 

Bucky laughed dryly, “I don’t think it’s up to you.”

“Then I guess you’ll just have to make a promise then, huh?” Steve shrugged. “Promise you’ll come back to me,” Steve said. “Alive and well.”

 

Bucky just shook his head and looked down trying to hide his blush. He knew it was damn near impossible to keep a promise like that under the circumstances. “I promise, but only if you promise to do the same. There’s no time to be reckless.”

 

“I’ll do you one better,” Steve said. “I promise I’ll come for you if you’re not back because you will come back to me.”

 

Bucky could only nod, and Steve held out his pinky causing Bucky to snort out a laugh as he wrapped his pinky around Steve’s. They made the impossible promises knowing in their hearts that they were impossible to keep. While staring at each other in such an intense tension they both knew that whatever they had- feelings, tension it wasn’t going away and they had to try to make it out alive.

 

They both walked back to the dining hall where Sam barked out a laugh when they sat down. “You two,” he laughed. “Inseparable again?”

“That’s not your business,” Bucky rolled his eyes.

“Watch it, boy. You’re sittin’ at my table.”

Bucky hummed, “pretty sure it’s the army’s table.”

“Now boys,” Steve sighed. “Let’s put the rulers away.”

 

Eddie sat there staring at Bucky and Steve, they were looking at each other with soft smiles as if they were having a complete conversation, and Eddie huffed. “Alright now what the fuck is between you two?”

 

Bucky looked over his smile falling as he looked at Eddie. “He’s my friend,” Bucky said simply and Sam snorted as he shook his head jabbing at the meat on his plate. “Sam one more noise outta ya and I’ll have whip your ass into next week.”

 

“I didn’t- Steve!”

“It’s unfair, Buck.”

Bucky sighed in silent agreement. Eddie huffed even louder and rolled his eyes, and Bucky laughed. “Fine. Are two joining us for drinks?”

 

“No, I leave tonight for the mission,” Bucky said his face falling and his happy mood deflating. Steve reached under the table placing a hand on Bucky’s thigh in an act of comfort.

 

Everyone grew quiet at the table, a few knowing because they go with him and others in silence because they know the probability of them returning. But Bucky made a promise and he wasn’t going anywhere and he had to return in one piece.

 

****

Later that night the men were saying their goodbyes and it turns out Bucky was better liked then he thought. At least half of them hugged him or clapped him on the back telling him “good luck”. When it came to Steve he frowned and Steve looked away, so Bucky was quick to pull him into a tight hug and Steve buried his face into Bucky’s neck and Bucky squeezed his eyes shut.

 

“Please be careful,” Steve whispered.

“I’ll try,” Bucky answered. “Try not to do anything stupid.”

“I’ll try.” They fell silent for a moment just hugging as the chatter around them faded.

 

And Steve knew this might be the last time he ever got to hold Bucky again so he squeezed him tighter and decided to tell him what he’s always wanted to tell him. “I love you,” he whispered. “I love you so much.”

 

“Are you just saying that because I may die tomorrow?” Bucky asked pulling away to look at Steve and Steve has tears in his eyes as he laughed.

 

“Yes,” he nodded and wiped his eyes. “But it doesn’t make it less true.”

“I love you too, kid.” Bucky said. “I do.”

“Please come back.”

 

Bucky nodded and then pulled out an envelope. “Write to the guys back home, and tell them what’s going on, and send this letter to Nat.” Steve nodded and took the letter. With that the guys took what they needed and walked out of the sleeping quarters to head on their mission. Sam came up beside Steve and wrapped and arm around him.

 

“He’ll be okay. He’s a fighter. God wouldn’t be as cruel to put you two on Earth and together only to take him away from you.”

 

Steve nodded turned to Sam, and he sighed giving the taller man a hug letting him fall in almost full body weight down on him as he cried.

 

***

 

It was cold, far too cold to do anything, and his fingers were starting to freeze around the trigger area of his gun. He hoped they’d stop to rest soon, but as the snow continued to fall and no signs of stopping Bucky decided to try not to think about how cold it was. Mind over matter was what he repeated in his head. Even then matter seemed to over take mind; he was cold, miserable, and annoyed at the annoying son of a bitch that wouldn’t stop talking as they walked.

 

“Kid,” Bucky huffed. “We could get ambushed at any second- we’re two hours out from base and who knows how far from enemy’s base. So please shut the fuck up.”

 

He fell silent and Bucky sighed as he gripped his gun tighter an unsettling feeling overcoming his stomach. He felt like something bad was going to happen, but he couldn’t tell what.

 

Then it was like it all happened at once, loud bangs began to echo and men next to him dropped and blood spilled ruining the purity of the fresh snow. He faintly heard screams and directions ring out, and then he felt something hit him. Force like some sort of God, pain like some sort of devil. It ripped through him, and he fell watching the snow darken in a blood red.

 

***

 

Steve moved around the base as if he were in a daze, it’s been a few weeks since Bucky shipped out on his mission. Sam and Eddie tried to get Steve to express his feelings about the entire situation, but every time they brought it up he just insisted that he was fine. It was a lie and both Sam and Eddie knew it. To other soldiers Steve was focused and diligent about keeping up with his duties. If they bothered to look just a little deeper they’d see Steve, the worried boyfriend, and falling apart on the inside due to his worry.

 

“You know it’s alright to be upset and scared for Bucky, right?” Sam said carefully.

“I know,” Steve said. “But honestly. I’m fine. We’re in the middle of war, Sam. I don’t have time to worry about him.”

 

Eddie sighed, “Okay! Seriously what’s going on between you two?”

“We were friends,” Steve said carefully. A look of understanding crossed over Eddie’s face. “We had some issues, but I think we were working it all out.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?!” Eddie asked.

“I didn’t know how you would react.”

 

“That’s fair,” Eddie nodded. “I have my own boy back home.” He smiled as he dug through his pockets trying to find something, but then smiles as he pulls out a folded up paper and hands it to Steve.

 

He unfolded it carefully, the picture was of a tall muscular man with dark hair, with glimmering hazel- well maybe green eyes, and he was tanned almost Olive in skin tone. He was gorgeous to say the least, and Steve definitely understood why Eddie was attracted to him. “What’s his name?”

 

“Well I call him Vee or Venny despite the fact that he hates it,” Eddie rolled his eyes fondly as if he was remembering an argument they had.

“Then what’s his real name?” Steve asked with a small laugh.

 

“Venom. I know it’s out there, but I guess his parents were involved with some rough crowds and were groupies and I guess named him a badass name or something,” Eddie shrugged. “How about you, Sam. Special somebody back home praying for your safety?”

 

“My family,” Sam shrugged.

 

“A handsome fellow as yourself still single? Surely you have offers!” Eddie laughed.

“Yeah I do, but then they bail when they realize I don’t enjoy fucking all that much.”

 

Sam says with a small shrug then laughs at the look on Eddie’s face. “Don’t get me wrong, I’ll fuck for the sake of pleasing a partner, and even help get them off. But I don’t really get excited about it.”

 

“Oh,” Eddie hummed. “Interesting. Learn somethin’ new everyday don’t ya!”

“Yep,” Steve laughed smiling at Sam. Hopefully he’ll find someone who sees his worth as a partner.

 

“Say, Steve! How’d you and James meet?” Eddie asked.

 

And Steve smiled and began retelling their complicated story. As they talked and laughed and ate Steve’s worry lessened. His nerves relaxed a small bit and he was able to smile and laugh and loose the focused sense he had. As Eddie was vividly telling a story about the time he and Venom got arrested for a piece that he was working on, a sudden uneasy feeling settled in Steve’s stomach.

 

He tried to play it off as just an upset stomach from something he ate, but he couldn’t help but feel as if he may pass out. Something was wrong he could feel it, and as that thought crossed his mind the General And a few of his lackies barged into the dining all. Their heads held high and their faces emotionless.

 

“Oh this can’t be good,” Eddie sighed.

 

“Soldiers,” The General addressed them all. “The last mission that a few of our troopers went on lost our contact a few weeks back,” he continued. Steve paled as he listened.

 

“We assumed they were just like the others, but yesterday at sixteen hundred hours we received a broken single and a plea for help. It may be a ploy the enemy has to get more of us there into their territory, but we cannot wait any longer. If I call your name you’ll be part of a special task force put together to retrieve the other soldiers.”

 

He paused for a moment, Steve’s Head spun as his stomach dropped, and certain clarity came over him. Bucky was hurt- or worse dead.

 

The General listed off names, the room filled with a tense air, and Steve waited for his name to be called. Prayed his name would be called. “William Alan Johnson and Ross Anthony Peters. Thank you. We’ll meet to go over strategy in one hour.”

 

The General didn’t allow for the soldiers to respond, he began walking toward the exit, and Steve clenched his jaw shaking his head. “He wouldn’t want you to,” Sam said immediately. “Relax.”

“You don’t know him,” Steve muttered and got up walking after the General as Sam and Eddie tried to stop him but ultimately failing.

 

“Sir! General!” Steve called out. The General turned around and Steve stood at attention.

“Yes, soldier?”

“I’d like to be apart of this mission, sir.” Steve said still at attention, but made direct eye contact refusing to break it.

“Why? You know it’s a suicide mission,” He spoke.

 

“My best friend,” Steve said. “He was apart of the last mission, and he was a good soldier. I just promised his family I’d take care of him. I have to know, sir. I have to find him and see for myself if he’s gone.”

 

The General sucked in a breath and eyes Steve carefully. “At ease, soldier,” He spoke carefully. “What’s your name.”

 

“Rogers, sir. Steven.”

 

The General looked at one of his lackies and the lackie immediately listed off Steve’s rank and handed the General his file. “Impressive,” The General said. “And you’re sure you want to be a part of this team?”

 

“Absolutely, sir.”

 

“Well,” The General scratched his beard. “Alright. You’ve got an hour to back out, but if you still wanna be apart of it then I’ll see you there.”

 

Steve nodded and the General left leaving Steve there his heart pounding and his head a little fuzzy. “C’mon. I’ll help you pack,” Sam said as he slung his arm around Steve and led him back to the sleeping quarters.

 

***

 

The bar was unusually packed that night, a live band was playing and the crowd seemed to be digging it, and Bruce laughed and smiled with customers as they came in. It was alive, and for the first time in a few months Bruce felt at ease. “I got a letter!” Peggy swung the door open and made her presence known. “Red wine please,” she said toward Bruce as she walked toward the table where the rest of gang was.

 

She quickly sat down next to Wanda with a large grin and began opening the letter. She waited for Bruce to come over and then began to read.

 

_“Dear Peggy and friends who I’m sure are reading this too,_

_I’m sorry you’ve not gotten a letter recently, things have been so hectic, and I’m sure you’ve all seen it on the T.V. In other news Buck and I pretty much made up- no Peter we’re not officially dating. That means, Peggy, that we haven’t discussed it yet. And no Nat we’re probably not going to talk about it any time soon. Anyways, he’s on the latest mission, and I’m just as worried as you._

_Sam sends his love to you all, and my new friend Eddie says he’s excited to hopefully someday meet you all. He’s quite the character._

_Anyways, nothing new has happened. It’s the same cycle, so I guess we’ll see what happens. Stay out of trouble. I’ll write soon._

_Love,_

_Steve.”_

 

“Mission?” Nat questioned out loud.

 

“Not the one we’ve seen on T.V. Surely, he must mean something else. Maybe a side mission?” Bruce suggested and everyone looked around trying to figure out what happened.

 

“If Bucky is on that mission then he’s MIA,” Peggy stated.

 

“Yeah, thank you captain obvious,” Nat rolled her eyes and sat back in her seat. Angel approached the table to see what all the fuss was about; Bruce quickly filled them in, and then read the letter themselves.

 

“Think about it,” Peggy snapped. “If Bucky is missing what do you think Steve will do? Let him stay missing?”

 

“Oh God,” Peter whispered. “He’ll go after him.”

 

 


	15. Rescue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve steps up and makes a decision.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little clarification: IMPORTANT 
> 
> The war isn't a known war- it's never happened in real life. Instead of the Vietnam war- which I guess technically would have been accurate time line wise- BUT I DIDN'T WANT TO USE A REAL WAR SO WE"RE PRETENDING THAT THE VIETNAM WAR NEVER HAPPENED OK? OK! Anygays this war mentioned in my fictional world is a war the has been going on for a long time. Like picture a world war three...........yeah. So basically after WWII another war broke out which is this one.......DOes that make sense? (big LOL I don't know how wars or armies work. I'm trying my best)
> 
> Also I think it's known that this is a 60s! I can't remember if I mentioned the exact year but it's 1965.....if i have mentioned it before and it said something earlier than ignore that because I meant 1965. ALRIGHTY THEN
> 
> Enjoy!!

 

 

 

 

 

Chapter 15

Addicted

 

Steve stood in the General’s quarters along with the other men that were called. They were discussing attack strategies; they stood around a big table that had a map of the area on it, and little marks showing the bases for the enemies. “You’ll march along this path,” Their assigned captain said. The General nodded along with the idea. “It’s a direct entrance, and we’ll have the advantage of surprise.”

 

“That’s absurd,” Steve scoffed.

 

“Excuse me?” the captain spat.

 

“The plan,” Steve continued. “That _is_ the most direct way, but it leaves us wide open!”

 

“Soldier! Watch what you say- I can and _will_ kick you off this mission,” the Captain said.

 

“What’s your suggestion?” The General asked.

 

“We don’t have the element of surprise,” Steve said. “That’s a direct route as well as the two on these sides. They’ve got them packed with soldiers, but if we come in behind they will never see us coming. Then we would have the element of surprise, and once we get eyes on the compound we can figure out where the hostages are.”

 

The General’s lips pulled back in a sly smile, and he nodded agreeing with Steve. “That sounds like a plan.” Steve felt a surge of pride shoot through his body, but the Captain shook his head.

 

“Sir, he has no right to lead or even come up with plans, I’ve been in this war since it started-”

 

“Then maybe you need fresh ideas to end it,” Steve snapped back. “Obviously other ways are getting men killed, so how about you let someone new take the stand.”

 

“You’ll watch your mouth when you’re talking to me, soldier.”

 

Steve looked to the General in hopes he’d back him up, but he wore an emotionless look on his face as he looked at the map. “You’ll mind your superiors, Rogers.”

 

“Yes, sir.”

 

“That being said, what are you thinking?”

 

Steve nodded and leaned over the map and began spitting out ideas. He had never thought himself to be the one to lead anything- he was usually quiet and reserved, but this felt good. Telling people what to do- he felt powerful. He liked it, but the only thing taking his mind was how he was going to get Bucky back.

 

***

 

He said his goodbyes, they weren’t overly emotional for which he was appreciative of because he could not afford any distractions. They marched upward to get a better vantage point. It was snowy, and white blankets continued to fall upon them, luckily they were prepared with heavy clothing. Their hands covered with gloves, but Steve’s fingers were still frozen. "Alright, Rogers we're here now what?" Steve looked down at the base below, and he sighed placing his hands on his hips. "Let's try to do this quietly," He said. "The building down there with all the guards rotating it and guarding it is probably where the rest of our men are being held."

 

"We should split up," the Captain said, and Steve agreed. "Scout the perimeter and have at least two snipers stay up here to have our backs, two main groups are going into the base. One to where the suspected hostages are and two to the main headquarters as spies to see if we can get some intel. In and out gentlemen."

 

Steve nodded along with the orders that were being given, but his nerves were anything but at ease. It felt like his entire body was shaking, his heart continuously pounded in his chest as his thoughts raced about what he would find when he would enter that building.

 

***

 

They waited until the stars and moon came out and rose high into the sky, the temperature easily dropped a good ten degrees, but neither the darkness nor the cold was on Steve's mind. He was focused. More focused then he has ever been.

 

He led the group of men with a gun in his hands, he lead them quietly watching out for anyone who might be dangerous- he kept repeating the same thought over and over again in his head.

 

_I'm coming Bucky._

 

_Hold on Buck_

 

_I'm comin'_

 

No matter how sure of himself he was his nerves never eased up, and his hands shook out of pure adrenaline and fear. The building was now insight. He could practically see it now. Practically hear Bucky's voice.

 

The building was larger in person, it looked old and worn down, and resembled a type of old warehouse that Steve would see walking down the street. It was heavily guarded, and Steve could _feel_ eyes on him waiting for him to give out orders. "We're at the back entrance," Steve whispered. "Four of you split and go on either side. Take out the guard quietly, the rest of you are with me where we will do the same. We're taking any hostage we can find tonight. Understood?"

 

The group broke off, everything was going smoothly, and Steve tried to keep his cool as he made his way toward the building. One man broke off from behind him and snuck up to use his gun to silently knock the guard out. It was going so easily. Inside the building it was some sort of maze, it was quiet too, and as the group of soldiers reformed, he felt his stomach drop. They were quiet as they stalked down the corridor, everything practically pitch black besides the flashlights sewn into their gear, and the occasional red blinking light.

 

"Reminds me of some horror flick," one of the soldiers said from behind Steve.

 

"Half expect blood to start oozing out of the walls," another said.

 

"Let's focus," Steve said as he approached the first fork. "Half of you go down right, the other half down the left."

 

They broke off yet again, the echoing of their boots slapping the pavement, and in that moment, Steve could swear that it sounded like thunder. As they descended down further into the building under ground eerie moans and groans started to be heard. "Hear that?" The captain sighed.

 

"Yeah," Steve nodded. "There's more hostages than we thought. Must be."

 

"Stay close to the walls, men." The captain ordered. "Nobody left behind."

 

Steve nodded, and they all moved to the walls, and as the quiet grew less and less silent the more Steve grew anxious.

 

Like some sort of vine, an arm reached out grabbing a soldier around the neck, and a blood stilling grunt and growl omitted from the wall. "He....help me."

 

A series of clicks, and flashlights aimed at the wall where the soldier stood completely still fear written all over his face. "Help me," the voice croaked. "Please. Experimented on us."

 

"Us?" That captain questioned as he stepped forward shining his light onto the hostage for a clearer look at him. He was skinny and frail, and his arm fit perfectly between the bars. His eyes were a dark brown and sunken in to his skull- he looked like he hadn't eaten properly in months. "Okay, let go of my soldier, we're going to get you out of here."

 

It was silent, guns aimed at the wall, and one soldier praying for his dear life. He was released, and the hostage backed up raising his hands. His clothes were torn and ripped with what looked like a mix of dirt and blood splattered across him. Behind him when light was shined laid two other men and a woman. Her hair was matted, and she was skinnier than them.

 

"What the hell," Steve whispered.

 

Two men immediately began working on the bars to try to free the hostages. They shunned away from their lights and waited in the corners while the leader- the assumed leader of them waited in the middle. He stayed calm, stood tall, and awaited instruction. The mannerism of a soldier. "You're a soldier," Steve announced looking at him. "For who?"

 

"Britain," he said not making eye contact with him. "There are tons of soldiers in here. Different races and nationalities. These bastards don't care who belongs to whom. This war isn't about sides anymore for them. It's who responds best to the experiment."

 

"Experiment?" Captain asked as the men opened the cell and went in to tend to the further injuries.

 

"Some kind of super soldier. The ultimate human."

 

"Has anyone responded?" Steve asked his mind jumping through hoops and his heart longing to know Bucky's fate.

 

"No," the man laughed. "Are you fucking mental? They shock us, lad. They strap us up and shock us, and if by God we survive that they make us fight each other- there are people here with soup for brains and can't even tell you their names. This one sucker, poor bastard fought them with everything he had. Tortured the bloke."

 

Steve dropped his head. He knew it in his heart that Bucky would be the one fighting back and probably because of that stupid promise. "Is he-”

 

"Dead?" The hostage interjected. "Yeah. He's kept away from the rest of us- according to what I've heard he's actually responding to the experiments- at least that's what they think. He's just crazier than us. He was half crazy when he got here muttering his name on repeat and rank as if these bastards give a damn. Went on and on about some promise."

 

"These experiments? We're they successful?"

 

"Are you kidding?! What part of they electrocuted us did you not hear?"

 

"You just said someone responded-”

 

"Doesn't mean it's successful. This kid he fought long and hard- made him a target because of his already existing strong will, then he showed excellent hand to hand combat, the shock made him a bit woozy but he ultimately started to dissociate, and he was like me. Learned to play the game. I order to stay alive you do what _they_ tell you. You comply and forget who you are, so you can kill if necessary- and with the shocks and torture and injections it does something to our minds."

 

"This makes no sense," The captain huffed.

 

"None of it does," Steve agreed but his mind was also drifting to Bucky and what state he might be in. "Okay, I say we get these hostages out- as many as we can quietly. There has to be more cells like this."

 

The captain agreed. "Where's this so-called experiment room?"

 

"I don't know," the hostage answered. "They put us under every single time we went there. Be careful there are some real lunatics in this place. Brains so melted they don't even know they're human."

 

Two men aided the hostages out of the building and into safety at their set up base away from home base. Steve and a few other men continued down the building corridor guns aimed ahead of them, and they freed hostages and escorted them out as they came upon them.

 

But floating in the air a stench so fowl, it was one of those stenches that you could identify without having ever smelled it. So awful it could only be one thing. Steve covered his nose with one hand while tossing a look toward the Captain. They passed a cell that had no remaining living hostages in it, bodies laid against the wall, on the small bed and another in the middle of the floor. Steve had to look away to avoid gagging.

 

"They were treated like- like animals." A soldier commented.

 

"Not even that. Worse than animals."

 

They trekked on, and then like the sound of a siren. Gun shots popped off, they whizzed by the soldiers catching one in the shoulder, and shouts in German ordering them to stop. They turned around and fired shot after shot as they tried to advance. Two stopped to back Steve and the Captain. More of their men entered from behind them.

 

It may have been selfish, but Steve kept going- he tried ignore the bangs and bullets ricocheting off the walls. He felt like he was deaf when he finally reached two big metal doors. "Hey! What are you doing?" The voice caused him to jump, but he regained his nerves and whipped around aiming at the soldier behind him. The attire familiar- American. "Rescue?" He questioned. "Finally! Right through here!" He pushed passed Steve opening the doors.

 

Steve followed the man gun still aimed and his gut still not settled with the surprise appearance of this soldier. He didn't recognize him- his face was familiar one he had saw on the news. He was missing but now seems perfectly healthy?

 

"Stop," Steve ordered. "I'll give you two minutes to explain before I start firing."

 

"What do you mean?" He played the part well with doe eyes. "I was kidnapped and you're here to-”

 

"Cut the bullshit. You're with them aren't you?"

 

The strange American soldier's face fell into one of a sinister smile. He turned his head toward a table where a body laid; he looked back at Steve with a sickening grin. "You know what happens when you shock someone? When you torture them?"

 

Steve stood silent trying not to focus who was on the table. It was clear, he was a bit thinner and bruised, but he was all there just unconscious. "Their brain becomes that of mush, they become susceptible to suggestion- eventually they can get used to a certain setting and their memories get wiped so they can function just an hour after."

 

Steve kept his gun aimed. The man continued. "James Buchanan Barnes. Our first success- he fought us for a while but after he zapped him a few times he became susceptible to tell us everything- the truth."

 

Steve froze.

 

"It's quite romantic that you came for him, and what a tragedy you'll have to watch him die."

 

He swung out his gun and shot at the box Bucky was hooked up to, it made a static kind of sound and then Bucky's whole body tensed and started to convulse and shake. His head stretched back with his eyes wide and his hands clenched into fists and his veins grew as if they were trying to escape from his body. He was making noises that could only be described as groans that were tense and trapped inside of his mouth.

 

It was like Steve dissociated himself, he felt himself pull the trigger and watched the bullet in slow motion hit the fellow American soldier, and then he fired repeatedly after the sound gone and his heart hammering filling his ear drums with a constant pulse. He didn't realize he dropped his gun, or that he just killed someone. He ran over to Bucky who was now rapidly shaking and staring right through him.

 

"Rogers! What's happening?" The captain rushed in setting his gun aside.

 

"It's Bucky," Steve said his voice strained and in frantic whisper. "I don't know how to stop it!" He frantically tried to undo the belted holding Bucky only to be shocked himself making him jump back. "HELP HIM PLEASE! HE'LL DIE!"

 

Steve continued to attempt to unhook Bucky and the Captain went to work to get the electric to stop and Bucky continued to convulse on the table. "It's okay Buck," Steve whispered. "I'm here."

 

Finally, the buzzing stopped, and Bucky's body fell back onto the table, and Steve quickly checked his warm skin for a pulse only getting a faint one. "He's alive," Steve informed and continued to get the belts off of Bucky freeing his body. Suddenly, Bucky jolted forward in a gasp.

 

His eyes were wide, and he had dry spit around his mouth. His eyes held a look of confusion. "It's me," Steve said carefully. "Steve."

 

"Steve," Bucky repeated with a small nod as he looked around the room. "Steve." He said again and perched forward wrapping his arms around Steve. He was still breathing hard, and nobody was sure how he was up and talking.

 

Gently, the captain and Steve lifted Bucky to his feet, and they helped him walk out of the compound. "Are they still shooting us?" Steve asked.

 

"It's a war zone."

 

"We need to get him out quietly," Steve said. They snuck around the building immediately shooting anyone that they came across that they deemed threatening.

 

***

 

Bucky looked so fragile, he was pale, bruised, and beaten up. He looked dead if anyone were honest, but other than looks he was oddly perfectly fine. By some stroke of luck, he was just dehydrated and malnourished, but everything else he was perfectly fine. He just needed to rest.

 

This- all of this was new territory for Steve, all of it was, but seeing Bucky like that was especially knew. He has never had to see someone in the hospital- even if the area Bucky was resting in wasn't technically a real hospital. He never had to deal with a loved one being so injured or sick- his parents always managed to protect him from seeing that.

 

"Steve?" His voice was raspy and made Steve want to curl in on himself, but still he went foreword and sat on the edge of his bed careful to avoid Bucky's legs.

 

"Hey," he smiled sadly.

 

"Don't pity me," Bucky rolled his eyes and tried to sit up a bit which Steve quickly went to aid him. "I'm fine. I just have to rest."

 

"I know," Steve said. "I just thought I was going to lose you."

 

Bucky grabbed Steve's hand and squeezed it. "I'm here. I'm okay."

 

"They're offering you leave, they're allowing you to go home," Steve said more quietly and he refused to even look at Bucky. "You could be done with all of this."

 

"I already said no. I just need a week to recover," Bucky said and pulled Steve's hand into his lap. "I want to finish this."

 

Steve nodded and looked over at their joined hands in Bucky's lap. A feeling of calm falling over him, and they fell silent just soaking up the feeling of each other. Bucky's breaths were a bit harsher, and Steve's were a bit quicker. "Do you still love me?" Bucky asked, and Steve met his eyes looking at him if he were some kind of idiot. Of course, he still loved him, he loved him with everything he had, and if he didn't he wouldn't be with him right now. Steve did what he thought was answer enough; he leaned foreword gently placing his hand on his scruffy cheek and kissed him.

 

It was quick and probably not as passionate, but it brightened that flicker of light that lived in both of them. That light that refused to die for each other. "You just get better," Steve said. "Be nice to the nurses."

 

Bucky let out a small chuckle. "Visit me again," he said. "Just not obsessively we don't want any suspicions."

 

"I'll visit as much as I can," Steve said. "My bravery and skillful strategy have put me in eyesight for the general. He wants my opinion on more strategies. I'll be back soon okay?"

 

Bucky weakly nodded his eyes becoming hooded. Steve stood up, and quickly pecked Bucky's forehead. "Go get 'em." Bucky whispered. Steve smiled and nodded.

 

He was overjoyed to have Bucky back, to have him back in more ways than one, but still he felt uneasy and a part of him ached. He knew it wasn't over; he knew deep down that this was just the beginning. War was war and war would not cease until everyone involved was broken.


	16. Merry Christmas.....in the Trenches

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Buck and Steve settle into their relationship, and Steve gets sent to the front lines.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HELLO LOVIES!!!
> 
> I hope you all had a very very very merry Christmas if you celebrate that! Today is the last day of 20gayteen or 2018, and I must say I'm a bit relieved! I've also been out to my parents and select family members for about two years now- well not exactly but I came out in 2017 and now its going into 2019! (20biteen if you will) And I must say that 2018 has been quite the hellish year but I've had a lot of great times in this year too! I've met a lot of great people on twitter and even more on this site. I've started this story (which is no where near and end) and have received so much positive feedback to which I thank you all for reading and commenting! As this year comes to a close I leave you with this though; it's new year a time to celebrate, a time to start over, a time to right any wrongs you have made. Treat everyone you meet with kindness, even the assholes of the world, but by no means do not take anyone's bullshit. Fine your worth and embrace it. Make 2019 revolutionary for yourself and everyone you meet. Be kind and be strong. lots of love. x.

 

Chapter 16

Addicted

 

Steve did visit Bucky as often as he could, and Bucky was doing as the nurses predicted. Within a week he was up and walking around, and now he was returning to his normal duties. Steve was, at first, hesitant that he was so quick to return to his soldier duties. Unfortunately, Bucky was far too stubborn to listen to his boyfriend.

 

The two were in the showering quarters, they were past curfew, but they couldn't care as they were lost in themselves. They found heaven in each other in the midst of war. "If we got caught they could kill us," Steve whispered as Bucky sponged kisses around his neck.

 

"That'd be a hate crime."

 

"Hardly a crime when you're not wanted," Steve said. "We don't matter."

 

Bucky pulled away to stare at his boyfriend for a moment, Steve had become so full of sadness and always wore this puppy look in his eyes, and Bucky as hard as he tried couldn't cheer him up. It was hard to be cheerful when people are dying all around them. " _You matter_." Bucky said pushing Steve's wet hair back. "You matter because I love you. As long as I'm alive there's one soul out there thanking God for your worth."

 

"Buck..."

 

"When we get through this fucking bullshit of a war I'm going to show you how much you mean to me. Properly. I'm talking about dates, I'll even work less, and hell I'll support you in everything you do."

 

"Very optimistic of you," Steve said. "And if we don't make it out of this bullshit war?"

 

Bucky pulled away and grabbed the dog-tags around his neck and removed them. "There's this superstition that you can't die with someone else's tags on. So," he pauses as he put his around Steve's neck and Steve quickly caught on removing his and put it around Bucky's neck. "Here we are wearing each other's tags. No matter what we can't die now."

 

"The key to immortality. Who knew?"

 

Bucky laughed and pressed a kiss to his boyfriend's lips. "A promise that we'll always come back for each other. No matter what."

 

Steve kissed him and nodded in agreement with a small whisper. "No matter what."

 

***

 

Eddie and Sam were arguing over God knows what when Steve and Bucky walked into the dining hall. "What are you guys arguing for?"

 

"Well," Eddie huffed. "This fucker here thinks New York is better than San Fran!"

 

"It is," Bucky and Steve said in unison.

 

"After all of this you should visit," Steve said. "We all hang out at this underground bar called Crickets. You could meet everyone."

 

"Angel would love you," Bucky added.

 

"Loki would make a snide remark," Steve sighed.

 

"Pete would scald him for the snide remark," Bucky chuckled. They both missed their friends, and they longed to go back to them and hang out like they used to.

 

"You've known Eddie a few months and he's getting invites?" Sam blew out some air shaking his head as he leaned back on his chair. "You've known me for years and I don't even get invited to hang out with you and your crew?"

 

"There's a big difference here," Bucky said. "I like Eddie."

 

"You're an asshole," Sam pointed at Bucky and then looked at Steve. "He's an asshole."

 

Steve just shrugged innocently. "So I've been told."

 

It was good, for a moment everyone was happy and feeling good, and the little triumph had the boys feeling good. Lives were saved.

 

"Rogers," Sam snickered. "Is that a damn hickie on your neck?"

 

Steve's eyes widened as a blush crept up to his cheeks. He tugged at his collar trying to cover up the bruise that was there from the previous night's rendezvous. "It might be."

 

"Won't that look suspicious. In compound where there are no girls in sight, and going around giving each other hickies. Dangerous business fellas," Eddie mocked.

 

"To be fair," Steve protested. "I told him not to make it obvious."

 

"Oh well," Bucky shrugged. "What're they gonna do? Kill me?"

 

Steve sighed shaking his head as he looked away toward another group of soldiers, his heart heavy watching them all celebrate with smiles and laughter, but Steve knew it was going to be a long time before any of them got to go home. Bucky saw him looking, staring and his heart broke for him.

 

Steve was good at the whole army thing, he was a natural leader, and he was so incredibly smart. He was everything a soldier was supposed to be, and then some. Only, he had a big heart, he feels so incredibly deeply about different things and toward people. It was wearing down on him, mentally he was being drained, and Bucky could do nothing about it.

 

"Christmas," Bucky said. "What's the plans boys?"

 

"I'm going to the front lines," Sam sighed. "Eddie too."

 

"I go to the front lines Christmas Day," Steve announced.

 

"You didn't tell me that," Bucky accused

 

"I'll be fine, but after years of war we finally have a chance to end it. I'm going to try to help that."

 

"Then I'm all alone," Bucky sighed. "Until my mission on the twenty seventh."

 

"Try not to get captured this time," Steve joked making Bucky act offended.

 

They smiled at each other, and the other two watched them flirt while gagging and making fun of the love birds. "Letters!"

 

A man dropped a letter in front of Bucky and he eagerly opened it smiling while reading it over. "It's to both of us," Bucky said.

 

 

_"Dear Steve and Bucky,_

_Things are good here, we're all relentlessly thinking of you both, and hoping for your return to safety to be soon. We saw what Steve did on the news today- he's a local hero and his parents have soaked up all the attention from it. I expected nothing less of him. We're all thrilled that you two have made up, and we hope this time it sticks. In other news, Angel and Bruce are finally tying the knot- they say it'll be a quiet wedding and Tony Stark himself will marry them._

_As much as I hate to add more stress to you both I have to mention that things aren't as good between the greaser and soc side of things. There have been more fights, and you'll never believe Cynthia was mugged again, so she's staying with Nat and Clint with Andrea. Rebecca and her goons got into a fight with Archie and some broad (not Elizabeth might I add) and it went south really quick. Police were called and Rebecca was arrested we're waiting to see if Archie presses charges. Bucky, your mom is good she misses you a lot and says that she prays for you every night. Your youngest sister is home from boarding school and now attends a regular high school, and she can't wait to see you when you get home._

_Please come home soon._

_We miss you both._

_~ Peggy and the rest."_

Bucky read it aloud and Steve's eyebrows pulled together while he took the letter and reread it for himself. "Did you know about Cynthia?" Bucky asked toward Sam.

 

He nodded. "She mentioned it in one of her letters."

 

"This is all so fucked," Bucky mumbled. "Is she alright?"

 

"Shaken but overall fine."

 

Steve folded the letter and rubbed his face. "I'll go write back. I'll see you later," he nodded toward the rest.

 

***

 

As the days went on Christmas got closer, the war became intense again more random attacks on the bases, but for once they had the advantage pushing the leader to sign the treaties. They finally were able to arrest the man that started the experiments and anyone affiliated with him. Bucky and Steve's relationship only became stronger, they'd sneak around to see each other, and had a solid system of code to tell each other they loved each other. A casual shoulder squeeze as one passed the other, notes, a hand shake that required exactly three tight squeezes, and if the opportunity presented itself a hug with a gentle whisper.

 

They were so in love, and it was uplifting for their friends to see. It caused Eddie to miss Venom, but he was happy for them nevertheless. In another life he was a reporter that reported on the war and opinions of the people, and interviewed billionaires and companies that were involved in major conspiracies and controversies. While watching a love so pure as Bucky and Steve's is provoked an idea. "Love in War," Eddie said. "It's a working title, but it will be a piece about relationships in war and how they survived. I'll talk with people who had to be away from their partners, and even more so the ones within the military."

 

"You're insane," Steve said. "Any relationships within the military are same sex, unless a soldier fell in love with a nurse, and if you haven't noticed being gay could get us in trouble."

 

"Yes!" Eddie exclaimed and Bucky took a drag looking behind him in a nervous manner. They stood in an ally like area behind a heavily armed vehicle. "That's the problem! America the great controversy itself! Why is the type of love we all experience any different from that of- of others who get the privilege to love the 'correct' way."

 

"And you think writing an article about it will fix it?" Steve snorted. "Look at people with a different skin tone than you! Do they have rights? Are they suddenly able to sit and eat and work where they please, how about their schools? They don't have any rights and they're fighting for it! They are being punished for their skin tone something they visibly cannot help, so what makes you think they'll be okay with two men loving each other claiming they can't help it when nobody knows that for sure?"

 

Eddie groaned and turned around shaking his head. "This is for the future!" Eddie exclaimed. "In San Francisco there's real movement there within the community, and there's buzz in New York too near stonewall you know it?"

 

"Yeah," Steve said. "I don't know man."

 

"I'd like to interview you two," Eddie continued. "Two guys in uniform and being in love. Maybe it'll make people see?"

 

"I don't-"

 

"We need movement," Bucky said. "How are we supposed to get basic human rights to love if we don't move?"

 

"Bucky-" Steve began.

 

"I'm not saying we lead the thing, but if there's already whispers and buzzing about uprisings might as well join. Write up the article, document us, whatever, but hold off on publishing it." Bucky said.

 

"We are in the midst of war," Steve said. "We have more pressing matters."

 

"I just want to have the right to love," Bucky said. He stomped out his cigarette. "I've got things to do. I'll see you around," he said and quickly kissed Steve's cheek. "Bye."

***

 

It was quiet, so he had to be extra careful navigating in the dark toward the bed. He clutched the paper in his hand smiling as he saw the lying figure in bed. "Buck," he whispered gently tapping him. "Bucky."

 

Bucky jolted and half way rolled around squinting at Steve. "Steve?"

 

"'Merry Christmas," Steve said and handed him the paper. "It's not much but-"

 

"Hold on," Bucky said as he grabbed his flash light and flicked it on looking at the paper. It was a beautifully sketched picture of two figures sitting in a home staring at a giant Christmas tree and near a fire place. "Is it us?"

 

"Next Christmas," Steve whispered.

 

"I love it," Bucky grinned and leaned forward pulling the boy into him placing a gentle kiss upon his lips. "Here, I also got Nat to send this to me last week."

 

He handed him a photograph of them, they were caught unexpectedly while lounging at Peter's house. They were smiling and already look so in love. "When you go to the front lines always keep that in your pocket."

 

"I love it."

 

"I love you," Bucky said and Steve kissed him muttering an 'I love you too' into his mouth. They kissed for a little while longer before Steve snuck back to his bed and stared at the picture of them until he fell asleep with it in his hands.

 

***

The front lines were the most intense combat Steve's ever endured, bombs went off like clockwork, people were shot and killed or injured left and right. Fires would start, and the rapid release of a machine guns- he couldn't sleep because they were in a loll of battle. It was quiet. Steve had grown accustom to noise, back near base it was always loud with some distant gunshot or bomb or something. There was silence, and Steve thought he'd never long for the echos of bombs from near base.

 

At night when he's trying to get some sort of sleep he finds himself thinking about how many times he took sleeping next to Bucky for granted. Something about having a warm body next to him while he slept, to have someone roll over and instinctively grab him, and to feel comforted to know that during the night Bucky was there if he needed him. Now he slept on a cot that was closer the ground than a bed, and he slept with his gun under it just  in case of a midnight attack.

 

"Can't sleep?" Eddie asked as he walked by from his nightly shift of watching the perimeter. Steve sat up rubbing his eyes.

 

"Too quiet."

 

"I hear that," Eddie sighed sitting on the bed next to him. "I think it's too damn cold. I wish it'd all end already."

 

"I feel like we're close," Steve hunched foreword his chin resting in his hand. "What do we do after this?"

 

"Beats me," Eddie shrugged. "Try to get over it. Go back home to our loved ones, live like nothing ever happened, and try to get on with our lives."

 

"And if we can't?" Steve asked. "There are soldiers in the medical ward that lost their limbs, are paralyzed, or even worse...I've seen people that don't even have anything physically wrong with them but they're not right in the head and they have to be sent back home to be put in an institution."

 

"I know," Eddie nodded. "Some have these weird tick like things. Where they just freeze and fall over or like convulse without being shocked. It's weird. Not seizures or anything like paralyzed with fear."

 

"It's the stress- what's it called - battle fatigue or something," Steve shook his head. "I read something about it a while back. It's called combat stress reaction or battle fatigue. Humans aren't supposed to deal with this kind of stress." He paused and then continued. "I don't know how much more I can take myself. I'm barely sleeping and I can't sit still and I'm on edge all the time."

 

"We'll get through it. Think of the end result. You'll go home, with that wonderful man of yours, and then you'll continue with school and live happily. That's what we got. The future."

 

"A war to end all wars," Steve said. "That's what they said about the world wars."

 

Eddie gave him a sympathetic smile and patted Steve on his shoulder. "Try to get some rest," He said. "You'll need it."

 

Meanwhile, Bucky couldn't sleep either. He was cold and felt sick to his stomach while thinking about what Steve was going through. Was he sleeping? Was he dead? Dead. The word kept bouncing around in his head and when he finally forced it away with another thought he closed his eyes and there it was behind his eyes in big, bold, white letters. Dead. He tried to get some sleep, but in the end he had to get up and go outside to take a smoke break. While he smoked he decided to write out a letter to back home and then one to Steve.

 

_Dear Everyone,_

_Steve has been sent to the front lines along with Sam Wilson and our new friend Eddie Brock. I'm left at base doing more side missions trying to secure the cities were based in. I've nearly been shot twice now- oh! I'm sure Steve told you all about my M.I.A scare .... pretty intense. Fuckers didn't know what hit them when we sent our troops in. I'm fine now- I'll admit I still feel foggy and a bit fuzzy. I feel awful I've not written but with Steve always writing and updating you guys I figured he'd send my thoughts and it was pointless to even send a letter separately from his. Not much more has happened so I'll write again soon._

_-_

_S &B _

Bucky folded the paper scribbling out the address of Natasha and then pulled out another piece of paper to write to Steve. He knew he could never send it to him because the risk of someone reading it was far to great. But he felt it might make him feel better. Like Steve was okay and they were just apart because he got to go home.

 

_To my love,_

_I know you hate the nickname, but I love it so I guess you'll have to learn to deal._

_I think about you everyday that you're gone, and constantly worry about what state you're in. I heard talk about soldiers showing signs of battle fatigue, and it sounds like a shitty thing to have. So stay strong while doing the dirty work out there. I never thought I'd be the type of boy to actually miss his partner after a few short days, yet here I am allowing you to take every part of mind and heart. As cheesy as it sounds it's true. I miss you. As stupid as it was at the time I'm glad we traded dog-tags, it's nice still having a piece of you with me at all times, and who knows maybe it will protect us so neither of us die. I know you'll be okay but still be safe. I love you._

_-_

_Buck_

Bucky folded the paper and placed it in his breast pocket and continued smoking as he lost himself in thought. He had a bad feeling about all of this, and while others were on the verge of celebrating with their gut feeling of the war ending; Bucky felt something entirely different. He felt as if more than just the war was coming to an end, and that the heartache he felt now was nothing compared to what was coming.

 


	17. Ambushed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ambushed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HELLO GUYS, GALS, AND NON BINARY PALS!!!!!!
> 
> How are you all? Good I hope. Just a small warning- it gets violent and graphic and can be triggering.......possibly ????? ANYWAY I hope you enjoy!!!!! xx

 

 

 

Chapter 17

Addicted

 

Steve was awoken by numerous shouts to take cover, he sprung up and grabbed his gun and looked around watching the scattered soldiers take cover. Steve did the same and ducked under a metal table. He caught Eddie's eyes who looked terrified and sick all at once. "What's happening?" Steve shouted.

 

"Ambush," Eddie yelled.

 

A loud bang emitted as flames arose from a different part of the room with a bellow of smoke and the ground shook under Steve. Bombs. Has to be an air raid. Screams followed each thunderous bang; walls shook and the ceiling cracked clear to fall at any time. "People need help," Steve mumbled. He waited in low, another thunderous clap, and then more blood curdling screams. He had to help, so he did what he thought was best. He gripped his gun and dashed out toward the hallway where he heard the screams, he stayed close to the walls as he ran through to a different room. In the room where he saw a wall collapsed, and under it were a few trapped soldiers.

 

Steve rushed to help setting the gun down and helping the soldiers. "Okay, I'm going to lift this up a little and I'm going to need you to try your hardest to shimmy out."

 

The wall was feeble and was heavy to lift so he couldn't lift it much, but it was enough to allow the trapped soldiers to wiggle out. "C'mon," He gritted out. "Hurry!"

 

Suddenly the weight of the wall lessened, and Steve looked to see Eddie and Sam lifting the wall. "We weren't going to let you be suicidal by yourself," Sam grunted. The trapped soldiers wiggled out, and the three let the wall drop just as another bomb was dropped this time right outside the bunker. The explosion was enough to knock another wall down and all the soldiers onto their backs.

 

"Can any of you walk?" Steve asked.

"My legs," one cried. "I can't feel my legs!"

 

Steve looked at Sam as he heard another cry escape from a different room. "Go. Ed and I will get these guys to safety. There are medics outside readying to life flight soldiers as needed."

 

Steve nodded and picked his gun up running over toward where he heard the voices.

 

"Please!" Another cried. "Help me!"

 

Steve saw a young man sat by a wall, he was sitting in a pool of blood, and he looked like his flesh was peeling off himself. "I was caught in a blast," he whispered. "I don't know how I'm alive."

Steve rushed to see where the bleeding came from, but there was so much he couldn't find just one wound. "Okay," Steve nodded. Another blast went off and shook him off balance. "We're going to get you out of here, soldier," he said nodding. He picked up the 1soldier slinging the soldier's arm around himself. "I know it hurts but you have to help me out here."

 

He started dragging the soldier while he floated in and out of consciousness. "Hey man," Steve whispered. "Stay with me. What's your name?"

 

"It's Ace," he grunted.

"Yeah? Where ya from Ace?"

"Washington," He said.

"Got anyone back home?"

"Girlfriend. And our baby- I think she's born by now."

 

"Alright, Ace. Stay with me, think about your little girl," Steve said. "She's waiting for you back home, and your girl. You've gotta keep going for them."

 

Another bomb fell from the sky, it landed on top of the bunker crashing through the ceiling and landing in the room behind Steve. The explosion was the biggest yet, the force pushing Ace out of Steve's arms and Steve across the room and through a wall.

 

Everything went black for him for a moment, he laid there in the rubble, and as he came to he realized two things. One: he was trapped under something. Two: Ace wasn't moving and he was under a wall. "A-Ace," Steve sputtered. "No-no," Steve grunted and tried to wiggle from under the rubble. "God," he moaned. "Ace please!"

 

"Hel-help me," Ace coughed and wheezed as his eyes slowly opened. He was bleeding more than what he was.

 

"I can't Ace," Steve said. "I'm trapped. Uhm," Steve grunted trying to wiggle again only to feel more pressure to fall on his hips. "Just stay with me. Talk to me. Tell me about your girl."

 

"I can't breathe," Ace muttered. "It's hard."

 

"Stay with me Ace," Steve said and lolled his head to the side to see Ace's eyes slipping shut. "Ace!" Steve yelled.

 

In the distance another bomb landed and shook more rubble from the ceiling to fall on Ace, and Steve felt his eyes water. "Ace listen to me," Steve said. "It's important you don't move okay? Help will be here."

 

"I can see spots."

"Ace," Steve said. "Just focus on my voice ok? My names Steve."

 

"Hi Steve," Ace sighed. Steve nodded.

"Uhm I'm from Brooklyn, and I'm studying to be a doctor at Harvard. Recently, I've been thinking about studying art."

 

"Harvard," he whispered and the coughed. Steve watched as he coughed and as the blood spluttered from his mouth. "Prestigious."

 

"Yeah," Steve agreed. "I- uh I had a girlfriend," Steve said trying to stead his voice. "Her names Peggy, we even got engaged, but I eventually broke it off."

"Why," Ace rasped.

 

"Difference of opinion," Steve said. His mind wondered to Bucky, and he had to shake his thoughts not wanting to think about leaving him ever again. "Ace tell me about your girl."

 

"She's pretty," He said as his breathing became labored. Another bomb went off, closer that time, and Steve squeezed his eyes shut as he felt more pressure fall on himself and then opened his eyes to see Ace barely there.

 

"Go on," Steve gritted.

 

"Her names Delilah. She's very pretty, Steve. I bet our daughter looks just like her," Ace continued. "Steve," He said. "I can't see you."

 

"It's okay," Steve said trying so hard to force his tears down. "Just keep talking. How old are you?"

"Eighteen."

 

"God," Steve whispered. "You're a bit young to have a daughter. What's her name?"

 

"I don't know. We liked the names Rosy and uhm Elizabeth," He said. "Will you tell them that I loved them. Tell my daughter I was a hero?"

 

"You'll tell them yourself," Steve said. "What'd you do before this?"

"I can't," Ace muttered. "I'm so tired."

"Stay with me."

"It hurts, Steve."

"It's okay. Just keep talking."

"Promise me you'll tell them?"

"You'll tell them."

"Promise me."

 

"I promise." And then another bomb went off the explosion a big one knocking more rubble on them, and the Steve heard a cough then a sigh. "Ace?" He tried to look at the young soldier, but all he saw was a trapped body with his eyes open staring at Steve as blood poured around him. "It's okay," Steve squeezed his eyes shut. "He's in a better place," Steve said. "I pray for his soul as it travels toward heaven, and I pray for his forgiveness on his behalf as he didn't get a chance to repent. Amen."

 

Another bomb went off and it was deafeningly close, the rubble shifted and the pressure increased on his legs and hips, and for a moment Steve prayed for his own life. He thought of Bucky as everything dimmed around him.

 

***

 

Bucky paced his sleep quarters his head pounding from lack of sleep, and his stomach aching from not eating. He was worried. He felt as if something were wrong but he didn't know what. "Hey James," he turned toward the sound of his name. The general stood tall with a letter. "This is your formal letter telling you that you're going to the frontline."

 

"Frontline," he repeated. "Okay."

 

It meant one thing. He was going to see Steve and that should make his worry-wart of a mind relax. It had been weeks since Steve was sent out to the frontlines, and he had heard no word from him in weeks. It was driving him mad not knowing his lover's fate. He was going to get to see him now, finally.

 

***

 

"He's losing a lot of blood!" It was loud and bright. He felt hands all over his body, and faintly heard people talking. The voices were muffled as they shouted out orders, and then all at once he felt it; a surge of pain staring from his feet move straight up his legs to his spine. He cried out.

 

"Sergeant Rogers," A muffled voice said. "We need you to stop moving!"

 

Steve didn't realize he was even moving, he couldn't focus on the voice, and he tried to talk but his throat was so dry. "H-hurts."

 

"Someone hold him down!"

 

Steve cried out again as he felt pressure come down on his shoulders and when he opened his eyes he was met with bright lights and blurry visions of people. "Where- where am I?"

 

"Sergeant Rogers you're at the hospital, and you're very injured. I need you to stop moving."

 

Steve groaned and tried to stop moving but everything hurt so much, and he couldn't control his body at this point. Every nerve in his body was focused on his injuries. He began to black out from the pain.

 

***

 

Bucky packed up his things and headed out with another group of men toward the frontlines. It was the second week January and Bucky had always thought January was the coldest month. He sat in the car shivering as they drove up to the bunkers, and what a mess it was.

 

There were gaping holes in the roof and in the battle field. "What happened?" Bucky wondered.

 

"Had to be an ambush." Another man said. Bucky's heart sank as the truck came to a stop and they all filed out and into a room where they were given orders and positions. While Bucky was going to the common room he saw Eddie and Sam. They looked dirty, and bloody. Injured but not enough to cause concern for medical attention. He didn't see Steve.

 

"Bucky!" Sam exclaimed. "It's good to see a familiar face."

"Back at'cha," he nodded and shook Sam's hand as he continued to look around for his boy.

 

"He's not here. He was sent home."

"Home?"

 

"Well not right away," Eddie piped up. "He's at the local hospital but once he's well enough he'll go home to a hospital there."

 

"What the fuck happened?" Bucky felt the choke hold of tears grabbing at his throat.

 

"He was trying to be hero during an air raid. It was a mess and a half, and when we went to help him we split up and when we found him again he was passed out and he was under all this rubble." Eddie continued.

 

"What a fucking idiot," Bucky huffed. "Has to be the hero. He couldn't have just taken shelter like everyone else?"

 

"Docs around here said he was in pretty bad shape," Eddie said.

 

Bucky shook his head a wave of feelings falling over him as images of a bloodied Steve took over his vision. He felt his eyes start to water and the grip the tears had around his throat tighten. "C'mere man." Sam pulled him into a hug, and at that moment Bucky couldn't care who was hugging him. His brain only thought of Steve and where he was.

 

"I should be with him," Bucky pulled away. "Maybe I can get leave."

 

"No," Sam shook his head. "It won't work. They won't let you, so just focus on the battle at hand."

Bucky pushed down more tears and nodded as he walked away so he could be alone. A million and one thoughts racing around in his head, and he paced around trying to think of a way to get back to Steve. The only thing was that it was hard to get letters back home when in frontline so he knew that option was out. He wasn't going to be able to talk to Steve until the damn war was over.

 

***

 

Steve lay in a hospital room, his whole body ached, and his head was pounding while his ears were still ringing, and when he opened his eyes he felt like he was staring at the sun.

 

"Oh good! Sergeant Rogers, you're awake!" Steve squinted at the lady in a bright white outfit with bright red lipstick.

 

"Peggy?" Steve furrowed his brows.

"No," the woman laughed. "Do you know where you are?"

 

"Uhm no?" Steve's heart began to pick up when he finally started fully coming to. His ears stopped ringing and he could hear the chatter outside his walls, the gentle hum of the radio, and as his heart rate kept climbing the more panicked he became. Where was he?

"Do you know who you are?"

 

Steve blinked a few times taking in the incredibly white room, and then looked at the colorful flowers by his bedside, and suddenly he remembered Bucky. Where was Bucky?

 

He wanted Bucky. "Where's Bucky?" He asked. "I want to see him. Where is James Barnes? Is he okay?"

 

The nurse paused for a moment, stopping the scratching on her clipboard, and she raised her eyebrows at Steve unsure what to make of his requests. "I'm sorry, sergeant. You must answer my questions."

 

"I'm Steve Rogers! Where the hell am I? What happened to me?" He tried to move only to be gently pushed back down by the nurse as she was shaking her head.

 

"Please stay still. What do you last remember?"

 

"I remember we were being air raided," Steve said as violent images of that night flashed behind his eyes. "I was trying to help another soldier," he continued and images of Ace bloodied and lifeless. "The soldier I was with! Was he-"

 

"I'm not sure," the nurse spoke. "I'll go get the doctor. We have very important things to discuss."

 

She exited the room and Steve relaxed his head falling back as he thought of Ace and his family. Then his mind drifted to his lover that was still at war, and his heart began to ache along with his body. The doors opened and the doctor walked in wearing a bright smile.

 

"Ah, Sergeant Rogers. Glad to see you awake."

"What's my damage?" Steve asked right away. The doctor sighed.

 

"You're lucky," he said simply. "With what was described to me and the blood loss you should never be able to walk again. Your spine was some how not crushed, although you did suffer some major injuries," he nodded as he looked down at his clipboard checking Steve's vitals. "Your pelvis suffered a severe fracture, and not to mention the nasty wound on your leg of which you lost a lot of blood from. Your ankle has a severe break as well."

 

"So when can I go back into war?"

 

"Son, did you hear me?" the doctor looked at him like he had grown two heads. "Your pelvis suffered a severe fracture- in fact I'm surprised you're even alive that's how severe it is. Your ankle is totally broken and may require surgery once I get a better look at it after the swelling goes down. Your thigh was impaled by a rod from one of the beds near by. You're looking at maximum of five to seven months until full recovery."

 

"Shit," Steve huffed.

 

"Shit is right," the doctor nodded. "Consider yourself lucky we got a lot of soldiers that were from the same area none as lucky as you."

 

Steve nodded. The doctor tucked his clipboard under his arm, and nodded while giving Steve a warm smile. "Besides a few other scrapes and bruises you'll be fine and expected to make a full recovery."

 

"Am I going home?"

 

"You'll be transported to your local city hospital within a few days. I just wanted to make sure you're out of the woods completely. Would you like us to notify someone?"

 

"My parents and Doctor Stephan Strange. Please."

 

The doctor nodded, "I'll send a nurse in to gather your information."

 

When the doctor left Steve rolled his eyes looking down at his injuries. What was he going to do now? He signed up for war only to nearly get blown to bits? God, his pain was bad, but he didn't want to imagine it without the morphine slowly dripping into his arm. He was lucky this was all he suffered; it could have been worse- he could've ended up like Ace.


	18. BOOM!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky has it rough in the trenches as he realizes what war really does to people.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HI! WOW! It's been a long ass time hasn't it. I'M SORRY! Shit happens bro, it just be that way sometimes. 
> 
> SO, Basically school has been up my ass. I've been writing a hell of a lot in school which makes me irritated and tired to write this story. Pardon my french but really fuck school. ANYGAYS I've got like two months left. Counting down the days. 
> 
> But with every cloud there is a silver lining (I have no idea if that's the saying) I DO HOWEVER have a bunch of chapters ready to go that I wrote and had edited but haven't had time to post. 
> 
> ANYGAYS HERE YOU GO 
> 
> (P.S. stream Sucker by the Jonas Brothers because apparently they're back now)

Chapter 18

Addicted

 

 

**Time skip: early February (exactly one month since Steve has been injured [January 3rd])**

Bucky could have never imagined what the frontline trenches were like, he had never felt more unsafe than when deep in the trenches, and at night it seemed like it was louder rather than quiet. Not to mention the constant attacks. "Do you think he's alright?" Eddie asked when he and Bucky were hunched behind their beds while an air raid was happening to the next trench over- their enemies.

 

"I hope," was all Bucky said. He didn't allow himself to think about Steve or if he was alright or not. During raids and the noise of war while he was trying to sleep he gripped tightly to his- Steve's dog-tags. Eddie was shaken up by the end of the raid, he was physically shaking and looked pale.

 

"You good?" Bucky asked as he gripped his shoulder.

"Just a bit shaky."

 

"Here sit," and Eddie sat down and had a bit of a moment to himself trying to gather himself. That's when Bucky saw it. The war's effect on the soldiers, the death that plagued them, and the constant noise followed by immediate silence. It was tearing them all down. Bucky sighed and ran a hand through his hair.

 

"I can't do this anymore," Eddie shook his head. "I can't do this- war. It's too much, I can't close my eyes without seeing some random dead guy, and the noise- the fucking noise!" Eddie was close to tears as he ran his hands through his hair. Bucky watched unknowing how to comfort him because he was just as tired and mad as Eddie. This was- this pointless war was all for nothing. Young lives, lost for nothing.

 

***

 

"I can't believe you were blown up."

"For fucks sake, LOKI!"

"Well he was."

 

Steve laughed and watched his friends bicker back and forth. It was the first time in a long time that he had gotten to see familiar faces, and he was more than happy to see them both even if they were arguing. "Relax," Steve said.

 

"How are you feeling?" Peter asked carrying a look in his face like Steve had just kicked his puppy. "I kept up with the news, it looked brutal, and I couldn't even imagine."

 

Steve sighed and looked away his mind drifting to Bucky. "I met a lot of brave people there, and I had to watch some of those people die." He rubbed his forehead.

"Sounds like hell," Loki mumbled. "Do you want coffee?" They asked toward Peter.

Peter sighed and shook his head as he gently placed his hand onto Loki's arm. "I'm going to get some. Feel better Steve."

 

Peter sat down in the chair next to Steve biting his lip as Steve stared off into space. "I didn't mean to make him uncomfortable. It's just hard to talk about." He said after awhile.

 

"It's okay," Peter smiled. "Loki doesn't emotion very well. He's awkward like that."

"He?" Steve questioned.

"He's a he today. Has been for the last week," Peter nodded.

 

Steve chuckled and rubbed his face. "I still don't get that. The gender thing."

"Neither do I, but it's not my job to 'get' it. It's my job to respect and love him for him.

Boy, girl, they or them it doesn't change the fact that he's the person I fell in love with."

 

Steve nodded but immediately felt the nag of tears hit him like a freight train; he quickly looked away raising a hand to push the few escaped tears away from his face. "Steve?" Peter questioned coming to him quickly. "Are you okay? Are you hurting?"

 

"I'm fine," Steve waved his hand. "I just need a minute."

 

"Oh," Peter mumbled. It all clicked for him a second later and he wrapped his arm around Steve the best he could. "You know," he started. "you can say you miss him and that you're worried about him. You've been through a lot too so crying is okay."

 

Steve wiped his eyes and looked at his army duffel bag that was shipped with him to the hospital. Thanks to a few of his buddies back at base- it wasn't much since the things he took to the trenches were lost due to the raid. "Can you give me that bag?"

 

Peter grabbed the bag and handed it to Steve, and he dug through it panicking the longer he searched. Cursing when he kept coming up empty. "They said they put it in here."

 

"What?" Peter asked.

 

"My dog-tags!" Steve huffed. Finally, his fingers brushed the cold metal of the necklace and he felt himself relax as he pulled out the tags clutching them in his hand and bringing his hand up to his lips. "Thank God."

 

Peter stood by as Steve had his moment.

"Are you okay?"

 

"They're not my dog-tags," Steve said. "We traded them. A superstition that we wouldn't die in war if we didn't have our tags."

 

"Well it worked. You're alive."

 

"I don't know if he is though," Steve said. "They don't bury the dead in the heat of war. Well-" Steve sighed. "We have teams to recover the dead and helicopters, but with everything happening how do I know if he's dead. It's not like they'll inform me if he ever dies."

 

"Steve slow down," Peter said. "His mom would tell you or she'd tell Nat and Nat would tell you. You'd know," Peter sighed. "Don't think about that though. Think about when he gets to come home."

 

Silence grew upon them and eventually Peter left so Steve could attempt to get some rest, but in the end,  he lost the battle with sleep. There were a multitude of things that were wrong and why he couldn't sleep, it was too quiet in the hospital, and every little sound put him back in the mindset of war. God forbid nurses enter his room too abruptly or too suddenly; and of course, every time he closed his eyes or managed to get some sleep he dreamt of war. He saw Ace's face and their last moments, and sometimes Ace's face was Bucky's and that always sent Steve into a panic attack which alerted nurses to his room nearly all the time. In short, he was afraid to sleep; and too anxious to relax.

 

***

 

His eyes were closed. He wasn't asleep- he hadn't slept in at least four days by now. He was exhausted and worried and anxious and on the verge of a break down at anytime.

 

Bucky opened his eyes and stared down at his paper while Sam and Eddie tried to distract themselves across from him. He scribbled down a few words then looked up.

 

_Dear Lover,_

_I can finally get a letter to you, along with my others which are full of me just constantly bitching about life, and I have no idea what to say._

 

He watched as Eddie and Sam played poker betting cigarettes and crackers.

 

_I'm sorry about the nickname, but I hope you understand why I used it. Sam and Eddie send you their love. It's intense here and I've never felt more uneasy. Hope you're okay._

_Write me back ASAP_

_Love you_

_\- Buck_

 

He felt like he should write pages and pages and pages to Steve- he wanted to talk to him, but he had to be careful choosing his words. He knew the military probably will read his letters, so he had to either keep them formal or pretend that Steve was a girl back home.

 

He didn't wanna be shot for loving his boyfriend. He set his letter aside and pulled out his picture that Steve drew him, and he'd admit it was probably his favorite picture Steve had ever drawn him. He was afraid it would get ruined so he decided to mail it with his letter and hopefully it wouldn't get questioned- it hopefully would be assumed to be brothers.

But just in case he added to his letter.

_P.s. also give the drawing back to my brother. I love it a lot but I don't want it to get ruined over here. Keep it safe for me. Xx_

 

He sealed up his letter and wrapped it with string along with his other letters. He smiled at them and got up to give them to the lead of command who could give them to the post.

 

Sam and Eddie only spared him a glance as he got up to move around, they both knew he was hurting from his unknowing of the fate of his boyfriend, but Bucky refused to talk about it. He wouldn't allow his emotions to cloud his judgment while in battle.

 

That didn't stop Sam and Eddie from trying to get him to talk; they'd prompt him with things like: “have your heard news about Steve?” Or “I’m sure he's okay. You shouldn't worry.”

 

But Bucky would just stare at them and refuse to say anything. It was like he dissociated from the entire situation and only focused on the battle- like he locked the thoughts of Steve in a little department in his brain, so he knew who he was but then turned his emotions toward him off. At least, that's what it seemed like on the outside to everyone else.

 

On the inside he thought about Steve everyday, he wouldn't allow himself to cry about him, but became overcome with grief. He heard the boys talk about what happened that day, the bombs that went off like clock work, walls being blown down completely and people being blown to bits. He assumed the worst but hoped for the best. Steve trapped under a wall after being extremely close to a blast- no doubt he lost a lot of blood. He had to be dead. Still he wrote to him hoping he wasn't, and hoping he was well enough to write him back.

 

"James," a man came up to him after he dropped his letters off. "Nice to see a familiar face."

 

Bucky stared at him, he couldn't remember his name, but he did look awfully familiar.

 

"It's me," he said. "Of course, you don't remember me. Me name's Arthur and we were friends in New York City when we were kids. Before you moved to Brooklyn."

 

A realization dawned over Bucky and he smiled pulling the Irishmen into him. "What the hell are you doing here?"

 

"Drafted," he nodded. "Although I was living in LA."

"Fuckin' war making a mess of everyone's lives."

 

Arthur nodded placing his hands on his hips. "I've seen so many good people die, and you think that type of shite would affect a man."

"It will," Bucky nods already remembering his horrific dreams. "When we have time to breathe and think about it all."

 

Arthur sighs knowing he's right about it, some men are perfectly fine- seemingly, but that's just because they haven't had time to reflect on what they have witnessed. They've blocked it all out for the time being. It'll come to them when they're at home, at the most random time, and they'll think about the men they've shot and watched die.

 

"Care for a drink?" Arthur asked pulling out his flask, and in a time like this. How could Bucky really say no? So, they sat and drank and caught up.

 

***

 

Steve rolled his eyes and rubbed his face as his mother continued to mess with his hair and fluff his pillow and tried her best to continue to make him look presentable. His dad; however, droned about school continuously. "I talked to the dean of the school, and he completely understands your situation. Anyway, he does recommend you start catching up on your work while you're healing."

 

Steve dropped his hands and then tried to move from his mother, and then his eyes fell onto his father. "Dad," he sighed. "I need a little bit to recover! A wall fell on me while I was being blown up. I need to breathe," he huffed.

 

"Steven," his father always seemed to puff his chest out when he was readying a lecture.

 

"Doctors don't have time to take personal days. You've got to get back on top of your classes if you want to graduate on time and have your own practice before you're fifty."

 

Steve rolled his eyes as his mother relentlessly tried to fix his hair. "Mom!" He huffed pushing her hands away. "Nobody will see me like this. No one of importance." Suddenly the doors swung open and there stood Nat and Peggy, with a look of shock. Peggy quickly masked it with a bright and warm smile.

 

"Mr. and Mrs. Rogers! Hello!" She beamed giving Steve's mother a bright smile and gentle kiss to the cheek while nearly bowing at his father. "My friend and I were just dropping in to visit Steve for a bit."

 

"That's lovely Peggy," his mother grinned. "Oh! I just wish you two could work things out! You make a handsome couple!"

 

"Thank you, ma'am. It just won't work," Peggy sighed. "Anyways I'm seeing someone else now and he's lovely. I'll have to introduce you."

 

Natasha rolled her eyes and walked further in the room staring at Steve with a raised brow, and then messes with her own hair as if to ask him 'what the fuck is wrong with your hair?' And Steve could only sigh and shrug.

Peggy endured some small talk before convincing the Rogers to leave and go grab a coffee from the café down the street. Once they leave Nat pulls out a stack of letters tied with string. "From your soldier," she smiled handing them to him.

 

"How are you feeling?" Peggy asked.

 

"Pain meds do wonders," Steve sighed opening the letters. He read them all with a large smile and even chuckling when he comes over something funny, but as he reads he is slapped with the real feeling of missing his boyfriend and worry for his safety.

 

"How is he?" Peggy asked biting the inside of her cheek.

 

"Good," Steve nodded. "Can one of you come back later? I want to write him back, but I want to read all of them first."

 

"I'll come back," Peggy smiled. "For now, just rest and get better. How are your parents?"

 

"They want me to start back to classes ASAP," Steve rolled his eyes as he thought about going back to school. After serving in war going to school felt lackluster, he felt like he could do more than just go to school, and now he felt being a doctor wasn't right.

 

"You need to rest," Nat said. "You've been blown up. I think you've earned a bit of rest."

 

Steve tried to shrug a little only to wince at the feel of sharp pain in his side from his hurt ribs, and Peggy had to look away when she saw his face turn to grimace. She did love him, and she hated seeing him like this, so fragile, and oddly small. "Good news though," Steve smiled. "Doc says I'm healing and will be able to be out on my own in a week or so."

 

"How long until you can be back on your feet completely normal?" Peggy asked. Steve heaved a sigh his fingers drumming along his letters.

 

"A few months, well more than a few. Five months," he said with a small shake of his head. "I don't know if I'll ever be back to normal though. War it does things to a man."

 

The room grew silent and Steve shook his head to clear his thoughts. "Tell me about everyone else! How are they?"

 

Nat smiled and launched into what he has missed, and Steve listened intently his eyes bouncing from Peggy to Nat as they shared talking. Even though he was listening and smiling his mind was still at war thinking of his love.

 

***

 

Time skip: another month passes. Early March

Bucky groaned as he rose up from behind the wall squeezing the trigger allowing a thunderous clap to emit from his gun. He followed the bullets aim and watched as it smacked right into the head of an enemy. He wasn't doing anything particularly suspicious, minding his own business as he climbed over his walls. Bucky would never know what he was doing or why.

 

"Good job," the Captain said as Bucky crouched back down staring at him. "Good aim too."

 

"I just killed a man," Bucky said bluntly. "I would rather not be praised for it."

 

"Imagine that!" A voiced called from down a bit of the wall of the trench. "A fucking dove drafted into war."

 

"I'm not a dove," Bucky huffed. "I just don't like killing people."

 

"Tough luck then baby," the man laughed. "If I had an aim like yours, I'd kill these bastards over and over and over until they're all gone."

 

Bucky hopped down from his position. "And who gave you the right to play God!" He shouted. "None of us have the right to decide who gets to live or die!"

 

"God?!" The man snorted. "Oh there ain't no God, boy. Not anymore."

 

Bucky clenched his jaw and felt his anger boil to the top. "It's people like you that create war!"

 

The other man jumped from his position and marched up to Bucky with his fists clenched. "People like me?" He asked. "Just because I ain't a yella belly don't mean that I want any of this!"

 

The man gave Bucky a harsh shove and Bucky fell backwards. "You fucker!" Bucky huffed shoving the man back and toppling over him pulling back his fist and landing a punch to his nose.

 

Every emotion that had been building; that he was shoving down started to boil over; and it all came out in rage. Every heart wrenching moment he had to endure in that hell hole poured out in his punch. It wasn't a fair fight, Bucky was taller and stronger and more built than his opponent who was rather skinny.

 

"Soldiers!" Bucky barely heard the voices shouting at him and barely registered the feeling of arms grabbing him and yanking him away from the other bloodied soldier. "What in the hell are you thinking?"

 

To be truthful, Bucky didn't know. He was angry. The guy provoked him, and he let it get the best of him. "I got angry," Bucky said simply.

"I suggest you get that under control," the Captain sneered at him, and Bucky nodded his eyes not leaving the bloodied body before him. The soldier eventually sat up his nose bleeding profusely, and he spat out blood and made sure it was on Bucky's boots.

 

"Uhm Captain?" A soldier's voice crackled through the tense air of silence. It was silent which wasn't completely unusual, but it was like the soldiers knew something was wrong.

 

A certain uneasy wave floated over the soldiers who were looking at each other with intense fear.

 

On the enemy side they heard a shout in a foreign language, and then someone near Bucky shouted "GRENADE!"

 

Everyone scattered and a soft thud was heard and then a flash of light, followed by screams. Bucky grabbed on to the wall he dived behind praying it didn't fall. Silence fell upon them again, so Bucky poked his head out to see what was going on. Laid right in front of him was a very familiar face- Arthur. His eyes- no one eye was wide open- the other side of his face seemed to be almost melted and his mouth was hung unusually open- broken jaw it had to be. Then Bucky looked at the rest of him- there was nothing there; he had been decapitated by the blast. It was a disaster around him, a fire spreading, and literal bodies blown to bits.

 

A lingering smell of singed flesh wafted through the air, and suddenly soldiers were climbing into positions letting out rapid fire. Soldiers were climbing over the wall and trying to get closer to the enemy's trench so they could throw their own grenades over. Bucky could barely register what he was doing but his legs moved for him and he kept aiming; firing off shot after shot at a rapid pace. Then the roar of a tank was heard as one appeared from Bucky's left, using a mixture of explosives and machine guns; but then there was a shout and something landed behind the walls.

 

There was an explosion and then smoke, soldiers in the mix coughed and gagged and screamed. Bucky noticed the smoke crawling up to him and at the very touch of his skin he felt it burning, and he jumped away from the fog and ran toward another area into cover, far enough from the smoke of the chemical bomb. Another loud bang caused Bucky to look up toward the field to see two tanks, and the enemies using more explosives.

 

Helicopters above them were trying to collect the wounded that could be saved- fighter jets trying to shoot each other down and dropping bombs in the trenches and on the field.

 

It was like out of nowhere the war just intensified. Bucky felt himself drift from his mind as he continued to shoot at the enemy, and he ignored the smell of burning flesh and blood from his own wounds. Then it was like it happened in slow motion, he ducked behind cover to reload his weapon, but when he popped back up he saw a missile coming right at him. He didn't have enough time to move out of the way, he could only watch it smack into the ground only a few mere feet away from him. The missile flashed red twice, and then it exploded blowing his body back and under the rubble of his former cover. He tried to stay conscious and tried to cry out for help; but as he started to drift off he watched his fellow soldiers fall as they were shot and blown to pieces. They were all dying, and so was he.


	19. Hospitals

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve learns the war ended, and pays a visit to the hospital.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally finding time to post!! So sorry I've been MIA.
> 
> If any of you are still reading this THANK YOU! It only gets better from here. I won't be uploading any more tonight bc i am SO tired. I'll try to upload more.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Chapter 19

Addicted

 

Another time skip: late March

 

Steve had been home for about a month, he was getting around fine, sore though; but his ankle healed quickly and it was in no time before he was able to walk again on it. Still, he used crutches since the gash in his leg made it sore. It was harder to move due to his pelvis still healing as well, so he hadn't been getting out of the house much. His parents took pity on him and invited the Carters over so he could see Peggy- it was then during dinner when the soft classical song was cut off and an alert went off.

 

_The longest world war- the war to end all wars finally draws to an end earlier this week as a final battle took place and both sides decided to call a temporary truce. We have been informed that both the president and generals will all meet and discuss, to sign a treaty._

 

_Our condolences go out to all the families affected by the loss this war has caused, and a big thank you to all the men in uniform that fought for our country. We salute you._

 

Steve stopped eating, he felt his stomach drop, and his mouth went dry. It was over. The very thing that caused him nightmares was over, and more importantly the soldiers were coming home. Bucky was coming home. He smiled to himself, and Peggy grinned grabbing his hand under the table.

 

"Well that's lovely to hear then," Mrs. Carter grinned. "Steve, I'm sure it's a relief to hear too!"

 

Steve nodded. For the first time in months he felt himself breathe, felt himself release all the tension and worry he held in his body, and he couldn't stop smiling. It seemed like everything was fine. He could breathe without the fear that that breath might be his last.

 

As a comfortable silence fell among them the phone suddenly rang, and Mr. Rogers excused himself from the table to go answer saying it could be business which earned a dramatic eye roll from his mother.

 

"I swear all that man does is work," she laughed. Steve chuckled and nodded agreeing. Nothing could ruin this day for him, this freedom.

 

"Steve it's for you. It's Andrea Barnes? She said she's a friend and needed to talk to you. It's urgent." His father said returning to the table. Steve's brows scrunched up in confusion, and an unsettled feeling came over him like some sort of tidal wave. He excused himself and went to the phone picking it up. "Andrea?"

 

"Steve?" She asked but didn't wait for him to answer. "Uhm, it’s Bucky. He's at the hospital it's not good," her voice was straining and she was clearly trying not to cry.

"How bad?"

 

"Coma," she whispered. "They're saying he might not make it."

 

Steve felt his heart drop to his stomach, his vision became blurry and he tried to blink it away but the more he did that the more he felt tears steam over his cheeks. "Not make it?" Steve asked. "He's dying?"

 

"There's a lot of swelling in his brain, he was burned and lost a lot of blood, and uhm his arm something about his arm." She was starting to get worked up which only made Steve's heart sink. "I think you should be here," she said again. "We've already had a few close calls and his brain activity is so little. Come. Please."

 

Steve nodded before he realized she couldn't see him nodding. "Y- yes. I'm on my way."

 

He hung up the phone, but found his legs feeling far too weak to move him back to the dining room. He sighed and leaned against the wall tears continuing to prick his eyes, his heart beating so fast that Steve thought he might have a heart attack, and worst of all he still felt dizzy.

 

Peggy excused herself from the table to see if Steve was okay, she found him leaned against the wall with his head in his hands, and once she saw the tears she immediately went to him wrapping him up in her arms. "What's wrong? What'd Andrea say?"

 

"B-Bucky," he let out a shaky sigh. "Hospital."

 

"Okay," Peggy nodded. "Grab your coat and out your shoes on. I'll excuse us from dinner, and we'll go to him."

 

Peggy went to the dining room and made up an excuse to allow them to leave, and then she drove Steve to the hospital where Bucky was being held. She held his hand the whole drive and then she led him into the hospital. "James Barnes," she said once they entered the hospital. The nurse behind the desk stared at them with a condescending look, she looked at her clipboard and then back up at them.

 

"And who are you?" She sneered.

 

"I'm his girlfriend and this is his best friend," Peggy snapped. "I demand for you to let us see him."

 

"Peggy? Steve?" They turned around and greeted Nat and Clint. Nat quickly hugged Steve making him wince a little. "Have you seen him?"

 

"No," Peggy frowned as she tossed a glare toward the nurse. Nat cupped Steve's face looking at him intensely.

 

"Are you ok?"

 

Steve didn't know how to answer, of course he wasn't okay, but he wanted to seem okay so he smiled and nodded. He hugged Nat again and then hugged Clint.

 

"Mr. Barnes is currently in emergency surgery," the nurse grabbed their attention. "He will be on the third floor, you can take the elevator. He'll be in the west wing, room 315."

 

They all nodded and proceeded to the elevator. "Drea is already here with her mom and younger sister. Rebecca is own her way," Nat stated. "Bruce and Angel will be here later, and Peter and Loki as well as Tony are already here."

 

"His mom," Steve said. "Hell of a way to meet his mom."

 

The elevator doors opened, and they followed the signs until they reached a waiting room. It was basically empty aside from their friends who smiled sadly and got up to greet them. "Small warning, Andrea is a bit snappy, and Mrs. Barnes has not stopped crying." Peter said,

 

Steve walked ahead of them, and Andrea looked up and smiled hurrying to him and hugging him tightly. "Thank God you're here."

 

"How is he?" He asked.

 

"In surgery. Come meet Mom." She took Steve's hand and led him to a woman who had dark brown hair and tanned skin; she was gripping a pair of tags, and what seemed like praying. A little girl with the same dark hair sat next to her looking at her feet.

 

"Mama," Drea smiles sadly. "This is Steve. Bucky's prieten."

 

"Hello ma'am," Steve smiled. She looked up, her eyes a dark brown and wide with curiosity.

 

"So you're the infamous Steve," she smiled. "I can see why he liked you."

 

"I'm so sorry for what's happening," Steve shook his head and looked away as he began to tear up.

 

"You don't have to apologize," she said, and he nodded and smiled at her. Bucky was right she had a thick accent and she was hard to understand but she seemed to be doing okay understanding English. "You're hurting like us."

 

"He's uhm," Steve began shaking his head. "I'm just his uhm," Steve stuttered. "I can't imagine what you're all going through."

 

She paused and stood up walking up to Steve. She was significantly shorter, but her look was intimidating and made Steve want to shrink his own height. "You love him, yes?"

 

"Yes."

"You date him, yes?"

"Yes."

 

"Then you know just as we feel. He's yours just as much as he's ours. He's my baby, yes, but he's your partner. Your souls are connected in a way I may never understand. Don't belittle your feelings of hurt because you've not got to see him grow."

 

Steve furrowed his brows but nodded, and then she unclenched the tags to reveal two sets. "I believe one of these is yours?"

 

"We traded," Steve admitted. "A stupid superstition. A soldier can't die without his tags, and I was worried when he told me that so we traded."

 

She smiled at Steve and handed him the tags. "Then you give them back to him when he wakes up. These are his dad's," she nodded. "I'll be damned if I lose my son like I lost my husband. Will you sit with me?"

 

Steve nodded and she grabbed his arm pulling him to sit with her, and the others sat near by, while Nat carried a conversation with Mrs. Barnes. Steve was lost in thought while they all waited for some news about Bucky.

 

Hours ticked by, people came and went, and eventually Clint had to leave to go to work saying he couldn't miss because he needed the job. Tony was in and out trying to work from the hospital, and Rebecca eventually made it to the hospital with her big goons.

 

"You know," Andrea started. "Bucky is the best big brother I could ever ask for." the comment was a bit random but it made everyone smile.

 

"Good friend too," Nat added. "I remember when we were younger and we were at this party and this guy wouldn't leave me alone. Bucky came and told the guy off- only he was really drunk and didn't make any sense at all."

 

"I've always been a bit of an outcast," Loki began. "I mean I come from this family that looks like the picture of perfect and then there's me. The ultimate fuck up- excuse my language Mrs. Barnes. I was constantly causing trouble and getting into fights. Yet, Bucky some how understood me and took me under his wing. Made sure I had a place when I felt like home wasn't home."

 

"When we moved here it was rough," Rebecca said. "But he made it as fun as he could, and always made sure we were comfortable and happy. Focused on learning English to help us. Like Drea said. He is the best big brother. And when Dad passed he became our protector no matter what."

Steve chuckled, and as everyone randomly brought up stories of Bucky memories a wave of images flashed before Steve. He was a protector, a friend, and a brother and he did so much good that he didn't deserve what he was getting. Steve's eye pricked with tears, and he quietly wiped them away trying not to cry. Peggy wrapped and arm around him and rested her chin on his shoulder. "It's ok to cry," she whispered. "He's your boyfriend."

 

"He has saved my ass more than once," Steve spoke up. "He- uh -helped in more ways than one. I can't pick one singular story about him because every memory I have with him are special and-" Steve's voice wavered and he gripped his hands together so that his knuckles turned white. "I love him so he has to make it."

 

The doors opened and it revealed Sam and a few other guys still dressed in uniform. "Is he ok?"

 

Steve got up and pulled Sam into a hug and it was like he couldn't take it anymore. He felt tears spill from his eyes and he tried not to sob, but he was upset and scared and seeing Sam alive- it was unimaginable.

 

"Eddie?" Steve pulled back staring at Sam.

 

"He was shot in the stomach, but they stitched up and he's on his way home," Sam said.

 

"How's Barnes?"

 

"He's uhm in surgery. Drea said they had a few close calls before I got here."

Sam sighed and closed his eyes; Steve looked at the two other men behind him. "Did you know Bucky?"

 

"We knew him," they nodded.

 

Steve nodded. Then Stephen Strange appeared in scrubs and still with a mask and cap, his face softened when he saw Steve. "Okay," he sighed getting everyone's attention. "Bucky, he's stable as of now, we relieved some of the swelling in his brain but we still don't know the extent of the damage- we're hopeful. His arm on the other hand suffered severe nerve damage and He's going to need another surgery for that. For now we've repaired his internal injuries. He's still not awake, but if you'd like to visit with him I can take you to his room."

 

Steve looked back at Rebecca and her family as they stood up, but then she caught Steve's eyes. "Go ahead," Steve nodded knowing only family can visit. "I'll visit him later."

 

Stephen reached out and grabbed his shoulder and smiled at him. A comforting smile that told him that everything would be okay and would work out in the end. Steve sniffled and wiped his eyes and went to sit down next to Peggy again and she grabbed his hand squeezing it.

***

 

Hours passed, it grew late into the night, and eventually everyone that was here for Bucky went home to get some sleep with the promise to be back as soon as they got up.

 

Steve didn't leave and neither did Peggy or Bucky's family. Steve couldn't sleep, but Peggy was leaned against him his arm around her as she tried to stay up. "Peg," he whispered nudging her. "Go home. Go to bed."

 

"And leave you alone?" She asked. "Never."

 

Steve squeezed her as he continued to stare at a wall, and as the hours passed they moved their spots. They eventually moved to a couch where Peggy fell asleep on his lap, but still he just sat there gently playing with her hair and watching the doors.

 

Rebecca was the one to walk through first. "I'm taking Mom out to eat," she said. "I figured you'd want see him alone."

 

"It's like three a.m. I can wait if she wants to be with him."

 

"None of us are sleeping anytime soon, so just take the advantage. Ok?"

 

Steve nodded and as if on cue the rest of the girls came out of the room and after they left Steve slipped out from underneath Peggy who stirred a little but continued to sleep. He walked to Bucky's room, not completely sure where he's at. Eventually he came to a room, and there he was.

 

He was bruised and scabbed- his arm was wrapped completely in gauze and he had his leg in the air with a cast and bandages and tubes everywhere. Steve felt tears again well up in his eyes, and he walked fully in the room and saw his boy looking so broken. "Oh Buck," he mumbled and pushed his hand through Bucky's sweat matted hair. Steve took Bucky's uninjured hand and laced his fingers through his, and then he sat down in the chair next to the bed.

 

"You're gonna be ok," Steve whispered. "You just gotta pull through."

 

Steve squeezed Bucky's hand exactly three times, he waited hoping- wanting Bucky to squeeze his hand back like they used to in the war. When he didn't get a response, he felt an overwhelming amount of tears well up in his eyes as he hunched foreword kissing Bucky's hand. "Please," he whispered. "Don't leave me. You can't leave me."

 

***

 

"You should go home."

 

Steve looked up at Nat who was giving him a pitiful smile and held two coffees offering him one. "You've been here for a week, he's not improved and he's not gotten any worse, so I think you're safe to go home and shower and get some sleep maybe a proper meal that isn't jell-o."

 

Steve looked away and sighed. "Something could happen and I have to be here when it does."

 

"He's stable, Steve."

 

"Doesn't mean he'll be like that forever."

 

"Doc says the swelling went down and he could be waking up in the next few days," Nat said. "So he's getting better and all I'm asking is for you to go home. Shower, eat an actual meal, and take a nap. You can come here after. Peter's in the waiting room he'll drive you home."

 

Steve sighed and grabbed Bucky's hand, and then nodded standing up and leaning over to press a kiss on his forehead. "Call me if anything happens."

"Even if his pinky toe twitches," Nat nodded. "Get some rest."

 

***

 

So, Nat wasn't completely insane with sending Steve home, he thought he wouldn't be able to sleep but as soon as he got to his bed he was out like a light. He probably would have slept all day if it weren't for his mother's compulsive need to check on him.

 

Currently she was having the maid make him something to eat while he laid down in bed staring at his ceiling, his mind was on Bucky and the possibilities of what could happen to him, and then his mind drifted to school.

 

He was expected to return soon, and quite frankly he didn't want to be a doctor anymore. After seeing so many wounded- seeing Bucky that way; seeing Doctor Strange so helpless in this situation just made him realize he can't be a doctor. He didn't want that kind of pressure.

 

His door creaked open and he saw the maid hesitatingly standing there with a tray. "Here let me help," Steve pushed himself off the bed to aid the maid.

 

"Sir, it's no problem I have it."

 

"Please," Steve smiled taking the tray and setting to the side. "Can I actually bounce an idea off of you?" She nodded. "I don't want to be a doctor. I want to take a year off and figure out what I want to do, but I don't know what to do."

 

She bummed her eye brows stitching together. "Well, mister. I think you're smart enough to make anything a career. It all depends on what you want, but now if you'll excuse me."

 

She left Steve with the food, which he stares at, but he didn't feel hungry. He wasn't alone long, his mother came in smiling at him, and he turned away from her and busied himself with a drawing he had been working on when he was laid up in the hospital. "You've always been very talented," she spoke and Steve hummed. "Will you eat?"

 

"Not hungry."

 

"Are you angry with your father and I?" She asked and Steve fought the urge to roll his eyes, and he turned around calmly to look at her.

 

"Of course not," He smiled.

 

"You've just been a little distant-"

 

"I was at war," Steve interrupted. "I'm adjusting."

 

She looked away and crossed her legs. She looked so poised and elegant; it was as if someone had taken her picture. Not a single hair out of place. She looked perfect as ever.

 

"Well, don't you think it's about time to start back to school?"

 

"I just need time," Steve mumbled turning back around and began working on the sketch.

 

"This is Harvard," his mother's voice was careful like she was treading water. Was she scared of him? "You can't just pop in and out."

 

"I went to war, Mom. That's. I’m not popping in and out. I nearly died for this country. The last thing on my mind is school."

 

She was careful again with her words. "Is this about your friend?" She asked. Steve stiffened and he stared down at his drawing of explosions and bloodied soldiers. "What's his name? Barney? Bruce?"

 

"Bucky," Steve gritted our through his teeth as his stomach churned in knots and his heart began to pound. Was she suspicious? Did she know? Maybe he should tell her, confess that he's in love with a man, and the man is laid up in the hospital bed on the brink of death. He needed to get back to the hospital.

 

"Ah! Yes Bucky! Is this why you're delaying school? Because you want to be around to see if he's okay? Surely one of his other friends can look after him and call you with updates."

 

Steve felt his eyes well up with tears.

"Why you can't be that close to him can you? I know all of your friends and this one I've never heard of."

 

_I love him._

 

Steve whispered inside of his head the words bouncing off the walls of his skull. The words were on the tip of his tongue, his truth, and it was ready to spill. He kept running through the thoughts of possibilities if he did confess his one sin to her. She could kick him out, but she can't do that without causing a scene among their "political" friends. What could go wrong? She was his mother. She would love him.

 

"Steve?" She snapped her fingers. "My point is you don't have to get so hung up on one fri-"

 

"I like him," Steve blurted.

 

"I'm sure you do, honey. But-"

 

"No, I like, like him. I'm his boyfriend."

 

He felt like he may pass out. A range of emotions crossed her face as she thought; letting his words sink in, and then without a word she stood with her brow stitched together and she left. Steve let out a breath he didn't know he had been holding in, but then he felt uncomfortable. He felt like something was crawling under his skin, so he changed into a fresh pair of clothes and went to the hospital.


	20. Who the hell is Bucky?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky wakes up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter's title is cliche and I HATE IT! But it's the only appropriate title for this chapter! Enjoy my loves!

 

 

 

 

Chapter 20

Addicted

 

"You what?!"

 

"I don't know," Steve rubbed his forehead as Peggy and Nat just stared at him in utter shock. "She was droning on and on about school and how I shouldn't let him," he motioned toward Bucky's lifeless body. "Effect my emotions because how could I possibly actually care about him when she didn't know him. So I told her we are dating."

 

Peggy groaned as she paced around the small hospital room and Nat sat in the corner chair across from Steve her legs kicked over one side as a book laid in her lap. Not touched since Steve arrived back. Steve leaned foreword and pressed a kiss to Bucky's hand. "I just hope she doesn't tell anyone, I don't want him to suffer for my mistake."

 

"Well Doc works here and has been dropping in every few hours so nobody will mess with him here," Nat sighed. "I can't believe you came out."

 

"I didn't even do that!" Steve exclaimed. "I told her I have a boyfriend. I didn't tell her I was gay or bisexual or whatever!"

 

They all fell in silence as they tried to figure out what the next step was. Steve stared down at Bucky and gently moved a strand of hair off his forehead. He felt like what he did was a mistake, his mother most definitely would tell his father, and then it's just hell from there. Where would he live if he was kicked out? What if word got back to Harvard and they kicked him out!?

 

But then he felt Bucky squeeze his hand, and at first Steve thought it was twitch, but when he looked down at him he saw Bucky's eyes peel open. "Oh my God!" Steve whispered.

 

"I'll get Doc!" Peggy said and ran out of the room grabbed nurses to alert them. Bucky was trying to sit up only to have Steve and Nat push him down.

 

"Easy Bucky," Steve said. "You're hurt."

 

Bucky stared wide eyed at Nat and Steve, the look of terror melting across his face, and suddenly his heart monitor started to speed up as he kept pushing to get up. "Where am I?" He cried. He looked around frantically as if trying to find some sort of clue. He started tearing at the needles in his arms and tried to move only to wince at the pain.

 

"Clam down, Bucky," Steve spoke calmly.

 

"Who the hell is Bucky?"

 

The words smacked everyone in the room, Nat stared at him and then at Steve while Steve ignored it. He just woke up he's bound to be confused. "Just calm down."

 

Doctor Strange walked in followed by nurses and Peggy. "Get them out of here and get me a sedative," he barked. A nurse wrapped her hands around Steve's bicep and pulled him out of the room where he watched Bucky continue in distress looking terrified. "Oh my God," Steve whispered.

 

"I'll go get his mom," Nat mumbled.

 

***

 

A little while later Doc pulled Steve and Bucky's family and close friends (Nat and Clint) into a secluded room to talk privately. "He has amnesia. He does remember who he is- the freak accident of not remembering his name happens sometimes. He remembers his friends and family- but he doesn't remember you, Steve."

 

Just like that Steve's whole world fell from underneath his feet, and he looked away nodding. "Newer memories within the last year are completely lost, but the ingrained ones are still there."

 

"How is this possible?" Andrea asked.

 

"The new memories like Steve and the war are held in the area where the brain is injured- it looked like it had been hurt before- some imbecile missed it when he first came in- don't worry he'll be fired. I caught the damage when I just looked at him, and it most likely was already fragile after the torture happened. That being said, the memory of you might still be there just not clear enough to know."

 

Steve looked down at his hands. It was all so confusing and scary and his mind was racing with different outcomes. "Is it permanent?"

 

"Probably not," he said. "But the brain is tricky, and it can be unpredictable. The thing to focus on is he's stable and awake and calm and wants to see everyone."

 

"Why don't you guys go first," Steve said. "Ease him into it."

 

"I think that's a good idea," Stephen smiled. Bucky's family and Nat and Clint left to go visit Bucky while Steve remained staring down at his hands. "He will get better, the fact that he's awake and responsive means he's mostly out of the woods. The only worrisome thing is his arm."

 

"He doesn't remember me- remember us."

 

"Hiding from him won't make that problem go away; being with him, telling him, and just acting like his boyfriend will help. The brain just needs time to heal."

Steve rubbed his face, deep down knowing Doctor Strange was right, but his body was paralyzed with fear thinking about how Bucky would react. He thought about when he first woke up and he realized he didn't want to see Bucky like that ever again. "C'mon,"

 

Stephen squeezed Steve's shoulder. "Let's go visit him together."

 

As they neared his room Steve could hear Bucky's laughter followed by his mother saying something in Romanian. Good to know he didn't lose his native tongue. Stephen walked in first. "Someone would like to see you," he announced, and Steve hesitatingly walked in looking away from Bucky.

 

"I'm sorry," Bucky said catching Steve's attention. Steve looked at him- he still looked rough with bruises and cuts. But he looked alive and happy with his arm draped around his sister- Alice who was sitting in bed with him. "If we were close and I don't remember you."

 

Steve's heart clenched in his chest and he nodded. "No- no don't wor-" he chokes on his words. "Don't worry about it."

 

"You know what," his mother stood up. "I think the girls and I are going to go let everyone know you're awake." Bucky looked up kind of shocked but nodded and kissed each of his sisters as they hugged him.

 

"We'll go with them," Nat smiled

"What? I don't want-"

"We'll go with them."

 

Clint rolled his eyes and followed while saying, "I'm my own person. I can do what I want."

 

Doc left and then it was just them, and it was awkward. They both didn't know how to react to each other, and the only thing Steve wanted to do was cram himself into that bed and hold onto him forever.

 

He couldn't do that for several reasons.

 

"I'm taking it you're important to me?" Bucky asked.

 

"Do you remember that or?"

 

"You're familiar. Like a face I've seen before but I can't put it together. I'm sorry."

 

Steve sat down next to the bed, and he sighed and went to reach for Bucky's hand but stopped himself. "I'm Steve Rogers and I'm your boyfriend," he said slowly and timidly and Bucky let out a breath of air.

"I fucking knew it was something like that," he laughed. "I just had a feeling. Like you were important but I couldn't tell you how or why or when just how my body reacted. I knew it."

 

Steve laughed. He was the same Bucky just wasn't all there, same wit, same smile, and it made Steve a bit emotional. "Well, yeah. So, I guess any questions you have. Just ask me," Steve said.

 

"How long have we been together?"

 

"That's complicated. We were broken up for six months-"

 

"Why?"

 

"That's also complicated."

 

"And I stuck through that?"

 

Steve laughed and nodded. "You even took be back after," and Bucky smirked.

 

"Well you're hot so. I can see why," and then he looked at Steve very seriously. "Was the sex good?"

 

 

"I don't think that's important," Steve blushed. "But it was better than good."

 

Bucky nodded and looked down at his arm, and he frowns for a moment. "Can you tell me about the war?" And Steve paused for a moment, he didn't want to tell him about the thing that keeps him up at night, but he understood why Bucky wanted to know. This war took his memories and is taking his arm too. So, he decided to tell him his version.

 

"You were a hero," Steve began. "You saved me. You didn't know but you did. You were the friendly face who people automatically loved, and you kept my spirits up when you were hurt, mad, and scared yourself."

 

Bucky smiled as he stared down at his hands, it wasn't the exact answer he wanted, but it was good enough. When he looked over at Steve, he saw tears in his eyes, and saw him quickly trying to wipe them. "I'm sorry. This is so lame. I can't believe I'm crying," Steve ranted. Bucky reached his hand out holding it open waiting for Steve to grab it.

 

"It's okay," Bucky soothed squeezing his hand and gently rubbing his thumb over the back of Steve's hand. "If I were in your shoes with all of my memories, I'm sure it would be the same; if I had my memories and everything."

 

Steve couldn't help but smile as wide and he could, and Bucky smiled back before retracting his hand. "Were we in love?" He asked and he looked away as if he were embarrassed to ask, but Steve only smiled more.

 

"Without a doubt."

 

"Will you tell me about us?" He asked. "I just want to remember."

 

Steve smiled and began telling Bucky the story of how they met, and he listened intently watching Steve light up with all these memories of them. To Bucky it was just a story, he couldn't remember anything about what he said, but he'd never let on that he was bothered by not knowing. He had to stay strong.

 

***

 

A few weeks later things seemed to calm down, everyone seemed to fall into a rhythm of peace and calmness. Bucky still didn't have his memories back, but still flirted with Steve just like before. He was still in the hospital, so Steve made sure to visit him almost every day.

 

Back home Steve was cautious, but nothing out of the ordinary seemed to be happening.

 

His mother still smiled and kissed him when he would come home, his dad would ask him a million and one questions about school. Nothing weird was going on. Maybe they were okay with it. Maybe.

 

Steve grinned at the receptionist whom he learned had a husband that also served in the war; and her sibling was like Loki. They apparently lived in New York City, so she was the one often checking in on Bucky and smiling sweetly at them when she saw them talking in hushed tones and holding hands. "When do you think I'll be able to go home?" he asked the nurse and Steve smiled at Bucky squeezing his hand. "Gettin' real restless Doc."

 

"I'm a nurse," she laughed.

 

"You say potato," he shrugged which earned a chuckle from him. "You're very good at your job, hard to believe a pretty gal like you is a nurse."

 

"Didn't your mama teach you that woman got beauty and brains?" She tutted at him as she changed the bandages looking at the wounds, seeing how they were healing. Bucky smirked.

 

"Of course she has," he said. "Always told me I should settle down with a pretty lady who had brains."

 

Steve cocked his head to the side while an amused smile grew on his face. "At least I got the pretty and smart," Bucky grinned at Steve.

 

"You two are adorable," she smiled. "Alrighty. The gashes and cuts are healing nicely, and the burns look like they're okay on this side. I need to see the ones on your abdomen and chest."

 

She helped Bucky sit up and removed the gown from his chest and abdomen. There were small burns and cuts- but honestly, he was lucky they weren't worse. His arm had taken most of the damage.

 

Steve stared at him, his eyes drinking in every curve of muscle and every wound, but of course Bucky caught him staring and smirked at him. "What? Injured men your type of thing?"

 

Steve just shook his head; the nurse frowned as she looked at Bucky's arm which Steve caught when he glanced over. She began removing the bandages, but a part of it was stuck so she ripped it off wincing at the sound and Steve cringed. "I'm so sorry, it was stuck!" She frantically apologized replacing the bandages more carefully. Bucky lazily looked down at his arm, and then he frowned and look at her.

 

"I didn't even feel it."

 

Steve sighed. "Well that can't be good."

 

The nurse shook her head and the wrapped his arm up quickly. "I'll grab Doctor Strange and he can look at it."

 

***

 

A few hours later Doctor Strange gave the news to Bucky saying that he needs another surgery to try to fix his arm- key word being try. He guessed it might be nerve damage and predicts he may never regain full ability of his arm again.

 

The news hit Bucky hard, but Steve was there and held his hand through the news. "What if I never gain full ability back; what does that even mean?"

 

"It depends," Doc hummed. "You might be completely paralyzed, or maybe you'll be able to make a fist but you might not be able to grip anything ever again. You might get most mobility back but have tremors."

 

Steve sighed, "We'll work on it. Therapy and stuff. Exercise it."

 

"Why not just cut it off," Bucky snapped. "No point in keeping it if I can't use it."

"You're emotional," Stephen said. "I've practically watched you grow up, and I'll be damned if you think I'm just giving up. You've got surgery tomorrow morning, and I'll do my best to fix it."

 

With that Stephen left and Bucky sat with a frown displaying on his face, and Steve leaned closer gently lifting his hand to push back Bucky's hair. He looked at Steve, sadness filling his eyes, and he tried to smile; of course Steve saw right through it.

 

"Love," Steve said in a whisper. "Don't pretend to be alright just because we're alone."

 

Bucky's eyes flitted from Steve's eyes to his lips, and he had to shake his head to avoid his own cheeks flushing. Steve had been so good about all of this, he tended to Bucky, and he barely left and when he did leave it was to fetch food for Bucky's family. His mom absolutely adored Steve, and his sisters got closer to him. Even Alice seemed to have developed a tiny crush on him- considering she blushed every time Steve smiled at her.

 

"Your mom and sisters are coming over soon to visit," Steve said. "I'm going to go grab a pizza or something so you can have dinner with them- or well watch them eat since you've got surgery early tomorrow and it's already seven."

 

Bucky nodded while forcing a weak smile which made Steve frown a bit. He shrugged his coat on and leaned over pressing a kiss to Bucky's forehead out of pure habit. "I'm sorry, habit I guess," Steve apologized.

 

"I don't mind," Bucky even flushed as he genuinely smiled.

 

Steve walked out with his hands deep in his pockets and walked down toward the elevator, his head ducked down, and wasn't paying attention as he thought about his options for Bucky. If he never regained full use he may not be able to work as much which would mean money would become tight for him, and if he never ever regained full use of his arm he would be depending on Steve for everyday things for a little while until he adjusted. His other wounds would need to be watched, and he still didn't feel all that great himself.

 

Not to mention Bucky would fight him every step of the way, would claim he could do things himself, and then admit he needed helping making simple tasks longer and more difficult. All the while Bucky doesn't have a single memory of what happened in the war, or even how they met and fell in love. It was a tough spot to be in, and it hurt to know that the only person he wanted to talk to about the war didn't even remember it. It hurt to know that he loved someone who didn't remember he loved him too. It was a mess.

 

"Watch it!"

 

Steve looked up after knocking shoulders with someone. There he stood same shaggy hair, and sharp eyes with soft boyish features. "Can't you see she's fucking pregnant?! What are you blind?"

 

"Arch its Steve!"

 

Elizabeth stood there, big round belly with her hand gently resting atop of it, and her hair falling around her face which was much fuller now while her dark eyes poured into Steve's. Wide and doe like. Archie took a step in front of her guarding her from Steve. "I don't need a faggot coming near my child," he spat. "Can't risk you infecting it."

 

Steve looked down and let out a breath that he didn't realize he was holding in, he nodded slowly while looking up at Elizabeth, and she had to look away as tears formed in her eyes. "You told him," he said bluntly while she stared off away from him. "Great."

 

"Step off," Archie snapped. "You shouldn't even be in a hospital!"

 

"Being homosexual isn't a disease, and I rather be gay than plagued with the asshole disease like you."

 

Steve turned around, but before he walked away, he looked over his shoulder at Elizabeth.

 

"You deserve better. He's not your Prince Charming."

 

He walked to the elevator leaving his former friends behind, he could faintly hear Archie scalding Elizabeth, and it broke his heart to see her with a man that was so manipulative and abusive toward her. She was so hopelessly in love with him that she ignored all the hurt he had caused her hoping that he would change and be her Prince Charming. It hurt Steve to see that because she was his best friend and that won't change even if she hurtles insults at him for his sexuality. Maybe one day she'll wake up and see how horrible her boyfriend is and come back to her best friend.

 

He rode the elevator down to the first floor, he nodded at the receptionist who gave him a flirty wave, and then went outside and began walking to a near by pizza place.

 

***

 

Bucky sat with his siblings and mother as they all talked and Rebecca told stories and Andrea gushed about Cynthia who apparently goes by Cyn now with male pronouns.

 

While talking amongst his family a few soldiers came in, one he recognized as Sam, but the other two he didn't have a clue to who they were but they obviously knew him. They gushed to his Mother about what a brave soldier he was, and how he always lifted everyone's spirits up. He wasn't sure if that were true, but he smiled as they shared funny stories about downtime on the base.

It took Steve a full hour to get the pizza, and he was soaking wet from the rain that decided to pour on his way back. He opened the door his back turned toward the room as he tried t juggle the pizza boxes. "Alright, babe, I know it took me a little while but I'm back and I-"

 

He turned around to see the soldiers there staring at him with a perplexed look. Of course, Rebecca being the quick thinker she was, stood up and removed the boxes from Steve's arms placing them by the bed and then wrapped her arms around him. "Awe Honey? What took you so long I was worried," she kissed his cheek and Steve awkwardly laughed wrapping an arm around her.

 

"Rain. I tried to wait it out, but it only got worse," he shrugged. "Pizzas still warm though."

 

"Alrighty then," one of the soldiers laughed. "We best be getting home. Our wives have such a short leash on us now. Coming Sam?"

 

"Yeah in a minute," he nodded as the soldiers left.

 

Bucky stared at Steve and Rebecca as they still held on to each other. "Bec," Bucky caught her attention. "Let go of him."

 

Just a hint of jealousy carried in his voice and Steve smiled at him moving away from her and kissed Bucky's forehead. "No need to be jealous."

 

"I'm not."

 

"You were," Sam chimed in.

 

"My memory maybe fuzzy but I certainly don't remember asking you for your opinion," Bucky huffed.

 

"And on that note," Sam laughed. "Glad to see you're doing better Bucky, and Steve," he smiled and pulled Steve into a hug. "Glad to see you up and walking."

 

Steve nodded as he left, and Bucky looked up at him with a raised brow. "What did that mean? 'Up and walking?' Were you hurt?"

 

"Don't worry about it right now," Steve murmured.

 

"Aren't I your boyfriend? I'm supposed to worry. What happened?"

 

"Accident in war. It wasn't that bad," Steve said. "The pizzas are regular pepperoni and

cheese. Enjoy."

 

The night went on like that and Bucky had a few visitors. Peter and Tony stopped by much later after visiting hours, perks having a partner and a dad that's a doctor, and it was only those three. Everyone else had to go home. "He's been so good about it all," Bucky ranted. "Making sure I'm comfortable, taking care of my family, and being so helpful when I want to sit up or want anything."

 

"That's Steve," Peter said. "He really loves you."

 

"And I can't remember it!" Bucky exclaimed. "I can't remember anything about him, well only that he was friends with Archie and that I might have seen him around once or twice, but I don't remember loving him. Obviously, I have strong feelings for him because I'm happier around him. But I don't remember him or us."

 

Tony sighed and ruffled Bucky's hair a little bit. "You'll get your memory back, kid.

Don't stress out about something that's temporary, and Steve is a patient guy. He'll wait and move at your pace."

 

Bucky let his head flop back on pillows as he stared at the ceiling. Everything was so fucked. He couldn't feel his arm, he was covered in bruises and he was so incredibly sore, and he couldn't remember his own boyfriend. Everything was absolutely positively fucked.

 

"Focus on getting that arm all better," Tony said. "A relationship should be the last thing you're worrying about."

 

"Dad, we should go. Doc will be home before us and he'll be asleep before we even get to see him."

 

Tony and Peter smiled at Bucky and they all bid their goodbyes.

 

Bucky was alone. He lay in bed staring at the ceiling while thinking about everything his future may hold, and he wondered if Steve would stick through it with him. It couldn't be easy having someone you love look at you like he's never seen you before. The more he thought about it the more he felt his chest tighten, and he knew he couldn't possibly get any sleep.


	21. Back To Wonderland

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky still tries to cope with losing his memory as he falls in love with Steve for the third time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm updating this in school from my phone. Mwhahah. ANYGAYS so I got to make something clear. 
> 
> Bucky's injuries:   
> Burned not severely on his chest, arm, and part of his torso.   
> Broken leg that's slowly healing   
> And obvious head trauma and nerve damage. 
> 
>  
> 
> Just wanted that to be sure. Also keep in mind this is a book of fiction. So if they get healed a little faster then just pretend it's magic. Also keep in mind I'm a 19 year old who is majoring in Music Technology and minoring in Psychology. I have no clue what's what when it comes to physical medical problems. 
> 
> IF YOU HAVE ANY QUESTIONS AT ALL! ABOUT ANYTHING! ABOUT ME! ABOUT MY BOOK! I MEAN HELL EVEN IF YOU WANNA KNOW ABOUT MY DOG. PLEASE COMMENT I WILL ANSWER AS SOON AS I SEE IT! I DONT WANT ANYONE CONFUSED ABOUT ANYTHING. 
> 
> *i also just failed my FRQ I just took :) * 
> 
> ANYGAYS ENJOY !!!

Chapter 21  
Addicted

He couldn't breathe, the light was dim and nearby he heard an explosion as the lights flickered, and when he looked around he noticed he was on his bed but he couldn't move.

He began screaming, but each scream cut short because he couldn't catch his breath.

"You should've saved me."

He looked up staring at a bloody Ace. Blood coming down his face in thick, dark red lines, and his body was mangled and every inch he moved an awful popping and cracking noise filled the air. So loud it made Steve deaf. "You didn't even try to help me," his voice got louder. "WHY DIDN'T YOU HELP ME?"

"Steve?"  
"Steve?"  
"STEVE?"

He bolted up drenched in sweat and he frantically got out of bed and ran to his window kneeling down and then opened the curtain ever so slightly to peak out and then took cover again. Nat stared at him for a moment, and then carefully inched closer to him. "Steve," she said gently. "Are you okay?"

Steve looked at her and then peaked out the window again. "Get down they'll see you," he snapped. "I've got to get to Ace."

"Steve where do you think you're at?"

Steve paused and then stood up straight as if something clicked and he wiped his face where tears had started to fall, so Nat approached him more carefully. "You're in my apartment. Bucky's bedroom because you didn't want to go home. Are you okay?"

Steve shook his head and let out a small laugh. "I'm fine," he waved a hand. He said he was fine, but Nat could physically see him shaking. She didn't want to push him so she nodded.

"Well, there's fresh coffee and cereal in the kitchen. I'm heading to the hospital to see if Bucky is in surgery yet or not."

Steve nodded and began to make the bed, and when she was gone he nearly collapsed.

His heart was racing, never had he had a dream so real he woke up thinking he was still in combat, and he sighed trying to gather himself before going out to face Clint.

Clint was in the kitchen when Steve walked in. His back was facing him while he fixed himself some eggs. "Morning Clint," Steve smiled but Clint didn't say anything so Steve gently touched his back as he grabbed the coffee pot that was already nearly empty. Clint jumped a little and then smiled at Steve. "I said good morning."

"Oh. Didn't hear you," he shrugged. "Sorry I drank most of the coffee."

"I only need a cup," Steve shrugged. "Have you thought about getting hearing aids?"

Clint snorted shaking his head as he walked toward the living room, and Steve followed him. "I work a dead end job and get paid shit. I don't have that kind of money."

"I could always-"

"I don't need your pity," Clint huffed. "I know sign language and I can still talk. I can read lips. Of course Nat and my family know sign language so I'm fine without a hearing aid."

Steve frowned and Clint noticed and sighed. "If they ever get cheaper then I'll buy one. I will not let you or anyone else buy me one. If me not being able to hear you is a problem then please learn sign language and we'll communicate my way."

Steve nodded and drank his coffee silently as Clint read a book and Steve continued to watch images flash in his head of the young man he failed to save.

***

Bucky's surgery didn't last as long as anyone thought, so when Stephen walked out still in his scrubs and surgeon cap everyone assumed the worst. "Relax everyone," he said. "Mrs. Barnes, Steve. Can I speak to you alone?"

He took them to a secluded area and sighed. "The surgery went well. I fixed what seemed to be the main problem, but his nerves were still pretty damaged so the extent of his injury is still not clear."

"Meaning?" Mrs. Barnes asked.

"Worst case scenario? He may never regain full use of his arm again. Best case scenario it'll be functioning with maybe a few involuntary twitches and it may tire easier or be weaker."

Steve sighed and rubbed his head. "Define never gain full use. What it'll be limp the rest of his life?"

"Not necessarily. He'll be able to do regular things with some practice but it will require more mental effort to do those things. He won't be able to lift things of certain weight with that arm."

"That's the worst case scenario?" Mrs. Barnes asked.  
"Well as of right now. Yes. He'll just need a bit of help when he's home, and I'm expecting him to make a great deal of progress," Stephan explained. "He should be waking up soon if you'd like to visit with him."

"When can he go home?"

"With his memory loss, and his burns aren't healing quite right yet. I'm not entirely sure he's out of the woods. I want him here for a few more days, but if he feels inspired you can help him walk around the room."

Steve and Bucky's mom nodded and then they both headed toward Bucky's room. "I assume he'd want to go to his apartment," she said. "Can I trust that you'll take care of my boy?"

"Oh trust me," Steve nodded. "He won't be leaving my eyesight for a long time."

She laughed and patted him on the back as they reached Bucky's room. He still looked groggy as he talked with a nurse. "He's a little out of it," she said as he smiled at Steve.

She smiled and exited his room. "Steve!" Bucky cheered. "I haven't seen you since last night!"

Steve laughed and gently pushed his hand through Bucky's hair laughing at how his eyes fluttered shut. "Mama," he looked over at his mom. "Did you know that I'm gay?"

"I did," she laughed.

"Did you that he's my boyfriend?"

"I did," she nodded again.

"I didn't," Bucky shrugged. "Pretty lucky though. He's hot and I can definitely see why I liked him. Good pick past me."

Steve laughed and leaned down to kiss his forehead. "Why don't you try to sleep?" He asked.

"Will you be here?" Bucky asked his eyes widening almost dramatically.

"If you want me."

"I want you," he nodded and lifted his good arm to take Steve's hand. Steve sat down lacing his fingers with Bucky's and watched as he drifted off.

***

Bucky groaned as Steve wrapped an arm around his waist and Bucky looped his good arm around Steve's shoulders which allowed Steve to give him more support as he attempted to stand. "Ah fuck," he hissed as his foot hit the cold tile (the other still in a cast due to his broken leg), and he gripped on to Steve depending on him for help. Steve only winced a little at straining his ribs.

"Alrighty," Steve said straightening them both up a little. "Let's just take it one step at a time. I know it hurts."

Bucky winced as they shuffled a few steps, he looked down at his arm that was kept in a sling while it healed, and he sighed taking another step toward the door. His muscles ached from not being used in a few weeks, and the blast impact had bruised him internally. "Okay," Bucky nodded. "I'm okay."

He slowly moved away from Steve and stood on his own- balancing mainly on his good leg, and he flexed his fingers and hand- the ones he could move. His body didn't feel like his body, his brain was telling his arm to do something- anything but it wouldn't. "How do you feel?" Steve asked.

"Weird," he admitted. "But good."

Steve smiled. "Well it's good to see you up on your feet, so I know you'll be coming home soon."

Bucky nodded and walked toward a chair and eased himself down his legs sore and a little shaky. "Do we live together? I know I lived with Nat and Clint but maybe that changed or?"

Steve smiled and shook his head. "We don't."

Bucky looked confused for a moment and the looked up at Steve with a look that made Steve chuckle a little.

"Well why the hell not?"

"We were broken up before we could reach that level, and then the war happened. I guess we've not reached that level yet."

Bucky frowned and then carefully pulled himself up with some struggle, he took the few steps toward Steve, and gently reached up to caress his cheek. "I wish I could remember us."

"Me too," Steve sighed leaning into his boyfriend's touch. "Doc says it temporary so hopefully you'll wake up and remember."

Bucky nodded his eyes flickering toward Steve's lips for a moment then back up to his eyes. "Is it alright if I kiss you?"

"Of course," Steve nodded. "It's always alright."

Bucky cupped Steve's neck and pulled him closer which caused Bucky to stumble a little, but Steve quickly wrapped his arms around him steadying his balance. "I got you."

"Shut up," Bucky closed the gap between them and ignited the flicker of a light that they shared. It spread through their bodies like a wild fire, flames engulfing their nerves and leaving a tingling sensation at their finger tips. Steve's arms shifted from him so he could plant one hand on his hip, and one at the nape of his neck wrapping his fingers in the little hairs there. "We should definitely do that more often," Bucky said as he pulled away his body still against Steve's.

"It's been a while," Steve mumbled. He pecked Bucky’s lips again smiling as he did so. For a moment it felt like they were back before all that shit went down, they're in the cemetery holding each other close, and their hearts fell into sync as they breathe in the same time. Bucky remembered and the war never happened.

Bucky backed away a little and made his way over to his bed to lay back down, Steve could see that he obviously felt tired, so he helped him get settled then sat down in the chair next to the bed. The two of them talked, and Bucky got to know Steve all over again.

****

Steve hadn't been home in a while, he told his mother the truth, that he was at the hospital with his boyfriend, and she ignored him and told him she'd see him soon. He didn't know if she told his father and he didn't know if she even completely acknowledged his secret. Things felt awkward and uncomfortable when he was around her, like he was waiting for the other shoe to drop, and waiting until she exploded and decided to kick him out.

So when he walked in that evening he wasn't expecting to see her with a large grin on her face, and was even more thrown off when she asked how Bucky was. "And he doesn't remember anything?"

"He remembers life before the war, but anything right before he doesn't remember and anything during its completely gone. Doc says it's temporary." Steve said as he plucked a cookie that his mom had just made. "He's a good guy and it's just so upsetting to see him like this. He's usually so strong and stubborn but now he's just so, so placid."

"Well," his mother smiled and dusted the crumbs of the cookie off her hands. "I suppose we actually need to talk about all of this. Don't we?"

He tensed and nodded. "I trust you know that I think that this is all wrong?" She asked and he nodded. "Our image is everything, Steven. You know that. With your father being the mayor and us as his family must make him look good. You saying you love this man," she shook her head with a small sigh. "It doesn't look good on us. It is wrong and you know that. So what we're going to do is you're going to attend church with us- we've let you slack because of school and preparing for school. Now it's time to buckle down."

"Mom," Steve went to protest but she held up her hand.

"You will not speak of this man in any other way besides friendly, what you do with him is not our business and nobody else's, but you will keep up appearances for this family.   
This is nothing to be proud of, and it's certainly not okay. You will marry a woman of my choosing. Are we clear?"

He nodded as a lump grew in his throat and he pushed himself away from the counter.

"What if I don't marry a lady?" He asked. "What if I publicly date men?"

He was challenging her, but she stood unfazed. She even snickered a little. "I'll lose my son in more ways than one. They'll eat you alive out there for what you think you are. I love you, son. I'm just trying to protect you."

"If you love me you'd understand that I couldn't help my feelings or attraction toward men."

"Of course you can, honey." She smiled and patted his cheek. "You just need a little help."

Steve shook his head and ran up to his room grabbing a duffle back and threw some clothes in it. He didn't want to be in his house anymore, and if being with Bucky taught him anything it's to be himself no matter what. Before he left he called The Stark- Strange residence thankfully Tony picked up. He quickly explained his situation and Tony agreed to allow him to crash at their place. It was hard for Steve to admit to himself that his family would never love or accept him for who he is, and to hear his mother's conditions for him it made him sick to his stomach. How could anyone say that to someone who can't help who they are?

When he arrived on the Stark-Strange door step Tony immediately pulled him in for a hug. "I know," he whispered. "You can stay here as long as you want. Take the guest room. I've already talked to Stephen. He thinks it's a great idea you stay here."

Steve nodded and made his way to the guest room that was next to Peter's. He sat down putting his head in his hands, he could technically go back home and call it a night, but he was just so angry that he didn't know what to say or do. He had to get out. He laid back and closed his eyes trying to think everything through.

First, he'll stay at Peter's for the time being, then eventually when Bucky comes home he'll stay there to aid him, so by then surely his mother and he will be on to the phase of nothing ever happened. There was a light knock at the door and then it opened revealing Loki and Peter.

"Dad told me you were staying with us?"

Steve sat up and nodded. "I came out to my mom."

"Why in the fucking hell would you do that?" Loki asked which earned a gentle slap from Peter.

"Because it was too much. War and then acting like nothing happened. The man I love being in the hospital. It was all too much and I just told her. It was one less thing to worry about. She took it well all things considering. She just said some shit today that made me realize I didn't want to be there."

"Why here? Why didn't you go back to Bucky's?"

Steve rubbed his head and shrugged. "It didn't feel right."

"Meaning?"

"I don't get why you two don't just move in together!" Loki huffed. "You're there all the time anyway!"

"Because!" Steve exasperated. "We haven't had the chance to actually get to that point. Last time I was two timing him with Peggy and that was a whole mess and a half, and then we got back together because we thought we were going to die. Then all of this is happening. I feel like it's too soon."

Peter nodded and sighed. "Well you're always welcome here, anyways Lo and I are going to Cricket if you wanna tag along. Everyone would love to know how Bucky is."

"I was going to get ready and head to the hospital anyway. He's alone and he hates being alone." Steve said.

"I'd hurry visiting hours are almost over," Loki said. Steve nodded giving them both a small smile while they left.

***

"And I win again!" Bucky laughed collecting the cards and setting them in front of him.   
Steve slumped his shoulders as he sat across from Bucky, and Bucky grinned as he sat the cards in front of Steve indicating him to shuffle and deal.

"Alright," Bucky laughed. "You sure you wanna go another round? I mean you're in enough debt to me that would last you a life time!"

"I've never said no to another round," Steve shrugged casually.

"Was that- was that a sly sexual reference?" Bucky mocked shock which made Steve laugh; "And here you painted yourself so innocent! Soldier, church boy, and oh so angelic!"

Steve rolled his eyes and dealt the cards out. "Alright Barns. I'm about to get all my money back."

"You're about to eat your words," Bucky grinned as he carefully looked at his cards one by one. With one arm he couldn't hold the cards correctly or efficiently so he came up with a system. Nevertheless, he was kicking Steve's ass at the game.

Steve couldn't help to stare at him while he carefully went through his cards one by one; Bucky caught him and raised a brow at him expecting an answer to why he was staring, but Steve only shrugged. "You're just pretty."

"I think you mean ruggedly handsome," Bucky tossed him a wink.

"I said what I said."

Bucky lifted his shoulder in a shrug, and Steve couldn't help to lean over the small bedside table they were using as a table for their cards and kissed Bucky. Bucky smiled into the kiss, reaching up and cupped Steve's cheek, and when Steve pulled away Bucky was still smiling. "Don't go," he whispered. "Just stay here."

"I don't think I'm allowed. I'm not family and visiting hours are almost over-"

"Break the rules," Bucky urged. "I'm sure Doc will let it pass."

Steve shook his head and sighed while Bucky grinned at him expectantly. "Fine," he nodded. "I'll go talk to Doc, you're lucky you're pretty."

Bucky watched as Steve left, and that's when Bucky let his façade fall. The way Steve looked at him, so much love and adoration, and history that Bucky can't compete with even if he wanted to. Because when he looked at Steve he saw a stranger, a name he's only heard whispers about, but a beautiful stranger that holds so much love for him and so much pain. This man that visits him every day was his supposed boyfriend, but Bucky couldn't see him as a boyfriend. He was cute sure, but he was a stranger. And yet when they kissed it was like his body knew what to do, his body knew him from his touch to his taste, and he was familiar. His body and mind stood on different planes when it came to who Steve Rogers was.

 


	22. Back Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky goes home and has trouble adjusting and Steve has trouble sleeping

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HEEYYYYOOOO SO
> 
> been a rough week
> 
> saw endgame
> 
> no don't particularly wanna talk about it, it was rough, at some point a random guy asked if I was alright because I was shaking so bad!!!!! 
> 
> ANYWAYS I WON'T GIVE SPOILERS BECAUSE I DON'T KNOW HOW MANY OF YOU SAW IT!! To those of you going to see it, how I'm envious because I wish I could re-watch for the first time to feel those intense moments again. Good luck, I'm willing to talk to any of you if you need it. Just comment, or I could give out my twitter? 
> 
> Minor spoilers at the end notes involving mainly my reaction

 

 

chapter 22

Addicted

 

Within two weeks Bucky was discharged and given the instruction to rest. He was also given instructions to exercise his arm and to come back in a month for a check up on it.

 

As for his memories, those would have to take some more time. "I didn't need the wheel chair!" Bucky huffed as he followed Steve up the stairs slowly, he refused Steve's help every time he was offered it, but as he climbed the stairs the more he resented not agreeing to help.

 

"It's mandatory," Steve rolled his eyes adjusting the duffel bag on his shoulder.

 "Everyone who leaves the hospital after an injury gets wheeled out."

 

"Has there always been this many stairs?" He was out of breath and really behind, so Steve trotted down the steps pulling Bucky's arm over his shoulder. "I don't need-"

 

"Oh shut up you big baby!" Steve groaned and took on most of his weight and they slowly made their way up the stairs until finally they made it to his door.

 

"It's a dump," Bucky huffed, and Steve chuckled. "I was hoping I misremembered that."

 

Steve lead Bucky in where Nat and Clint and some other close friends sat in the living room grinning at him and excitedly getting up to greet him. "I'll go set your stuff in your room."

 

Bucky nodded watching Steve disappear inside his room. He remembered everyone there, remembered this being his home, but it all felt so foreign. He couldn't place the exact feeling- it was odd that was for sure. Bucky grinned at all of his friends and Nat helped him to the couch. "How's it feel to be home?" Bruce asked.

 

"Weird," he nodded. "Could use a beer."

 

Peter handed him one and Steve re-emerged from the bedroom lingering near the back of everyone else; watching as they all caught up and asked Bucky questions. He felt a nag of tears at the back of his throat, swelling into a ball. He thought he would never see this again, and now they're all in front of him happy as can be and he doesn't want to really be there with them. He found himself actually missing the base and even a little bit of the trenches. No, not actual war but just the routine and the noise. "Steve!" Loki caught his attention and saw them waving him over so he joined the group sat on the floor with a beer in his hand.

 

***

 

After everyone had gone it was only Bucky and Steve still awake in the apartment. They sat on the couch a safe distance away from one another, and he could see Bucky was drained. "We should go to sleep," Steve suggested. "Uhm I'm not sure how you want sleeping arrangements. I know it's probably awkward now."

 

Bucky sighed and rubbed his eyes, and Steve gave him a soft smile admiring how he didn't even have to try to be adorable. "I'm sorry," Bucky shook his head. "Whatever we had in the past I can't remember, and the feeling of you is only familiar. I only know what I was told and you're a stranger to me."

 

Steve masked the hurt with a smile. "I get it," he nodded. "I'll sleep out here. You go on in there."

 

Bucky nodded. "I'm sorry-"

 

"It's okay. C'mon. I'll help you," Steve stood up and offered Bucky his hand which he took and allowed Steve to help him to his bedroom. Once Bucky was settled, Steve kissed his hair and shut the lights and went back to the living room.

 

He had difficulty sleeping, he felt as if the cushions were too soft, the apartment too quiet, and every time he even drifted off a little he was slammed with echoes of Ace's whispery words. Their message different every time he dreamt, he tossed and turned for hours until he got up and went to the doorway of Bucky's room. Bucky was fast asleep on his stomach, his back muscles lit in a soft glow from the moonbeams streaming in through the windows. His hair was plastered to his forehead, his brow furrowed and his lips pouty as if he were having a bad dream. Steve watched over him, as if he might disappear the next morning, as if he might get taken away again. Bucky stirred and groaned as he lifted a little looking around the room until his eyes landed on Steve.

 

"Creeper?" Bucky scoffed and carefully, stiffly rolled over so he could sit up groaning while he did.

 

"I'm sorry," Steve mumbled. "I don't sleep much these days. I was just checking on ya."

 

Bucky hummed and captured his inner cheek between his teeth, and then looked at Steve again. "Are you okay?"

 

"Yeah I'm fine. Really good. Perfect."

 

"Yeah because that sounded believable," Bucky rolled his eyes, and then he sighed scooting over a little. "Spill it."

 

"I'm fine-"

 

"I'm going to guess we had a relatively honest relationship," Bucky interjected. "Don't lie to me now that my memory had gone to shit."

"I have these nightmares," Steve began. "They're always the same about the war."

 

Steve shook his head and gritted his teeth and Bucky grabbed his hand squeezing it in an act of comfort. "There was this kid Ace, I tried to save him, but failed. I got hurt in the process. It's what sent me home."

 

"Are you good now?" Bucky asked.

 

"Partially. Still really sore."

 

"Your dream."

 

"We were being air raided, people were being blown up, and I just had to help them," Steve shook his head while Bucky stared at him. "I helped a few, but this kid. Ace. He was already so damaged, but I tried until bomb another landed and knocked a wall on us. He died. I survived."

 

"Survivors guilt?"

 

"I guess," Steve shrugged. "He was just a kid and he had a girl and a baby. Anyways I keep having this dream where I find him and he blames me for not saving him," Steve put his head in his hands and sighed. "Other times it's not Ace trapped. It's you and I can't save you, and you're pleading for me- I- I can't do anything about it."

 

Steve began to get a little worked up, but he just closed his eyes and shook his head clearing the thoughts. "I'll be ok," Bucky reassured him. "I promise."

 

"I know," he nodded. "I know."

 

"Tell me about us and the war?" Bucky asked. "What were we like?"

 

"Annoying to our friends," Steve answered without hesitation. "We'd either sneak off early in the mornings to the showers or we'd wait everyone out just for some alone time. We'd go to the ends of the earth for each other and it was painfully obvious. We were just soldiers in love."

 

Bucky chuckled and looked away. He wasn't one for love, he thought he wasn't, and he had always wanted to settle down eventually but he was just so young. Well as young as early twenties. What was so special about Steve that drew him in? "We actually switched dog tags," Steve continued. He pulled at his to reveal it saying Bucky's name engraved along with his military numbers. "Yours is still in your bag. You can put it on if you want- or if you want yours back I can give them back."

 

"Why'd we trade?"

 

"Superstition that a soldier can't die without his tags," Steve said simply. "It was your promise to me that's we'd make it out alive."

 

Steve observed Bucky as he slowly crawled at the end of his bed and grabbed his bag that contained his dirty soldier uniform along with a clean one. He took out that tags and placed them over his head. "What happened to my dad's tags?"

 

"Your mom has them."

 

He nodded and sat back down besides Steve. "We were in love," Bucky stared and Steve nodded.

 

"I would have never thought I'd ever be in love," Bucky said absentmindedly while he drummed his fingers against the tag that lay in his chest. Steve laughed and leaned back against the headboard staring at one of the posters that was hanging on the wall. "Yet here you are."

 

"Here I am."

 

It fell silent again, and they both became heavy with sleep on their shoulders. Steve wouldn't allow himself to sleep, he couldn't bear to see those horrid images in his dreams again, and he couldn't keep listening to Ace's deafening pleas for help morph into Bucky's. "I'm going to make coffee."

 

"It's three a.m."

 

"As Clint would say, coffee is for every time of the day." Steve stood up and he heard Bucky chuckle and then groan.

 

"Clint's an addict!" He shouted after him and Steve poked his head back in to toss a wink at Bucky which made Bucky laugh a bit harder which caused pain to strike his ribs.

 

"Make me a cup too! I take it-"

 

"Black with a smallest bit of sugar," Steve said. "I know."

 

The gesture made Bucky smile, but inside it hurt a little. Steve was so in love and knew everything about him, and Bucky had no idea how much he knew. The worst part of it all was that Bucky couldn't feel any of it. Steve was just the familiar cute stranger guy claiming to be his boyfriend. Steve was back within minutes with two cups of coffee and Bucky smiled grabbing one of the cups and quickly set it on the bed stand.

Steve sipped his coffee staring off into space. "You can’t avoid sleep," Bucky stated. "It'll make you crazy."

 

"I'm not avoiding it."

 

"You're drinking coffee at three a.m. You're avoiding something aren't you?" Bucky turned to look at Steve, and then he looked away a blush creeping to his cheeks. "You can sleep in here with me, you are my boyfriend and the memories may not be there, but I want to build the relationship and that's being there for you."

 

Steve smiled and shook his head and put his coffee down, and he turned to lay on his side. "Get some rest," He said reaching out a gentle hand to brush against Bucky's cheek, and he smiled kissing his hand.

 

"You too," he whispered.

 

Steve tried to sleep, but it wasn't until an hour later when he finally fell asleep.

 

***

 

Peggy pitied Steve and his entire situation, he wasn't the same anymore, and he was always stuck inside his own head. What he was thinking she never knew but she'd place her money on that he was thinking about Bucky. "How is he?" She asked.

 

"He's fine, it’s his memory; he still doesn't know who the hell I am but he's moving around better," Steve said with a reaffirming nod. Peggy narrowed her eyes as she took a sip of her coffee and then puckered her lips in thought.

 

"You've got to make him fall back in love with you," she said after a minute of thought.

Steve laughed dryly. "And how am I supposed to do that?"

 

"Take him out, it's your second chance, so do it right this time. I'll be there to help but I won't get in the way this time," she said.

 

Steve shook his head as doubt fell on his shoulders like a ton of bricks. "Even then he still might not fall in love with me. Those feelings could be gone."

 

Peggy rolled her eyes and stood up from the table. "You're very easy to fall in love with, Steve. The way he loved you doesn't just go away."

 

She left him alone and he watched her walk away her words falling deep inside his brain. He had to make things better with Bucky, and had to get him to fall in love with him all over again. He did it once so he just had to do it again. He left some money on the table and started walking back toward Bucky's apartment.

 

Bucky was trying so hard, he had been home for a week and he kept doing his exercises but it seemed like nothing was happening. His arm still refused to move when he told it to, his hand twitched if he was lucky, but he was determined to get it to work. He stood in the kitchen staring at an empty glass, he focused on moving his arm to pick up the glass but the more he tried the more his hand started to shake. He used his good arm to lift the arm onto the counter near the cup, and his fingers twitched as he thought about picking up the cup. That's as far as it went.

 

He heard the door open and Steve announced he was here. "I'm in here," he huffed.

 

"What are you doing?" Steve asked.

 

"Trying to pretend my arm is perfectly fine."

 

Steve sighed and walked further into the kitchen putting the glass away and grabbing Bucky's hand to pull him into the living room. "It'll take time," Steve said. "Just keep doing your exercises and doing what you're supposed to. Everything will be fine."

 

Bucky sighed and reluctantly nodded, he was in his own head thinking about everything that was wrong with the whole situation, and Steve hated seeing him like that. "Let's go on a date," Steve said. Buck raised a brow at him and Steve smiled and sat down next to him. "We've not gone on a whole lot of dates, so let's go on a date now."

 

Bucky shrugged mumbling a "fuck it" and nodded. "Ok great! Let's get dressed and then we'll go on a date."

 

Bucky nodded and stood up to take a shower. Showering proved to be harder than anything, he didn't realize how much he used use both arms to shower. They both learned to leave the caps open because it makes it slightly easier to get the soap out. He hated that everything was difficult now, but he was trying his best to be positive.

 

Steve pulled on a new shirt, his ears trained to listen closely while Bucky was in the bathroom in case he needed help with anything, but as he dressed he couldn't help to feel the bubble of excitement lift in his stomach for them to hopefully fall into the same pattern as they used to. Maybe this would be the fresh start they needed.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SPOILER!!!! 
> 
> I am heartbroken. The movie was insane, I've never laughed, cried, and screamed so much during a movie. including a big FUCK YOU THANOS and a I FUCKING KNEW IT I will admit I found it a bit hard to come back and write (Not a spoiler relax it was hard for me to do anything involving marvel) because that movie I've been waiting for for ten years give or take a few years. Then it was over, it felt like three minutes rather than 3 hours. I felt hollow and broken and then angry and happy and sad. THEN i pretty much read the gay vampire version of harry potter (Carry On by Rainbow Rowell) In that day and four hours I was struck with inspiration and my wounds of Endgame blistered open and occasionally break open and bleed. I found writing helped relieve the ache of Endgame. I wanted to give you all a happy chapter today, but alas what kind of author would I be if I abandoned my plot?


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